(a)

I bought a plane ticket to Shenzhen. Pen "Fun" Pavilion www.biquge.info

That's where Director Wang lives and works now.

Before leaving, I sent a text message to Director Wang, and he replied that he would come to pick me up at the airport.

On the day of arrival, it was raining heavily in Shenzhen. Wang instructed himself to drive a private car to the airport to pick me up. He picked me up at the exit. After many years, we quickly recognized each other. His hair was 2/3 gray.

Director Wang looked at me, unable to suppress the excitement in his heart.

He took my luggage. At this moment, I was reminded of the scene when I came back from the training camp in Bossan, and he deliberately separated me from you all the way, and grabbed my luggage first after getting out of the car, not giving you a chance to get close to me. Life is like a dream.

Director Wang looked at the tears welling up in my eyes, and hurriedly said, "It's really the eighteenth change of the female university!" You're a working woman in an office building now. If I had passed by on the street, I might not have recognized it. ”

I said, "Yes, the old self is gone." ”

Instructor Wang said: "However, in the eyes of the teacher, you are still you." The wisdom is still there, and the purity is still the same. Some things are innate, and even if time passes, it is difficult to change. ”

He said, "It's good to come." It's good if you can come. I've been waiting for you to contact me all these years. ”

He said: "Your mentor told me back then, you will definitely take the initiative to contact me, and you will definitely come to see me." He would be glad to see you here today. ”

(b)

Director Wang drove the car. We drove on the airport highway.

I watched the subtropical plants flash by the window one by one, looked at the dense raindrops on the glass window, and tried to calm the painful boiling inside.

I asked, "Didn't my wife come with you?" I haven't seen her for many years. I still remember the dishes she cooked for us during the spring outing. ”

Director Wang didn't speak for a while.

I saw the car hanging in the rearview mirror, shaking slightly.

We were silent for a moment at the sound of wipers swinging.

After a while, Wang said, "She's no longer there." She passed away three months ago. ”

I said, "Huh?! ”

Wang said: "It's a heart attack. I didn't expect it to be so sudden. ”

"She has been diagnosed with heart disease for more than two years and has been taking medication," he said. Because her heart is often uncomfortable at night, sleep is very important, I snored for fear of making her rest, and after we moved here, we have been sleeping in separate rooms. Our bedrooms were door to door and close to each other. That night, before going to bed, she came over to tell me that it would cool down at night and asked me to cover the bed with more blankets. I still think she's annoying. ”

I said, "I'm so sorry. I do not know. ”

Director Wang said, "It's okay. Things have passed. I can accept this now. ”

Director Wang said: "However, at that time, I was really sad and couldn't accept it for a while. ”

He said, "Now, I live alone. ”

(c)

Director Wang pushed open the white bedroom door. I saw a bed neatly laid out. On the table was a photograph of his lover, and a small incense burner. There was a sprig of unburned sandalwood inside.

I knelt down respectfully in front of the photo and bowed deeply three times.

I looked up at my wife's familiar face.

I remembered hiding in the attic of your residence and listening to my wife talk about your girlfriend, and my heart was desolate.

"When I woke up in the morning, there was no movement in her room. I thought she was still asleep and thought to myself that I would let her sleep more. I didn't go in to disturb her, I went out to buy breakfast and cleaned it up. By about 10 o'clock, there was no movement in the room. I felt something was wrong, so I pushed the door open and went in. She slept there peacefully. I said, "It's time to get up, it's 10 o'clock." I reached for her. It was found that she was completely cold. His arms were stiff and he couldn't bend them. ”

Director Wang said: "At that time, there was only me and her in the room. I felt like I was completely cold, too. I stood there, looking at her, my whole body stiffened, and I couldn't move at all. It took an unknown amount of time before I remembered the ambulance. I called 120. Then I called the kids. An ambulance came. But after some examination, they said that they had been out of breath for at least 10 hours, and they were probably not saved. They said it should have passed around 11 p.m. ”

Director Wang's voice choked.

He wept and said, "Around 11 o'clock, it should be about a few dozen minutes after she told me to cover the blanket. At that time, I hadn't actually fallen asleep. If I had gone to see if she had a blanket, I would have been able to save her. But I didn't go because I was afraid of the cold. She must have felt sick soon after she fell asleep, but it was too fast for her to even snort. If she makes a little noise, I should be able to hear it too. ”

"In the days that followed, I was always sad," he said. I always thought that she could be saved. ”

"We're all this age," he said. Actually, we all know that this will happen sooner or later. But when it happened, it was still too sudden. We weren't ready for anything. I didn't even have time to say a word of goodbye. ”

(iv)

I silently watched Director Wang and listened to him say this.

I don't know what words to use to comfort him. In fact, such sadness cannot be comforted in words. You'll have to get through it on your own.

Director Wang said: "Before, I thought that this house was too small, and I was ready to buy a bigger one. But after she left, I suddenly felt that the house was too big, and it was empty and deserted all day. When I wake up in the morning, I go out for a run, then I go to work at the office, then I go to socialize, and I come home late, usually tired or almost drunk. Fall asleep if you fall. ”

"On such days, one day I came back late and saw that the mailbox downstairs was full of people. This hasn't happened in a long time. I opened the mailbox with curiosity and got the 100 postcards you sent. I'm sitting here, under this lamp in the living room, and I'm reading all the cards you've written. ”

"Then I realized that I wasn't actually the most unlucky," he said. You've been through all of this when you're only an old age. In the days when we were still happy, you already experienced the loneliness that I only understood at this moment. ”

Director Wang said: "When your director died, I was also very sad. I thought that I was so sad that I could fully understand your sadness. However, it wasn't until I saw those cards you wrote that day that I realized that although it was also sad, the sadness between friends and the sadness between lovers were still very different. It's nowhere near as unbearable as the loss of a loved one. The grief of losing a loved one is indescribable. If the grief of losing a friend is like cutting off an arm, then the grief of losing a lover is like being stripped alive. ”

Wang said: "It is only now that I can truly understand the heartache you experienced at that time. ”

I looked at him. I had billions of thoughts in my heart that wanted to comfort him. But I couldn't say a word.

I was silent for a while.

Then I said, "But life has to go on." ”

Director Wang said: "Yes. So, as he said at the beginning, we have to endure. ”

(5)

In fact, every life, almost every one, will experience such a taste in the end. It doesn't stop with us. But one cannot really see this without experiencing it personally, nor can one develop real concern and compassion for all this suffering.

The point of going through heartache is that you can no longer be indifferent to the suffering of your own kind, you can no longer feel that it is irrelevant to me. You will find that they are one. When someone else is in pain like that, you will recognize that it is the pain that you yourself have been immersed in.

That's your own pain.

This is how the sense of oneness is established. It is useless to understand theoretically. In the end, it has to be established in this way. When thus established, it is truly one.

Compassion of the same body.

So, you're quite right. Must not be afraid of hardship. Physical pain, mental pain, all kinds of extreme pain, they are all paths to a sense of oneness. They are the path to achievement. When we feel a lot of pain, it means that we are on this path.

(f)

"If you know that suffering is achievement, you don't have to bother seeking happiness." (Master Gampopa)