I looked at Jiang Ciyun, couldn't help laughing, and asked lightly: "Hit you." Why should I hit you? ”

He froze.

"What can you give me when you hit me? Look at Xiaoyan, look at her. Does she recognize you? I don't know you either. I said calmly, and when I finished speaking, I pulled my hand.

Jiang Ciyun's fingertips were firmly pinched, and his damp eyes looked straight at me.

He whispered my name, a little hoarse: "Yingying." ”

For more than three years, my eyes collided with him in a narrow space, as if the air had been punctured by something.

I don't know how I smiled at this face, but I really smiled at him calmly.

When I got into the car, there was almost no ups and downs, and my voice rose again: "Don't call me that." You left me with a man who I thought I had AIDS, a lonely man and a widow, anything could happen, didn't you? ”

Jiang Ciyun let go of his hand and took a deep breath: "He won't." It's a psychological war. If I'm not sure, I'm not going to take a risk. ”

"Psychological warfare. Very good. I know you're smart and calculating, even your own wife and children. Jiang Ciyun, do you know? When I thought you were just an ordinary husband, a man with deep fatherly love, I really wanted to rely on you for the rest of my life. It's a pity that you lost one thing. Time can change a lot, including people who couldn't be beaten away before. "I smiled more happily, but my heart ached. For a long time, my heart didn't hurt anymore, and I even fully accepted the fact that Jiang Ciyun disappeared from my life.

I thought he had never come, and I thought I had never loved.

But that's not possible.

All the melancholy sweetness, all the sadness and joy, is creeping back little by little. They become hot, or cold, fresh, or even bloody.

Jiang Ciyun's eyebrows frowned deeply, and he stopped talking. With his arms on the steering wheel, his eyes open together, he silently shed tears, and his shoulders did not tremble slightly, except for his abdomen and chest cavity gently contracted.

"Yingying, you mean you don't love me anymore?" Jiang Ciyun's head dropped an inch, his voice lost the arrogance and arrogance in his memory, and it was so sad that it made me feel that the person in front of me was so strange.

I didn't speak.

Jiang Ciyun used to say that he was not a saint, and two people who had not seen each other for a long time still talked about life and love. I didn't expect that what I had inflicted on him would one day feel so much.

At that time, he said that Lao Tzu was a layman.

I was shocked to find myself more vulgar than Jiang Ciyun.

I looked at him, but he didn't dare to look at me, and asked in a low voice, "Xiaoyan, she won't need her father in the future?" Yingying, are you okay coming back? Just for the sake of the children. ”

It was like something was crushing my heart.

If I had lost my temper and refused to go home before, Jiang Ciyun would definitely scold me roughly, and then directly hug me horizontally, but now that he has put himself so low, I can't bear it.

I still didn't speak.

Jiang Ciyun waited for a while, then started the car and drove me directly back to the sea-view room.

I shivered when the sea breeze blew, it snowed for a while today, and then the sun came out, and the snow melted the coldest, and here was near the sea, so I wore two sweaters and a down jacket, and I really felt quite cold.

I held Xiaoyan in my arms, and Jiang Ciyun suddenly hugged my shoulder strap tightly and walked to the door.

In fact, it was only a few steps, and it was as if I had been hit by a particularly strong impact.

When I entered the door, the room was completely different from what I had imagined.

He must have drunk here last night, and the smell of wine still feels fresh. There were a lot of empty wine bottles piled up on the sofa, and one of them was photographed in the corner and shattered in two.

"I'll clean up, you go upstairs first." He was in a hurry to clean up, I didn't help him, I carried Xiaoyan upstairs, but when I reached the wide passage on the second floor, my steps were getting slower and slower, if I used to lie in the bedroom, but now I ......

Do you want to go to the guest room?

For a woman who is already in her thirties, will this seem hypocritical?

People are like this, sometimes their ideas can be very simple, and sometimes they can be extremely complex. It's just a small choice, but it makes me struggle.

"Mom, I'm going home." Xiaoyan didn't know what was wrong, so she flattened her mouth, not knowing if it was because she felt that the environment was wrong, or if she didn't like it here.

