In the evening, the eldest child drunkenly hummed a minor tune and staggered home. As soon as he entered the village, he heard someone shouting from behind him: "Bah! Then a dark shadow came out from behind the shadow of the tree, and made him tremble like an old sow sifting chaff. Sitting on the ground, the wine also woke up, and then I felt that the crotch was hot, and I reached out and touched it, and I was diapering!

It took a long time for Da Xiao to settle down. Because he usually offends many people, he is afraid of going ****, for fear of retaliation, for fear of someone plotting behind his back. His heart is as weak as hell. He looked at Da Xiangzi, who was squatting in front of him and grinning, and said with some dissatisfaction: "You want to scare me to death?" The pants are scared and wet. ”

Da Xiangzi said: "Where did you go to drink urine?" The smell was so bad that I wondered who else in the world was blind except for me to invite you to dinner. Please eat and drink, you crumbs. Daxiao, I just came back from the field, why did I see that your mother's wreath was missing? Is it that your kid is short of money and secretly took it and sold it? ”

Da Xiao said weakly: "It's not that I took it and sold it, but let people steal it." I didn't go to recover the stolen goods, and the family left me to drink, which is considered an apology. ”

As I said earlier, Da Xiao and Da Xiangzi are a pair of bastards. A few years ago, the two of them lived in a hotel in the north, spilled urine into the kettle, asked the waiter to pick their skins, and on another occasion, they pulled the into the bed, causing a big disaster, and almost let people catch it, and they escaped, and never dared to show up in that place since then.

Da Xiangzi is also a bad breed, but Da Xiangzi has a flexible mind, and the family mirror is richer than Da Xiao, because the two people smell like each other, Da Xiangzi often invites Da Xiao to drink, and the two are still good friends. However, Da Xiangzi will tease Da Xiao from time to time, and Da Xiao will not dare to offend Da Xiangzi. In fact, Da Xiao is also a poor man with short ambitions, a thin horse with long hair, and a thing that remembers to eat and not to fight, do you think, if he offends Da Xiangzi, who else will give him food and drink? In order to eat meat and drink wine, he swallowed his anger in front of Da Xiangzi, and looked forward to Da Xiangzi. Even if Da Xiangzi asked him to call him father, he would hurry up. In Daxiao's opinion, compared with wine and meat, what is it to call a father, isn't it just a matter of the upper lip touching the lower lip? In fact, in the bottom of Daxiao's heart, he wishes to have a father like Da Xiangzi for him to eat, for him to drink, and to have property to inherit in the future, what a good thing! He thought about his real dad again. Sores on the top of the head and pus under the soles of the feet. Lying in the ditch every day, drinking the dirty water in the ditch, eating the dead rats, dead dogs and rotten cats in the ditch. In the end, he died in Weizigou, which was the retribution he had for killing the child in the snow that winter.

"What do you think?" Da Xiangzi said a word. Pulled Da Xiao's thoughts back.

"Didn't think about anything. Go home. Da Xiangzi walked in front of him, Da Xiangzi followed behind, and the two of them talked. It didn't take much effort to arrive at Daxiao's home.

After entering the house, under the light, Da Xiao saw clearly that Da Xiangzi was still carrying a plastic bag in his hand, bulging. He asked, "Do you want to give me a gift?" ”

Da Xiao replied: "No, it's what the family paid me, count it as a little bit of their heart." He handed the plastic bag to his wife. , the daughter of an old bachelor.

After the woman took the plastic bag, she wanted to take it to the back room, when she passed by Da Xiangzi, Da Xiangzi grabbed the plastic bag and did not let go, the woman let go of her hand, Da Xiangzi took the plastic bag, first looked at it in front of her, and then untied the plastic bag, it turned out that there were several roast chickens in it. I sniffed it in front of my nose and said, "Daxiao, this is the roast chicken from the Pijia Roast Chicken Shop." It's delicious. When I'm leaving, bring me one. ”

Seeing that Da Xiao nodded in agreement, Da Xiao's wife went into the house to find another plastic bag, loaded Da Xiangzi with the largest roast chicken, took it out of the back room, and handed it to Da Xiangzi.

Da Xiangzi took the plastic bag and frowned. asked: "Wow wow, when Lao Tzu gave you things in the past, it wasn't like this!" Want to disgust me, don't you? Give things to others, how can you use a woman to pack menstruation

Bring a plastic bag for roast chicken? It's not a bad idea. ”

Da Xiao's wife grinned and said to Da Xiangzi: "This is a new package, I haven't used it, what are you afraid of, at most there are some women's commotion, aren't you born to be willing to smell women's commotion." ”

Da Xiangzi scolded: "Look at it, listen to it, Da Xiao Wow Da Xiao, the nickname of your two people, it really didn't go wrong!" , it's just a man's wife, and a wife is even worse than a man! ”

"Don't you often praise me for how white I am? Why are you idle today? "Da Xiao's wife, who usually has a personal relationship with Da Xiangzi, is becoming more and more presumptuous today.

