Qin Shi Huang said: "What did you prepare for the big gift?" ”

I spread my hands and said, "What are you going to prepare?" When you get to the door, you can pick up the milk. ”

Liu Bang pouted and said, "How can you make people marry your daughter to you with this attitude." ”

I said: "Bangzi, my current public identity is a small manager with a monthly salary of 1400, I want to bring a few Zhonghua and Moutai to send over, Baozi and his father must think that I robbed it, if he doesn't think it's fake." ”

Liu Bang said: "Listen to me, he tasted the sweetness and didn't care where your money came from?" I didn't have any money back then, but when Lao Lu (Lu Hou's father) celebrated his birthday, I said that I had taken a heavy gift, how about Lao Lu? It's not like I've picked it up in person. ”

Jing Ke stabbed Liu Bang and said, "Then did you give money?" ”

Liu Bang: "I have a fart money, and my clothes are all borrowed." Speaking of this, Liu Bang squinted at Xiang Yu, "So the pickle girl mainly relies on the cheek, can you do this for the sake of the pickle girl?" Even if it's for Yu Ji. ”

I said disdainfully: "Can Lao Lu compare with Lao Xiang?" Baozi's father has been an accountant all his life. ”

Liu Bang said: "You stupid B, I didn't have money back then, aren't you rich now?" ”

At this time, Xiang Yu suddenly tugged at Liu Bang's clothes and asked curiously: "Then in the end, Lao Lu didn't find out that you were eating and drinking?" ”

Liu Bang laughed and said: "How can it, although Lao Lu is not an accountant, he has a group of accountants under him, it depends on your personal charm, you don't need him to find out that I told him that I am a poor ghost first, but I admire him too much, so I have to make this strategy to sneak in and see his dignity." ”

I spat into the ground: "Phew, shameless. ”

Qin Shi Huang said with a smile: "It's really not easy to make the Qiangzi Society (say) this sentence. ”

I grabbed Liu Bang: "Brother Liu, teach your brother!" The crowd was dizzy.

Liu Bang said with a eloquent look: "Anyway, you just remember three words!" ”

Everybody looks at him.

Liu Bangyi said sternly: "Shameless! ”

The crowd fainted again.

"What is the main contradiction between men and men? Isn't it just a face, you are shameless to marry his daughter, he is happy in his heart, this old man is the same as a child, if you want to grab his beloved toys, you have to play with him first, let him treat you as a friend, and it is the kind of friend who hurts friends, and you can do bad things together without talking about it. ”

I said, "Then can I ask Baozi's dad to 'bathe' with me?" ”

Everyone looked at me, and Qi: "Phew, it's shameless." ”

I smiled and said, "Just kidding, I'm not short of eyes." ”

Liu Bang continued: "So, pinch Baozi's father's vein, plus Baozi likes you, if this thing doesn't work out again, I really don't have anything to say - the main thing is that I have Fengfeng, or I would have acted a long time ago, and Baozi can still be obtained by you?" ”

I wiped my cold sweat and said that it was dangerous, although Baozi had a firm stance, but if he wanted to do that, he would have to cause me countless troubles.

I resolutely said: "I have decided, I want to drown Lao Xiang in honey water, and let him obediently send my daughter to me for disaster!" ”

Liu Bang nodded and said: "Xiaoqiang is the same as me, although his head is not good, he is willing to listen to other people's opinions. As he spoke, he glanced at Xiang Yu, and Xiang Yu kept looking thoughtful.

I glanced at everyone, sighed, and said, "It's only our senior sister who suffers, and I don't know what I'm doing now." Xiang Yu lowered his head in shame again.

