84_840472004, October 7, fine

After playing for seven days, I feel pretty good, I have to mention Su Mingyan, if it weren't for him, I probably don't know when I was left behind.

The reason is that I always like to go off the beaten path.

For this reason, he was not less than he was false.

I asked him why he was so good to me, and he replied as a matter of course, because we are good friends.

Well, good friend, I believe it.

2004, November 3, rain

Rumors are like floods that have opened the floodgates, and everyone knows that the content is that I like Su Mingyan.

The style is as always, I don't refute or bear it, but I'm annoyed.

November 8, 2004

On Monday, the rumors can be said that even people like Su Mingyan began to care, and what he cared about was not to be as close to me as before.

I can't tell you exactly what it feels like, but it's annoying and it feels terrible.

November 17, 2004

It's really enough, I can't stand it, I want to go to him.

November 18, 2004

After changing the position, Su Mingyan and I no longer have a relationship between the front and back tables.

After running a few laps around the track at night, I felt tired, but my mood was not any better.

Forget it, wash and sleep.

2004, November 30, rain

The relationship is far away and close, and he still cares about me, just keeping his distance.

Annoying!

I hate that you can easily affect my feelings.

December 2, 2004, overcast

Every day before going back to the dormitory, I have to run a few laps, and I can only sleep when I am tired of tossing.

Just now, my roommate said with certainty, Qin Chuyao, you must have fallen in love with Su Mingyan, congratulations on your first love.

Is that really the case?

I don't want to believe it!

Don't write, sleep!

January 1, 2005, sunny

The school held a New Year's Day party, so I just joined in the fun, and coincidentally, I don't like to join in the fun, but Su Mingyan will come to the stage.

He's a good dancer, and I want to see it.

When it was his turn to perform, the girls below screamed, and their eardrums were almost shattered.

At the end of the day, many girls came to the stage to give flowers, he was very popular, and I was very happy and unhappy.

After watching his performance, he walked around, and after a long wind blowing in the garden, he still came over, and when he saw me frozen, he took off his coat and criticized me without hesitation.

Suddenly I felt very wronged, and it was not only wronged, it was very complicated, and I couldn't tell why?

Also, he disciplined me and asked me if it was comfortable to blow cold air at night.

January 7, 2005

After two months, we have learned not to care what other people think or say.

February 2005, light rain

During the Chinese New Year, that person brought Qin Wujing to the old mansion, but the third party did not come because her grandfather did not let her enter the door.

Qin Wujing took the initiative to talk to me, she was very well-behaved and sensible in front of the elders, and in my opinion, she was very capable of pretending and acting, because as soon as she was out of the sight of the elders, she would return to her original face.

It's really her mother's true biography.

After welcoming the New Year, the person wanted me to go home with him, but I refused, where there are parents, it is called home, and I don't have a mother over there, and my father is also nothing, and I often have to watch Qin Wujing show off and provoke, and the hypocrisy of the third party.

Do I have masochistic tendencies, I want to be happy, Su Mingyan said, girls should live happily and freely, I have the right to be willful.

March 8, 2005

I didn't see Su Mingyan, but I heard that he left after reporting the word, with his parents.

I think he must have been born in a happy family.

I'm very happy and want time to pass quickly so that I can see him tomorrow.

March 9, 2005

When I saw it, suddenly

I wanted to give him a hug, but I didn't take action, and I was a little embarrassed to lose a little courage.

I feel like I'm sick, and I can't help but think about him, I want to see him, I want to get closer.

Is this what others say about lovesickness?

I was taken aback by the idea.

Lovesickness, this is not a symptom that is suitable for appearing in the middle of friendships.

March 13, 2005, rain

On Sunday, I came to school very early and sat in front of the window to watch the rain fall.

There was no one in the dormitory at night, and they were supposed to come tomorrow.

After thinking about it a lot, I seem to really like Su Mingyan.

It feels too complicated, it's not very good anyway, it's sweet and sour, it's sad and happy, because he doesn't like me, otherwise he wouldn't have kept his distance from me when the rumors were spreading.

In a word, a little depressed.

March 15, 2005

I haven't overeaten for a long time, I insist on running and exercising every day, and today I went to the infirmary to ask the doctor to prescribe cold medicine and weighed ~ weight, one hundred and twelve pounds, ten pounds younger than the past, but I am still a little fatter than those bone ~ girls in the class.

