(a)

I looked at the Diamond Poplar above your head. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info I heard that when you first came, they were still small saplings that had just grown up. Now they're in the woods. As you get farther and farther away from my world, their lives stretch and become stronger. I kept hearing their leaves rustling in the wind.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm sitting next to you and facing the spring field, and this scene is a lot like a brilliant oil painting.

But there is no figure in this painting. Because, that figure has been hidden in the unprecedented richness and comprehensiveness of the scenery. My borders melt in the all-encompassing mottled colors, and my mind melts into the rustle of the all-encompassing leaves.

It's hard to separate me from this vividness. But I'm everywhere at the same time. There is nothing in which I don't exist.

I feel like I can see me sitting next to you in such an oil painting without a human figure. She was as ethereal as a shadow, but at the same time flesh and blood. She is like the character we see on the movie screen, every pore is delicate and delicate, the voice and smile, lifelike, with a sculptural power that cannot be questioned and overturned, but when you reach out to touch it, you can only scratch an empty space.

Here, I can't resist switching to the third person to refer to myself. Because that's how I really feel. I think there is a connection between the first person and the third person. There is no barrier that cannot be breached.

I feel firsthand that I'm still with you.

Although this feeling was short-lived, I have never felt it so real before since you left. In the moment when I felt that gaplessness, I was very confident that the tombstone could be traversed. I didn't even think to doubt that it could be traversed. I don't see any barrier between us.

You are as real as flesh and blood, and I am as ethereal as a thought. That's what I felt in a brief moment.

Our relationship has never changed. It's like the magic of sunlight on the leaves, and each change changes the face of the world, but nothing happens.

Leaves are always leaves. There has never been a meeting, and there has never been a breakup.

I've been sitting by your side since the day the world was opened. That's how we've always held hands. It's like two leaves growing together. The light changes our view, sometimes it is dark here, sometimes it shudders, but it is just a perception. The leaves are always there. It's like we've always been here.

I know that what I'm saying has become very mysterious now. It already looks a lot like a dream. But that's what I felt.

All the walls were broken down in an instant. Only a bright light remained. That's how it feels.

We are the projection of this light. Everything we see and feel is a projection of this light in the human structure, and that's it.

(b)

I'm just going to visit and be there for you. I never thought I'd be exposed to infinity from this.

That day, I sat beside you like that.

There are a lot of green plants growing around you. They are staggered with all sorts of beautiful flowers: chasers, daisies, and others.

I can't feel me. I became transparent, and where I was a wilderness. And that wilderness that accompanies you is me. But the feeling wasn't very long-lasting.

I know I've been exposed to something very great. But, it's also so unpretentious. In fact, it cannot be said about contact. All I can say is that it fused me.

It's a clear process. Magnificent. There is no pain whatsoever. There was no fear. There is no mystery to speak of. Like a fusion that occurs when a drop of water is poured into the sea. So perfect and smooth that there are no words to put it on.

I know that all of this is not understood.

I also know why the reader doesn't understand.

Because it cannot be grasped through the narrow channel of "reading" alone. It's meant to be experienced in its entirety.

Everything that touches the ultimate cannot be understood one-sidedly. It requires you to put it all in.

In other words, if you want to understand the infinite and the eternal, you must first give your all.

I quietly watched the ginkgo tree behind your graveyard, watching the wind blow through its branches, and the leaves fluttering down and covering the ground in front of your graveyard.

I picked three leaves, wiped them clean, and put them in my pocket.

My dear you, I have finally come to see you. What you expected from me, has already happened.

Are you happy?

Are you inside those trees? Are you inside those flowers? Are you under that tombstone? Are you in the wind blowing in my face? I'm here. But where are you? Who can tell me the answer to all these things that surround you with life but also death? Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry, Ethics, MBA, Molecular Biology, Philosophy, Theology, whatever. Can anyone tell me that conclusive answer? Who can?

Earthly knowledge is useless. On fundamental questions of life and death, they are full of speculation and conjecture, and their words are flickering and useless.

(c)

Coming out of the cemetery, I walked across the small bridge and saw S waiting for me there.

S looked at my expression, and he said to me, "It's a good environment here, I'll accompany you to the neighborhood." ”

He said, "Which way do you want to go?" ”

I said, "When you come in, you see swans swimming on the lake over there, so let's go see the swans." ”

S said, "Okay. Then, go and see the swans. ”

We rented a boat and rowed far away from the shore to the middle of the lake.

We stopped on the water in the middle of the two banks.

We each carried a large paper bag. We threw popcorn at the water. Many wild ducks swam towards us. They quarrel with each other. They compete for floating food.

Behind them, several swans made waves on the surface of the water and swam in our direction from the shore.

I think of Kaohsiung's big house in the Windermere Lake District, where many swans would crouch on the sidewalk. They allow the cameras of human curiosity and savage to be pointed at their noble and beautiful curved necks. They don't bother to move.

They also don't understand humans. Their eyes grow on both sides. Separated from each other on either side. They see the world, not the world as we understand it.

They have their own ideas and wisdom. Just because they eat the food we offer doesn't mean they lose their dignity and intelligence right in front of us.

We simply conclude from a hole in the eye that they lack heart and wisdom than we do.

S said, "Look, it's eating." ”

It was a black swan, and it looked like it liked the creamy flavor of popcorn.

What a beautiful curve of its neck.

I was deeply comforted by the way it ate. I remember when we were feeding the fawns in Bossan, and I remember you telling me that your mother used to tell you not to smoke when you are sad, but to feed the animals. When we see the fulfillment of other lives, we ourselves find comfort in it.

I always like to feed animals. The presence of other creatures warms me.

I feel that there is something that shares the fate of birth, old age, sickness and death with me. This helps counteract that feeling of being abandoned in an alien space.

The paper bag was finally empty.

S said, "Do we have to feed two more bags?" ”

I shook my head and said no.

When I came ashore, I said, "I don't know what will happen to these swans who are with us today." How will they die? ”

I don't know the fate of the ducks, and when they grow a little bigger, they will be caught and eaten. Will the swans be the same as the ducks? Probably. Feed their lives today, and they will kill their lives tomorrow. The life that rejoices in watching them eat today is the life that will eat their flesh and blood tomorrow. That's the way this world is. Good and evil are uncertain, and friend and foe are indistinguishable. It's hard to understand, but you have to adapt.

S listened, was silent for a moment and said, "You're still sad in your heart." There's a small mine over there, where gold has been found before. Let's go over there and have a look. ”