After my mom was gone, I was sent to my dad's house. Reprimands and beatings have become almost commonplace.

At first, the woman would still be considerate, and when my father was there, she would pretend to be kind to me, and the incident of sinking her face and beating me often happened after my father went out.

Later, her father's ignorance made her more and more arrogant. So much so that when eating, I can slap him with a disappointment.

At that time, I hated my father more than that woman.

Sometimes I really want to dig out his heart with a knife and see what is inside. Why is his own son beaten so violently for no reason under his nose, and he can still pretend to watch his newspaper and TV as if nothing happened?

What kind of heart is it that is so cold and ruthless?

I remember that when my mother died, he didn't even shed a single tear. I was sent back because legally, he was my first guardian, but his expression was so reluctant.

It wasn't until later that I gradually understood that he loved that woman to the point of hating his own flesh and blood!

That time, after another gratuitous beating, I couldn't stand it and resisted, grabbing the woman's neck, my father was furious about this, and kept kicking me frantically with his feet, not grandma came in time to stop me, he was ready to jump and pick up the kitchen knife and prepare to pick it up on me.

I will never forget that hideous and disgusting face for the rest of my life.

Grandma had a big quarrel with my father about this, and after completely drawing a line with my father, she gritted her teeth and took me back to her old house, crying and hugging me tightly, saying that even if she picks up garbage in the future, she will feed me, and death will not let me go back to suffer.

I hugged my waist tightly and cried bitterly.

In this way, I lived with my elderly grandmother until the year she died, when I had just turned 18.

Even though my grandmother went, she was careful and thoughtful in applying for a place for me to live in. And gave me all the rest of her life savings.

My last wish was that I could use that money to go to college.

But they came and bought one of my favorite locomotives. That freedom to dance with the wind is really much more comfortable for me than a bullshit college diploma.

Going to college, graduating, working, and then getting married and having children like an ordinary person is just an unattainable dream for me.

For me, the world, from the moment I saw my mother die in front of me, was merciless and cold.

Except for grandma.

Now, my grandmother is gone, and I suddenly feel that I have nothing to worry about.

I just lived like a walking corpse, and I wanted to go to my grandma one day when I felt that I had enough to live.

The days have passed in such a blur for a year.

That night, there was a problem with one of the parts of my locomotive, and I wanted to take it to the shop to fix it, but the shop closed again. I was so depressed that day, to be exact, I could barely sleep at night for all these years.

It was close to my mother's birthday.

I didn't want to be so bored at home, so I took off the locomotive parts, took them to the house, and made them myself.

That's when there was a knock on my door.

When I opened the door, it was a big aunt with a calm face, yelling at me not to disturb the people or anything.

I'll go! It's just this hellish place!

After yelling angrily, I slammed the door in hatred and continued to work on my locomotive.

After I made it, I made another cup of instant noodles, and after finishing a LOL list, I put on my helmet and went out.

I actually met that aunt again. She carried a child on her back and cried pitifully. I didn't want to care about it, but I don't know what's wrong, as soon as I think of her tearful face, my heart twitches, so I turn around and take them to the hospital.

Along the way, the aunt was so noisy that my ears hurt. After hitting the hospital, I saw her child's hand tightly, crying and coaxing at the same time, and my heart was a little inexplicably sour.

I tossed for a long time, delaying my buddy and me. By the time I arrived, everyone had already dispersed. After going to the bar with them in such a sullen mood, another disturbing thing happened.

Sometimes, even though I'm a man, I hate men. Why did you beat that girl? If you want to be majestic, don't be angry with a weak woman!

Watching the girl being beaten, I couldn't help but think of how I was beaten when I was a child, and I was so angry in my heart that I picked up the wine bottle and went to the scum's head!

I really don't like to fight, but in this world, there are some brutes who can't communicate with words at all.

After a big fight in the dark, my hand was injured, and the other man hung up.

What I didn't expect was that the girl I rescued was just sticking to me, following me all day, trying to talk to me in any way she could.

At first I was genuinely disgusted.

What I hate the most is this kind of girl who smiles at you for no reason, and I think it's fake.

But later, chatting and chatting, I felt that this girl was also very pitiful, and slowly, she was not so resistant.

A few days later, I met the aunt and her son again, and a wonderful friend. Her friend's mouth stinks worse than mine!

I threw down a few words and walked away, and then went to the corner of the stairs and paused in a daze.

Suddenly, the child jumped into her mother's arms and snuggled happily. And the aunt gently stroked the little guy's head.

Looking at it, I suddenly felt that it would be a good thing to have a child and a wife!

After the thought flashed through my mind, I was startled by myself.

No, I'm a person who is ready to die at any time, and getting married and having children is harming people to me!

I sometimes think about it, and I feel sorry for my parents. They gave me life, but nothing else. Whenever I see those happy families snuggling up to each other, I will unconsciously touch my chest, but inside, it is empty.

I don't know what love is, and I don't know what happiness tastes like.

Moreover, I have always felt that I will never know about it in my life.

The night before my mother's birthday, the nightmare was once again with me. This time is different from the past, no matter how terrible it was before, it was just a dream of seeing my mother fall to the ground.

But that night, I dreamed that my mother who was lying on the ground suddenly turned her face, and the look was terrifying, and it made me uncomfortable. I cried in my dreams, as if I was back in my childhood, the most depressing time.

My mother looked at me with blurred flesh and blood, and kept crying, I couldn't stop retreating, and the soles of my feet suddenly slipped, and the whole person fell down.

Then it kept falling, and I felt like my heart was about to rush out of my body.

It was not easy to struggle to wake up from the dream, and a desperate wail instantly spread from his chest to his whole body.

I stared blankly at the dark sky outside the window, not knowing why I was alive.

Every day is a mess, and this time of year is extremely tormenting. When will the big stone that weighed on my chest be removed?

I cried to myself, I really felt that life was so boring.

When I was younger, I thought that when I grew up, I would be fine, and it would not be so painful. These are also the words that my grandmother often comforts me.

But now, I really think what is the difference between now and when I was a child?

Isn't it the same hopelessness, helplessness, hesitation and panic?

That nightmare should be with me for the rest of my life!

If it doesn't end automatically, let me end it myself!

I stupidly found the knife, put it against my neck, thought about it again, and finally put it on my wrist.

Closing his eyes, he was just about to slash his wrist when he suddenly heard a knock on the door.

I was stunned, I was going to continue to row without hesitation, but then I thought, what if those buddies are looking for me?

With that thought, I put down my knife and opened the door.

She just stood against the light, with a shallow and kind smile on her face, and after saying a few words without a head, she handed over the lunch box in her hand.

At this time, the clock rang at 12 o'clock, and I forgot that it was the wall clock left by my grandmother.

Then I realized that this day was not only my mother's birthday, but also mine... Birthday.

All along, because it was too heavy, I had forced myself to forget my birthday, but at this time, this woman appeared in front of me, I don't know if the light was too soft that night, or her voice was too warm, so that I instantly felt that the woman in front of me was so gentle that my heart melted.

I took the lunch box and closed the door in a daze.

When I opened the lunch box, it was full of delicious food, and it was still hot. I ate it little by little, and I really felt that it was the most delicious meal I had in more than ten years.

As I ate, I cried stupidly like a psychopath.

Perhaps, I am really sick. I've been sick since I saw my mom die in front of me.

I've been in the dark, not because I want to, but... If you want to stop being afraid of the darkness, then the only way is to hide yourself in the darkness, and when you become the darkness, you will not be afraid.

I've always been used to that. Until you appeared, it was like a warm ray of light cast into my dark life.

The moment the door opened, you would never know how important it was to me......

!!