81. Antibodies

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A long-formed habit &mdah; even if you secretly contact each other in your free time, it's not so easy to break it off. For a long time, when I saw a black Audi Q7 on the road, or heard a voice like L, my heart would be tight, and it would be very unpleasant afterward. I began to fear that I would be alone, even in a crowded place I would be in a trance, I just wanted to be with Y as much as possible, he would see my sad face and ask me what was wrong, I could cry as much as I wanted, just say that the work was stressful. Then Y would seriously comfort me, and I would feel guilty when I looked at him like that, so that my sadness for L would be weakened a little.

It was as if a piece of my heart had been hollowed out, and I couldn't fill it for a while.

Late one night, the last little boy in the department carefully asked me if I wanted to turn up the air conditioner before leaving. I'm going on a business trip tomorrow and want to get the process done ahead of schedule. Before I knew it, it was nine o'clock, and I stretched and noticed a vacancy in the corner of the table, where L had put his teacups before, and his teacups were interesting, up and down. I subconsciously buried my face on the desk, as if I could still feel the body temperature while sitting here. After a while, I felt like tears were about to fall, it seemed that I couldn't work overtime today, so I quickly stood up and packed up my things and left.

On the way home, I drove all the way and resisted the urge to contact L. I wish I had forgotten those two numbers forever. But even if you call it, what can you say?

On a night like this, will L think of me too?

I don't know how many sisters have found that they are two people during the day and at night. Fragile and helpless at night, I felt that the sky was about to fall, and I almost cried and ran out to call L; However, as soon as I got up from sleep, I suddenly realized that the past was very meaningless, and I instantly regained my sanity and strength, and I was glad that I didn't call. So important decisions must be made in the morning.

In those days, when I got up every morning, I sat on the edge of the bed and silently shouted to myself: Come on!

I even listed a few of the advantages of a breakup:

1. I can return to the peaceful and peaceful life of the past and seek the small beauty of self-achievement;

2. I will pay more attention to and love Y;

3. I no longer worry about getting strange diseases;

4. I will no longer lose control of my emotions, and more importantly, I have "cheating immunity"&mdah;I have completed my dream of being a princess at first sight, and after experiencing L, I have no regrets, I don't think I will fall in love with anyone else in my life.

I'll never fall in love with anyone again. A door quietly closes. Such a desperate emotional ending, it is enough to see it once.

The cheating person will continue to cheat, unforgivable&mdah; Some people's experiences of extramarital affairs are like vaccinations that inject you with antibodies so that you don't react to them in the future. So when I look at extramarital affairs now, I don't want to beat them to death with a stick, but analyze them on a case-by-case basis. If Y cheats in the future, I won't be immediately angry&mdah;not because I'm a thief, but I think it's not completely unforgivable if he is in the same situation as me&mdah;Of course, this is probably only said by someone who has come before. Who says you can only fall in love with one person in this life? Love is uncontrollable. Even if Y keeps a person next to him in his heart, as long as he can carry it clearly, I won't ask. If he can't handle it, I can even teach him subtly. It's also a kind of growth for him. Of course, it is not advisable for couples to play their own games, but mutual tolerance and mutual growth are the core of the marriage relationship. If he encounters a "true love" that is more suitable than me in all aspects, and is in pain, I will also let go and send blessings&mdah;I have experienced struggles myself, I can understand his pain, and I will not make things difficult like a resentful woman.

I look at the experience with gratitude: thank you for not hurting Y and L's wife; Thanks to it, it makes me more beautiful&mdah;I do become more attractive than before. In the same way, those women who have reached a certain age around you and still maintain their charming demeanor must still be immersed in love, no matter who it comes from.

I've always felt guilty about Y. Whenever I am entangled and sad, home is my only safe haven, I always return to the warm embrace without saying a word, I resolve the pain of falling out of love with other men in his arms, but make up other sad reasons. I silently thought in my heart: I will use the rest of my life to make amends to him.

As for l, one more day without contact, one more day of chance.

In the most difficult stalemate period, we had the best tacit understanding&mdah;before, every time I couldn't resist contacting him, his phone would come in, not sooner, not later, not less than a second, amazing. But now, I'm much more downset about it&mdah;self-hypnosis still works: you'd better not contact me, you'd better not love me; Although I may not love you, women are always easy to be soft-hearted.

Actually, I didn't say anything last time, so L should still meet me again. It's just that he's been angry with me again recently, and I guess the time of this "last side" will be delayed. I didn't think about taking the initiative to find him, silently waiting for him to make a move.

About a week after the separation, S suddenly asked me to contact L to come out for dinner together.

I stared at S's face for a long time, and I couldn't see any clues, and I didn't understand which one he was going to play. But the first thing that came to my mind was that L wanted to play tricks on me...... But how did he get it? Is it really a threat to him?

Anyway, I'll find out when I get in touch with L. I called him three times, but I couldn't get through. Change to the number we contact privately, and it's still the same. When I hit it for the third time, I understood:

He blacklisted me from my address book.

Although there was a reason for it, my heart still stabbed.

This is the so-called "preemptive strike"? Maybe it doesn't feel like being dumped. It's really the same as me, self-esteem and stubbornness&mdah;After the last "breakup", I deleted L's QQ, WeChat and phone in a fit of anger, and childishly expressed my determination. This time, L seems to be really angry, and he vows to break with me. However, this just shows that his confidence is not strong, and he has to use coercive means to make sure that he does not contact me.

I felt angry and ridiculous, and I was unexpectedly restless in my heart&mdah;A few days ago, it was clear that the severance of diplomatic relations was a foregone conclusion, and I felt sorry for myself; Now I found that he was blocked, but I wanted to jump out and challenge him. I'm too childish, too.

It seems that this dinner appointment is not intended to be a trick on me. He's still angry.

So I sat down and thought about the logic and decided that it was not appropriate to attend. No matter what, now it is S who takes the initiative to show goodwill, which must be detrimental to our side, and it is too late for me to clear up the relationship. So I made an excuse and persuaded S that it would be better to contact L alone. I won't mix it.

S smiled and looked at me: "Clever girl." ”

Suddenly, I felt the wind roar.

This premonition made me feel uneasy.