XXIX. The appearance of Y
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Regarding the suppression of the longing for L, there is actually another factor: morality. -
Although it is a bit of a shame to say this at this time.
But it's true.
Ever since I was with L, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown, insomnia, waking up early, and having nervous and bizarre dreams. During the period of breaking up with him for some reason, the symptoms disappeared automatically; After regaining contact, it continued to weaken. This miraculous phenomenon I call retribution.
I don't know if I have some similar troubles. Perhaps he is big-hearted and "forgetful" and will not be constrained by any fears.
But occasionally when I have unbearable lust, I suddenly think of L's wife, and then I think that my relationship with L is purely boring and superficial, and I don't want to contact him at all.
I didn't really know what kind of relationship I wanted. I was passively adapting to the harmonious mode of living with L, and trying to make this beautiful relationship last relatively longer. I didn't think about the ending, or rather, I foresaw a more pessimistic and general outcome. In this result, it is probably nothing more than a bamboo basket to draw water, crying and grabbing the ground, secretly sad, and Phoenix Nirvana, and then falling into the cliché with a very qualitative extramarital love plot. I'm content with that.
I've never thought of going to great lengths to win and please L's heart, and I don't even care what he's thinking&mdah;, for example, he's just playing, or just for his own selfish desires, and knows how hurtful it hurts. While I naturally grow more emotional vines as the relationship progresses, including control, curiosity, and possessiveness, I have a good grasp of their germination. I've always had a heart: I want L to be happy. Not that I want l to like me.
I'm not obsessed with whether I'm happy or not.
l is kind when he says it, but he is actually stupid.
Fools have fortune.
Soon another male protagonist Y will appear in this story, and he challenges L's once unshakable status as a singular identity.
L's original intention was to make a date, so I learned to protect myself. I wouldn't dare say I'm kind, but I'm at least not too selfish. I can compromise and not force my own happiness, but I can't allow you to base your happiness on my pain. In the emotional confrontation with L, which goes round and round, short-handed, and fights of wits and courage, it is the norm to be tireless, but it is also a kind of hard work to always be honest and honest.
D is one of my friends of the opposite sex who can take off his mask and get along naturally, but many times he doesn't understand me, and I don't want to pay too much attention to what he thinks. Our worldview doesn't seem to be at the same level. Although we have a lot of conversation, when we are deeply involved in the field of friendship, we don't talk more than half a sentence.
In the vast sea of people, it is difficult to find a confidant. If L and I hadn't met and known each other in such a relationship, we would have been a couple who cherish each other&mdah;I dare not say that the relationship is intimate, at least in terms of sex and temperament.
In my own circle, I'm always actively searching for a marriageable partner, and I'm no longer even so reluctant to reject my mom's latest recommendations. But after two years of deep contact with L, I once thought that if I didn't find a chance to escape from Yongjue in my life, I would fall into his hands forever. By his side, I couldn't fall in love with someone else.
The first time I met Y was a warm recommendation from my MBA classmates.
My first impression of him was good, clean, healthy and tasteful, with a smile like the Mediterranean sun.
A few people went to climb the mountain together, and they deliberately left us to walk behind. It's a matter of people, and if it's a boring guy who makes me uncomfortable, I'll take him very naturally and tactfully to catch up with the big army.
As a result, we talked very speculatively, and finally got separated from the main army, and did not catch up again.
We talked about modern Chinese history from the books we read, from travel and food to financial management, from entertainment gossip to the frontier of science and technology. There are always new ideas that I have never heard of, and I can also "give a chestnut" in simple terms to make the conversation full of joy and laughter.
After descending the mountain, the two sides left each other's contact information, and then said goodbye. The smile on my lips lasted for about five minutes after the breakup. At the same time, it can be seen that Y is also very interested in continuing to understand me.
So, is it okay to ask about your career, salary, or something...... I was almost captured by my mother's blind date mentality.
I later figured out why I was so quick to accept Y: because when I was with him, I didn't think of L. At this point, defeat all other conditions.
A week later, Y invited me to dinner. I cleaned up my mind&mdah;I haven't dressed myself in a long time since I became a normal relationship with L. Men are visual creatures, and the initial impression should always be better.
Am I mature, or am I numb? Compared with the sense of fate of love at first sight and the later ambiguous small details, I can't remember the various situations in the early days of my relationship with Y, which is a bit regrettable. I just remember that the atmosphere is always nice and fun, and he will also create small surprises for me in communication.
The only thing that impressed me was that I mentioned a very obscure foreign translation classic, and he had even read it. I have graduated for so many years, I am from science and engineering, and I have strong hands-on ability, although my knowledge is also broad, but I still have little knowledge in literature and history, and I basically never talk to him about this. And Y is studying finance, which is considered to be a liberal arts, and he is a graduate of Peking University.
High-quality talents. Why aren't you married?
Y and I started meeting out frequently. Friend, I also took the initiative to invite him back.
Y is also very smart, but he thinks for a long time, and when faced with a difficult judgment, he is not in a hurry to react, but only smiles and listens to other people's opinions, or temporarily diverts the topic. Only when he has thought confidently will he find an opportunity to express his views in an orderly manner. I have to admire how well higher education trains the human mind.
I gradually learned some of his situation: 35 years old, he is a middle-level manager of a private enterprise, he drives a black Camry, and his annual salary should not be much higher than mine. The hardware condition is not as good as d. I can't help but think of how easy it is for a merry and talented person to treat money like dung...... This is also normal, I have seen many people from well-known universities who are not as good as ordinary people.
But it's not so old that you don't even have a girlfriend, wow! After all, people and talents still have a head.
"I had a very short marriage."
So when Y said that later, I wasn't surprised at all.
It's nothing, now the flash marriage and divorce, I have seen them around me.
But the situation was still a little more complicated than I expected, and I decided to extend my test period. He has been divorced once, and it is estimated that he will be more cautious. We are still friends, but the tacit understanding in our hearts is higher than that of ordinary friends, and we can be regarded as bosom friends. But whether feelings can be attached or not, I'm not sure yet.
The advantage of starting as a friend is that you don't need to disguise and hide your emotions from the beginning, which lays a good foundation for a relaxed and peaceful relationship in the future. Y sometimes feels more like my older brother. I don't know if it's the experience that the marriage during the run-in period gave him, and he will naturally reveal some carefulness, such as standing in the direction of the car to block me when crossing the street, and accidentally clipping the dish when I eat, he will wrap it in a tissue and roll it away. It can be seen that he is not doing it deliberately, but the inadvertent behavior of care has become inertia. This is much better than l&mdah;l, this macho person, has been married for so many years, has not grown at all, and needs to be taken care of like a child. His wife spoiled him too.