On the way home in L's car, I plucked up the courage to say again: "Let's not meet again, L." "It's all pretentious nonsense, and I know in my heart that he might be impatient, but sometimes I can't get the balance of communication. Xiao M said that I am a rectum, and I am definitely not suitable for a charming role.

After a moment of silence, as if remembering something, he asked me, "Is there something missing from your neck?" ”

"Oops!" What I didn't see was the jade Buddha that my mother asked for for me, and even the jade belt rope was gone.

"I don't know if it fell somewhere! It's over......" I looked anxiously and frustratedly, "have you seen that?" ”

"In my bed." L said calmly.

I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Promise me to meet again, and I'll give it back to you." He smirked.

I had no choice but to lower my head and keep my voice silent.

We didn't have an appointment for the next meeting, but L drove confidently. I wouldn't ask him out, but L knew I would always show up when he wanted to see me.

The next day, I received a WeChat message from L, and he sent me a screenshot of the official website of the LV bag: "Is this one?" "He can still remember the colors I like, and the price tag for this bag is 16,000. I didn't reply to him. Actually, I almost forgot about it. It doesn't matter if he's trying to please me, or if he really thinks I'm stupid and naïve (all sorts of undemanding) and consciously wants to reward me, or if he's just trying to surprise and make me happy.

I'm very sweet at the moment - after all, the iron rooster is going to pluck my feathers.

But at this time, I don't have the feeling of "taking other people's hands short" and "selling myself for glory" before, but I have a strange confidence, as if I have turned cheating into a love relationship, and I can generously accept each other's gifts. The reason is that after seeing each other more thoroughly, both parties have become much more relaxed and simple. I'm sure he likes me, not just trying to trick me into going to bed a few times, and at least he doesn't have any other flirtatious partners at this stage; He knew that I had always liked him, and he couldn't resist, he couldn't stop, and he was silly and cute.

I'm not a person who is good at taking the initiative, and this new relationship made me suddenly feel inexplicably relaxed. Maybe women are always more suitable for waiting to be chased, although my heart is still struggling, but the end or maintenance of this relationship is completely up to me. I finally let go of my own nature and let it follow L—he wanted to see me, and I secretly rejoiced and secretly pandered to them, striving for a pleasant relationship between the two of them, but not like the original submissive; He wanted to say goodbye, and I left silently without saying a word, and it would not harm the interests of his spouse and family. For him and for me, this is the best state of being burden-free (guilt-free). As a result of this meeting, L was more sure of my mood, and the thorns that bound me seemed to be a little less.

"How did your eye for underwear become ...... now? So amorous? ”

Little M just glanced at me casually, but I "chuckled" in my heart.

I used to buy seamless bras that were comfortable to wear. I don't know when I started to pay attention to the feel of the fabric and the texture of the embroidery.

This is the seamless transformation that getting along with L has brought to me. Sometimes I guess maliciously: most of these glamorous underwear, which is very marketable in China, are sold to these flattering men's women! In the previous normal relationship, I would not deliberately decorate myself, because normal love itself does not pay too much attention to these details. Only those women who need to win affection by attracting attention will deliberately show off their tricks, and will try to entangle a man's physiological instincts and melt his heart.

I just want to make L happier. Maybe it's compensatory psychology, but he's a bit of a fetish when it comes to ML. I can imagine that there are some psychological appeals that he can only put into practice for me, and I try to satisfy him as much as possible. Fortunately, he cherished me very much, so as not to be weird and perverted. Little M is right, I have a bit of a masochistic tendency in some ways, although I usually hate L's machismo, but I enjoy his brutality and domineering during sex. We are bed partners, and we are a match made in heaven...... Don't think about the rest.

Lovers seek a novel thrill, and in both marriage and normal relationships, attempts are boring because of a lack of moral guilt. Human nature is to be adventurous, and it is always best to feel on the edge of danger, so it is very new to do anything at this time, and even to fulfill the pent-up desires of youth.

L looked at me and sometimes said to himself, "I wonder what you're going to look like in a nurse's uniform?" ”

He's super possessive and always wants to get as many firsts as I can.

So the first time I went to Taobao to choose erotic underwear, I felt very blushing.

"I'll buy it anyway," L said gratefully, but quipped, "I know better which style will accentuate your figure, and a random piece of torn with a hole in it won't be sexy." ”

I think of the plot of "The Tale of Genji" in which the light source raises Ah Zi, and L may want to cultivate me as his stunner more than directly looking for a woman with all kinds of charms. This is perhaps the dream of many men as well.

I haven't reached out to D since I had a resurgence with L.

One Friday afternoon, he called me to ask me to go to dinner in the evening, and I remembered that I hadn't seen each other for a long time, and suddenly felt a little embarrassed, so I immediately agreed and asked me to pay for it. "I haven't seen you for a long time, but you've become bigger?" D laughed, no doubt or doubt in his tone. Ordinary friends are like this, because they don't care much, they ignore changes; I've always been cautious about little M, for fear that she will see something.

