The night was unusually long, I don't know how I spent it, the moment I turned around and left from the door of Smiling's house, my heart seemed to be dead, as if it had stopped beating, I was completely in a state of confusion, and I had no chance to return the happiness she gave me. 『』

Maybe he's more gentle with her than I am? Maybe he loves her more? Maybe my extravagant hopes are never true, she is not reluctant, maybe we are not suitable at all, right?

The night passed, I didn't go out to work during the day, I took sick leave, just sat on the bed in the sea view room, looking at the world outside the window, the extremely beautiful and moving Erhai Lake was right in front of my eyes, but I didn't have any fluctuating feelings to enjoy such a beautiful drama, at this moment I lost Xiaoyan, and I also lost the tenderness given to me, I was free, I could love other people, but I could really let go, or had I let go?

Today at twelve o'clock in the morning, that is, tomorrow, it's my birthday, the phone is out of battery, I haven't charged, so I keep the phone in a state of shutdown, I don't want to hear birthday wishes, because I'm afraid that when someone says happy birthday to me, I will think of Xiaoyan, and plan that Xiaoyan will accompany me for my birthday, plus Tom, I will also be a birthday star, but now all the qiē is zero.

I have been sitting on the bed, looking at Erhai Lake, maybe my waist has been sleepy, but I can't find any reason to move, I sat from dawn to dark, from the sun rising lonely to the sun setting, now Dali Erhai Lake may be the most beautiful time.

However, even so, I don't want to see the beautiful scenery, I may only have one purpose, that is, there is no purpose, just sit still, breathing is rhythmic.

The light of the setting sun reflected on the balcony, I finally had a movement, I got out of bed, walked to the balcony barefoot, held the guardrail with my hands, looked at the beautiful world, and finally had a ripple in my heart.

The sun was setting down the cliffs, the sky was getting darker, and it was only a few hours before my birthday, and I wondered if I would just be alone in my room for my birthday. It's not that I'm not in a state like this, and all that's left for me is to wait, a long wait......

…….

The cake I ordered had arrived, and it was placed in the living room of the room, and there were a few colored candles standing on the cake, and I held a lighter in my hand, ready to light these lonely candles, and the room was dark and depressing, but I needed this kind of repression.

The moment the lighter was lit, the room lit up, my face had a blurred shadow, leaned over and lit the candles one by one, when the lighter went out, the room darkened a little, but because of the reflection of the candles, I could still see fifty small cakes each.

I put down the lighter, picked up the birthday hat, slowly put it on, I can't see my appearance at the moment without a mirror, I brought a guitar when I came to Dali, maybe I had expected that I would sing, and I would sing to a person.

I put on my birthday hat, held my guitar, sat on a stool, looked at the small cake, and completely immersed myself in the dark, the colored candle is my hope for the future, I don't want to blow out the candle just like that, I want it to be lit all the time, just like that, if a person's heart is black, will this illuminate? I do not know.

The fingers plucked the strings, and the melancholy resounded through the dark room, like a lonely wolf lost the shelter of the wolves.

"I know that sadness can't change anything, so let me be honest, honest, it is inevitable that there will be uncontrollable catharsis, as long as you close the door and don't pay attention to anyone, sit alone in the empty box, and let it rest overnight with your mobile phone, it's hard like cutting out the picture of memories, and tears can't flow past twelve o'clock.

Happy birthday, I said to myself, the candle is lit, the loneliness is bright.

Happy birthday, tears melted, I want to thank you for the qiē you took away, and I love you, with a little hatred, and it takes time to balance, dream scars, disillusionment and rebirth, I wish me a happy birthday. ”

The song was full of depression, instantly filling the whole room, every word, every word, every affectionate and lonely singing, it was so real, this song seemed to be writing about me, also singing about myself, yes, now this is the case, I am in "Happy Birthday to Me", no one blesses or even escapes the blessing, I can only bless myself, I am not so excited to sing the whole song, in the quiet night, in the empty room, as the song sings, 'The candle is lit, 'Loneliness is bright' is so real, I hold the guitar, look at the candle standing still but slowly fading, the loneliness in my heart really lights up, the candle is not the room, but myself.

When singing this song, the memory picture with her still appeared in my mind, and I even hallucinated, for a moment I saw her sitting in front of me, staring at me tightly with a pair of beautiful and moving eyes, and a warm smile appeared on the face of Allure, but when I unconsciously smiled on my cheeks, that face smiled, in exchange for a cold and impermanent face, seeing this face, my heart trembled, and the tune of singing flew away, just for a moment, the cold face disappeared, Even the figure disappeared, I wanted to reach out and touch it, the smile on my face stiffened, and in an instant tears crossed my cheeks, laughing and laughing and crying, maybe I was a neurotic, an out-and-out neurotic.