2005, March 20, rain

I'm still wondering if to sue him, I like him about it, I haven't made up my mind yet, and suddenly I found a phenomenon.

He's looking at other girls.

I know that girl, her name is Chen Linlang, and she is the new class flower of the next class this semester.

In the afternoon, I tentatively asked him if he liked that girl.

He said no, and when I asked him again, he was annoyed.

It was the first time since we reconciled that he had lost his temper with me because of someone else.

Very hurt, sad and angry.

Su Mingqi, why are you angry with me?

We had a bit of an unpleasant fight.

Suddenly, I seemed to understand.

That's it.

April 3, 2005, rain

You don't seem to care if I'm in a good mood or not, and after losing your temper, you act as if nothing happened.

How it should be or how it is.

I pluck up the courage to ask you, will we always be good friends?

You said that if nothing else, yes, but what will happen in the future is uncertain, maybe one day we will part ways.

What an honest child, even thinking about the possibility of separation.

I was not reconciled, and then asked, if there is no difference, will it change?

Actually, I want to ask, will there be further possibilities?

But you say, probably not, you will always treat me as a good friend.

Suddenly, I hated the words "good friend".

Because I don't want to be friends with just you.

Su Mingyan, you stupid!

April 30, 2005

You came to me out of the blue and asked, what do girls like in general?

My hand holding the pen paused suddenly, and I looked up and asked what do you want to do?

You turned your head around, showing a rare embarrassed expression in front of me, and only after a little half of the afternoon did you say embarrassedly, you want to make an appointment with Chen Linlang on May Day, and you don't know what gift to give her.

You really like her.

Su Mingwei, are you sticking a knife in my heart?

I suddenly got angry and said I don't know, you go ask someone else.

You don't like it anymore, saying that I'm inexplicable, so what's the anger.

The pen in my hand was snapped on the table, and my voice was loud, my temper is like this, can you control it?

I ran away in the sweat at night, and I was in a terrible mood.

Standing in front of the mirror in the shower at night, I call you a jerk, like those superficial boys, who light up when you see beautiful girls.

Raise your hand and lie down on the thick flowing sea on your forehead, revealing your whole face.

It's just that my face is a little fleshy, how ugly am I?

It's clear that you don't have vision.

I'm sure I'll be able to get back to what I was before, and I'll be able to blind you

Eye.

May 1, 2005, sunny

After thinking about it for a day, what would you do with her?

Thinking about it for a day, why doesn't it rain?

I thought about it for a day

What am I doing?

Actually, I'm not even qualified to be jealous.

May 8, 2005, light rain

I heard your news before I saw you, and you were with Chen Linlang.

I felt that there was a cold wind in all directions, blowing cold on my hands and feet, and a terrible stinging pain spread in the bottom of my heart, as if a tight string had suddenly broken, and it was hard to play on my heart, popping out a deep trace, very painful.

Su Mingyan, you are so good, really good!

In recess, you really came to share your joy with me, are you blind? Can't see that I'm in a bad mood and don't want to deal with you?

That's right, you're so high-spirited, how can you notice my loss and feel uncomfortable?

I said, I don't like that girl, but how do you answer?

You say, no, you have to like it, because I like it.

What kind of logic is this?

Why do I have to like the person you like?

Su Mingyan, I hate you at this time, very special hate!

May 24, 2005

It's really useless, I can't even hate you, even so, I still like you to come to me, but, Su Mingyan, are you a pig?

When you date her, what do you mean by calling me?

Do you think the lights in the restaurant aren't bright enough, or do you think it's rare for me to see you fall in love?

I'm so depressed!

June 20, 2005, rain

It's been more than a month since I witnessed your relationship, you really like her, you get along well, you're happy, I think, it's time to clean up your own wishful thinking.

Don't you want my blessing?

Well, I bless you.

Since then, I have really retreated to the position of a friend, maybe I should be happy that you did not snub me as a friend in love, and treated me very well as always.

So be it, keep the relationship of good friends all the time.

I will take care of myself, and I will slowly get rid of the feelings that go beyond friendship with you.

