I know that my father's last compromise comes from the deepest father's love, he is superstitious that Mengmeng's age will be remembered by God, but he is afraid that Mengmeng will go on the road of departure at any time, and finally leave regrets, this complex emotion can not be expressed in a few words.

This night, my dad and I shuttled through the night market in Beijing to buy a birthday cake for Mengmeng, and he was silent the whole time, until the clerk handed him the freshly made cake, he didn't speak, and then said thank you repeatedly.

In this era when there is no shortage of materials, the satisfaction that this cake can bring us is quite small, but the emotional sustenance outside the cake contains infinite content.

……

Back in the ward, the attending physician and nurse spontaneously came over to celebrate Mengmeng's birthday after learning about her birthday, because they were used to seeing doctors and nurses who were separated from each other, and they knew too well what Mengmeng was in at the moment.

The lights in the house went out, but the candles lit up the whole room, Meng Meng squinted, as if she had just woken up from sleep, a little unclear whether this was a dream or reality, but she was so real in our eyes, a strong, optimistic, undefeated child.

Several families who heard the sound around also joined in, only the soul that has experienced suffering can be more empathetic, in the birthday song sung by everyone, Meng Meng with the child's unique shyness, after blowing out the candle shyly hid behind the mother.

After the cake, everyone held a small piece of cake, except for the children, the adults did not move their mouths, this day full of death and oppression, finally had a rare relaxation, the days of fear seemed to have become a warm afternoon at this moment, not rich but very warm family, parents accompany their children to grow up, children accompany their parents to grow old, there are no big ups and downs, and there is no need for glory and wealth, just plain, life is calm, good health, but this ordinary people are the most ordinary home, But it is beyond the reach of many people.

Li Shi was smiling all the time, and after everyone dispersed, she accompanied her mother to clean up silently.

My father and I sat in the open space outside the hospital, the two of us smoking in silence, the night in Beijing was very cool, but people naturally felt lonely.

After smoking a cigarette, I finally couldn't help but ask my father, "Did the doctor give a notice?" ”

Dad sighed resentfully, stroked his thinning hair, extremely painful, and replied: "In the face of life and death, I always feel that I am a useless waste, I think you were a child, when our family was so poor, but I didn't feel difficult, and now I don't know how, every day is spent in panic, seeing the painful appearance of Mengmeng's treatment, seeing her look back and envy for a long time when she sees other little girls with pigtails, I can't say how uncomfortable, this feeling makes me desperate." ”

I didn't want my dad to be so painful, so I comforted in a low voice: "Dad, don't say that, since Meng Meng came to this home, our family is like rain falling from the sky, and can no longer be separated, over the past few years, Meng Meng has given us a lot of inspiration, she let us know that the best way to reconcile with life is to live with heart, even if one day, she is like thousands of patients who have lost their lives, we should not be sad, at that time Meng Meng is also a relief." ”

Obviously I wanted to comfort my father, but as I spoke, I felt tears rolling in my eyes, I remembered the first time I saw the cute picture, when she was thin, black and small, with a crimson velvet hat, as soon as she saw me, she hugged my legs, and then babbled and laughed, and then grew up day by day in our care, I can't forget the first time she fainted and went to the hospital for a check-up, saw me worried, and comforted me not to be sad, and I can't forget that she is always smiling and saying that she doesn't want to go to school, another person secretly hiding and crying behind his back......

I remembered that she said that she wanted to see what she would look like when she grew up, and wanted to walk with me on the city wall of Xi'an again, like other children, to be able to go to school with cute braids, and she cried with me because of this, but she was so careful to cry and make trouble, for fear of being heard by my parents......

At this time, Li Shi put one hand on her shoulder, walked out, walked out with a tired face, and finally sat down beside us.

"Li Shi, Meng Meng is asleep?"

Li Shi shook her head and said to me, "No, I'm checking, Mengmeng doesn't want me to see her painful appearance, so she repeatedly asks me to come out." ”

Dad lit a cigarette again, smoking alone in the wind, and I couldn't afford to smoke in my heart, so I looked at the busy Beijing, in a daze, Li Shi didn't seem to indulge in my emotions, but asked: "I just talked to the doctor for a while, saying that only bone marrow transplantation can cure it, and bone marrow transplantation needs to be HLA matching (HLA is human leukocyte antigen, which is the human biological "ID card", inherited by parents; It can eliminate "non-self" through immune response, so the success of HLA matching is directly related to the success or failure of hematopoietic stem cell transplantation. Since Meng Meng is adopted, have you tried to find her parents, or do you have siblings? ”

Dad didn't look back, and said with loss: "I found it, but I couldn't find it." ”

"Can you give me the details? I'll have to try again! ”

"Go and ask Yu Hang's mother for it, she has looked for it and is very familiar with the road."

Li Shi did not hesitate. Immediately back to the house as if racing against time, sour tears finally fell from my eyes, I realized, these emotions may never be let go again, it is hard to imagine that one day Meng Meng really left our life, what kind of confusion we will be, I am afraid that this emotion is not only heart-rending in my life, but unforgettable inscription to death...... There must be an end to everything, and that's true!

After a while, Li Shi came to my side again, she took out a notebook from her handbag, and said to me: "Yu Hang, my aunt said that you often lead groups, and you are familiar with the area of Huining, Gansu, you look at the route here, how should I go." ”

I took the notebook from Li Shi's hand, her handwritten text made people feel kind, after reading the address, I tried my best to recall, until I felt that I had cleared my mind, and then said: "It is the national civilized college entrance examination champion county, the road from Xi'an is not close, you can take a plane to Lanzhou, and then take a bus directly." ”

"Okay, I know, I'll do it tomorrow when I go back!"

"Call me when the time comes, and I'll be with you."

Li Shi nodded, but did not agree verbally.

The wind continued to blow past us, as if blowing out the grief of the whole city, and Li Shi lowered her head and looked at the turf beneath her, her soft words, as if she were speaking to herself, as if she were praying.

……

This night, I completely lost sleep, and then in insomnia I fantasized over and over again to go back to the past, but this fantasy, at this moment, is so deadly, so I even fantasies, began to become more and more painful, I want to find someone to talk about this pain, but the night has been bottomless, next to my father, who has been tired for a day, fell into sleep, how can I disturb him.

Time passed so slowly, as if I had experienced a long cycle, the day finally dawned, but my spirit was so trance, because until now, I did not sleep for a moment, at this time, I was like living in a world where I could not see the future, without a trace of strength, but also without a little desire to rest.

After having breakfast together again, Mengmeng will welcome a new day of treatment, and Li Shi and I will immediately rush back to Xi'an to deal with work tasks.

I stuffed the bank card of 100,000 yuan into my father's hand, and my father, who had always refused, did not shirk this time, he patted me on the shoulder, in fact, we often tacitly know it, with this money, Mengmeng can delay for a while.

I hugged Mengmeng, and finally calmed her emotions, and then urged the mother who was still whispering to Li Shi, the mother ignored my urging, and told a few words before finally letting go of Li Shi's hand, in fact, I can really understand her feelings, any parting, is a test.