When it comes to my dad, sometimes I can't figure out what he thinks about a lot of things. is completely different from ordinary people, and even sometimes the words spoken are unacceptable, a bit shocking.

For example, he once said that parents should not always boast in front of their children about their upbringing. This is because the law stipulates that parents must raise their children, otherwise they will be fined and imprisoned.

"It's just law-abiding, what's there to show off?" Dad said, "It's a matter of course not to do anything illegal, just like not stealing or robbing." If you have to boast about it, this person is really not very good. ”

Dad's remarks are really incredible. I thought about it for a while, and asked, if I don't take their hard work of raising me to heart Murong Xuan Chapter 6, when he grows up, he runs away and doesn't support them, then what should he do?

If that were the case, wouldn't it be a shot in the foot?

But my dad said I'd run away if I grew up. I didn't care about the two of them at all, so he and his mother went to find me. "Wiping his tears and snot with a cane, looking all over the world", he deliberately said, "If you don't find it, you won't stop!" ”

I laughed!

"Besides, supporting the elderly is also required by law. If you don't raise us two old guys, Xuanxuan, you'll also break the law. ”

Well, that's exactly what he said.

"But don't worry, your mother and I will never take you to court again." Dad said, "Actually, if you really become like that, it's also your mother's fault and me, not your fault, any child's problem is on the parents, you become like that, we both deserve it." ”

Well, I know that it's impossible for me to run away when I grow up, even if they never get old.

But my mother said that my father knew how to protect me. Almost never punished me, if it were another parent. With such a poor score, Murong Xuan of the Wai Chapter 6 was already beaten to death.

I know this very well, when I was in the third grade of elementary school. A good friend once failed in the exam, and she fell on the table and cried. That time, I was at the bottom of the test as usual, but I didn't feel that sad.

I went over to comfort her and told her not to cry, and then she told me that her mother had said that she would take her with her on this trip, but she was so bad in the exam, her mother would definitely not take her out to play, and maybe scolded her.

I came home full of anxiety and asked my dad if he would take me to the children's park tomorrow Saturday.

Dad was very surprised and said, "Why not?" Didn't you already say you were going to play?

Then I showed him the paper, and I told him that my good friend's mother wouldn't take her out because she did badly in the exams.

Who knew that Dad said that there was no such thing, no matter how bad the test was, we would still have to play tomorrow, because it was something that had been said a long time ago, and it had nothing to do with the test results.

That's right, my family never seems to associate my grades with other things, and we never say, "If you don't do well this time." Then we won't ......."

When my mom heard about this, she understood my good friend's mother, but my dad scoffed at her attitude.

"I didn't do well in the final exam of the third grade of primary school, so I couldn't travel to Lushan with it: so if I didn't find a job after graduating from college, shouldn't I continue to live? It's no wonder that you have to carry an umbrella when you pass through a university building recently! ”

Mom said that he was comparing randomly, and Dad said that he was completely the result of logical reasoning, and the small can see the big. He said that parents link everything to grades, and children will be assimilated slowly, and when they grow up, they will also link everything to a certain success or failure. So he resolutely doesn't want to be that kind of confused parent.

However, there will still be people who say that I am a "stupid child", that I am so beautiful and "not brainy", and even the parents of my classmates do not allow their children to play with me, saying that Murong Xuan is too stupid and has bad grades, and if you just know how to play, you will be spoiled if you are with her.

I never told my mom and dad about that. It's not that I'm afraid they'll be upset, it's that I don't take it to heart.

Ever since I was a child, I felt that I was isolated from others, I couldn't get into them, and they couldn't come in with me. Even if they laugh and play on weekdays, there is still a faint film separating each other.

That kind of film is not quite the same as my uncle's, my uncle's protective film was created by him, and he slowly "grows" it by a method, while I, like this, seems to be born with it, it has always been there, and my life is in the same place, I can't help but notice it.

If my younger brother Xiaomo's temper is caused by his heavy pupils, then I am afraid that I have to find the reason for my alienation from the crowd in my surname.

Murong.

Except for martial arts, I have never met a person with the same surname in real life. I have also asked my parents countless times why I am not allowed to have the surname "Fang" instead of the surname Murong.

Their answers are not uniform, they are simply one at a time, sometimes they say that they start from 1 small to α

In martial arts, sometimes it is said that this surname is the most common and looks very imposing, but what kind of reason is this! Having a surname with so many strokes is a catastrophe for a child who is just learning to write, and once they even said that a pretty girl has a beautiful surname, so they used this surname - I don't think any surname has anything to do with beauty.

As I got older, I already felt that my parents were hiding something from me, but since they didn't want to tell me, I didn't want to keep asking. They wouldn't tell me that there must be their own reasons for that.

Man cannot force others to do what he does not want to do.

