December 5, 2015

Today is Christmas, and the company holds a party, which is very lively. Lu Wenzhe made an exception and did not go home too early, and drank a lot of wine with great interest. When the clock struck twelve, he pulled out his phone and walked out the door, and I followed him in the confusion.

As soon as I went out, I heard him make a wish: 'Wan'er, I'm Wenzhe, Merry Christmas.' I love you and hope we can be together forever. ’

How much does he love her?

The party ended at one o'clock in the morning. I left the company and stood at the corner of this street, and in the darkness I couldn't hold back my tears.

Is it that women become stupid after falling into infatuation? Love, my love, is hopeless, but I still hold on, why?

At this time, a man walked in and gently took out a tissue to wipe away my tears.

It was Song Mingjiang, who was silent for a while, and he said, "Mo Li, how old are you this year?" 23, no, already 27? Hmm, is it the same age as my cousin? ’

I remembered the girl he talked about on a daily basis, very smart, a graduate student in college, with good grades, and her boyfriend seemed to be studying the same major as her. What a simple life and simple emotions, but my heart is older than my body. Thinking about it, my heart is extremely gloomy.

Song Mingjiang stood quietly on the side for a long time before he spoke.

'Mo Li, when you met Lu Wenzhe, you thought he was yours, and you got bruises all over your body. But I, when I met my wife, I knew she wasn't you. But I can't help it, I can't wait that long for you. There is always such a person in life who does not know where to wait for you. And the rest can only be the landscape, just like you are to me. We met, I came too late, what should I do? I still have to find a way to pass the time for the rest of my life, what else, red face and white hair? No, I'll love my wife well, and you'll find someone to marry. ’

I'm speechless. The world has never been in line with our dreams, what is love, and what does it matter if you love or not?

I still do my job dutifully, and many things, many customers, need me to deal with them smoothly, which cannot be escaped. When you are tired, make a cup of extremely bitter coffee, and try not to think about Lu Wenzhe.

What's the use of having it done now? Stalking will only disgust the other party. I can only think of him silently, look at him silently, all the warmth, all the trembling pain, the happiness of the torment ~ grinding is silent. ”

Jin Wan leaned weakly on the wheelchair, rubbed her forehead, and then looked down.

February 17, 2016

Today is the Lantern Festival, at noon I heard a colleague say that fireworks will be set off in the square at night, I walked over and listened to them immediately invite me, do you want to go together? I shook my head, no. Then walk away.

Their voices came from behind them, 'She's such a weirdo, she's never been to this kind of event, I don't know what she's been doing all day.' ’

It was nearly eleven o'clock after working overtime in the evening, and I was very sleepy, so I approved a coat and walked out.

Passing by the general manager's office, I found that Lu Wenzhe was still there, and I wanted to go over and say something to him, even if I just sat quietly next to him, hesitated for a while, or waved at him through the glass window and left.

The fireworks at night are particularly bright, and there are many people in the square, couples hugging each other, watching one after another fireworks bloom in the sky, and there is silence. In just a few seconds, life blooms, then decays, leaving only a few ashes.

If fireworks have a soul, what kind of flower will they choose to be in the next life?

I stood at the corner of the square and stared at the sky, and then, I felt someone standing behind me.

When I turned around, it was Lu Wenzhe. As soon as I tried to speak, he stopped me, and he just hugged me from behind. Our hands clasped together and watched the fireworks. On the night of the Lantern Festival, let's watch the fireworks together!

The night was getting darker, and it was early in the morning. The street was still bustling, and he took me by the hand, took me out of the square, and got into the car he parked next to. On the highway, we were racing at a very fast speed, and under the stimulation, the sad things seemed to fade a lot.

Then, we went to eat pizza together, and he told me jokes, and I laughed with tears in my eyes. On such a beautiful night, the people around you are also dreamers. It's just that he's someone else's. Thinking, sighing, and calling for a very high degree of wine, one by one.

Lu Wenzhe persuaded me, but I didn't listen, and I ended up drunk.

In the haze, I heard Lu Wenzhe say: 'Silly boy, what is in your mind is so obvious? ’

When I woke up, I found myself in my own home. I looked up and saw that he was flushing a hot water bottle for me, and my heart ached. This is exactly the man I was looking for, who knew cold and hot, but he was someone else's.

Lu Wenzhe came over and stuffed the hot water bottle at my feet.

I was a little startled, straightened up and pulled him over and sat him down next to me, and he didn't refuse. I didn't speak, resting my head on his chest and listening to his heavy breathing and heartbeat.

He began to kiss me, and after a long time he let go, lit a cigarette, and sighed.