As a result, before leaving work, L called and said that he would meet in the evening. I said I had an appointment, but he was very upset and asked me to push it off. I blamed him: "You should also change your temper, you can't always make surprise attacks, you see which time I asked you to say hello several days in advance, for fear of affecting your arrangement." I also have my own content in life! ”

L said angrily: "You mean to make an appointment in advance for you?" ”

"Yes," I smiled playfully, "Miss Ben is so good at making an appointment." ”

He gave up, and began to sigh coquettishly, "Well, where am I going to spend my time tonight?" Forget it, then I'll make an appointment with my old classmates. ”

L returned to work in the city after changing jobs, which provided great convenience for us to meet. But since the last time we met, the relationship was basically confirmed, I was less eager to see him, became more relaxed, and began to pursue the quality of each date. I was always looking forward to and worrying about him before, because I wanted to hear his half-hearted confession every time we met, so that I could confirm his sincerity towards me, so that I could convince myself to continue to like him. And now it's no longer necessary.

I took D to eat a Sichuan restaurant, and this restaurant was the one that L had brought me to before. We also chose the same location by the window, and when we looked at the people and scenery around us during the meal, we suddenly had the illusion of overlapping time and space. Looking at D, who was eating spicy and happy on the other side of the table, I smiled indifferently, and suddenly felt sad and sad. There are some things I am not destined to say to anyone, and as L and I share more experiences, the shadow of the secret in my heart will grow larger and larger until it covers all my memories. It was a terrible and dangerous thing, because I couldn't go with him forever, and I would lose my life: I was no longer interested in anything but being with L.

"By the way, let me ask you a question......" I pondered for a long time before I came up with a less suspicious-sounding way to consult D, "A while ago a classmate of mine came to me and cried that her husband was cheating. I comforted her and told her that there are many situations in which a man cheats, and not all of them are irreversible. She said that her husband also bought luxury goods for the woman. In your opinion as a man, under what circumstances would a married man do this to another woman? At the end, I added, "Let's see if I can give my classmate some advice." ”

D pondered while picking up the dishes, and after a moment replied, "Uh...... I think ha, if this man is richer, it's normal to send something. But if you don't have any money, it's more troublesome, I'm afraid it's really empathy. ”

I smiled and said, "Then a person like you, who can earn 350,000 yuan a month, and give 10,000 or 20,000 yuan, is it considered a rich person to send something casually?" ”

D put down his chopsticks and complained: "Where am I rich, please!" Besides, I didn't make that much! The rich ones I'm talking about are all bosses with a net worth of tens of millions, well, we have been working all our lives and belong to the latter, and we are not rich! I laughed.

He is indeed a simple-minded IT young man.

Before L could meet me for the third time, he went on a business trip again. Since the second date, L is no longer willing to meet and just have a meal, but he seems to be worried about returning late, so we have been struggling to find the right time. But he wanted to see me every week, and I laughed at him: "Didn't you say you were going to take half a year off after you did it last time?" "yes, I'm older, I used to be able to do it all night." L started to fart again, "So I need to work out more." ”

I believe he is right. There are not many 36-year-old men who can be as powerful and strong as L, and they are talented. I also miss him a lot, and even though we've only done it twice so far, my memory seems to be very long, and I can remember every detail from the beginning to the end. In fact, L and I have been together for less than half a year, but it feels like we have been in love for several years.

Now whenever I wake up at night, it takes a long time before I can fall back asleep, because I think of L's hug and body temperature, and I can't bear to fall asleep. I can only pray that I can sleep until dawn and not drink water before going to bed so that I don't go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

One night he sent me a picture: it was the LV bag I liked, unpacked and placed on the carpet. But he didn't say anything, and I could feel him standing on the other end of the phone like an excited child, smiling proudly and waiting for candy and rewards.

I replied "thank you" and went downstairs to buy a drink. When I crossed the street, I jumped up and down like a girl, and my heart really soared at that time. I was as light as a butterfly, and I smiled from the bottom of my heart.

This kind of relationship between men and women does not seem to be necessarily dirty and impure. In fact, L just wanted to be friends with me in the first place, and I could see that I hated him because of this. Later, we had a lot of quarrels, but he was always patient and didn't give up, and in the end he invested so much for a stupid bed partner, and it was really "unwise" to be as shrewd as L. However, he is actually a very simple temperament, it can be said that he is very emotional, which is a manifestation of immaturity for a man, but his light and heat can really ignite a fire in the hearts of others.

I remember at the hot spring inn, he pulled me to a floor-to-ceiling mirror in my room, I crossed my feet, and L grabbed my long curly hair from behind to make me look up in the mirror. At that time, I was weak, and when I saw my body leaning forward slightly, I couldn't help but be stunned: so beautiful.

It was a kind of charm full of heat, exuding the atmosphere of youth and bewitchment, but the clear water in my eyes was so hazy and clean, this stark contrast made my whole person like the Venus of a famous medieval painting, and the whole body shimmered with ivory white.