We went to a random restaurant and then went to a tobacco and alcohol store, and I asked the boss, "Do you have any fakes?" ”

The boss glared at me and said, "Nonsense, I have such a big stall, do you dare to sell fakes?" ”

I approached him and said mysteriously, "I'm going to ask for a fake, and the price is negotiable." ”

The boss looked at me coldly and said, "Then I can't help you, go somewhere else." ”

I excitedly beckoned to Liu Bang and them outside: "Come in, just buy this one." ”

The boss said depressedly: "Are you testing me after making trouble for a long time?" ”

I said, "Not only will I test you, but I will also scare you," I pointed to Xiang Yu and said to him, "If you really dare to sell me a fake, I will let him block your door every day, don't beat you, don't scold you, and suffocate you with a limited supply of oxygen." ”

The boss shuddered and said, "Don't worry, there are absolutely no fakes." ”

I bought two bottles of Chinese Moutai, and asked the boss for a large cardboard box to put on the van, Liu Bang said: "It looks a bit monotonous, buy something, it's better to be bright." ”

The second fool suddenly pointed to the wreath in front of a wreath shop on the opposite street and said, "Buy two of them." ”

……

Finally, I bought half a basket of mangoes at the fruit stall, and then we opened the doors of both cars, and people sat outside to nibble on mangoes, like trucking drivers.

I looked at my watch while nibbling on the mango core and said, "It's time for the master to finish eating, let's pick her up and the buns and go straight to their house later." As she was talking, Master Li called and said that the matter was done, and then she didn't let us pick it up, so she took a taxi and came over.

After Master Li arrived, Xiang Yu grabbed it and paid the fare in a rare and considerate manner, tore open a mango and handed it to her, Master Li glared at him and nibbled on the mango.

I smiled and asked, "How's it going?" ”

Master Li said: "It's a happy chat, if I were a man, I guess Zhang Bing would have to fall in love with me." ”

I said solemnly: "She can't be already in love with you, why don't she care about so many suitors, will there be a problem with her surname orientation?" ”

Master Li lightly raised ** and kicked me, and then asked Qin Shi Huang: "Have you filmed all the people who talked to her?" ”

Qin Shi Huang threw the mango peel and called up the photos in the camera, and there is a must for winning fat people to take pictures, that is, no matter who or what scene is taken, it is like a murder scene, and the beautiful university campus in the camera was taken by him, and the avatars of all kinds of people are the same as the nostalgic photos of the late Qing Dynasty. Master Li held the mango like a beaver mouse, tilted his head to look at it, and suddenly pointed: "This is the president of their student union." ”

We were in an uproar, and surrounded Qin Shi Huang, only to see that the small screen of the camera was a pale small glasses with a split head, smiling obscenely, and a few teeth, we were watching, only to feel a dark cloud overhead, and looked up to see Xiang Yu was overlooking here.

I touched my fists excitedly and said, "It seems that Brother Yu is missing a major competitor, how can Zhang Bing take a fancy to this guy, look at his virtue." ”

Master Li said: "That maybe, this kid is very good at coming to things, his brain is quite fast, and he can flicker, it is said that he is also very talented, and he can buy his articles in local stall magazines casually." ”

I asked, "How does Zhang Bing feel about him?" ”

Master Li said: "Maybe it's not bad, don't look at him like that, there are a lot of little girls chasing him, but this kid has let out his words, and Zhang Bing doesn't chase him." ”

I frowned and said, "It's not good, the fierce girl is afraid of pestering Lang, Zhang Bing don't be stewed in warm water by others, and finally die unconsciously." ”

Qin Shi Huang flipped through the photos, and the boys on it were tall, short, fat, thin, handsome, and ugly. I drew a circle on the ground with my toes, and then dotted countless dots around, and Xiang Yu, who was stunned, said: "See, this circle is my sister-in-law's castle, these points are the princes from all walks of life, the castle is already in danger sooner or later, it will be lost, now it depends on who is the first to conquer it, Brother Yu, you will regret it if you don't make a move." ”

Xiang Yu frowned and was silent.

Qin Shi Huang suddenly stretched out his foot and wiped all the small dots around the circle, and said, "Eliminate it, destroy it." ”

I jumped and said: "Brother Win, don't follow and add to the chaos, you still pay attention to the unity of the Seven Kingdoms, can you kill so many princes?" ”

I looked at my watch again and said, "Now let's go and pick up the buns, and go back in the evening to discuss the matter of conquering the city." ”

In the car, I asked Master Li, "How did you talk to Zhang Bingpan?" ”

Master Li said: "At first, I really had no choice, so I had to follow her, but they happened to be in dance class, and they danced the song "Sword Weapon" that I had danced before, so I made an excuse to go in, and then said that I also learned dance, so I danced together, and now Zhang Bing calls me senior sister, and their dance teachers also welcome me to go often in the future." ”

"What school did you say you graduated from?"