July 7, 2005

Thinking about the way you cheekily asked me for a birthday present last year, I couldn't think of what gift to give you for a few days, because you didn't lack anything.

After two laps around the mall last weekend, I finally realized that you love sports, so I bought a sports protection kit.

I didn't expect Chen Linlang to give you this, and suddenly I couldn't get my things out.

I was still seen after school, and no matter how much I denied that it wasn't for you, you still snatched it, and you said, "I like both, but I like your color more." ”

I was very unproductive for a small amount of joy, really just a small one.

August 20, 2005

It's not easy to sort it out, the more I think about it, the more I can't help it, I can't help but think about you, I always hate that time goes too slowly, and I can't finish a summer vacation.

I was very surprised and pleasantly surprised when I received your call, and I went out to the appointment without hesitation, because I wanted to see you soon, and I also asked the driver at home to send me, but how did I forget, you are a person with a girlfriend.

I was stunned when I saw her, and her face sank when she saw me, only you had no heart and lungs, and you were still enthusiastically hooking up with me.

Su Mingyan, what kind of trouble are you going to make?

Are you sure you're in a relationship?

You said, you don't have to think about it, you know that I will stay at home all summer and not pull me out to dry, you are worried that you will see me moldy at the beginning of the school.

Should I be happy or should I be happy?

It's a mixed bag.

September 1, 2005

Entering the third year of high school, the entire grade must live on campus, Su Mingyan, will you get used to it?

September 3, 2005

Chen Linlang asked me to meet, do you know what she told me?

She said, I hope I can keep a little distance from you, because she is your girlfriend, and she is very unhappy and mindful of us doing this.

Of course I won't agree, why should I agree, which onion is she?

Even if you want to keep your distance, you should sue me, I don't care what anyone says except you, I even thought badly, whether to tell you about it, but it's just a thought.

October 20, 2005, cloudy

On the occasion of her, I don't make do, it's not her warning that works, but seeing you all together, I'm going to be very unhappy, I don't want to masochist.

You didn't go further because of my improvisation, but often had conflicts, every time you talked to me after the trouble, Su Mingyan, if you knew that I was happy in my heart, would you think that my friend was not worth making?

I'll admit I'm a little bad, but when you hold the cake and wish me a happy life, I think I don't deserve to be bad.

I still don't want to change it, I even think, let's make trouble, it's better to make a fuss and break up.

This is what I wrote with the pen you gave me today, exactly like your one, this is the first time I have used it, and it should be the last time, and I will put it away.

Not because it's more advanced than the ones on the market, just because, it's what you sent.

2005, November 20, rain

The school's plum blossoms are open, very beautiful, I said casually, I really want to break a branch and put it at the head of the bed, sleep must be fragrant, who knows that you will immediately put it into action when you hear it.

Su Mingyan, I want to let go of you, but you always unconsciously flirt with me~ dial me, I suddenly remembered a song, ambiguous.

More than friendship, not love.

How wronged!

Wishful thinking, self-inflicted, that's what I'm talking about, but what to do?

Knowing that this is the case, it is still willing.

February 8, 2006, rain

As I wished, you broke up with her, but I wasn't happy because you were very uncomfortable, I don't know, your discomfort was because of the breakup or because of betrayal?

I think the latter should be more important.

I wanted to go to Chen Linlang, you knew that you wouldn't let me go, and said that I was nosy, I suddenly remembered a word, wolf heart and dog lungs!

Actually, you just want to protect her, right?

Su Mingyan, I went to see it on purpose, the boy she split her legs is far worse than you, so it's not your problem, it's her high myopia.

March 4, 2006, cloudy

You've started hanging out with the bad students, you've learned to drink, you've been trying to smoke today, and if I hadn't happened to see you called, you'd have taken it.

I was angry and disappointed.

Su Mingyan, who the are you going to show the depravity? It's just a broken love, not a dead parent.

Again unhappy.

I hate Chen Linlang to death!

I don't want to pay attention to you either.

March 6, 2006, sunny

You drank too much last night, and my classmate came over to let me take a look, although I was not at ease, I still told him angry words, and let you drink to death, but he said, you have been calling me.

Su Mingyu, what the do you want me to do when you drink too much?

What are you thinking?

When I saw you, I suddenly got angry, and asked the waiter for a basin of water, splashing you.