Da Xiangzi did not shy away from suspicion, so he had a big fight with Da Xiao's wife. The two of them had enough trouble, and Da Xiangzi said: "Da Xiao, my pants are peeing, and I don't go in to change my pants, I want to torture myself to death." ”

Da Xiao shook his head helplessly, and entered the bedroom alone, as soon as he stepped into the door of the bedroom with his front foot, Da Xiangzi put his hand into Da Xiao's wife's gown and scratched her、、、、、、

Early the next morning, before Da Xiao got up, Da Xiangzi came and smashed the door. Through the crack in the door, the eldest wife lifted her pants and asked, "Come to report the funeral so early?" Is your mother dead too? ”

Da Xiangzi sneered: "My mother, her old man, is not dead, and your mother-in-law's other wreath is gone!" Tell your man to take a look. There are two wreaths in total, and there is no pair in two days, which is a big joke! The world is strange, the world is big, there are no surprises, I'm afraid that our whole province, that is, the two wreaths of your house, are all stolen, the forest is big, and there are no birds. There are people who steal money, steal sheep, steal dogs, steal children, and as for stealing wreaths, this is the first time I've heard of it. Joke, big joke! Hahaha、、、、、、"

Da Xiangzi laughed and left.

Da Xiangzi's words made Da Xiao hear it clearly. He was furious, and ran to his mother's grave to take a look, and his eyes suddenly straightened! Yesterday's wreath, still lonely on the grave, is gone this morning, woo hoo lament, my God, is it the day of the old lady's funeral is unlucky, committed a heavy mourning? If you know that it is a heavy mourning, it is good to find someone to break it, and save these strange things. (Heavy mourning means that the ancestors have mourning on this day, which is called heavy mourning.) The method is: use a cardboard box for shoes. Transformed into a coffin, blackened with ink,

Cut a paper figure out of white paper, put it in a paper box, put three coins of cinnabar, three coins of angelica, and then bury the paper box symbolizing the coffin into the grave with the urn, so that the heavy mourning is broken. Whether it works or not, no one knows. Author's note)

Da Xiao gritted his teeth and returned home. Sighed for a long time. Just as he was about to go out, Da Xiangzi came unhurriedly pacing in all directions. He asked, "Da Xiao, am I telling the truth?" ”

"How do you know? Did you kid steal it? With our relationship, your mother is dead, and I can buy a new one for her old man. Da Xiaozi was angry, and when he saw Da Xiangzi's gloating appearance, he was angry in his stomach. I was angry with him.

Who is Shoko Dai? It's something that the thief doesn't want, how can he be a big fool! Immediately pointed at the big man and shouted: "Frame up!" Typical frame-up. Daxiao, the wreath on your mother's grave is gone. You can't rely on me. Do you know that a spell is prosperous for ten years? My mother, her old man, can't die. But your mother died in front of you. I'm fine today, so I'll accompany you to look around. Look at the guy who doesn't know whether he is alive or dead, and will do the next three indiscriminate deeds of stealing other people's wreaths! ”

Daxiao's wife hurriedly said, "Yes." Right! There is a lot of power in people, find out whose house it is, and ask them for more money! If they are less, they cannot be spared, and thirty thousand and twenty thousand are also it. Peeling cramps are also it! ”

Da Xiangzi smiled and said, "Da Xiao." What kind of man has what kind of wife! You see, your wife is much more ruthless than you, she's just a dog-eater-goat-ball. Dead Drag Lord! ”

"Of course, if it's Da Xiangzi or your relatives or something, you can get some discounts. Take care of the situation. Da Xiao's wife added such a sentence.

"Fuck off! I don't want Lao Tzu's relatives to be good, do I? Is it at the same level to compare the relatives of his own family with the relatives of Lao Tzu's family? Villain, typical villain! Da Xiangzi scolded and walked out after Da Xiao's body. When passing by the wife's side, Da Xiangzi reached out and touched the wife's chest, and walked out of the gate of the wife's house as if nothing happened.

Da Xiao proposed: "Let's go to Wang Ermazi's house in Donggui first, the wreath yesterday was stolen by his family." Perhaps, he didn't think one wreath was enough, and tonight, even another wreath was stolen. ”

Da Xiangzi weighed it for a moment, and felt that Da Xiao's fart was reasonable, so he nodded and agreed, and the two of them came directly to the east.