"yes, that's what they asked me."

"And what do you say?"

"I said, 'What do you see?' Then they said, 'Looks like you have to be at least from the Central Dance Academy,' and I said, 'Yes.'" ”

I was stunned to hear it, and finally praised: "My cousin is really beautiful and wise, if you travel through the early days of the founding of the People's Republic of China, the 'Shen Liu' is estimated that the Cultural Revolution will go to heaven." ”

Master Li said curiously: "Why? ”

"When a beautiful spy steals American technology."

I told Baozi that she was waiting for me at the door of their store, she had changed into a refreshing denim suit, standing there with two cheesy gift boxes in her hands, I drove the car to her, she got up, saw a car of people were there, and said a little surprised: "Hey, you all go?" ”

Master Li smiled and handed her a mango, then took the gift box and put it away, and said, "Cousin-in-law, why do you have to buy your own gifts when you go to your house?" ”

Baozi glanced at me and said to her: "Your cousin is a pig's brain, every time I go empty-handed, I let my mother say, slowly I get used to it, every time I buy it, and let him carry it at the door." She saw a lot of mangoes and said, "This is when I learned well, and I know how to buy fruits." Then she saw a cardboard box pressed under the mango and asked me, "What's that?" ”

I said as I drove, "Pig head, let your mother make it for you to make up for your brain." ”

Our car went all the way to the railway.

Baozi's family lives on the side of the railway, bungalow, fall asleep at night, sleep as soon as the train is like an earthquake, Baozi her mother will be thin when she is young, sometimes the train can make her mother on the kang like a seizure, this situation does not improve until the birth of Baozi.

The only advantage of living here is that you can have a compound, which is like this for every family, which is quite rural. So as soon as our car drove to the residential area, it attracted the attention of a large group of local neighbors, and when I got out of the car with Baozi, we were surrounded by enthusiastic neighbors, Baozi asked me to carry the gift box, and I went to call the door myself, I stuffed the carnation in her arms and said, "For your mother." Baozi's mother came to open the door and asked, "Is it a strong son-"

I said, "Auntie, it's me." ”

Baozi was stunned for a moment and immediately threw it back into the car, pretending to be okay and waiting for her mother to open the door.

Every time, Baozi went to call the door, but her mother invariably called my name, and this trick was intended to summon the neighbors: to see my daughter bring her boyfriend back.

When the bun was born, the neighbors said that it would be difficult for the child to find a partner in the future, and her mother was more stimulated.

After her mother called like this, the neighbors on both sides really came out, put their arms on the low wall, and greeted me with a smile: "Xiaoqiang is here." The tone revealed a bit of watching a play.

I can't scold yet, so I can only nod again and again: "It's coming, it's coming." ”

Baozi's mother took the gift box in my hand, twisted her neck and shouted, "Come on, what are you buying these for?" ”

At this time, the second fool broke in with a bunch of mangoes, and put all the ancient brains on the steps, and I explained to her mother: "It's all my friends." ”

Immediately after Liu Bang carried the box into the courtyard, at this time Baozi and her father appeared on the stage, slowly picked up the bamboo curtain and came out, looked at the mango and gift box, walked to the cardboard box, and said calmly: "What is this?" Then he proposed two red big Chinese cigarettes, and the neighbors all said "yo", Baozi and her father quietly put the cigarettes aside, and proposed two boxes of exquisite Moutai wine, and the neighbors were amazed, in our place, sending so many things at once, it is a heavy gift. Baozi was also surprised, and after a while she bit my ear and said, "You don't want to cripple my dad with fake cigarettes and wine, do you?" ”

At this time, someone shouted: "Yo, Xiaoqiang has made a fortune, let's drive two cars on a trip." "Baozi found out that Xiang Yu came with us in Hyundai.