In the midst of the smoke, he asked, 'Mo Li, why didn't I meet you earlier, before it was too late?' ’

I excitedly said, 'Why is it too late?' Just because you're married and have a wife? ’

He was silent for a long time, and then said, 'Yes. ’

'Why?' You love me, why can't you be with me? ’

'Mo Li, there are some things you don't understand. ’

My heart trembled, and I shouted unwillingly: 'Why, what I don't understand?' Lu Wenzhe, you tell me the truth, I want to hear the truth, I can at least know the reason, right? ’

'Mo Li, you are not from our circle, so you will never understand what is going on between us. You know, I struggled after I met you, but I chose to give up. ’

I heard him say again: 'Don't leave, not everyone can simply fall in love, get married, live, and then die of old age. Survival has never been easy for me, and life is even more so. Wan'er and I are people of the same world, and there, life or death. Our survival has always been difficult, so difficult that you can't even imagine it.

'We are childhood sweethearts, I love Wan'er very much, because without her I would have died a long time ago. Mo Li, there are few such feelings in us, and this feeling is precious. We also have a brother, his name is Ah Min, who is already dead, and he died to save Wan'er. Wan'er went crazy because of this, and for a long time she was in a trance, living like a walking corpse.

Later, Wan'er found me, and then her leg was lame, do you know why? Because of me, to save me! Ah Min and Wan Ah are my best brothers, Ah Min told me a long time ago that if he dies, please ask me to take care of Wan Ah. Actually, I don't need to say that I will take good care of Wan'er, because I love her too. Don't leave, I can't leave Wan'er. ’

I'm stunned, is this the case?

It turned out that I had already lost, lost their trust in life and death, and lacked their love for each other's sacrifice. Am I wrong from the beginning to the end? I'm meddling in other people's lives, I'm a third party?

But, Lu Wenzhe, you love me, don't you?

I said abruptly, 'You love her so much, what about me?' Have you ever loved me, loved me as you loved her? ’

Lu Wenzhe said in a deep voice: "Mo Li, don't you understand? If I didn't love, I wouldn't be so miserable. ’

'Lu Wenzhe, this is not fair. There is just less sharing weal and woe between us, less fragments of life to precipitate and foundation, and there is not enough love, enough for you to be willing to change your choice, right? ’

He smiled lonely and didn't speak.

I was not willing to say: 'Why don't you listen to your inner voice and live your life according to your own wishes?' ’

I thought to, but it was too late, I couldn't be so selfish, it wasn't fair to you or her. He shook his head and extinguished his cigarette, "Mo Li, in the next life, or we can meet, and then I will be a clean man." Together, we started from scratch by childhood sweethearts. ’

What more can I say? Jin Wan, you are really lucky, you have Ah Min and Lu Wenzhe who love you. As a fellow woman, I really envy you.

I send you these diaries and photographs, because I want to forget this qiē, and if I keep these with me, then I will never forget them. After thinking about it, I want to put these things with you, because then you will understand how good Lu Wenzhe is to you, cherish him well, and wish you happiness.

Don't leave. ”

Jin Wan smiled bitterly, if she could see it, then she would definitely find this smile even more ugly than crying.

She now understands that she is not the only one who suffers, and when she is saddened by Ah Min's departure, Lu Wenzhe is also missing Ah Min. When she was bitter about it, he was equally sad and helpless.

It's just Lu Wenzhe, don't you know what kind of person I am? How do you ......

With a "bang", the door was opened, Lu Wenzhe walked into the house, saw the notebook in her hand, and said with a smile: "Wan'er, what are you doing today?" ”

Jin Wan raised her head quietly and said with a smile: "It's nothing, why did you come back so early today?" ”

"There's less to do in the company today." He came to her side, reached out and stroked her legs, and began to knead slowly, "Are you tired?" Have you had dinner? ”

"Not yet, I'm waiting for you to eat together."

"Well, okay, let's eat together." He got up and went to get the chopsticks.

"Wenzhe, wait a minute."

He paused.

"Wen Zhe, come and see something." Jin Wan handed him the photo of the notebook in her hand.

Lu Wenzhe stretched out his hand to take it and said, "What is it?" Do you have a gift for me? ”

He casually opened it and began to look.

After just two glances, he stood up suddenly: "Where did this thing come from?" Wan'er, don't believe it, no, listen to me, things are not like this, not what you think, I have never betrayed you. I've always loved you, you'......"

Jin Wan interrupted him and said, "Wen Zhe, don't say it. We all know very well who you are and who I am, you don't need to say much. Wenzhe, we grew up together and have been husband and wife for six years, right? In the past six years, you have been very good to me, even though I have been living in my own world, I can feel that you are good to me. But I never cared about you, and I didn't even know that you already had someone you loved. ”

Lu Wenzhe hurriedly said: "Wan'er, don't talk nonsense. ”

"Wen Zhe, don't talk, listen to me."

