(a)

That day, in the attic of your house, I said, "I hate myself so much. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ”

You lift your eyes. You look at me.

I said, "I haven't finished knitting your sweater yet." ”

I said, "Winter has come so far, but I haven't finished weaving it." ”

Your mother brought you a super large suitcase with some new yarn in it before the Chinese New Year. Your mother has asked Sister Wenli to help you knit a new, warmer sweater. Sister Wenli asked you to hand me the yarn and ask me if I wanted to do the job, and if I didn't have the time or couldn't knit the sweater, she would help your mom do the work.

When you asked me, I immediately nodded and said that I would knit sweaters, although it may not be a good style and pattern, but it is still okay to knit a decent solid color pullover style. I'd love to knit you a sweater to keep you warm.

So, you gave me the yarn.

(b)

So, one day, at the place where you lived, you stretched your arms in front of me, turned your body, and asked me to measure the dimensions of your body at all angles with a woolen needle.

As I record these dimensions very carefully and carefully, you look at me with love in your eyes.

It was the husband's tender and sweet gaze at his wife.

That's also the eye of the family.

You say, "Are you done?" ”

I said, "Not yet, don't move." ”

A slight smile wells up on your lips.

I said, "What are you laughing at?" ”

You say, "I remember some of what Director Wang said. He said that when a woman knits a sweater for you, she wants to tie you with a lot of ropes. Women use all sorts of tricks to put these intricate ropes on your body, and they feel safe as they watch them trap you. ”

You say, "He told me that in the future when a woman wants to knit you a sweater, you have to be careful." That means you're about to get stuck. He said, I was trapped by your sister-in-law in the first place, and I haven't been able to untie it until now. ”

When I heard this, I felt sad and unbearable, but I couldn't help but laugh a little.

I whispered, "Then why do you want me to measure it?" ”

You say, "Because I'm willing to do things that make you feel safe." ”

My movements stopped.

You say, "When you knit this sweater, those dark things won't be in your heart." ”

I couldn't speak for a moment.

You say, "What's wrong?" ”

I said, "Well, aren't you afraid of being trapped?" ”

You say, "Why be afraid?" ”

You say, "What a lot of trust and love for a woman who spends her youth warming me?" I felt like something was being put on me, but not a bondage. ”

You say, "It's acceptance." It's rest. It's companionship. It's a concern. It's a support. ”

You say, "Thank you for giving me so much." ”

My tears fell on the back of your hand.

You say, "I'm sorry I made you cry again." ”

You say, "I always seem to make you cry." ”

I said, "A woman's tears have many meanings. Only in rare cases does it represent sadness. Moreover, it does not represent the deepest sorrow. ”

You say, "So, what does it stand for now?" ”

I bowed my head and said, "It means that you interfered with me, so I forgot the size I just measured." Please raise your arms a little more. ”

(c)

Later, we read the Bible together.

I have a deep curiosity about this classic, which has attracted the faith of hundreds of millions of people around the world. Once, when I was passing by a local church, a religious congregation looked at my dejected face and came up to me and said, "Sister? Are you annoyed? I'll give you a book, read it when you're free, and if you like it, come to church and join us in prayer. ”

As he spoke, he shoved a small, compact book into my hand.

That's the Bible.

I read it on and off for some time after that. I put it in my pocket, and when no one was paying attention to me, I took it out and looked at a line or two. I'll show you too. I've never seen such a delicate pocket book before, and I think it's really special.

That day, I was looking at the Bible beside you, and my eyes were on you.

I'm starting to look at you.

You notice that my eyes are looking at you, and you look down at yourself back and forth, left and right, and you ask, "What's wrong?" ”

I smiled and said, "I want to calculate your size." ”

You say, "You don't need to calculate the volume of knitting sweaters, do you?" ”

I said, "Who said it was for knitting?" ”

You say, "Well, why should you measure me?" ”

I said, "It's weird." ”

You say, "Strange? ”

I said, "Guide, you say, why is it so greedy that we humans are so small in size?" ”

I said, "All the religious scriptures say that human greed is endless. Why can such a small body hold infinite greed? ”

When you hear this, you laugh and say, "What's so strange about this, your teacup can hold the moon and the Milky Way at night." ”

You say, "The movie screen is so small, can't it fit thousands of troops?" ”

I shook my head and said, "I'm not talking about that. ”

You look at me.

I paused, feeling a little difficult to express.

Then I said, "I mean, if we could hold infinite greed, what kind of container would we be?" ”

You look at me and don't really understand.

So I said, "What can hold infinity?" ”

I thought for a moment and said, "Void." ”

You say, "You can only fit anything if you don't have anything." ”

(iv)

When I started knitting sweaters, I found that it was very difficult to get things done.

The biggest difficulty was that I couldn't find the right place to do the job.

I can't let anyone see that I'm knitting a men's sweater.

Whether at school, at the shooting range or at home, knitting is not suitable.

I had to be alone after school in the secluded part of the stadium stands, racing against the clock to weave a few rows before it got dark.

In this way, I knitted for a long time, I only knitted the torso, and the sleeve was only open to one head, and in the meantime, you were hospitalized again, which made me feel disordered, and even if I had free time, I could only sit there and think about you, suppressing the despair and sadness in my heart, and I couldn't get a needle.

As a result, until you told me you were going home, the sweater was only half knitted.

I feel ashamed and sad. Not even a sweater will allow you to put it on.

You comforted me and said, it doesn't matter, even if you go home, if the sweater is knitted, you can entrust Sister Wenli to send it to you, anyway, I have already measured your size, and you won't get fatter.

Hearing you say that, my heart is twisted again.

At that time, I thought I would be able to finally weave this garment and send it to you. However, I didn't expect that something would happen to you later.

After you died, your mother found the half-knitted sweater at your residence. She remembered the yarn in the box. She thought that Liu Wenli helped you weave, and she thought that it was because your condition kept recurring, Liu Wenli was busy taking care of you, and she must be in a bad mood, so she couldn't finish weaving.

Your mother cries as she holds the semi-finished sweater that has been turned from wool.

When she came home, she took the half-finished sweater with her with the rest of your relics.

She later finished the semi-finished piece. Once knitted, she puts the new sweater in the water, then folds the dried and ironed sweater neatly and places it at the head of the bed in your bedroom.

She looks at your used pillow and says, "Son, the sweater is already knitted." Unfortunately, it was already too late. You can't put it on anymore. ”

You don't have a body anymore and you can wear it.

From now on, you only exist in photographs, in our memories.

Your mother never knew that the front half of this sweater was not knitted by Sister Wenli, but by me.

I never existed in her life.

Although I was the girl you loved the most.