Finally, it made you sober up a little and wanted to call someone for help, and as soon as you turned around, the people who drank with you had already run away.

Can't send you back to school, can't go to the hotel, and don't dare to send you home, and finally can only go to a small hotel, no ID card and underage, and the boss said for a long time before willing to let us stay.

I never thought that you would suddenly hug me, let alone kiss me, I was scared stupid, my heart beat so fast for the first time, and then you fell asleep on my shoulder.

You have a good night's dreams, I haven't slept all night, my heart is full of things about you, why do you call me by my name when you are drunk? Why do you kiss me? What exactly do you mean?

There are so many questions, I'm going crazy with you!

I got up this morning and wanted to ask you, but I found that you forgot everything, and you forgot everything, so do I still need to ask?

Think about it, or forget it.

I just feel aggrieved and very aggrieved.

March 7, 2006, sunny

As soon as I walked out of the dormitory building in the morning, I saw you standing by the plane tree, carrying something in your hand, I didn't want to deal with you, but you ran over and handed me breakfast as if you were offering a treasure.

It's my favorite restaurant.

You asked me if I couldn't be angry, and I asked why I was angry, and you looked at me in a daze, and didn't get to the point in my heart when you said a few points, because you didn't know the reason at all.

I really don't have any principles for you, and I said several times that I don't want to pay attention to you, and in the end I didn't count once.

March 13, 2006

I'm glad and glad that you've learned your way back.

May 20, 2006

The college entrance examination has entered the countdown, the lunch break time is occupied, the evening self-study time is occupied, and the teachers of each subject emphasize the key points every day, which causes many students to be nervous before the exam.

Actually, I think it's okay.

Almost everyone in the class was discussing which university to report, and I also asked you, and you said that you would go abroad if nothing happened, and this was arranged early in the morning by the family.

You're going to go abroad, and I'm going to be in the country, and from that day on, I began to expect time to pass slowly, and slowly, but time doesn't help people, and it's very disobedient, even if you expect it to go on as always.

June 13, 2006

It's been 4 days since the end of the exam, you asked me out, I ordered air-conditioned drinks, and chatted a lot, and at the end of the conversation, you suddenly asked me, do you remember that someone always asked me my name and asked me about it before.

I think there's such a thing, you sue sù, that person used to want to chase me.

I casually asked, then why there was no movement in the back.

You said, you sent it away.

At that moment, hope suddenly erupted in my heart, but the next moment I was knocked to the bottom by you, you said, I'm different from you, I'm a girl, don't fall in love in high school, now that I've graduated, I can talk about it as much as I want in college, and it's also good to find a boyfriend.

You also said that girls want to be girls, no matter how reckless they are, they are always girls' homes, you also said, you said a lot, and my thoughts stopped at the sentence you asked me to find a boyfriend, and the rest of it couldn't be attentive.

You suddenly gave me a hug when we parted, and I haven't fallen asleep until now.

It's 11:48 p.m., and all that's left in my head is what you said during the day and what you look like.

Su Mingyan, Su Mingyan, Su Mingyan

I seem to be getting poisoned more and more.

June 15, 2006, rain

Your name, my heart.

Class farewell party, I thought about it three times, and decided to sue you today, sue you I like you, even if there is no future, at least I will not regret it, I will not regret it, but you did not come.

I stood outside and waited for a long time, until the table opened, and when my classmates called me in, I asked the other party if they had seen you, and the other party looked at me in surprise, "Don't you know?" You don't know that Su Mingyan has gone abroad. ”

The feet seem to have taken root, and suddenly they can't move, and the heart seems to have a hole, and the wind that can blow in it is obviously summer but it is extremely cold.

It's cool and swishing all over the body.

You're gone, why don't you sue me? Not even a word of goodbye?

Su Mingyan, how can you do this?

Leave when you decide to confess, three years of relationship is not worth your goodbye to me?

The classmates toasted each other, and the beer pipe was enough, even the honest people drank it, and I didn't refuse to come.

Because of your relationship, although I still rarely take the initiative to communicate with others, in the class, I can live okay.

After three rounds of drinking, some sensual girls are still hugging and crying, I should be the most indifferent, but who knows, their eyes are full of tears, but my heart is bleeding.

