I stood quietly one step away from the interplay of light and shadow, the hug I was ready to give was already lost in the confrontation just now.

I said I didn't have anything to say to you. Only Xiao Ling, according to Ling Xue's last wish, I want to take him away.

"Shu Lan......" Jiang Zuoyi just called my name, but did not say anything further.

I said, can't you make up your mind now? Jiang Zuoyi, when are you going to be scrapped!

Ling Nan, who was standing beside him, just straightened his glasses as always. During the whole process, he only throws bait, not a rod. It's like a hand behind the scenes over the years, but it can make the fish surging under the entire surface of the water to bite each other.

"Shu Lan," Jiang Zuoyi put his hand on my shoulder, and gently retracted his powerful tiger mouth: "Let's go." ”

"Aunt Shu!" On the terrace on the second floor, a boy in a small black suit waved at me.

He's beautiful and handsome today. The neatly trimmed hair clings to the round little face, and the purring eyes are black and bright.

What he was holding in his hand was the portrait of Ling Xue. On the black and white background, the smile is sweet and stubborn.

Oh, how could he not attend today's funeral?

"Little Zero!" I pushed aside the man in front of me and took two steps forward: "Little Zero!" Is it okay to go with Aunt Shu? Auntie will take you to find the leaves...... Leaves miss you so much. ”

"Aunt Shu, help me ask Ye Zi, will she wait for me to grow up?" I thought it was a delusion, who told the child's immature voice and the tone that did not match this immature voice that suddenly broke through my tear ducts?

I said yes, you are her most important friend, and she thinks about you all the time.

"Are you going with Aunt Shu? Let's go home together, Ye Zi promised you, and I will never let Xiaoxiao bully you again in the future. Don't hit you, don't bite you, she has collected a lot of beautiful stickers......"

"But, I want to be with my parents, can you let me stay with them? Aunt Shu, let the leaves wait for me to grow up, okay? I will be back and will definitely come back to her! ”

My voice was choked in my throat, and I couldn't swallow a single promise. At what age do children know what eternity is? I think that holding hands is a lifelong agreement, but I often miss it forever because of a move and a goodbye that is too late.

- until Jiang Zuoyi's hand gently grabbed my waist and pushed me.

"Let's go, Shu Lan." He said to me.

I didn't know what was wrong with me, I couldn't take my eyes off the child's face in the sunset.

Just like that, Jiang Zuoyi dragged him past Ling Nan's immobile body, and when I heard his hard and cold voice, it was like crawling out of the depths of hell: "Ling Nan, we are clear." The next time, my hand holding the gun won't tremble anymore. ”

"It's a pity there's no next time."

I saw Ling Nan waving his hand at the stairwell on the second floor, holding the photo and running down from it. He threw himself in front of the man, and a timid little hand pulled him over.

The sunset over the church was quiet and long, falling through the six stained-glass windows and shining on the layers of white roses.

"Let's go." Jiang Zuoyi said to me again.

"But ......"

The freeze-frame time seemed to be specially prepared for the pathetic family of three. Even if I have a thousand words, I can't afford to bother.

"Shu Lan, let's go......" Jiang Zuoyi dragged my sleeve, hindering me all the way: "Go!" Don't look...... Don't look back! ”

He commanded in the same tone as before, which I had to obey and couldn't ask more.

"Jiang Zuoyi, will you let Xiao Ling be with him? You-"

But why? Why did he cry?

Raising my head, I looked at Jiang Zuoyi's brown eyes, and in an instant, a transparent light swelled out like water vapor.

I've tasted his tears, but I've never seen his eyes.

The way he shed tears was really heartbreaking, and the corners of his thin lips were tightly pursed into thin lines. suppressed the shaking Adam's apple, did not choke, did not sob. Like a still river, like a frozen spring.

I took his hand and kept asking him why?

But he suddenly stopped, pressed his index finger to his lips, and suppressed his breathing.

