I howled and cried, I looked at Xingfeng in disbelief, I couldn't imagine that he had been hiding from me for more than a year, even for the sake of my studies, this kind of behavior was unacceptable to me.

It turns out that what Xiaohua said is true, it's me, it's me who killed my mother! It was my departure that made her sad! She loves me! I am her child, how can she not love me? I felt like the last salvation in my heart was gone! I'm the culprit for my mother's tragic departure! How do I accept this? How do I accept this? Mom...... I'm broken.

"I've actually been entrusting someone to take care of my aunt's body, I didn't expect this to happen to my aunt suddenly, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Little book, I can understand your feelings. If you want to blame, blame me, don't blame yourself, I feel distressed when I look at it. Xingfeng reached over and took me into his arms, and I cried again, and he rubbed my head and sighed sadly.

After crying for a long time, my emotions finally stabilized, and I tried to calm my mind and come back to my senses. I thought how could I blame him, he was the best person in the world for me, the most for me, how could I blame him?

"Brother, I don't have a mother anymore, my father may not forgive me in this life, and so will Xiaohua. Brother, will one day everyone leave me, and I am the only one left in the world? I asked sadly, the chill of my heart chilling my whole body.

He patted me lightly on the shoulder and said softly, "No, at least I won't." I promise you, no matter what happens in the future, as long as you need it, I will be there, okay? ”

His words gave me great strength and calmed my heart down a lot, and I let out a soft "um".

"Little book, be strong. There are still many hurdles to pass in life. You're a smart girl, I know you're going to want to drive. Now follow me, take three deep breaths, come, like me. Trying to calm my mind, he taught me to take three deep breaths and then asked, "Do you feel better?" Is your heart still messed up? ”

"Much better." I replied.

"The more you face big things, the more you can't collapse emotionally, and there are still a lot of things to deal with next, you are the eldest daughter, you should be in danger." Xingfeng's words made me feel empowered, and I suddenly understood the big right and wrong.

"I see, brother. You drive, let's hurry back. I immediately understood, and quickly said.

Xingfeng restarted the car and sped forward, trying to make myself sane. At this moment, it was the style of punishment that made me understand what it means to be responsible and responsible.

When I got home, my father fell ill in bed, so I resolutely provoked the home of my mother's funeral, and went to the table with my uncle and relatives in my hometown to discuss funeral and funeral-related matters like an adult, I took out all my savings to organize my mother's funeral, and at the same time my uncle taught me what to do, which relatives will come over these days, what I need to do to prepare, how to arrange the relatives who come to help, and so on.

When my mother died, my family was already in debt, and with more than a year of absence, the family was almost out of food. It takes a lot of money to run a funeral, but I can't take it out, I know that there is a penalty, but I owe him too much.

At this time, Uncle quietly pulled me aside, handed me a heavy envelope and said, "Child, Uncle has quietly saved this money, and your aunt doesn't know it." If you take it, you say that you have saved money. As long as you can get home safely. Your dad blames you, but Uncle doesn't blame you, Uncle knows your hardships. ”

I burst into tears when I said it again. I knew how heavy the money was, but I didn't push it off. Anyway, I can't ask Xingfeng to borrow anymore. Even though I know that as soon as I open my mouth, he will give it to me.

In our hometown, there is no eldest son in the family, and the eldest daughter needs to be responsible for all matters big and small, compared to Xiaohua, the responsibility is much less. Her mother's death had already devastated her, and she didn't eat much for several days on end, and was taken into her own home by an aunt to take care of her. Xu Song and Xing Feng both appeared as friends, but the intimacy between Xing Feng and me still made the relatives greatly misunderstand our relationship.

On the day of my mother's funeral, the eldest sister and the second sister both went home. After a few days of commotion, I didn't have time to say anything, and my eldest sister and I looked at each other deeply, and then looked at each other and smiled. With just that glance, I understood the mixed feelings of my eldest sister.

I don't need to say anything, I just want to wear linen and filial piety, hold my mother's spirit card, and give her a good ride. The funeral was well organized, and everything I did was praised by the villagers in terms of the number of major rituals. But I never shed a single tear, and I was also criticized by countless relatives, and some good people quietly talked about it behind their backs, saying that the eldest girl was hard-hearted, like a hard-hearted man.

I have indeed changed, and I am no longer the yellow-haired girl I used to be submissive and bullied. During these seven long days, I felt that my heart was much stronger, I calmly faced all kinds of disputes that arose during the whole process, I was silent about my father's insults and unbearable swear words to me, I did my duty as my eldest daughter in an orderly manner, and I did not have the slightest timidity in the moment when I faced my mother's body and put on her shroud.

My father forcibly ordered me not to participate in anything, but I was persuaded by my uncle and a group of relatives. After the funeral, I took off my filial piety clothes and knelt down in front of my father's bed. I understand that my father may not forgive me for the rest of his life, but I am more aware of my responsibilities as a child.