Baozi's mother gave fruit to the neighbors according to one for each family, and her father opened a pack of Chinese cigarettes, and the neighbors smoked real cigarettes, and they were more and more admired, and they all said enviously: "Old Xiang, the son-in-law is filial enough." ”

Her dad smoked a cigarette and laughed. It seems that these gifts are really more intimate, usually someone has to say this, this old guy will say: "What son-in-law, Baozi's friend, friend." ”

The old couple had a long face, and then let us in, Lao Xiang glanced at Master Li, and I hurriedly said, "This is my cousin." Baozi's mother took Master Li's hand and sighed: "Ah, how is this girl long, does she have a partner?" ”

Master Li's face turned red, Baozi hurriedly pulled her mother away, and then Xiang Yuyi bowed her head and came in, Baozi's mother's face changed, and she whispered to Baozi and her father: "Is this strong son here to propose or rob relatives?" ”

Lao Xiang sent her mother out to cook the buns, let me on the kang table, and everyone else sat underneath, a bit like the meaning of Liangshan Juyi, I didn't have anything to say to her father, to be honest, I was a little scared of Lao Xiang, and I don't know if all accountants are like this, like everything is clear in the chest, he and Liu Lao Liu stand together and a blind man can see that Liu Lao Liu is his next Ma Ben, I say this not to say that he is more like a fairy, but that he is too much like a fortune teller.

Baozi chatted with her father for a few idle words and went to help her mother cook, leaving our family to drink tea with a snort.

Liu Bang was the first to stand up, and said with a smile on his face: "Elder Xiang, I always heard Xiaoqiang tell us about you." ”

Lao Xiang: "Oh? ”

"Xiaoqiang admires you the most......"

Lao Xiang smiled coldly: "Just because he scored 26 points in mathematics, right?" ”

"Ahem, ahem......" I choked on a mouthful of water.

"Hey, hey, look at what you said." It seems that Lao Xiang is indeed much more difficult to deal with than Lao Lu back then, and Liu Bang was slashed under the horse.

Qin Shi Huang stroked his cup and said: "Brother Xiang, the crooked hungry (our) strong son Kesi (is) a good baby." "Well, this is a good trick, come out as an elder and cheer for me.

Lao Xiang: "Well, our buns are not bad, right?" ”

What's wrong with this? In the past, although I didn't say that I was particularly enthusiastic, I also talked and laughed.

Xiang Yu saw that he couldn't say anything if he didn't get out of the horse, so he stood up and said majestically: "Uncle Xiang, you are also surnamed Xiang?" Hey. ”

Just listening to the continuous sound of tea spraying in the house, my bad luck fell on this surname today.

Now there is only the well-behaved Master Li, and before she can make trouble, Lao Xiang shouted in the courtyard, "Mother, do you need help?" The idea is clear: girls should go out and help cook.

Master Li got up and said resentfully, "I'd better go and help." ”

So we fell into the cold again, and everyone stared at me with burning eyes, and the meaning was very clear: Aren't you full of confidence to get rid of your father-in-law?

I picked up the teacup coldly, and then said with a hippie smile, "Drink tea, drink tea." ”

Everyone immediately cast disdainful glances.

The room was suddenly so quiet, and I heard the second fool semiconductor suddenly say: "The following is the traditional storytelling time, and what is being broadcast for you today is "Lu Siniang's Thorn Yongzheng", the performer ......"

Lao Xiang's eyes lit up and asked Jing Ke: "You also like to listen to book reviews?" ”

Jing Ke: "Yes, you like it too?" ”

Lao Xiang beckoned to him: "Come on, come up and sit, tell me about yesterday's episode, I didn't listen." ”

Then Jing Ke sat in my place and commented on Lao Xiang, and I sat in his place, and Liu Bang and Xiang Yu listened to him comment on Lao Xiang.

……

The second fool is really a killer, often winning by surprise at the most critical time, and can endure loneliness in ordinary times, hiding himself deeply, deeply......

During the meal, because the house could not be opened, Qin Shi Huang and the others were arranged to be in the courtyard, and everyone tacitly left me and Lao Xiang inside, because we still had some things to discuss that were not humane to outsiders.

Lao Xiang and the second fool talked very happily, but once they saw me, they straightened their faces again, and when we drank a few glasses of wine, I had the courage to say: "Uncle, shall we talk about the wealth and gift money of the buns?" ”

Lao Xiang put down the wine glass and said, "Do you have a house?" ”

"With ......"

"Furniture or something......

"It's all mine, don't worry about it."