Jin Wan interrupted him and said: "Our life is very difficult, if it weren't for you, I don't know how many times I'd died, I know how many assassinations you helped me block, and those who do our business can't be like me now." I won't talk about any of that, just talk about the two of us. ”

Jin Wan paused, and then said: "Actually, I was very unaccustomed to being together at the beginning, you know that I love Ah Min very much, but he died suddenly, it is like the whole world has no meaning to me. The three of us are best friends, friends of life and death are nothing more than that, and it can even be said that the love between us has reached the limit of what can be achieved between people. Ah Min died, I was very sad, I thought I was the saddest and most unfortunate person, but now I understand that your sadness is not less than mine, and even your misfortune is above me. ”

She suddenly felt a little moist in her eyes, "In the past six years, I have gradually become accustomed to your company, to having your warm greetings, your gentleness and thoughtfulness, and your qiē qiē." I love you as much as you love me. Ah Min is dead, but I'm still alive and married. I understand that in this world, if I want to marry someone and be together for the rest of my life, then that person must be you. I chose you. But Wenzhe, I forgot, you also have your own life. Although we are agent killers and generally don't have feelings, who can say for sure? How can I say that there is no such thing as feelings, and I am not in love with Ah Min? ”

Jin Wan continued with a smooth tone: "I used to be so stupid, when I was with you, I thought that you were the same as Ah Min, you really loved me, and I seemed to be in love with you." Look, I'm very deceitful, your acting skills and patience are so good, you have pretended to love me for so many years, but you can't change me. It's been six years, how many six years does a person have in his life? I'm used to being with you, Wen Zhe, it feels really good to be loved, especially after Ah Min died, you are the best candidate. But how can there be a second Ah Min in this world? Wen Zhe, do you think I'm naïve? ”

Lu Wenzhe said: "Wan'er, it's not like this, I really love you." ”

Jin Wan smiled lonely, "I'm very happy that you can still comfort me until now." Wen Zhe, if there is no Mo Li, if you don't fall in love with her, then no matter how provocative she is, how pitiful or cute she is, no matter how real those things are, I won't care, I don't mind, I will always live with you. But you're in love with her, do you think I should fulfill you? Anyway, our husband and wife are nothing, make it clear to her. I can't be so selfish, I'm going to start a new life. Wen Zhe, she is gone, you go to her, it is still easy to find her with your ability, I bless you. ”

Lu Wenzhe said categorically: "Wan'er, I won't leave you." We are husband and wife, we should live and die together, we have our past, we have the present and the future. We still have a long time to come, and we will watch the sunrise and sunset together, and walk all over the world's famous mountains and rivers together. By the way, we're going to have a baby together. ”

He suddenly became excited, and wrapped his arms around her waist with one hand, "Wan'er, tonight, no, right now, I want you to be my woman." ”

He held her in his arms and walked briskly to the bed.

Jin Wan lay obediently in his arms, and said gently but firmly: "Wen Zhe, have you forgotten Ah Min?" A friend's wife should not be deceived. ”

He didn't pause, he put her on the bed, pressed her body, kissed her lips, sucked deeply, his tongue intertwined, and his burning breath sprayed on her face, causing a burst of tingling.

He said in a deep voice: "You are my wife, I can do whatever I want." ”

Jin Wan turned her head sideways: "No, I'm not, we have nothing to do with each other from now on." ”

He continued, "I said yes, is it up to you?" ”

He continued to suck on her lips, kissing deeply, unrefusably, firmly, domineeringly, she was overwhelmed by his kiss, and struggled hard, but in the struggle, the two bodies tightened closely, and his hand reached for her waist, and then slid up to her chest.

Jin Wan steadied her breathing, slammed her strength, and finally turned over, she moved her head slightly and sighed: "Wen Zhe, have you forgotten that I am a flying eagle." ”

His movements slammed suddenly, and he raised his eyes to look at her: "Wan'er, it turns out that you haven't changed all along." ”

After six years, he finally saw the demeanor and pride of the flying eagle again, the flying eagle is still a flying eagle after all, with the earth-shattering momentum of soaring into the sky and glimpsing the world like an eagle. The sentence "I am a flying eagle" exhausts a qiē, explains a qiē, and also solves a qiē.

Jin Wan smiled: "Of course, I am Feiying, you are Feihu, and Ah Min is Feihong, and he will never change." ”

Lu Wenzhe also smiled: "Yes, it will never change." ”

Jin Wan said: "Okay, let's rest, good night." ”

"Wan'er, you don't really want to leave, do you?" Lu Wenzhe was silent for a long time, and finally asked.

"No, it won't."

"Wan'er, you still like to lie to me."

"No, don't be careful."

"Wan'er, promise me that you will never leave me."

"Okay."

She simply agreed, Lu Wenzhe finally had nothing to say, her temperament has always been like this, there are no traces on the surface, calm and obedient, but she is extremely stubborn in her heart.

What she has to do for so many years has never changed, and she has never missed. Except for Ah Min, but Ah Min's matter was an accident, how can you blame her, count it on her head? Since she has decided to leave, she will definitely go, and no one can change it.

But can a lame flying eagle still spread its wings and fly as high as before, especially since this eagle has lost its soul? He didn't know. Or does he know but doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to admit it?

He made up his mind that he would still accompany her after all, even if she didn't want to, even if he made her unhappy. That's his grace!

(Thank you for the gift of Tianya Fangcao Tree, Blood-killing No Demon, I love the purple clay pot, Yan Longbow, thank you Wanqing Doudou for the evaluation vote, thank you~) (To be continued.) )