What color was your childhood?

Mine, it's black.

Maybe there were warm and brilliant colors, but I don't know if it was because there were too few or if the power of grief was too strong. So much so that every time I recall my childhood, there is only pain in my memory.

That year, I was five years old and my parents divorced.

Before that day, I can only vaguely remember what my life was like. But after that day, my memory was like a window suddenly chiseled open in a dark room, and it suddenly became clear.

The moment my parents came out of the courthouse, I was ignorant and had no idea what I was going to lose.

Seeing my mother crying heartbroken, I also cried out for some reason. Until I saw my dad looking at me with red eyes, patted my head lightly, and opened his mouth.

I thought he was going to say something to me, so I hurriedly stopped crying and pricked up my ears.

However, half an hour passed, and I heard nothing but a deep sigh.

Dad then said something to Mom, Mom immediately grabbed him hysterically and kept thrashing, and finally, it was the uncles and aunts on the side who grabbed Mom.

Dad looked at Mom, then at me, and finally turned away in a determined way.

As soon as I saw his steps, my mother fell down weakly in grief, and suddenly as if she understood something, she rushed up in three or two steps, hugged her father's lap, and cried darkly.

"Dad, where are you going? You don't want me and mom anymore, do you? Daddy Why? Why did you leave us behind? Father... Father! Don't leave us behind? What about your mother and me when you're gone? Father! ”

No matter how heartbroken I was, my father still didn't move. Eventually, he broke off the fingers I had held tightly on his lap one by one, and abandoned me without looking back.

I stared blankly at his resolute back, and inexplicably stopped crying.

The real nightmare begins here.

After that, I never saw my mother smile again.

I would often be woken up in the middle of the night by her whining cries, and I would get up to look for her, but she would always lock herself in the bathroom and wouldn't let me in.

As long as she cries, I can't sleep. Even if I fell asleep in a daze for a while, after nightmares, I struggled to wake up suddenly, and my first reaction was to jump out of bed to see if my mother was still in the toilet.

When I saw that the lights were still on, I felt at ease.

To me at that time, you and my mother were my God, and when she collapsed, my world fell apart.

When I was young, I simply thought that as long as I got my father back, my mother would not be so sad. So he ran to his father's new home.

I'll never forget that day.

When I went, my dad was holding a young aunt in his arms, and they were happily watching TV together, and it was the nanny who opened the door for me.

The house is big and luxurious, and the floor is as bright as a mirror.

When he saw me coming, my father glared at me in a daze. The woman, on the other hand, looked at my feet with their torn socks when they had been removed from their shoes.

I timidly called him Daddy.

Dad nodded reluctantly and hummed softly.

I didn't expect that my dad would finally go home with me that day.

Along the way, the only thing he said to me was: I went back with you today, and you had to promise me that you would never come there again.

I was stupid, but I nodded very happily.

The moment my mother saw my father, there was a flash of joy on her face, but in an instant, it was lost in the hoarse quarrel between the two.

I've never seen such horrible dad and mom.

The two kept cursing each other loudly, and when they were emotional, Dad slammed the table in the living room overturned, and Mom unceremoniously pulled up the cup on the side and smashed it on the head of Super Dad.

After that, the two of them began to throw their things at home as if they were competing, and I stood to the side, curled up on all fours, not even crying, not daring to cry.

In the end, it was the police reported by the next-door neighbor that prevented this farce of losing both sides.

After everyone was gone, my mother pulled me over, pulled off my pants, and beat me in the ass with a little stick while crying, telling me not to go to that bastard again, even if I died.

At that time, I was too young after all.

I don't know why my dad is a jerk.

My tears fell big and big, but I didn't cry at all.

My mother hit me, and I didn't feel any pain.

But as soon as she cried, I felt like the whole sky was falling.

The next morning, I cautiously came to my mother's bedroom door with a small schoolbag on my back and stepped on a piece of broken glass, hoping that she would take me to kindergarten as usual.

But through the crack in the door, I saw her putting a few white pills into her mouth with a withered face, and two lines of mournful tears on her face.