Lao Xiang's brows gradually relaxed, and he said very casually: "In that case, you can give 50,000." ”

I didn't want to say, "It can be done." ”

Lao Xiang was stunned for a moment, and immediately said, "I mean 50,000." ”

I said, "Okay." ”

Lao Xiang sighed, lit the table with chopsticks and said, "I remember that you can drink as much as you can - I said, yes, yes: 50,000!" ”

I laughed and said, "Don't keep talking about my 26 points in the math test, I can tell 5,000 and 50,000." ”

Lao Xiang and I fought for a long time before he realized that I was not drunk, but now he was a little at a loss, and put a peanut skin in his mouth with chopsticks and chewed it.

I suddenly wanted to know what my future father-in-law, Lao Taishan, was thinking at this moment, so I pretended to take out my mobile phone to look at the time, and pressed "7474748" on him, only to see what it showed was: This kid gave such a heavy gift, and he didn't press down on the gift money, what the hell did he think, and he wanted to pick it back little by little in the future?

I snorted and laughed, no wonder Lao Xiang didn't give us a good face since he entered the door, it turned out that he was afraid that it would be difficult to say hard words at this time.

I said to him, "Uncle, this 50,000 yuan ......" and he immediately showed a vigilant look.

"You can take my aunt on a trip, you can't go far away, go to Singapore and Thailand, and come back when the money runs out."

Lao Xiang was uncomfortable now, he picked up the cigarette case awkwardly, I hurriedly picked up the fire and lit it for him, but he found that he didn't send it to me, so he hurriedly shook out one and gave it to me.

We smoked cigarettes, and Lao Xiang was uncomfortable for a long time before he said: "Xiaoqiang, it's not a loss for you to give so much money to marry a bun, do you know, our Xiang family is also a famous family." ”

I said perfunctorily, "That's that." ”

Lao Xiang also felt that the light was pale and weak, and took out a photo from under the kang mat with one leg, but he didn't show it to me first, he asked me: "Do you know whose descendants we are?" ”

I said, "Who? ”

Lao Xiang said: "Xiang Yu! ”

"Bang" I smashed the kang table out of a pit in my head, there was a bang, cups, plates and chopsticks were scattered on the ground, and the people outside thought we were fighting, and Baozi's mother was the first to jump in and shouted: "If you have something to say!" Followed by everyone, Baozi looked in nervously, and Xiang Yu was beside her.

Lao Xiang motioned for them to stand down, and said calmly: "I know you don't believe it, I have photos to prove it." ”

Could it be that Xiang Yu took a photo with him?

Lao Xiang handed me the photo in his hand, and I saw that it was a copy of the work of the fat man, and the black and white photo full of wrinkles was cold, and a thin old man was holding the hand of a Sven man and laughing dryly, but it was really very ancient to see the age.

I asked in a hoarse voice, "This is Xiang Yu?" ”

Lao Xiang pointed to the thin old man in the photo and said: "This is my grandfather, that is, the great-grandfather of Baozi, this is a photo of the Republic of China, when my grandfather donated a wrench handed down by his ancestors to the county, the person next to him is the county magistrate, after expert identification, it is indeed something at the end of Qin, and later the county also issued vouchers and awards, do you want to see it......"

I only felt dizzy, old Xiang, it was actually Xiang Yu who didn't know dozens of generations of gray grandsons, so wouldn't I become his son-in-law for dozens of generations of gray grandchildren?

What should I call him in the future, Brother Yu? Brother Yu Ancestor?

Heaven, earth, which angel sister is playing with me?

This sudden incident directly caused me to spend the rest of the time in a daze, as if I had made a wedding date with Lao Xiang - or maybe not, my mind was too messy.

But the final result was very happy, the old couple kept sending us to the car, and the old Xiang also patted Xiang Yu on the shoulder and said, "Young man, drive carefully......"

In the car, I was silent, fiddling with the bouquet of carnations and asking me, "Hey, what did you say to my dad?" ”

She asked me for a long time before I barely came back to my senses and asked her, "Why don't you give flowers to your mother?" ”

Baozi cut contemptuously and said, "Do you think my mother is the kind of person who likes flowers?" It's better to give her this than a handful of leeks. ”

I nodded, and was silent again, and finally when I got to the door of the house, I said to Baozi: "You can give flowers to the big one when you get off the bus in a while, and you will be considered to go to the grave of your ancestors." ”

(To be continued)