In my opinion, Xiaoyan didn't want to answer my question, and just as the food I ordered was served by the waiter, and I gave up waiting to eat, Xiaoyan spoke slowly.

"Actually, today I want you to go to the bus station to keep me, in fact, I handed over our fate to the sky, and also to you, I didn't want to leave, and I never thought about leaving, and I didn't dare to think about it indefinitely, but I had to make such a decision, I didn't say anything about you, I thought she came to Dali with you to travel, and I also thought that you were with her, I couldn't bring you trouble, I had no choice but to make such a decision."

"If you have me in your heart, God is willing to let you find me and let me stay, if you will find me, and I will not hesitate to stay, the strength I show in front of you is also pretended, in fact, after pretending to be myself and saying those words to you last night, I am very uncomfortable, I am afraid that you will not come to me today, I am afraid that you will not find me today, I am afraid that you will find me but you will not find me, I am afraid that you really do not have me in your heart, Bingbing is sorry, I deceived you, can you forgive me?"

Xiaoyan may have really spoken to me at this time, listening to her words, looking at her face with happiness, sadness, and even guilt, I felt a little distressed, because I made her become like this, and this qiē was all my fault.

"Xiaoyan, how can this be considered deception? It's not your fault, it's all my fault, it's my mistake, I've gotten my way, I've gotten into the devil, I've hurt you, I'm a bastard, a complete bastard. ”

As I spoke, I looked at Xiaoyan frowning at this time, looking very pitiful, and was about to slap myself, but Xiaoyan eagerly grabbed my wrist and stopped my behavior.

"Bingbing, don't be like this, it's okay now, you see her clearly, and forget about her, even if you suffer, you will be happy in the end, isn't it now? Come and eat, hungry, right? Eat your favorite piece of braised pork. ”

Xiaoyan put my hand on the table, then sat down intimately in front of me, and sandwiched a piece of braised pork with luster and love for me.

I looked at the palm that was gently placed on the brown wooden table by Xiaoyan, and moved my fingers slightly, I really don't know how I feel now, do I really see her clearly as Xiaoyan said? Have you forgotten about her too? But why didn't I dare to look at the braised pork in my blue and white porcelain bowl? Is it afraid to think of her? I still remembered her.

"Bingbing, what's wrong with you? Why don't you eat it? ”

"It's okay, it's just that my stomach is a little uncomfortable, the doctor said it was a stress ulcer, Xiaoyan, you eat first, I smell the food and feel a little nauseous, I want to go out to breathe"

I got up and prepared to walk out of the hotel while I spoke, for me the noise of the hotel aggravated the irritability, in fact, I went out to breathe not all, but wanted to buy a box of cigarettes, and then smoke that, I couldn't wait.

"Bingbing, are you alright? Stress ulcer strict zhòng no? You don't need to go to the hospital. ”

Xiaoyan asked me with unspeakable eagerness, but I was afraid of such eagerness, now the more Xiaoyan treats me, the more I feel guilty, the relationship between us, Xiaoyan is simple, and I am the only one in my heart, but what about me? I kept Xiaoyan in a cheap way, I still thought about other women when I kissed her, and I also thought about other women when I ate, Xiaoyan's concern could only make me feel that I was not a thing.

"It's okay, I have medicine, drink some and it'll be fine, you eat first, help me pack after eating, I'll wait for you outside, don't come out, it's cold outside, eat quickly......"

I touched Xiaoyan's face, smiled, and said gently.

As I spoke, I quickly walked to the door of the hotel, and Xiaoyan still called me uneasily, when I pushed the door out, I waved my arm, signaling that it was okay, so that she could rest assured, maybe she could guess, maybe I deceived myself.

Actually, I just didn't want Xiaoyan to disturb me, thinking that I was cheap enough, I kept Xiaoyan, and I was afraid that she would disturb me, and I ran the train with my mouth full, and I gave myself a slap as soon as I went out.

The crisp slap sounded, feeling the hot pain, taking a long breath, facing the biting cold wind and walking in the heavy night, the soles of the feet stepped on the cement road for some years, completely isolated from the noise and embarrassment of the hotel, but the figure was a little tilted, I felt that one of my shoulders had collapsed......

I bought a box of hard box gold leaf in the supermarket next door, that is, more than a dozen cigarettes, for me, a non-smoker, how much money is also a taste, and I can't smoke the so-called doorway.

Squatting at the door of the supermarket, watching people smoke cigarettes back and forth, inhaling violently, wanting to inhale in one breath delusionally, the wind wants to extinguish the burning spark, but the more it blows, the more it blows, the spark even breaks away from the control of the smoke, and only remains in the air for a moment, like a short and bright meteor, disappearing in an instant.

And my mood is not like this, the more I want to suppress it, the more I want to forget it, the more powerful and intense the small flame in my heart will be.

Smoking a cigarette in such nothingness, thinking about things with an empty stomach, I don't know what to do, in fact, I am afraid of hurting Xiaoyan again, the burning of one cigarette, the lighting of the second cigarette, and the flying smoke make me think about whether I made the right decision to keep Xiaoyan? Whether to let Xiaoyan leave here, and I will have an indefinite meeting after being completely is the best ending.

If I don't have Xiaoyan in my heart, it's fake, but I don't know what the reason for having Xiaoyan in my heart is? Is it complicated like? Or is it simply moving?

No matter what it is, from the moment Li Qingshu accepted Ling Chao again, the moment I saw the beautiful picture under the street lamp, I was completely cut off from her, I hope that there will be no time with her, and before the end will be indefinite, I hope that Ling Chao, the man who makes Li Qingshu deeply loved, treats Li Qingshu sincerely.

The second cigarette burned out quickly in the cold wind, and my heart was a lot smoother, and the task from today is to get along with Xiaoyan well, treat her well, have a good memory in Dali, and then make a good mood, go back to Luo Meng and Liu Qilei's wedding, take Xiaoyan, if nothing else, I won't take Tom and Xiaoyan home, because now I still have nothing, and I don't have the face to go back to the place where I was born and raised.

When I think of my hometown, I think of my parents who haven't taken the initiative to contact me for a long time, they have always called me, and I have changed my new number now, and I haven't told my parents, I am just an unfilial son, in addition to love when I go out, I even forgot my parents, and another slap slapped me on the cheek, just left cheek, now the right cheek, I hope I can remember the hot feeling at this time, remember that I still have loved ones.

The sound of the mobile phone beeped slowly, and I waited guiltily in this dusty, car-free paradise, and in a moment the phone was connected

And hearing my voice on the other end of the phone quite cordial but already unfamiliar, my tears suddenly burst out of my eyes, tears flowed out of my eyes all because of the guilt of my parents, no matter who it is, if there is a day when I feel that the voice of my parents is a little strange, it means that this person is rotten and scum, and I am such a person, in addition to bringing them worry and sadness, I don't even have a son's most basic concern for his parents, am I still a person?

"Hey who?"

"Who, who's talking, wow, don't talk and hang up"

"Mengmeng's, you see if Mengmeng called, but it's not his mobile phone number, and he doesn't speak"