Strange to say, my early memories don't seem to match what adults say, according to my parents, I was born in the city, and I was with my mother until I was three years old because my father was very busy.

But I don't think so.

I think I used to be in a big green patch, it was a lot of green, and the moonlight that woke up in the middle of the night, and the shack with only one window, and the walls that were so shabby that they were empty, in the daytime. The blue sky is like jewels, the smell of steamed grass in early summer, the unbridled thick earthy smell, the violent cold wind and sun, the poplars that make the leaves rattle, and the monkeys jumping among the trees. Their chirping is sharp and mournful, and when you look up at the sky, you can only see the sunlight through the gaps in the leaves, the endless rain in midsummer, the crystal clear rushing rivers, shells, fireflies, cicadas...... I even remember my mom crying.

Strangely, these are not traces of city life at all, and if I have been living in high-rise buildings all my life, then where did these impressions come from?

No one can answer my questions. I had no other way but to look for it myself. Since junior high school, I have been obsessed with backpacking, and on some weekends I will pack some simple bags and choose a nearby countryside to go out for the night alone, if it is winter and summer vacations, I will go further, and it is not uncommon for me not to go home for ten days and a half months.

I wanted to find my childhood memory, even though everyone told me it didn't exist.

I feel like I'm going to be summed up by this verb all my life: find.

My parents didn't say much about my solo trip, they always respected my will, and I thought my parents were very relieved.

I didn't know that until many years later. Every time I traveled alone, my dad would stay awake for several nights in a row, and he would have to wait until I called for him to be able to get to his feet.

"Then why are you willing to let me out?" I was so weird, "I didn't know my dad would be so worried, if he said it, I wouldn't go." ”

"He wouldn't say." Mom shook her head and said, "If he did, you wouldn't have gone out." Your dad doesn't like it when you give up your own business for him. ”

In our family, no one will give up their will for anyone, this has been a consensus reached by the three of us for many years, just like my mother and I laughed at my father for "loving pretty", he would not change his "love for beauty" for the two of us.

We say that he loves beauty for a reason, since I was a child, I have never seen my father sloppy and sloppy, he always cleans himself up, there is no stain on the mouth of the leader, sweat and dirt or something, he will never bear it. If possible, be sure to change the wash immediately. He even has to be well-dressed at home, and he refuses to be casual. Some summers, when the climate is too hot, I will dress casually at home, with a small tank top and pants. But I've never seen my dad's top body. No matter how high the temperature is. He also wore trousers and shirts, with the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows at most. There is a button on the neckline, and even if the shirt is soaked with sweat, he refuses to wear only the vest.

Every time like this, my mom would tsk and say that my dad loves to be beautiful, as if there was a camera on him all the time, and he had to make himself ready for the camera.

"You're not like that." Mom said. "Before getting married, I was occasionally sloppy, why did I suddenly raise my standards as soon as I got married?"

My dad's answer to this question was that he didn't bother to clean himself up before he got married.

"People's sloppiness shows the heart, you know?" He snorted, "Only when the heart is messy, the appearance will be messy." ”

That's why my mom likes to jokingly call him "a beauty who has fallen into the city", such as "beauty, help me put my clothes in", or "beauty, before the city and the country have fallen, go and get a bottle of vinegar". When I was young, I followed my mother and screamed—

"Beauty! Turn on the TV! I want to see the big windmill! ”

"Beauty! I'm going to eat ice cream! Get me one! Oh yes, I'm going to eat jelly! ”

If it were someone else, I would have to say, "How can anyone talk to your father like this?" "But my dad never got angry, he would run to get me snacks and bring them to me with a grin, and ask for a reward.

As a bonus, I'll give him a "poof" in the face, it's a game we love to play.

People say that good-looking people make others nervous. My dad never makes people nervous, he gives people the impression that there are no taboos, he is even more calm than the average person, and he will not be displeased if you inadvertently offend him. It was very pleasant and relaxing to be with him.

But my dad told me that at home, it's okay to joke with my mom, but don't call him that in front of my little aunt, because, "my little aunt will be angry when she hears it."

"Why be angry?" I asked.

"Guess." Dad said mysteriously.

I thought about it for a moment and said, "Because my little aunt thinks she is more beautiful than you?" ”

Then my dad twisted my face and said I was so smart, and he said that my aunt was very concerned about this, and she was not happy that my father was better looking than her.

Not......

It's not like there's no solution, I thought. Since my aunt will be unhappy, then I will call me a beauty, and since my aunt asks to be better looking than my father. Then she is a "big beauty" and her father is a "little beauty". It's like there are two Zhang Li in our class, and then the head teacher distinguishes the two of them according to the size of their birthdays.

Thankfully, I didn't put this ridiculous idea into practice.

