After returning to the company, the company commander went back to the office to get busy, and only the instructor and I were walking around the camp.

"What's wrong? Have you had anything on your mind lately? You also need to run so high to let your mind fly. The instructor said in a slightly relaxed tone.

"I've been a little confused lately, and I'm a little messy at work, emotionally, including my whole life." I've always wanted to talk to someone, but there has been no suitable person to talk to, Yang Tiancheng held his mobile phone all day, and the exchange of ideas was also very negative, it was better not to say it, at this time, when I saw the instructor asking, I said my thoughts. I'm such a person, I've never been willing to tell others what I think, I hold everything in my heart, and I really can't hold it back at this time, and if I don't talk to someone, I'm about to collapse.

The instructor asked me, "Tell me why you went so high today?" What do you think about doing this? ”

I replied: "I don't think much about it, I just feel that I have been thinking too much recently, my chest is too depressed, I want to stand on a high point and look far, and I think quietly by myself, where to go next." ”

The instructor then asked, "And then?" Is there a result? ”

I said, "It's better than before, but it's still a bit messy." ”

The instructor asked, "What's the mess?" Let's talk about it. ”

I thought about it for a moment and said: "Originally, when I was in the military academy, my classmates and I were very eager for the army, and we thought that after being assigned to the army in the future, we could lead the troops for training, we could forge ourselves in the melting pot of the army, and we could make contributions in the army. But when I arrived in the army, it was not at all the same as I imagined. It's a world of difference. Not only is the environment more difficult, but it is good to say that they are all young people, and they can endure this kind of hardship, and they are not afraid. The point is that what I do all day is meaningless, almost the same as the fifth class of the grassland in the soldier assault, although I also want to do meaningful things like Xu Sanduo, but I am just an ordinary person, and the reality is really too cruel and torturous. Originally, I still had the passion to train and improve myself, but as soon as I made a plan, I was disturbed by all kinds of chaotic chores, endless meetings, vegetable patches with higher and higher standards, and continuous activities, and I couldn't calm down at all. In short, I just can't see hope, I can't see the end, I feel like this is the end of my life, I have been in the army, I have survived until the end, and then I went home. Instructor, how do you say you should live such a day? When exactly is it a head? ”

I said a lot of grinding and chirping, I felt too wordy, but the instructor listened very seriously, and after seeing what I said, the instructor said: "Xiaofei, the situation you mentioned should be the idea that all graduated college students have after coming to the army, but some people have figured it out, overcome, and then grow and progress, while some people haven't figured it out, so they have been in a daze, and in the end, as you said, they have stayed up until the end, and they can't go home." ”

Hearing the instructor's words, I anxiously asked, "Instructor, what should I do to overcome it, how to think about it to figure it out?" ”

The instructor continued: "I won't tell you the big truth, Xu Sanduo said it is also very good, living well is meaningful, and meaningful is living well." But you may not understand this, so I'll talk about me. ”

Then the instructor told me about his experience.