I blame you and blame you, but in the end, I don't even have a right to blame you, which hurts me.

Leaving, I didn't let the driver come to pick me up, nor did I take a taxi, I walked through the shops along the street alone, starting with one drop or two, dripping on my face and arms, and gradually evolved into a drifting heavy rain, I gave my umbrella to an old lady who passed by.

I feel that this rain is really coming, and it seems to feel that today is a day of parting, not only you and me, but also thousands of senior high school parties.

I don't know how long I've walked, I can't tell whether it's tears or rain on my face, my sadness seems to passers-by to be a performance art, everyone who passes by can't help but turn back, I don't care what content is in their eyes, sympathy or pity

It's okay to think I'm insane.

I need such a heavy rain so that I can cry openly, and no one will know about it, and no one will be able to see through it.

As I walked, I remembered the time you made to see me two days ago, the words you said that day, the sudden hug you gave when you left, and the words you stopped.

It turns out that you have already said goodbye to me, but I didn't react stupidly.

Thinking of this, I feel even sadder and more distressed, and I cry unscrupulously through the rain.

In the end, I was found by the driver sent by my grandfather and sent me home, and my grandfather asked me that even the maid aunt at home was concerned about what was going on with me, and I didn't say anything, just went back to the room to take a hot bath.

More than one page, this is probably the longest journal I have ever written, and after that, you may not be in this diary.

I'm sure I like you, I'm in love every day and I'm falling out of love every day.

Finally, you're gone, and I don't have to worry about you leaving again.

Su Mingyan, goodbye!

October 20, 2006

Another birthday, 18 years old and adult, I still haven't let go of you, and I can't help but write your name on it again.

Su Mingqi, how are you?

I'm doing well, I have a like-minded confidant, I join clubs, I know a lot of people, I'm no longer as indifferent as I was in high school, I go out to dinner with my classmates and roommates, and go crazy.

I lost a little weight again, my shoulder-length hair made me perm, and the heavy drift sea was also replaced, and I took off my school uniform and changed my clothes, and I couldn't see the bulky tomboy I used to be.

I'm getting closer to what you like, but you can't see it.

Su Mingyan, will you accidentally think of me in your colorful life? And then to the East to wish me a happy birthday?

Look, I'm being sentimental again.

Su Mingqi, I have good night, and you have good morning.

March 2, 2007, rain

Xuanxuan said that I have a tendon and don't know how to be flexible, she encouraged me to try to accept other boys, she said that the best way to forget about a person is to have a new love and time, so I tried to accept a person who has been chasing me since last semester and I don't hate it.

March 15, 2007

I couldn't like him, and I didn't want to waste the other party's time, so I chose to break up.

It's not that the new love is not good enough, it's that the people in my heart are too deep and too heavy.

May 8, 2007, sunny

Overnight, there were stories about me spread throughout the university, the content was to steal my roommate's jewelry and seduce ~ to lure the teacher, the post was written reasonably, and two photos of me and my tutor were also presented.

It's just nonsense, don't say I don't like to wear jewelry, even if I love to wear jewelry, my family can't afford it, and I can do this kind of stealing and touching dogs?

Seduce ~ to lure the teacher, it is even more fantastical, the photo is really inexplicable, as a party, how come I don't know when I was so close to the tutor?

But few people wanted to believe me.

In the afternoon, the man came, and instead of comforting, he gave me a lesson and a slap in the face, unlike last time, his slap today completely knocked out the only expectation I had of him.

So far, I am disheartened by this person who calls him Dad.

On this night, I suddenly missed you very much, Su Mingyan, if you also heard about it, would you believe me?

May 12, 2007

The matter has been investigated clearly, it is a person that even I didn't expect, Qin Wujing.

I don't even need to confess, and suddenly I don't want to stay in China, but where can I go if I don't stay in China?

July 2, 2007, sunny

Now on the plane, about to take off, to New York, USA, I want to meet my mother, I haven't seen her in person for four years.

Maybe I won't come back after this trip, and I suddenly wanted to cry, but I couldn't help it.

Goodbye, or not!

July 3, 2007

Leaving that man, my mom is really doing well, compared to the hysteria before, it is simply reborn.