Silently wiped away my tears, put the guitar aside, looked at the lit candle, stunned for a moment, then moved my lonely body, blew out the candle very heavily and hard, such an instant, the whole room was plunged into darkness, at twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, I blew out the candle, then closed my eyes, put my hands together, and then clasped together, and made a wish.

When I opened my eyes, the world in front of me had not changed, it was still heavy black, and the whiteness I wanted was lost, so I sat down on a somewhat hard stool and began to meditate like a monk, tears flowed tirelessly, but soon melted away beside my bitter face.

I sat like this for a few minutes, I randomly looked for a lighter on the coffee table, and then played, there was a glimmer of light in the dark room, and then I directly grabbed a handful of cakes with my hands and smeared them on my face, as if I was playing a game like crazy, and after smearing myself, I nervously stretched out my hand covered with cakes, and wiped it in mid-air, as if there was a face in front of me that made me unscrupulously bullied.

With a lighter in one hand and a cake in the other, he wiped himself and the air......

This is the simplest birthday in my life, only I am the only one who celebrates my birthday, and I am the only one who wishes me a happy birthday, and I have such a blessing in my heart 'Happy birthday to me'

This birthday party, because there was only one person invited, from the beginning to the end of only a few songs, after the birthday, I did not feel sleepy, so I stood up and walked to the balcony, looking at the endless night sky, I squinted my eyes, and gently hummed the "Happy Birthday to Me" I had just sung.

I still can't help but wonder what Xiaoyan is doing now? Will she remember my birthday today? Maybe she was sleeping happily in her smiling arms, right? Maybe because the curtains weren't tightened, there was a ray of moonlight reflected on her body and face, but I couldn't see it, and the only thing I could see from close was a smile, right?

Blown by the wind, there are some weird thoughts in my heart, I told myself not to think about her anymore, but I am disobedient, really disobedient, is this love really so affectionate?

Perhaps? The stars flickered, the few remaining lights were lit, the birthday star stood dumbfounded, thinking about her who was not far away, saying that tears could not flow past twelve o'clock, but now it was half past twelve, my tears were still rendering my eyes, and from time to time there would be some tears coming out, the birthday should be happy, and I needed to use cigarettes to relieve my boredom.

Smoking a cigarette, puffing on the smoke, looking at the distant world, I told myself that it was time to go back, it was time to return, to return home, to myself......

Time flies quickly, Dali's seven-day tour is over, I came to Dali's airport, I'm leaving, going home, I didn't go to say goodbye to the woman who hurt me, just silently blessed her in the bottom of my heart, wishing her happiness.

It's just that when I was about to board the plane, I suddenly thought of something, so I hurriedly explained to the staff of the travel agency, asking them to take the tourists back to Hangzhou, and I want to go back later.

After explaining, I hurriedly walked out of the airport with my suitcase, and I took a taxi to the community where Smile was located, because I didn't have the courage to go to the door of the house, so I spent some time hiring someone to ask him to go to the house to inform Smile, saying that I was waiting for him at the restaurant next to the community.

I sat in the restaurant, eating peanuts and waiting for a smile, I don't know if the smile will come, if not, maybe I will have to go to his house to find him, I just want to say a few words to him when I see him.

Just when I was still calmly waiting for nearly ten minutes, the smile came, because I was sitting at the door, and as soon as he walked in the door, I got up to greet him, and when I saw him again, I became calm, because I figured it out.

"You're here?"

"Is there anything you want me to do?"

Said to me with a straight smile, I always feel that it is very wrong to smile when I see love, and I can't say what is wrong.

"You sit down first, just a few words."

I said with a smile.

smiled and looked at me, and finally sat on the chair, and I also sat opposite him, looking at him, I ate a peanut, paused for a moment and said straight to the point: "I came to you today, not for anything else, just because of Xiaoyan." ”

"What's the matter?"

Smiling looked up at me and asked coldly.

At this time, I hid my smile and became solemn and serious, looked at the smile in front of me, and said the words that suddenly came to my mind at the airport, if it is more important to fly home or say this sentence, I will choose this sentence without hesitation.

The song in the text is Wen Lan's "Happy Birthday to Me"