After eight months of silence, the novel was renewed, and it spanned a full year. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info For readers, this may just be an abandoned novel that you don't have to wait for, without this one, it's a big deal to chase new ones.

And for me. This year is a whole century.

On September 16, 2016, Qiao Renliang was reported to have passed away at the age of 29. Some people lament, some people cry. After all, in front of the screen, he looks sunny and honest. Ironically, he died of depression, ironically, there are still people who take the opportunity to take advantage of the heat, and ironically, there are people who are spending on this deceased person. Reality, human heart, pathetic.

While everyone was in pity, I was alone at home silently suffering all the torments of depression. My great friend, who is a psychiatrist, still desperately told Gong Xiaoyi about my situation. I can't accept it, and I don't want to accept it, but I can't stop him from taking Gong Xiaoxuan away from me. Whether I stay drunk or don't wake up all day, I can't forget the struggling look and crying face when Gong Xiaoxuan left me.

I am a mother, a failed career, a failed family, a completely incompetent mother. Although I was at that time, I begged Gong Xiaoyi not to take my daughter away, she is my everything, she is my life. Gong Xiaoyi still had that indifferent face, and he said to me fiercely: "You will only harm the person you love the most." ”

Every time I dream back in the middle of the night, I will yell at this man, and I feel that he ruined my life. I have countless dreams that I go to the school gate to pick up Xiaoxuan'er, and every time I wait until it gets dark, I can't see my child. I woke up crying every time, every time I was like a trapped beast in my dreams, and every time I begged passers-by: "Please help me find my child, I didn't pick her up, did she lose her ......."

Every time I wake up, I stagger up and go to the bathroom, irrigate myself with clean water, and force myself to wake up. I hate this kind of life gap, but I can't stop it, obviously resistant, but I always indifferently accept the cold eyes that life gives me. I have always felt that our lives are being played with by a powerful force, and that force is God-given to life.

Whenever I am half-drunk and half-awake, looking at the drunken gold of this world, the sleeping lazy little wild cat in my heart will wake up, it quietly reminds me in my heart, it is good to be decadent like this, a lonely old age, from then on, a person lives indifferently, and lives without flesh and blood is the most relaxed.

The neon lights every night are particularly scratchy, the outside is still full of traffic, people are rushing, and the world has not changed because of who is lost and who is owned. We are just a speck of dust in the vast world, I understand this, but I just don't want to go out of the grid I painted.

It's been a long, long time since I've seen my dad, and the phone I put on the table hasn't rang in a long, long time. I'm becoming more and more like a vampire, unable to see the light during the day and kept alive by fresh drinks at night. This vicious cycle is endlessly replayed, with the same dreams and dreams of the same people every night. Every time I wake up, I always have tears with me. I never figured out why I had nothing.

Except for me, I finally had some signs of life on a very gloomy morning, and the sky outside seemed to be oppressive, as if a downpour was about to come.

Before I received her call, I was in a painful silence in my nightmare. It was a nightmare, a deserted nightmare. When I woke up, tears were sticking to my face. Before going out, I deliberately dressed up, and when I went to look in the mirror, I smiled bitterly, and the tears seemed to be frozen in the middle of running. It doesn't matter, the tears can be wiped off after all, after crying, wipe away the tears, you go out and laugh at people, people will feel that you have never shed tears.

I've never been in the habit of bringing an umbrella, even if it's going to rain. Actually, there is an umbrella in front of my house, but that umbrella belongs to Xiao Xuan'er. Before heading out, I put that umbrella in my bedroom.

Ever since I was a child, I've always been the least of my friends who loves rain gear. The ones who are about the same age as me seem to be quite well-equipped, and they have raincoats, rain boots and umbrellas. When I was a child, when it rained, people were walking in the rain outside with umbrellas and laughing, so I went to the rain with my bare head and stunned, and the children returned home only their shoes and trouser legs were wet. And I'm so different, I'm wet from head to toe. It's not interesting to have a lot of wet pants.

Walking downstairs, I looked back in the direction of my dad's house, obviously so close......

I met Wu Feng at the gate of the community, he seemed to be a lot haggard, and he couldn't tell what was wrong, as if he was a little sloppy. I asked him, "Are you looking for me?" He said, "Yes." ”

Then he and I didn't say a word to each other, he just silently accompanied me. It wasn't until the door of a coffee shop that I spoke: "I'm going in to see the former chairman's wife, are you with me or not?" He said, "I'll wait for you outside." ”

See her again. She's really old. At least lazy. Before sitting down, I asked her, "Why don't you dye your hair?" ”

She said: "Old is old, not stained." ”

I smiled symbolically and stopped talking, took a sip of the coffee she had ordered for me, and looked out the window. She's been here for a long time, and my cup of coffee is a little cold......

She also looked out the window: "It's changed." ”

"Uh-huh......."

I haven't seen you for a long time, Mom, it seems that except for this indifferent world, you and I have changed. I said silently in my heart.

Before I turned my face to look at her, I saw Wu Feng standing on the steps outside, lighting a cigarette between his fingers, this inertial action, inexplicably similar to my father.

Her eyes and I dodged each other's eyes, tacitly. If I had done so, I might have taken the initiative to ask her what she was looking for me for, so that I could end the meeting early and go home to prepare lunch for Xiao Xuan'er and take her home.

But I was afraid to end this meeting, because I was so lonely, and even if I sat quietly like this and didn't say a word, I had no opinion or impatience. I was a little scared that she would make a quick decision and get up and leave.

But she spoke anyway. It's not that I'm afraid of what she says, I'm just afraid she'll leave when she's done. I was scared to be alone, but I didn't want to make new friends. So, as she spoke, I thought to myself, it's over, she's leaving.

