At the beginning of the summer, there was a moment of confusion, not understanding what Qiao Yusen's words meant.

It wasn't until he took out a few diaries from the side of his body that Xia Chu finally understood, this is Shao Yunqi's diary, which contains the reason why he has always been curious, this should be an answer that he has been looking forward to, this answer is now at his fingertips, as long as he stretches out his hand, he can know it clearly.

But she didn't want to know that much.

There is no other reason, just because Shao Yunqi is gone.

He left, no matter what his reason was, whether he would make himself angry or guilty, after all, it had no effect, and there was nowhere to vent his anger, and nowhere to repent of his guilt.

Rather than that, it is better to let this secret be buried forever, and be completely forgotten with Shao Yunqi's departure.

Jo Yusen placed the journal on Xia Chu's lap and got up from the floor himself:

"Originally, these diaries belonged to Yun Qi alone, but he finally let me know, I think there will still be some regrets in his heart, these regrets are for you, he must want you to understand him and forgive him."

Qiao Yusen left the room after saying these words, Xia Chu didn't know what he was going to do, maybe Ben didn't have anything to do, he just wanted to leave himself an independent space to understand Shao Yunqi's secret.

Xia Chu was in a person's room, thinking for a long time, and making countless guesses about the answer that she would know soon, and finally, she still opened the diary-

It was a cloudy Sunday on August 7, 1998

School is coming up tomorrow and I've never liked school like this because after school, I can see him.

Sunday, August 21, 1998 was fine

My mother said, I'm a boy, boys can't like boys, boys can only be brothers and good friends, but I don't understand, why can't boys like boys?

It was cloudy on Sunday, August 28, 1998

I want to play with him, but he seems to have something going on every Sunday, and I hate Sunday.

Thursday, September 1, 1998 was fine

My mother said that she wanted to adopt a sister for me, so that she could play with me in the future, but I didn't want my sister, I wanted him to accompany me.

Sunday, September 4, 1998 was fine

My sister came, and she said, her name was Xu Ke. But I still miss him.

…………

Snow on Friday, January 1, 2004

Today, I'm 17 years old, I received a few love letters, I threw them in the trash, I seem to understand the meaning of liking, at this age of love, I like him, I know it's not right, but I can't control it, I think how can I get closer to him? Do you confess like any other girl? It should scare him, right? Maybe the only way to get close is to say nothing and quietly guard him by his side.

1 April 2004

April Fool's Day played a big joke on him, his mother committed suicide, and the first time I saw him like this, lost soul, like a soulless shell, he was in my room, sitting in the same place where I was sitting now, smoking, and he said it was the first cigarette in his life, and he wanted to remember the smell.

I know that what he wants to remember is the taste of loneliness, and that everything depends on his own determination.

I didn't say anything, not a word of comfort, but I told myself in my heart that I was going to help him!

27 June 2004

He's going to study abroad, far away in England.

In fact, I knew very early that he would leave here, he was a sleeping lion, he would always burst out of his true energy, everything here limited his development, this place was not for him, his departure was right, I should support him, but...... What about me?

What am I going to do, how am I going to live in this place where he has existed and left?

1 July 2004

I finally persuaded my mother in an extremely extreme way to get her to agree to my study abroad.

I know she must be very sad, I am her only son, but after all, I have deviated from the track that a boy should have, but I can't help it, I can't live without him.

I think that if one day death is in front of us at the same time, I will definitely make a choice before him, because if he dies, I will not be able to live alone, he is my everything, my life.

I love him!

3 September 2004

He met a very beautiful girl, Chinese, and also had a nice name, Ji Qingluan.

I could see in her eyes her appreciation and interest in him.

Jealous? Of course. But it's more hate, but what I hate is not the beautiful girl named Ji Qingluan, I only hate myself, hate myself why I am not a girl, sometimes I also think, if I were a girl, what would he and I be like now? Will I be able to be like Ji Qingluan, who doesn't hide my feelings for him?

11 November 2004

In China, today should be called Singles' Day, but I am very happy today, he did not go out today, he stayed in the apartment for a day, although he did not talk much, but I could feel that he was in a bad mood.

I've been holding back for him for so long, I want to be selfish for once, just for one day.