I knelt for a day and a night, in the same position from beginning to end, and no one tried to persuade me to get up. I don't want to describe how sore my legs are when I kneel for so long, because how much my legs hurt, how much my heart hurts.

Early the next morning, the uncle and sister came again. Seeing that my father was always facing inside with his back to me, the uncle got angry and scolded my father as an elder brother. The father remained unmoved.

The eldest sister sighed heavily and tried to help me up, but I didn't want to. The uncle sighed with emotion: "Both father and daughter are hard bones, hey! ”

A shallow sentence reveals the connection between me and my father's blood is thicker than water, and the cut is also cut.

My father finally turned around, sat up, looked at me, and said, "You go!" If you want me to live a few more years, don't go back to this home from now on! I don't have a daughter like you! ”

This was not the first time he had said this, and he had shouted these words in a furious manner from the moment he carried his mother's coffin back to his hometown, and from the moment I stepped into the door. After that, during the seven days of the funeral, he said this every time he saw me. Once for anger, twice for hate, three times, four times, five times...... I guess it must be hatred from the bottom of my heart!

I was still on my knees, my leg completely unconscious as if it had been broken, and I said slowly, "Dad, this may be the last time I'll call you that." Today, I'm going to give you three kowtows. The first ring, I wish you good health, a long life, and a long life; The second ring, I thank you for your eighteen years of nurturing me; The third ring, fulfill your wish, no longer be your daughter, I just hope that you can be less angry and pay more attention to your body. Dad, I thank you and Mom for giving me life, please forgive me for my unfilial piety, and please take care of your body. Everything I owe you, I will pay back with the rest of my life. Take care, Father! ”

I kowtowed three times on the ground with the most solemn gift in my hometown, one, two, three, and slammed the concrete floor. After three knocks, blood oozed from my forehead, and a tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I reached out to brush away the blood and tears, and tried to get up from the ground, but I was exhausted and fell down again.

Uncle sighed heavily again, and the eldest sister burst into tears at my words, and squatted down to lift me up from the ground. I took a deep look at my father, and when I saw that his face was still as cold as iron, my heart fell to the bottom.

The eldest sister helped me out of my father's room, and the uncle remained in the room, probably trying to persuade my father. I looked up at the portrait of my mother on the wall of the living room, looked at Xiaohua and Xu Song standing at the door, and said softly: "Xiaohua, in the future, Dad, I will trouble you to take care of you." ”

Xiaohua has been treating me very badly like my father these days, she has always been close to her parents, unlike me, who are very estranged from my parents. I especially understand the hatred she has for me, and as an older sister, I really have nothing to make her proud.

She looked at me with her mouth wide open in surprise, her lips moving, trying to say something, but not saying it. The eldest sister helped me across the threshold, and Xiaohua and Xu Song automatically stepped aside. She didn't keep me, she didn't.

My leg hurt so badly that every step I took felt like it was going to fall. The eldest sister then resolutely picked me up, and as soon as she carried it on her back, she couldn't help choking up and said, "It's only been more than a year, why have you lost so much weight?" ”

I can't listen to it. I looked back at the home where I had been for more than ten years, every stone pier in front of the door, every brick on the house, every square brick on the wall will forever be frozen in my memory, my father no longer recognizes me, I am no longer a member of this family. This kind of loneliness is chilling to the bone.

"Don't think too much, your dad is just angry. When he is gone, he will be fine. The eldest sister carried me with difficulty, gritted her teeth and said.

"Sister, don't carry it, put me down." I struggled to get down.

"It's okay, you're so light, I can carry it. I was first asked by you to go to grandma's house, and grandma kept crying at home. The eldest sister said.

The strong blood relationship can only feel so deep in my hometown. My sister carried me to my grandmother's house, who was sitting at the door of the old house with white hair, holding a handkerchief and wiping away tears.

"Grandma, I'm bringing the dwarf here!" The eldest sister shouted from afar.

Grandma walked up to us tremblingly, grabbed my hand, and muttered, "It's good to come back, it's good to come back, kid." ”

Indescribable heaviness, countless vicissitudes. My grandmother and I hugged each other tightly, and it was clear that I had only been away for more than a year, but in the heart of this old man, it was as if I had been away for a century.

I couldn't help but tell my grandmother a thousand times, and stuffed the only 1,000 yuan left on my body to my grandmother, but my grandmother said that I didn't want anything, and finally I could only kneel in front of her, and I said, "Grandma, you take it, if you don't accept it, I won't be able to feel at ease for the rest of my life." ”

I couldn't bear to tell my grandmother that my father was going to break me off, so my eldest sister and I had a meal at my grandmother's house with countless tears. Grandma's tears, my sister's tears, my tears, every tear is extraordinarily heavy.

As the parting was imminent, the moment my eldest sister and I walked out of my grandmother's house, the old man seemed to have already known everything and shouted out the most sensational sentence she had ever said in her life: "Short, you must come back!" Grandma misses you so much! ”