At the moment when she lowered her head, she suddenly saw me standing outside the door. She immediately glared at me angrily, got up and slammed the door shut.

I was so frightened that I froze for a long time before I came back to my senses.

Since then, I have been going to kindergarten on my own every day and coming back on my own.

I don't feel distressed when I go. When he was about to reach the door, he pretended to smile brightly and waved his hand to the air, and then walked quickly to the garden.

The distress is when I come back.

Every child has to wait for their parents to pick them up in the kindergarten.

And I, knowing that no one would come to pick me up, still sat there so stupidly and waited.

When everyone was picked up by Mom and Dad, I was still sitting alone.

The teacher looked at the time, and every time he shook his head helplessly and asked me if I knew the way home, and if I would go back.

I nodded obediently every time.

No one knew how much I wanted to cry at that moment.

That day, as usual, I pretended to wave goodbye to my air parents and ran into the class. Seeing the friends gathered together, I also surrounded them curiously.

I heard one of them say that his birthday wish last year came true, and the others also echoed that making a wish on his birthday was the most effective, and no matter what wish he wanted, he could come true.

At first, I didn't pay much attention to it, but then, when it was about to be class, my grandmother staggered and brought me a red egg, saying that it was my birthday and that I must eat it.

That day, I made a bad boy.

I took advantage of my lunch break to secretly take the money from the teacher's pocket. At the end of the school day, I sneaked out the back door while the teachers were all greeting parents at the front door.

After going to the cake and buying the smallest and cheapest cake, I asked the boss for a few candles, and then I went home so happy.

As soon as I arrived at the door, my mother suddenly opened the door. I wanted to surprise her, so I quickly hid the cake behind me.

My mother glanced at me in a trance, then looked at the red invitation card in her hand, smiled at me for the first time, and said softly, "Xiao Yan, go back to your room." Whatever you hear, don't come out. ”

As she spoke, my mother lowered her head and lightly imprinted a kiss on my forehead.

I hadn't been warmed by my mother for a long time, and I was so happy that I almost cried.

At that moment, I was still thinking in my heart, this birthday wish was really good, I just secretly said in my heart that I didn't even eat the cake, and it was about to come true.

I obediently returned to the house, took out the small cake behind me and lit it, and waited wholeheartedly for my mother to come in soon.

However, I don't know how much time passed, and when I woke up in a daze, the candles had burned out.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and heard a commotion downstairs.

I opened the door and looked at it, and shouted a few more times, but my mother didn't answer. And the commotion downstairs became more and more restless. Curious, I stood on tiptoe and looked down through the window. I don't know what's going on, but there are a lot of people standing below. I thought, maybe mom is down there, I'm going to look for her.

The moment I twisted the doorknob, I suddenly remembered my mother's words. Some hesitated.

But then I thought, maybe my mother was hiding and asked me to go to her?

I've got to get my mom out of nowhere, and we're going to blow out the candles together!"

I thought of it as a game.

Mom, however, took it as a farewell.

When I looked up with the crowd to the rooftop of the building, I saw only a hazy figure.

I didn't know who it was, but I was in the crowd shouting for Mom.

The crowd became denser and denser, and it became more and more difficult for me to find it, until suddenly I heard an exclamation in my ears, "Jump!" It's time to jump! ”

The people around me scattered in an instant, but I was the only one left, and I couldn't figure out the situation and stood in place in a daze.

Then I heard a muffled sound of "Peng--", and it was like a gust of wind blowing beside me, and there was immediately a "Oh oh!" from the crowd. There was an exclamation.

I didn't think about it, so I looked over.

There was a bloody figure lying beside her, and because the light was too dim, I couldn't see the person's face clearly, but I could see the red invitation that she was holding tightly in her hand.

I gasped.

Everyone else was so frightened that they stepped back, but I was the only one who stepped forward in a daze, squatted down, and gently pushed the body in the pool of blood.

"Mom, Mom... Is that you? ”

There was no answer, only an indescribable love that spread from the body through my fingers to my heart.

I stood up stunned, pained, hesitant, helpless, afraid, lost, confused, until the end......

My whole childhood and my life was black.

!!