(a)

On this day, after the training, you gave technical guidance to S and me in the office as usual. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

When I saw you in the afternoon, I thought you were a little listless. You speak in a quieter voice than usual, and you can't finish long sentences in one sitting, so you have to break them in the middle and take a break before you can continue. Your face is also a little pale.

I think you've pretty much pulled yourself through the whole training process.

My mind is actually on you all the time.

Thinking about what you said before, you can't exist when you focus on shooting, and the world can't exist, I tried to hide it as much as I could, trying to take my attention away from you again and again, and focus on aiming and shooting.

I feel like you've gained insight into this war within me and myself.

In normal times, you would have come to me and ask me to take care of your heart. But this day, you don't. I think it's because you can't do it. Your strength is focused on something else, and you don't have enough strength to distract me again.

When I packed up my firearm and returned to the door of the guidance office, S came out of it, and your instruction to him was over. It was my turn to go in.

I walked into your office with a strong sense that you were very tired. You say, "Let's get started." ”

(b)

You speak quieter than you do when you walk around the grounds.

Your eyes kept looking at the paper in your hand, and you didn't make eye contact with me.

When you talk to me, it's a little messy, you seem to be experiencing some serious difficulties, the sentences can't be continued, and the logic is a little out of order.

In the midst of this choppy and confusion, you insist on saying two or three sentences, and then you can't continue. You'll have to stop.

You look at the training record, stop there, breathe hard, can't speak.

Then, you put the notebook on the table, and you sit down at the table. You lean back in your seat. You look at the ceiling above you intently.

I looked at the unrelated door and saw that there were a few slower classmates outside who were taking the last few shots.

I whispered to the sporadic gunshots, "What's wrong with you?" ”

After a moment, you shook your head and replied, "It's okay, I'm a little tired." ”

I looked at the fine beads of sweat oozing from your forehead and said, "Why are you so tired today?" ”

You said, "Yesterday I had a gathering with a few old friends who played basketball at Director Wang's house, and everyone was in high spirits, and I was embarrassed to go alone and wait until half past two to come back." ”

I said, "You're drinking again?" ”

You say, "Accompany them and drink a little." ”

I'm looking at you.

You feel my gaze, you look up. You say, "I didn't drink much." I guess I didn't sleep. ”

I said, "You can go back to bed early." ”

I looked outside and whispered, "I'll just go home by myself." ”

You suddenly grapple with the armrests on either side of your chair. You reluctantly nodded.

I look at your knuckles, which are a little white from the hard grip. I said, "What's wrong with you?" ”

You look at the ceiling, breathing in one breath and can't answer me.

I think you're feeling a lot more discomfort than you're willing to show. I felt a tangled pain in my heart. Then I said, "What the hell is going on, tell me." ”

You try to speak up and say, "It's a little stomachache." ”

I said, "Doesn't it hurt?" ”

You shake your head.

I said, "Let's go to the infirmary and get some painkillers." ”

I immediately said, "No, no, you just rest here, you can bear with me a little longer, I'll help you get the medicine, I'll be fast." Come back. ”

You say, "No need." It doesn't hurt after a while. ”

I asked, "Don't drink with them if you have an upset stomach." Look at you so uncomfortable. I'm sad too. Don't drink with others in the future.,Don't drink at all.。。 ”

You close your eyes and reply, "Never drink again." No matter what kind of wine you drink, with whom, you don't drink it. Don't be upset. By the time you reached the last few words, your voice was almost inaudible.

I know what you just said wasn't the truth. But when I look at you, my heart softens. I sighed and decided to agree with you.

You say, "I'm sorry, today's technical coaching, let's talk about it tomorrow." ”

I said, "Okay." Stop riding, take the bus back today. ”

You nodded.

I said, "I'll talk to you again." ”

You barely smile a bit, and you say, "You go home first." I'll sit here for a while, and when I'm better, I'll take the bus back. ”

I said, "But, I'm not at ease, you've never been like this before." ”

You smile again and say, "It's okay." Alcohol doesn't stay in the body all the time, and after a while, it recovers. ”

You say, "I'll be waiting for you tomorrow morning at the old place." ”

You say, "Go home." I'll see you go. ”

(c)

That day, when I walked to the training ground, I couldn't help but look back at your office.

I saw that the door was still open. The lights are still on.

I see you're already lying on the table, your right hand clenched into a fist, pressed against your stomach. You've been lying on your stomach like this, not moving.

I knew something was happening that day.

I've been thinking about you all night. My heart is filled with the urge to call your residence and ask for news. I walked out of the house under the pretext of taking out the trash, and when I got downstairs next to the payphone, I was even holding the microphone. However, at the last moment, I hesitated and finally gave up my inner impulse. I shuffled up the stairs again and went back to my desk to do my homework, but you were in all the papers and workbooks.

The next morning, I woke up earlier than usual and hurried to the place where we had usually made an appointment. I waited there for 20 minutes until the last minute.

You didn't wait for me there. You haven't been showing up either.

There was no PE class in our class that day, and during class, I kept looking at the playground, but I didn't seem to see you.

In the afternoon, I finally met you at the training ground. You look like you've recovered from that. Your voice is sonorous and vibrant again. I let out a long breath, and finally let go of the big stone that was pressing on my heart.

When we were able to speak alone again, you didn't explain why you didn't come in the morning. I didn't ask you why. Because I see that you don't want to answer. When you don't want to answer, you won't answer. The answer you gave was also not answered, so I didn't ask.

From that day on, we didn't necessarily go home and school together every day. You're sometimes there, sometimes you're not.

When you are getting more and more, you are not waiting for me there.

You haven't been able to explain why that's why.

I didn't ask you any questions. I had a gut feeling that the answer was definitely something I didn't want to know. And you, precisely because of this, did not take the initiative to say it to me. (To be continued.) )