She's doing what she's always wanted to do, and I'm happy and proud

July 7, 2008

Another year has passed, Su Mingyan, happy birthday.

July 23, 2008, rain

Xuanxuan is here, I'm very happy, in the past few years, I have met a lot of people and made a lot of friends, but there are only a few people who really put it in my heart, Zixuan, Xi Ze, and

How do I think of you again, always involuntarily.

April 23, 2009, rain

I learned from Xuanxuan's mouth that I was shocked at first when Nishizawa thought about me, but after the shock, I thought about it carefully, and I seemed to be able to say sorry.

It's not that I haven't tried to have a boyfriend in the past two years, but I can't do it, since I can't do it, it's better not to delay people, it's too early to take advantage of now, it's still too late, and I should make it clear.

I want everyone I care about to be happy, but I'm not that loving.

The heart is too small, and one can't fit the other before it comes out.

October 20, 2009, sunny

My mom helped me hold a very big birthday party, there were many people who said happy birthday to me, received a lot of expensive gifts, the scene was very lively, everyone was very happy, so I also pretended to be very happy, but when the crowd dispersed, what I remembered the most in my heart was that year, you held a cake and said to me happy birthday.

Xuanxuan said that I was crazy and looking for abuse by myself, and she also said that I didn't think about that person at all but about that period of time that I could never go back to, or that I just missed you being good to me, because you were the only one who was good to me at that time.

Maybe what she said is right, but it's not all right, if that's the case, to Nishizawa, who is also very good to me, why can't I always reach love but is similar to affection?

She also said that because you appeared earlier than him, many people will meet at another time and the outcome will be very different.

This time I believed it, but fate is not like this, not sooner or later, it happened to be you at that time.

July 7, 2010

I heard that you were in love again, and then broke up again, anyway, I wish you a happy birthday, even though you can't hear it, even though you can't see the gift I prepared.

July 1, 2007

Xuanxuan sent two words of advice before returning to China, Lotus Shadow Yao Chi does not love water, and the green mountains are barren and willing to keep people.

I understand what she means, but you are already a demon in my heart, teach me how to let go? How to put it?

July 7, 2011, rain

reminds me of a song I heard earlier, "Lost Lover", you are a lost lover, what month is it possible to see you in 200?

Falling in love with a lost lover, separated from us, maybe I'm too naïve, fate is always the answer to the question, do I have to be like this, waiting every day?

We were never lovers, but I understood every word of this song.

Finally, happy birthday

May 20, 2014

I know you're back home.

June 8, 2014, sunny

When I finished my work in the United States and told my mom that I was going back to China, she was shocked at first, hated that iron could not be made of steel, then was silent, and after a long time, she asked if she would go back to you.

I didn't hide it, I saw that her eyes were covered with disappointment, and I gritted my teeth at that moment and felt uncomfortable, but I still held back.

She said, you probably don't remember me anymore; She said, I'm just too obsessed, don't hit the south wall and don't look back, then go and bump it, maybe I'll die if I hit it; She also said that if I get into trouble at home, don't expect her to help me.

June 12, 2014

It's about to land, from take-off to the present, the head has not stopped, and the past is like a color movie, vividly staged in turn

I remember when I was stubborn in choosing management, my mom asked me about my dreams, interests, and what I really wanted to do.

I didn't dare to tell her explicit at that time, but before I left yesterday, I told her that my biggest dream is to find you, and if I can have a future with you, other interests are not so important.

Su Mingwei, it is still possible in this life, unless I die, I will never leave you, no matter where I go, I will go to you, even if you don't remember me.

So, I'm here, just Su Mingyan, will you really forget me?

Su Mingyan raised his hand to cover his face, his face was already wet with tears at some point, and he couldn't stand it at all, he only felt that there was a saw on his heart, the flesh and blood were blurred, and the pain was dull.

It is still possible in this life, unless I die, I will never leave you, and wherever I go, I will go to you, even if you don't remember me.

It is still possible in this life, and I will never leave you unless I die!

Unless you die, you will never live!

How deep does it take to love to do this? What kind of mood has she been in for so many years?

》》》》》》

It was set to be released at 12:15 in the morning, but when I crawled out of the small dark room and looked, it was set to 2:15, and I couldn't complain about myself anymore, and finally, the diary ended here.