I instinctively silenced. Listen carefully to the suburbs at three o'clock in the afternoon, in the spring season, the sound of birds, just like - farewell elegy!

Bang! The huge heat wave almost pushed my body out like a paper kite, Jiang Zuoyi hugged me and rolled out a romantic arc on the grass.

His body was heavy and heavy, and the faint mint water on his lips was still so familiar.

I opened my eyes and tried to confirm the time difference between reality and dreams.

The ruined church in front of me, the billowing black smoke, and the thick flames, one by one, instantly shattered all my reason and faith.

Exploded?

The explosion just now came from the church?

I knelt on the ground with my hands propped up in the spring mud. A second, two seconds, three seconds passed, and suddenly he rushed forward like crazy-

"Little Zero! Little Zero!!! ”

"Shu Lan!" Jiang Zuoyi stopped me at the waist, and his arms pressed my waist. He forced me to bury my head in his chest, but I went on a rampage to lose my mind!

"You let go of me! Little Zero!! That madman, that's his own son!!

Jiang Zuoyi, you are like this...... Looking? Watch it all happen! ”

"Shu Lan, this is Ling Nan's choice."

"What right does he have to do that! What qualifications does he have to take Xiao Zero! Whether it's a brother or a man, or even a father - what else can he do but drive everyone mad and to death?

Jiang Zuoyi, why don't you stop it, why do you !! You've already given up on that kid once, and you're going to give up on him a second time! ”

I beat him like crazy, no matter how many injuries he had when he came back from Thailand. What am I obsessed with? Is it Ling Xue's entrustment to me before she died, or the expectation of Ye Zi's innocent eyes on me.

What lingered in front of my eyes were the last two shallow dimples that the child laughed at.

Under the black and white suit, the yearning for the word 'home' and the promise of the promise is not known.

I don't know how much strength Jiang Zuoyi used, or how much madness I fought to resist.

"Shu Lan, I beg you...... I really can't save everyone.

Just let them go together, no one but you and me! He hugged me and pressed my shoulders so hard that my bones ached: "I only want you, I just want you!! ”

"Jiang Zuoyi, does it have to be like this? Do you have to end everything this way? ”

I held his tear-stained face, and pushed aside the distractions under the layers of resentment, but I couldn't pick out the color of his heart.

It turns out that the more terrible thing than being an enemy of the devil is being in the company of the devil.

It turns out that what is more terrible than people's hearts is the hearts of people who have been riddled with holes but have to make another dilemma.

"Shu Lan, this is the most suitable way for Ling Nan to exit. Take away all that belongs to him and what does not belong to him.

He lost, and from the moment I settled everything in Thailand and returned to him alive, he had already lost.

His weapon was not a fist, but my guilt. When I run out of guilt, I will not spare my fists. So he can't win against me..."

I sneered and said I didn't understand your rules, those morals, and those rules of conduct. I only know, because you didn't drop the knife on the neck of the damned, how many innocent people died in vain?

"I just want to give him one last bit of dignity."

"Do you want to exchange Xiao Zero's life?"

"I never thought I'd trade anyone for it! But things got out of control and the way they are today, not what I could have foreseen!

If I could put a stop to those deep-seated hatred and madness with my life, do you think I would be stingy?

If it weren't for the clues left by my stepfather, I wouldn't even be able to dig up the angle of the turnaround—"

Jiang Zuoyi hugged me and struggled with me, but he never refused to let go: "Shu Lan, I won't win." You're all going to die.

The only thing in front of me is Ling Nan's rules of the game, and I have to play with him, do you understand?!

Do you know how chaotic the situation was after my father-in-law's death? How many people did he have left under his command, each with a ghost in his heart, in the gossip released by Ling Nan, everyone was mixed with ghosts and ghosts, in the darkness that you can't see, if I want to come back alive, what price does it take?

I can't save Ah Xue, and I can't save Xiao Ling...... Because I can't win against a devil who fills a human bomb with blood!