"Xiaoyan, this is your home." I whispered softly to reassure her.

But her fingers pointed up indiscriminately, pointing downstairs, and her body began to push outward. At this moment, I felt extremely sad.

I held back my tears and said to her, "Xiaoyan is obedient, and my mother is here." I'll show you cartoons, watch Bear Big Bear II, don't you like it the most? Mom buys you toys tomorrow, but you have to listen to Mom, okay? ”

Xiao Yan was dumbfounded for a few seconds, then nodded.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and with a cross of my heart, I carried her to the guest room. The room was still very clean, but the quilt was a little damp, I replaced the original one from the cabinet, scalded the blanket with an electric iron, and turned on the air conditioner to let Xiaoyan sleep in the quilt.

I turned on my computer and found her cartoons, and she quickly ignored me and stared at the screen very carefully.

I stood at the window, staring at everything familiar. It was getting dark, Jiang Ciyun went upstairs, probably cleaned up, he asked me what I wanted to eat, I didn't answer, asked him what Shang Lin would eat for a while, would someone deliver food?

Jiang Ciyun's face became ugly, and after a moment, he stretched out and said, "I'll arrange it and let someone bring him food." You stay here, I'll call you when dinner is ready. ”

He stood in the doorway, cigarette in his fingertips, and when he saw that I didn't mean to talk to him, he quickly turned away.

When I turned around, Xiao Yan looked at me directly and asked very immaturely, "Mom, who is he?" ”

When I heard that, I was completely devastated.

I said, "He's a dad." ”

Xiaoyan said, "Oh. He is Xiong Da, and Xiong Da is Xiong Er's father. ”

I didn't expect Xiaoyan to be so calm, and her interpretation of Dad made me angry and funny. I said, "Xiong Da is my brother." ”

"Xiong Da takes care of Xiong Er, one is big and the other is two. There is an episode where Xiong Er is about to be shot, he calls Dad, and Xiong Da comes. She stupidly stretched out one finger, then a second finger and said, "Big thumb, long second thumb." ”

I couldn't help but be amused by her innocent and incoherent words: "Okay, whatever Xiaoyan says is what it is." ”

Jiang Ciyun came up more than an hour later, he called me to eat, I hugged Xiaoyan down, she was also hungry, she took a spoon to eat by herself when eating, and stuffed it into her mouth with a big gulp.

Jiang Ciyun's heart was really fine, just like when he ate hot pot with me for the first time, observing which dish Xiaoyan preferred to eat, so he put it in her bowl.

After clamping it a few times, waiting for Jiang Ciyun to clip it again, Xiaoyan held the bowl and hid, shaking his head.

I looked at Jiang Ciyun, his lips were hooked with a feeling of smiling but not smiling, and there was a little helplessness in the warmth.

"Xiaoyan, are you full?" He asked.

Xiao Yan ignored him, pulled my arm and said, "Mom, where is my uncle?" ”

The atmosphere suddenly reached the very top of the embarrassment.

I smiled and coaxed: "Uncle is going to go on a trip in a while, just like Mom a few days ago, you won't see him these days." ”

Xiao Yan's expression was particularly lost, and the rest of the food was no longer interested. I carried her upstairs, and she fell asleep before nine o'clock in the evening.

I was thirsty, I went downstairs to pour water, Jiang Ciyun sat on the sofa, and before I reached the bottom step, he had already turned his head first.

I also stared at him, his eyes were deep and fragile.

I went to the kitchen to pour water and put a few pieces of tea, but Jiang Ciyun blocked the kitchen door, without any intention of getting out of the way.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

He stood like a god and a Buddha, and he remained silent.

"It's okay to get out of the way, I'll go to bed early, and I'll have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning." I stepped forward.

Jiang Ciyun did not move.

He quietly took the teacup from my hand, turned to the coffee table, and said, "Come and sit down for a while." ”

"Okay." I nodded.

On the long couch, there was a place between me and him.

The ashtray on the coffee table was stuffed with cigarette butts, as if even one more would fall out.

He lit a cigarette anyway, the last one in the box.

The familiar smell of nicotine wafted over me and gently and gently teased into my nose.