I don't want to comfort him, I'm afraid that after comforting him, his mood will improve, and when he gets better, he will go out, and I will be left alone in the empty house, and I would rather he be in a bad mood than he will be by my side.

As long as you can see him, everything is enough.

24 December 2004

On Christmas Eve, Ji Qingluan came.

But I didn't notice that shiny thing in Ji Qingluan's eyes anymore, didn't she like him? This was my first feeling. No, he is so good, Ji Qingluan shouldn't dislike him, maybe what happened to them, not necessarily.

He drank a lot today, was drunk, and lay on the carpet, unconscious.

It was at this time that I saw that shining light in Ji Qingluan's eyes again, she noticed my gaze, looked back at me, and asked me, 'Have you found it?' I like him! But he doesn't like me, he has someone in his heart, and I can only keep this feeling in my heart. ’

He has someone in his heart.

Yes, he has someone in his heart, I found out about this question very early, he never said it, I never asked.

Sometimes I fantasize about whether he happens to like me when I like him? There was only a layer of window paper left between the two of us.

However, how is it possible, I haven't drunk too much, how can I have such thoughts?

…………

21 May 2006

He bought a cake today, but today is not his birthday, nor is it my birthday, Ji Qingluan's birthday has passed last month, I don't understand why he did this, but then I understood that he was hiding her for so many years for the sake of him in his heart.

1 July 2006

He said he was going to create a company and name it X International.

Ji Qingluan and I didn't even ask what kind of company it was, and we all raised our hands in agreement.

Ji Qingluan did this because he loved him, and so did I, the difference is that my love is very depressed and depressed, and Ji Qingluan's, he at least felt it.

………………

April 13, 2012

I haven't written a diary for a long time, and I don't know what to write when I suddenly open it.

By the way, there is indeed a memorable thing today, Xia Chu confessed to me, to be honest, I was shocked.

I suddenly realized that this girl, who was like my own sister to me, had grown up and had her own little secrets, and I shouldn't be without feelings, but maybe I put all my energy on that person and dulled all the other senses, right?

If I were a normal man, I would choose the beginning of summer. This girl is almost perfect. Independent, self-reliant, brave, responsible, but I'm not normal, what I like is a man who doesn't like me, maybe doesn't know that I like him. I was tempted to try to take this affection away from him, and my mother adopted Xia Chu because I wanted to have more contact with the girls, but it failed.

I don't know my own mind.

June 2, 2012

Today is my father's birthday party, and he's here.

It's been a long time since I've seen him, but when I think about it, it's only been 5 days, but why do I think it's been so long, so long?

His eyes stayed on Xia Chu's body all night, which made me feel a little incredible and a little happy at the same time, I thought, I can't have him in my life, but if I can make Xia Chu his woman, I like to see this result.

I don't know what I can do for them, but if I can, I will.

…………

October 13, 2013

I did something that even I felt was excessive, I used the kindness of the Shao family to restrain Xia Chu's emotional freedom, and I used a reason that she couldn't refuse to let Xia Chu marry him.

Xia Chu must be very sad, but I know her sadness, what about mine?

I have loved someone for nearly 17 years, but in these 17 years, not a single day of him belongs to me, I know that this will be the result, but I have never thought of giving up in these 17 years.

Maybe my meaning in this world, nothing else, is just to love him.

I want him to be happy, I want to see him smile, and every time he mentions the beginning of summer, the smile on his face makes me feel happy. So, if I can see the two of them come together, and I can often see him smiling like that, maybe I will be very happy myself......

Maybe......

December 31, 2013

On the last day of the year, they got married.

Today, it was supposed to be the day when he was ready to propose, but I didn't expect that Xia Chu asked him to marry yesterday, I can imagine what he looked like at that time, he must have suppressed the ecstasy in his heart with a calm face, after all, he has also had a crush on Xia Chu like me for 2 years.

I thought I would be happy, but when the beginning of the summer told me, my heart still hurt.

Is this an end? I do not know......

But I knew that he could never belong to me again in this life......

…………

Xia Chu closed the last diary and felt something slip across her cheek, and she touched it lightly with her hand, and it turned out to be tears......