"Xiao Dai, did you blame me?"

I blame her, blame her for not being smart. Isn't the goal I used to fight for is for Xiao Xuan'er's future, and to support my dad and her old age? Didn't I once say that if I fight for a few years, I will take them around the world? Now it's okay, she's hers, I'll carry mine, there's nothing.

I don't speak, I think about myself in my heart. How so? Just say I blame her? I used to think that when I saw her one day, I would have to ask her why. But now I don't want to.

Before she got up to leave, she pulled out a bag and handed it to me. Then he hesitated for a few seconds and muttered to me, "Not all reasons in this world are excuses. Xiao Dai, go back to accompany your dad more. ”

On the way back, Wu Feng said: "In fact, the world is fair, and what is unfair is your own heart. When I was young, I knew a girl, Miss Qianjin, Jinyi and Yushi, and there would be many friends around her every day. She did something wrong, and someone carried it for her. She was wrong, and no one corrected her. Because adults like to slap horses with her, the children around her began to learn the appearance of adults over time, and they obeyed her in every way, without the slightest mistake. Later, she grew up. She is accustomed to growing up in good times, and a little adversity can defeat her. She is used to blaming the world, but she never blames herself. ”

He stopped to look at me. "When I was young, my family had no money, so I never dared to come close to her, so I could only lie in front of the iron railing and watch her from afar. Sometimes when I see her doing something wrong and find someone to take her over, I especially want to teach her a lesson, and when she says something wrong, I especially want to refute her. It's funny, although she was young at that time, she would be kept away by her unrelenting aura. At that time, I thought, when I have money one day, I must be close to her and be friends with her like those children around her, and then point out her mistakes and criticize her fiercely. Later, my mom divorced my dad and we moved out. When I saw her again, it was one day more than ten years later. I'm really rich, too. That is, the years have changed, but I can still recognize her at a glance in the vast sea of people, and her willful aura has not changed at all. Miss Gu, Gu Ningdai. ”

I was stunned, surprised, the story was moving, but I was calm.

He said, "I thought you were going to hug me." ”

I said, "You've been lurking around me for so long just to teach me a lesson one day?" ”

He said: "Gu Ningdai, in this world, no one can completely save anyone, you can only rely on yourself. Counting on others to save you will continue to usher in countless abysses, and only by redeeming yourself can you completely bid farewell to the abyss. When you were young, you were like this, always looking for objective reasons. You're still like this, when will you be able to really face your heart? ”

I said, "Okay! From now on, you don't follow me. I want to go home. ”

Back home, I sat cross-legged on the couch staring at the bag on the table, never having the courage to open it. The clock in the house was ticking, it was late at night, this bell was a little scary, I got up and turned on all the lights in the house, went back to the east side of the bag, settled down, picked it up, and started fighting.

There are dozens of photos of me as a child. I was so good-looking, with big eyes and a high nose bridge, and at that time people said I looked like a doll. It seems to be true. I grinned. There are pictures of me eating cake on my birthday, and there are pictures of me being walked by dogs when I walk my dog. And pictures of me falling into a mud pit as a child. Lots of embarrassing but funny photos. There are also many happy moments that make people want to cry. It turned out that she had always treasured my photos. Seeing the last one, there is a letter underneath..... I was amazed that the expanded letter was such a content.

Xiao Dai:

This is the first time my mom has written to you. I still remember the first time you saw you when you were a child, you obviously rejected my arrival, but you had to accept my existence. Child, at that time, you were in my eyes a little girl who was spoiled by your father with money. Rampage every day, looking like he is not afraid of the sky and the earth. At that time, I was thinking, if one day, your father is gone, I am gone, and all the people who protect you are gone, how will you face it. I have said to your father more than once, don't spoil you too much, or one day you will frighten you when you encounter a storm. Your dad always says, it's okay, he'll protect his daughter for the rest of his life. I just smiled helplessly. Stepmother, it's always bad to have more sentences and fewer sentences. I have been with your dad for more than ten years. I'm old. My kids are mothers. Every time you and Xiao Xuan'er come home, oops, don't mention how happy your dad and I are. Xiao Xuan'er is your childhood, and we will always remember what you looked like when you were a child. But Xiao Xuan'er is much better than when you were a child. She doesn't have the shadow of your childhood pampering. I'm very glad that you raised Xiao Xuan'er so well. And I'm sorry I won't be able to see your smiling faces again. When you opened it, I was already flying high above Singapore. It's impossible to forget a piece of the past. But I'm going to keep it alive. Originally, I wanted to hear you call me Mom, but I still didn't have a chance after all. Forgive me for taking power of your father's company, just because I wanted to protect you. The shareholders in the company are not as peaceful as you think. The world is not as calm as you think. I'm willing to be that bad guy and help your dad keep this hard work. After my death, this company will not change its surname, it will always be the Gu family. I have made a will. At your dad's lawyer's. Otherwise, I'll die without a blind eye. Forgive my stubbornness, boy, we fought all the way not to change the world, but not to let the world change us. You've made so many movies, written so many stories, and understood so many truths, why can't you protect your original intention? Go back to spend more time with your father, I can't go back, I can't go back, I don't want to drag any of you down. Last year, the doctor said that my cancer had spread and that no matter how well I maintained it, it wouldn't last for three years. Child, we have come into this world with a mission. My mission is to protect you. I hope that you can find your own value and mission at your youngest age! I look forward to seeing your coverage of you again. I hope to see you on the screen again!

on your Guardian

Hehe, I laughed twice and wiped away my tears. What kind of situation is this, can't I get a quiet depression? The rain was still falling outside the window. Will the one who left still come?