And this devil, the empire he built with my own hands, settled in a labyrinth with his own hands. Shu Lan, only you can support me to come out......"

"yes, you're finally back." I hugged my long-lost body temperature, and I couldn't remember the tears I shed in my chest as we got closer to each other: "I thought you couldn't win, I thought you would finally fall into the uncertainty of the future he designed."

Do you know, I thought you were just scrapped. No matter how hard your fist is, it can't resist the softness that grows from your heart, and I thought you couldn't pull out a gun against him.

But I was glad I said you were back. In this gamble between you and Ling Nan, no matter whether you win or lose, Ah Xue and Xiao Ling were all given up by you at the beginning. Right? ”

"Yes, from the day I chose you, I didn't care about anything." Jiang Zuoyi held my waist and slowly knelt down and sat down. His pale face was engraved with a weary color, and his moist eyes were filled with a sincere and determined light.

"I'm not as strong and loving as you think, and I don't regret loving and missing out.

I'm not as fragile as you think, and I can't be blinded by the blood of the enemy spilled in the form of self-harm.

I love you, and I can't love anyone else. ”

"Jiang Zuoyi, don't you regret it? Jiang Zuoyi, am I worth it? "I took his arms around his shoulders,

I don't want to cut his heart with a knife again, and I don't want to force him to be more bitter and painful.

But the fireworks in front of him have not yet subsided, and the souls of the dead still have innocent residual heat in mid-air.

I said I can't understand your world, really, can't.

"I regret it, but you deserve ......" Jiang Zuoyi's tears were so hot, mixed with a blank trajectory along my cheeks, soaking into the distance that the closer we wanted to get closer, the farther and farther. It's just that my increasingly supple body has let down my defenses, and you are covered with thorns. As soon as you hug, each other will be drenched in blood.

"Jiang Zuoyi, can we still be together? Do we still have fate, do we still have hope?

This is indeed the most suitable way for Ling Nan to exit, leaving us with an insurmountable regret until death. He didn't let us go until he died—"

"No, it won't! Nightmares will always pass, Shu Lan, there are no more obstacles, no more crises. I said that as long as I came back alive, I owed nothing!

I just beg you to stop pulling my heart, I only have you left! ”

"So, is this the last lesson you're going to teach me? Is it a final lesson that you have to play without the company of your mentor?

When I needed you the most, you left me with countless unexplained backs. I had to climb the slope in the slits and learn to get closer to you. ”

I said I had finally made it through, but I had lost so much.

At that moment, I suddenly felt that the obstacle between us was neither Ling Nan nor Ling Xue, or even my father. Instead, I began to fear this man, afraid that his alternative worldview and sense of distance would bring me the destructive power of extreme destruction.

The raging fire burned out the sunset for half a day, and when the fire trucks and police cars roared in, my man and I had to quietly leave the scene like the least qualified party in the dark night.

Jiang Zuoyi told me that the price of his gamble was too great, but if he won, he could get rid of the demon's control forever.

I am not his trophy, but his allies who fought side by side.

He knew he wasn't qualified to celebrate, but hoped I could take his arm and go home.

I was dragged off the ground by him, covered in mud and half covered in blood.

The tired and embarrassed look was reflected in his bloodshot eyes, and even I almost didn't know myself.

"Shu Lan, what's wrong with you?!" Jiang Zuoyi grabbed my body to the side.

I shook my head and said nothing.

"How can it be okay, so much blood?"

I said I had just finished the abortion and didn't have time to change the tampon.

"Shu Lan!"

Jiang Zuoyi picked me up horizontally, and his strength was not as strong as before. I noticed that the cut on one of his arms was twenty centimeters, and I don't know how distressed little Andy at home was.

I don't have the strength to struggle anymore. My stomach hurts, as if I will be twisted hard and not let go.

The light and shadow in front of me are inverted, and the buzzing in my ears is endless. Lying between his bloody chest, I couldn't hold back my tears.