L was stunned behind me, and he held my waist and stood still for a few seconds, taking a closer look at his stunner. I don't usually see anything like this.

At this time, he was like Caesar who conquered all of Egypt.

Sometimes the perfect union can make people lose their minds, you can't tell the line between love and sex, you think you're already passionately in love with each other, but you don't.

I calmly thought that L's "love" for me now was nothing more than his own fiery hallucination.

Of course, I would be hungry late at night at the thought of his kisses. But a woman's mind is often more focused on other subtleties.

I have a Chanel lipstick in my makeup bag. I always carry it with me, just like I keep L attached to my body forever. This lipstick wasn't that expensive, and it was his way of trying to reconcile after a certain fight. I was about to leave his office that day when he stopped me, "Hey. Then he took a small object out of the drawer and handed it to me, but he didn't look at me. I took it and asked, "What is the sample of cosmetics that your wife bought as a gift?" He said with a straight face, "I picked it up on the street." I couldn't help but laugh.

I thought about it carefully, in fact, even a single woman behaves differently when she is in a normal relationship and when she is someone else's lover (even if she has no desire or desire simply because she likes the other person).

When I'm in love, I love the other person, and I believe that the other person is like that. So I don't want to ask too much of myself, and I don't need to please the other person.

As a lover, I suddenly felt that I was always hovering between self-confidence and inferiority - when I thought of some small pleasures that could make him happy, I was triumphant; When I found out that I had a small belly, I was suddenly nervous. I started practicing yoga and running, and I started to pay attention to buying perfumes, and I finally understood the mentality of young women who cherished and paid too much attention to their appearance and meticulous dress, and I wondered whether it was better to appreciate their pursuit of a refined attitude to life or to feel sorry for themselves.

It's also a life experience, I comfort myself. It may not be necessary, but what comes is safe.

My makeup started to get more elaborate, especially on the day I had a date with L.

I started navigating all sorts of sexy nightdresses and putting my previous sporty pajamas on the shelf.

I started to become a more feminine woman.

I always felt like I was waiting for "Teacher L" to be assessed, and I carefully prepared for every meeting, not allowing my flaws to ruin each other's memories, and I would be even more ashamed if he was disappointed. But when I was in love, I dared to be coquettish to my lover: "I'll be fat, what can you do!" ”

But L is a good lover. He never picks and chooses with me, on the contrary, I always say that he is this and that, which blows his natural arrogance.

He likes me very much, loves the house and the black, and the halo effect. Maybe it's because the novelty hasn't passed yet.

On the other hand, my feelings about L have also changed qualitatively.

From the initial blind obsession, to contempt and disgust due to misunderstanding, to the loss and regret after the dispute, to the gradual acceptance and understanding of the other party's strengths and weaknesses...... After more than a year of getting along, I have become more and more aware of L's true temperament, believing in him, getting used to him, and understanding him. I've always really liked L, so I've been able to tolerate his temper patiently; L was indeed fishing at the beginning, maybe it was in the process of getting along later that he was sincere to me, and his feelings gradually grew.

I remember that my heart used to beat like a fawn when I saw him, but now we can look at each other and smile like lovers. I've matured.

Originally, our relationship was not pure from the beginning, and we could not be calm with each other, so it was very laborious to integrate. But in the end, it's all worth it.

People say that women are men's universities, and vice versa. I was a little worried that L would affect me too deeply and hinder my future love and marriage. I'm not a woman who haunts old loves, but L is something special. I've never had a dream come true when I fell in love with anyone at first sight. And he taught me too many things, whether it is the workplace or the details of life, as if I laid a logo around my life, and the imprint is profound.

He made me more mature, not just about my appearance. After I figured out the habits of L's childish side, I knew when to do something and not to do it. I have even learned to restrain my love, know how to control my emotions, and no longer affect myself because of L's joys, sorrows, and sorrows, and even learned to influence him by retreating. I don't need to be really angry when he's a child, but sometimes I need to do a little trick to teach him to be obedient.

But I never intended to take advantage of anyone.

I have to say that I fell in love with L at first sight, and it was also the result of the Appearance Association: he fits my aesthetic and the type of temperament I like. L thinks the same way about me, in short, the two of them are looking at each other. But he is a married man.

It's rare for us to get a full night's sleep together. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I stroked his warm lower abdomen, and the middle-aged man had a little falling flesh, but he kept it very well. I covered him with a quilt and thought he was cute everywhere, including his slightly bulging lower abdomen. I think it feels a lot like his wife.

Neither of us regarded each other as the object of love at first, L only needed the distraction of life, and did not want to complicate a simple relationship; And because of his married status, I don't dare to covet him at all. But maybe with too much emotion, it's hard for anyone to let go.

Our story has just begun. Living in an intertwined manner with constant friction, understanding, doubt, and emotion requires courage and introspection. At least at this time, when I am getting closer to L's heart day by day, no one can predict the end.