Our instructor's family is from the south, and the family is quite wealthy, but under the influence of the 98 flood fight, he especially admires the soldier and hopes to become a soldier. At that time, our instructors, like all young people, were full of enthusiasm and passion, and they wanted to make contributions to the army, but when they graduated and were assigned to the border guards, all their passion was immediately extinguished by the cold water of reality. The instructor graduated several years earlier than me, and at that time the border defense was even more difficult, when the instructor was in the sixth company, the most difficult company in the whole regiment, there was no mobile phone signal, and it was difficult to make calls, and there were only a few fixed points in the whole company with signals, one of which was on the tree, and the soldiers called at that time, and they all lined up under the tree, one came down from the tree after the fight, and the other went up to continue fighting. At that time, the company stipulated that each person could not make more than ten minutes of calling, unless there was no queue behind him to call for a while. It is such a condition that young people from the city do not collapse. And that's not all, at that time, the winter was colder than now, and the snow was heavy, and the mountains were closed as soon as the snow fell, sometimes a letter was half a month. The company couldn't go out to buy vegetables, so they ate turnips, cabbage and potatoes every day, and the instructor said that he was about to vomit at that time, and he said that he didn't want to do anything at that time. But the instructor was still a little unwilling, and his family didn't agree with him when he was admitted to the military academy, wanting him to learn business and go home to inherit the family's industry, but he had to take the military academy exam. Now that this situation has arisen, the instructor said that he was not willing to go back like this at that time, and he had to prove himself. The instructor said that at that time, there would be no one to talk to, no one cared at all, so he enlightened himself. He said to himself at the time, all hardships and hardships are external, they all exist objectively, since they exist objectively, I can't change it, since there is no way to change it, why should I be depressed because of things that can't be changed, I can only change myself, no matter how the objective environment affects me, how I wear it down, I have to strengthen my heart, I want to believe that I can change myself, I can change my fate. The instructor said that he also wanted to do something meaningful and make life more meaningful. But since real life doesn't have much meaning, you can take the initiative to do meaningful things, do whatever you feel is meaningful, and others can't stop you. If you don't have time when you're working, then take a break. The instructor said that since then, he has never rested, after completing the normal work tasks, all the rest of the time is used to do what he likes, the instructor said, at the beginning he reads books, all kinds of books, literary masterpieces, biographies of celebrities, history and geography, he reads everything, as long as there is no work task, he is reading, Saturday and Sunday, before and after meals, as long as he has time, he reads, almost three or five days can read a book, can read more than a hundred books a year. The instructor said that the more he read, the more his thinking progressed, and he felt that it was not enough to just read books, so the instructor began to study, and when he heard that there was a psychological counselor, he took the psychological counselor exam, and when he heard that there was a computer grade certificate, he took the computer grade certificate. In the end, not only did I learn a lot, but also because I was no longer negative in my thinking and did a good job at work, the leader was promoted and came to the third company as an instructor.

The instructor told me in detail, and I could feel that what the instructor said was true, that is, his experience was really inspirational and touched me a lot. I didn't answer, but was quietly thinking and contrasting. My situation with the instructor is almost the same, the only difference is that my family is not rich at all, a rural family, if the instructor goes home at that time, he can still inherit the family business, but I have to go home and only inherit the farmland and go home to farm.

After waiting for a while, the instructor continued: "Xiaofei, I won't tell you some truths, you think for yourself, it depends on whether you can figure it out yourself." Finally, let me tell you another method, at that time, I set a goal for my life, that is, in this life, what kind of degree I want to achieve, what kind of achievement, what kind of life I want. I thought about it repeatedly, when the pursuit of the whole life was clear, I pushed it from back to front, if I want to achieve this goal, what extent do I need to reach five years before this goal, what level do I need to reach ten years before this goal, and keep pushing and pushing until now, what level do I need to reach. Once I had my goals clear, I started thinking about what I needed to do to get to that level. Then, I understood, I understood what I was supposed to do now. I followed the plan I had put to work. Because this plan was pushed backwards by myself, it was completely possible to realize my own life pursuit. Then the only thing left is hard work. Isn't it? If there is a God in the world, God asks you, what kind of life do you want? You told God. Then God said, "You can do what I say." Do you say you can do it or not? I will definitely do it. Isn't that a truth, except that this God is yourself. So until now, I am still working hard according to the original plan, doing my best to do everything well and complete every plan. ”

Listening to the instructor unreservedly tell me about his life experience, I was extremely moved in my heart, no matter what, the army is still full of human feelings, unlike society, which is full of commodity economy and the subsequent intrigue and intrigue that has become the norm. In the barracks, the relationship between people and people is still very pure. Just imagine, in the place, when a person is confused, who will really enlighten you and help you. I have been in the company for two years, and the instructor has communicated with me three times, and whenever my thoughts fluctuate greatly, the instructor will talk to me in time and exchange experiences and insights. I take the words of the instructor to heart, and I want to say thank you to the instructor, whether it is helpful or not, whether I can really figure it out or not. I keep the instructor in my heart, and I will never forget the time when I first arrived in the army, I met such a good instructor. It can be said that the company commander and the instructor are the two people who have had the greatest influence on my military career, and they have influenced me in different ways.