- I think all my strong efforts can't match the premise weakness of being a woman.

Jiang Zuoyi ...... Our child fell off, and it was only on the day that Ah Xue left...... More than 40 days......

I thought you'd come back well and in perfect condition. I was going to tell you that I even had a name in mind......

So I wonder if this is going to be an unsolvable curse. And our fate of yin and yang, can we still love each other without scruples? ”

Is it raining? Why are the cheeks so wet, like dew and like a warm mist?

I couldn't see Jiang Zuoyi's expression clearly, I only felt that his body was trembling very exaggeratedly as he snuggled up to me. After that, I didn't know anything—

***

In the first week of losing my child, Jiang Zuoyi stayed by my side almost every step of the way.

They didn't imprison me like they did before, wherever I wanted to go, whatever I wanted.

But I didn't want to go anywhere, more often than not, I just lay in bed in a daze.

I can't figure out why I suddenly became cold to him, as if a thick diaphragm had fallen out of thin air. As soon as you stretch out your hand, the temperature you touch makes you want to retreat.

But he didn't care about the change in my attitude, I should cook, I should work.

He also talked to me, and I answered casually, but I always felt that he loved me like he was afraid of breaking if I touched it. And I guarded against him, just as once they walked out the door, they would never return to the same roof.

I even wondered in fear, are we all right, but not just starting to be unsuitable?

During this time, I received the news that my father had passed away in the hospital. Sudden heart infarction, rescue ineffective, after chest cavity found that the effusion had been stuffed into the lungs.

I didn't shed a single tear.

just calmly called Ye Jinliang, and he said that he could sneak out of the hospital and accompany me to handle the funeral.

"No need, you can recuperate. At the end of the month, it was the second phase of the publicity banquet of 'Riverview City', and Wang Xiaofei had already helped me stuff out the interview report. ”

I didn't delay my work because of an injury, because this is the only thing left of my life: "Dad's funeral is in three days, Jin Liang, can you ...... Found Comfort? ”

"She never contacted me."

"If you want to find her, I'll help you." When Jiang Zuoyi came in to bring me water, I sent my laptop aside.

I didn't say I had to look for her when I arrived, but I always felt like she was missing like this, which made me feel uneasy.

I suddenly wanted to see her, calmly facing a coffee table, and playing out all the grievances and hatreds over the years like playing cards.

Jiang Zuoyi came over to put on my coat and asked me to go back to the quilt to warm up.

He said that this year's spring was particularly early, but the cold wave was always so stubborn. Don't catch a cold anymore.

Because from the day I came back, I had typhoid fever and had a high fever for three days before I went away.

I haven't told him about the leaves yet, and I always feel that it's not the right time.

Sometimes, feelings are like cicadas that have passed the winter, gently pulled, and broken like powder.

Since the child I had been so obsessed with maintaining a relationship with him has gone, I don't even dare to pull the leaves into this bewildering emotional whirlpool.

I think we all need time to heal a little.

Especially when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him sitting alone in the yard fiddling with Little Zero's Trojan horse, his quiet and sad side face in the moonlight was as desperate as the walking dead.

What Ling Nan took away was an unsolvable curse, but after the aftershock, it was a criticism of the growing distrust between me and Jiang Zuoyi.

At the end of the day, I just can't afford the choices he had to endure for my sake.

It sounds very hypocritical, because if you listen to it to someone else, as a woman, what should I ask Jiang Zuoyi to do in addition to love?

But I just want a love with a clear conscience, not a stealing life with my soul in exchange for the devil.

The crux of all the problems is in the child, I think, it's just because of Jiang Ling's death that I can no longer be ashamed.

I think the fundamental reason why I blame Jiang Zuoyi is because he branded me as guilty of the same crime as him in the name of love.

"You haven't been looking at the leaves for several days," I lost my temper inexplicably when Jiang Zuoyi came in to bring me fruit.