As expected, the wreath that was lost last night was stolen by Wang Ermazi, and the two wreaths were neatly placed on the wall of Wang Ermazi. The appearance has not changed, and the couplets on the wreath are still attached to the wreath.

Da Xiangzi said: "Wang Er Mazi stole your mother's wreath, and he was addicted, one yesterday and one today, if there is still one on your mother's grave, he will definitely continue to cast." Daxiao, you asked them yesterday why they stole the wreath, what did they say? I've got to give an explanation. ”

"Li Er said that my mother and Wang Er Mazi have been married to each other since childhood, and I don't know if it's true or not." Da Xiao said this lightly.

"And the doll pro?" Da Xiangzi asked in surprise: "How much is this our business?" Why haven't I heard of it? Wow, it looks like your mother has found you a lot of fathers. Hahaha! The more Da Xiangzi thought about it, the more funny he felt, and he couldn't help it, so he laughed to himself first.

Da Xiangzi laughed enough, and suddenly remembered something, and asked: "Slow, Daxiao, if I heard it correctly just now, there is still something about Li Er here?" He's a bastard, but he's not a fuel-efficient lamp! It's better not to provoke him. His wife Zhang Fengxian is an old bitch who protects the nest, holding Li Er's eight lambs, which is closer than her own father, and Xiao Taohong, the owner of the seafood building, is not a good thing, take the money, take the food, and put her body on it, openly and secretly seduce Li Er, and is willing to be Li Er's little wife, you say, Li Er's ****, why did he fascinate a beauty like Xiao Taohong? You say, my dignified Daxiangzi, in terms of appearance and money, is not as good as him Li Er, why can't I find a confidant like Xiao Taohong? Could it be that my life is bad? ”

"You said Li Er is a stinky ****?"

"That's right."

"He doesn't even count as a stinky ****, he's just a bastard! That year, he contracted our cement factory in Beizhuang, and polluted my father-in-law's crops. Who knew that his concubine's wife was the mayor wow. Alas! Hell. Da Xiao shook his head, showing some powerlessness. It seems that he wants to retreat.

Da Xiangzi gritted his teeth and roared: "This time and that time, this time is not as good as the last time!" Lao Tzu just wants to fight with him! Let's see if his Li Er's head shaving is fast, or if my big Xiangzi's head is strong! Reasonably, it is difficult to walk an inch without reason. This time, we are reasonable, but we are afraid that he Li Er will not admit it, and the wreath will be placed in front of him, what are you afraid of? With my big Xiangzi to support you and cheer you up, go up and call the door! Kick with your feet! ”

Da Xiao rushed up, shone at the door, and kicked it fiercely! At the same time, he yelled, "Open the door!" ”

At the critical moment when Da Xiao was about to kick the second kick, Zhang Bao's wife, who was also nicknamed the crazy woman, couldn't breathe, and she didn't know where to flash out, stretched out her hand to stop Da Xiao, pointed to a piece of paper on the wreath and said, "Are you two blind?" Didn't you see a piece of paper on this wreath? This is a letter of resignation written by Wang Er Mazi to your mother! Do you understand the book of resignation? People don't want your mother, so they divorce her! Stinky and shameless, now dead, remembering that his original man is here, what did he do earlier? When you're a girl, why don't you come to your doll kiss man? What an old gang, now he has become a dead ghost, and he has come to entangle his man and hold on, it's too late! You two, hurry up and get out of your mother's back! ”

When Da Xiao heard that he couldn't breathe and insulted his wife like this, his angry scalp was numb, regardless of thirty-seven twenty-one, he bent down and picked up a brick from the ground, aimed it at his breathless head, and smashed it down!

Da Xiangzi hurriedly grabbed Da Xiao and persuaded: "Don't be angry with a crazy woman!" Don't look at her usual madness, she can't do any work, she can't take care of housework and can't make money, in case you smash her to death with a brick, his man will definitely want a good man's money! No one cares if the crazy woman is alive, if she dies, her relatives, seven aunts and eight aunts, will all come up and reach out to ask for money, and they will talk about her man's family. I can't afford to mess with it directly. ”

Da Xiangzi smiled and asked breathlessly: "This sister has a long water spirit?" Is it okay to be my daughter-in-law? Dare to ask, Wang Er Mazi is hiding at home? ”

"He, with the old woman, went to the orchard before dawn. There was no one in her house. Unable to breathe, he grabbed the two wreaths in his hands with both hands, raised them above his head, swayed, flashed and moved, and danced the square dance in front of Da Xiangzi and Da Xiao! What do you say? (To be continued.) )