After a long time, my dad's "love for beauty" problem even my friends can see.

Huo Shan once told me that she had known me for so many years, and she had come to our house not a thousand times but eight hundred times, and she had never seen my father's short dress.

"My dad didn't like to dress up short because he had burns on his body." She said, "There are a lot of scars on my back and legs, and it scares people to show them — your dad doesn't have any scars on him, so why is he so careful?" ”

I couldn't answer her question, and then I joked that my dad was always ready for a beauty pageant.

Anyway, isn't everyone praising him for being handsome?

Shanshan was amused by my words, and she said: "Xuanxuan, your surname is Murong, your father can't have any connection with that beautiful male family in the Sixteen Kingdoms." ”

…… Therefore, jokes cannot be made casually, and sometimes the truth is hidden in jokes.

The moment I learned the truth, Shanshan's words immediately rushed into my mind.

I learned the truth in my sophomore year of high school.

A week after my birthday, my dad said he wanted to tell me something, and although I guessed it was about our family, I really didn't expect it. What he revealed to me was such a big secret.

The whole thing was like a dream, especially the picture my dad showed me.

“…… Is this you?! ”

Dad nodded: "I took it when I just came over, and my hair hasn't been cut yet." ”

I stared at the picture for a few seconds, then looked up at my dad again.

"Not at all......," I was confused, "and my face changed." ”

Dad said, "Because the whole person has changed, so will the appearance." Even if the language used changes, the expression will change. ”

I stared at the picture with great difficulty, trying to find some traces of my dad on it, but only in very subtle places, vaguely reminding me that it was the same person.

I really don't like that photo, the femininity of my facial features makes me feel extremely weird, and the viciousness it conveys scares me.

"Dad, you were so thin and skinny at that time." I say.

"I'm not in good condition, I barely eat." He said, "Infusions alone. ”

I stared at the picture in silence for a long time. He said: "It wasn't good-looking at that time, it wasn't beautiful at all." It's still as good as it is now. ”

He laughed but didn't make a sound, and when he came out of the archives that day, I asked him, "What can you summarize about the past?" ”

After a long silence, he replied to me, "When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss will look back at you." ”

These are the words of Nietzsche.

I don't know what their hearts think of all of this, I mean, these ancients.

There was a time when I went to ask them one by one, even though I knew it was rude—that kid wouldn't do that, so you see, I'm a bad boy, and he's a good boy.

Some people answer quite simply, they think that the difference between ancient and modern is only in "quiet" and "noisy", not only people become more talkative, but also with the assistance of uninterrupted power supply from machines. "At that time, we weren't so noisy, and people didn't have so much to say."

I don't quite understand.

Uncle Wei looked at me and explained, "It is not as useful to communicate with people as it is to communicate with God. Got it? ”

"So, you're a theist?" I asked, staring at him.

He nodded and said that he never shy away from saying this.

I don't know if it's because great scientists end up in theism, mysticism, agnosticism, or if it's because this person has this trait in his own right, just pursuing a career in physics.

It's just that the conversation of the day eventually inevitably moved towards physics: "...... If there is no strong force, the repulsive force between positively charged protons in the nucleus can split any atom in the universe, except for the atom of hydrogen - Xuan Xuan Do you know why? ”

Of course I know, that's because they have only one proton in their nucleus.

Every conversation with Uncle Wei would make me dazed for days, because he stuffed too many things into my head, too deep and too hard, but I enjoyed listening to him say it very much, like a child who knows that candy is not good for his appetite, but still tries to stuff his mouth into it.

And the same opinion as him is the little aunt, who also feels noisy, and does not dare to agree with the habit of modern people who give up communicating with God and are willing to only be similar to blbl.

My mother said that modern society has given up a lot of beauty, and beauty has become a useless waste, and everyone refuses to bother with it.

"First, give up the tranquility, and then. I gave up on beauty, and the next thing is to give up feeling ......"

Maybe.

But my dad didn't think I could make a real difference by asking them one by one.

"We come from different dynasties, Xuanxuan, at least in my opinion, the Qing Dynasty is a strange universe." He said, "You think the Sixteen Kingdoms are bizarre, I think the Ming and Qing dynasties are even more bizarre, and I, like a foreign missionary, am amazed at the life of the same kind in this land in the last years of the Qing Dynasty." ”

But now, they have all accepted the same life, no matter how unique it was in the past. In this era of mass production, they can no longer be "unique": whether you are a general, an emperor, or a hero who has attracted the attention of the world, you will eventually find that even your hair smells exactly the same as everyone else's.

Because you use the same brand of shampoo.

"It's another kind of freedom, freedom of thought under the guise of unity. Of course, the premise is that you have to have an independent mind. "My dad said." But once you get used to it, you'll feel good. And thus never want to throw it away again. ”！！！