I said I beg you not to do this to me, I can do anything with my hands and feet.

The executioner should be your domineering president, don't pretend to be a warm man, okay! I'll go and see my daughter myself, it's none of your business!!

He didn't say anything, put down a plate of sliced pineapples and went out.

I pushed my hands to the ground even harder, and for a moment the air inside the room was even more chilly than the awe-inspiring spring rain outside.

I suddenly wanted to call Ye Jinliang again, I wanted to ask him, do you remember when I started to stop loving you - what was it like?

I've had a lot of injuries lately and I'm not going to be able to do a lot of brainstorming...... I don't remember exactly.

Dressed and going downstairs, I was going to go out.

In the past few days, I still live in Jiang Zuoyi's villa, and every time I think of the fire I set out, I feel uncomfortable.

I've always felt that I still owe Little Zero a rat fireworks with a tail that breathes fire, but it's a pity that this year's Spring Festival slipped away so quietly in the smoking ban.

When passing by the courtyard, Jiang Zuoyi was beating the wooden horse. He said he sat on it in the middle of the night and accidentally broke his stirrup.

I said I'm sorry, the plate was accidentally knocked over by me, please go and change it again.

Jiang Zuoyi said that it was okay, and then asked where I was going.

"I want to go out and breathe."

"Do you want me to accompany you?"

I shook my head, and I said we could breathe a little air without each other's presence once in a while. Don't worry, I'm sane and will be back before dinner.

I'm going to visit Ye Zi in kindergarten, and I haven't forgotten it, and neither has she.

The reason why I didn't dare to show up for several days was because I owed her a father and a Jiang Ling to her.

"Yezi, do you want your mother?" On the way here, I bought several beautiful princess dresses and beautifully packaged Barbie dolls, but I didn't care at all, as if I had a duty to gag the child.

Although I know that my frustration of powerlessness is in vain. Even if the leaves are easy to deceive, Xiaoxiao is not easy to deceive.

Sitting in the lounge of the kindergarten, I held my daughter on my lap, and I said that the day after tomorrow is the weekend, will Mom take you home? Let's go to the park.

Unfortunately, she was not interested in anything. When he opened his mouth, he only asked me two words: "Where's Dad?" What about Little Zero? ”

I really don't give any face.

I was silent until I watched her slam her newly bought Barbie doll to the ground. There was a click, and it was sloppy.

"Leaves!" I screamed.

"Liar ......" The daughter's eyes were full of tears, and she pouted: "You will only lie to me, lie to me again and again!" Not a good mother at all! ”

"Leaves!" I snatched my daughter's little body, but was scratched in the face by her little paws. Before I could confirm the pain, I didn't look at her at a glance, but I found that she grabbed the cartoon ballpoint pen on the coffee table and poked it the back of her hand!

"Leaf !!" I shouted like crazy, "What are you doing, leaf! Are you smiling? You promised me not to hurt the leaves! ”

The white and chubby little hands of the leaves make me love the most. She always clumsily put her arms around my shoulders and grabbed my hair one at a time.

The sharp tip of the pen poked in, and I didn't dare to look at how deep it was into the flesh!

"Mom, I'm Yezi." The daughter bit her pink little mouth, and she refused to even shed tears: "Mom doesn't like to smile, and the leaves don't let laugh...... Mom, don't cry, the leaves don't hurt at all. ”

It wasn't until this moment that I suddenly rolled up the sleeve of the leaf, and I saw that on her delicate little arm, there were blood marks one after another, I don't know what sharp weapon was used to scratch them, some were scabbed, and some were scarred.

"Leaves!" I wanted to slap myself in the face, I couldn't imagine that time...... How did my daughter survive?

She's only four years old, and I think she's strong enough to fight such a stubborn mental illness, and I'm so complacent that she's as strong as I am!

"Mom...... The leaves don't hurt, don't cry mom. My daughter reached out to wipe my tears, but as soon as her bloody little hand was raised in the air, she fainted.