(a)

On the night of my stay in the city, there was my first thunderstorm since spring. I stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows www.biquge.info watching the golden electric light split the dark blue sky of the city, and the raindrops the size of copper coins with the smell of dust crackled on the glass and windowsills, splashing many water droplets. The curtains fluttered slightly in the wind. The garden is home to freshly blooming light blue and white intertwined orchid flowers swaying and lodging in the wind. In the distance, cherry blossom petals fall like snowflakes into the puddles of water on the driveway.

After the thunderstorm, the weather was excellent over the weekend. The sun was shining and the sky was blue.

Early in the morning, S drove over, and we drove to your cemetery together.

I crossed many mountains in the car and drove towards you.

On the front window glass is a clear blue sky, so pure, so breathtaking, the more you look at it, the more it feels bottomless. You can go all the way deep into that indescribably beautiful blue. You can go trillions of light-years like this, and still be inside this blue. It's so blue that it reminds you of infinity.

As I was walking along the tertiary road, I saw a white cloud lingering between the mountains. It sinks halfway up the mountain like a blank space on a Chinese painting, and you can't see where it starts or where it ends, just like a sweet dream that the mountain had last night has not woken up.

I never understood why, in the midst of a series of cloudy days, the weather was so sunny and the sun was so bright during the day.

It was a perfect sunny spring day, without any blemish.

Who is the cloud open for?

Is it for a date like this long time for us to reunite?

You've always been with me along the way. You've been with me all the way to the music on the CD player. Therefore, what I have experienced, you have also followed me. The beautiful, the unfortunate, the sad, the happy.

(b)

When I was going through the formalities at the entrance, the caretaker of the cemetery asked me, "May I ask who you are from the deceased?" ”

I was stunned and couldn't answer. He calls you "dead," and it caught me off guard.

Who am I? I'm nothing. No one knows that I am a partner with whom you love each other deeply. No one knows that we have been looking for each other for so long for this moment to meet again.

No one knows, in my previous life and in this life, I have missed you all my life, and I have never forgotten you.

S quickly said the standard answer next to him: "We are his students." ”

The admin didn't ask anything wrong. It's that I can't react normally.

The person in question is just me.

S sent me to the little bridge.

He said: "Xinxin, cross the bridge, walk along the road, and at the end of the road is the grave of his father and son." Perhaps, you wish to go in alone. I won't go in with you this time. Be alone together. If I'm here, I'll interfere with you. ”

So, I walked across the bridge alone and walked towards you.

The sound of gurgling water has always followed me.

(c)

Again, I saw your smile, so warm, so kind, so familiar, and it only took half a second for me to make my heart pound again.

You smiled warmly at me on the photo of the tombstone, and your eyes were still so clear and affectionate.

You are as young and handsome as ever. You're still the same. You stop at that point in time, and there will be no more changes. But I am no longer the same me, I have changed a lot, both inside and outside.

I have now grown into a woman like Liu Wenli, with towering breasts, curvy hair, and a shawl, dressed in fashion. However, in front of you, my heart is still that innocent girl, full of admiration and love for you.

I knelt down in front of your tombstone, and my heart sounded the harmonica song "Danny Boy" that you had played on the wooden fence of the Bosan hut. My dear, I came to see you. I've stepped through the green grass and stood by your side. Do you feel me?

I couldn't help but kiss your picture gently. I kiss your picture affectionately, like our passionate kiss in a lavender flower field.

I kiss you through death. I kiss you with my life through your death. I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me too. I want you to know this.

Even if you haven't kissed me in the lavender field, you are deeply engraved in my life. You are equally indelible.

My lips don't feel you. I only felt the coldness of the non-living thing, the isolation from death.

As I kissed you, my heart was broken and my despair was shattered.

You're looking at me like that in another world. You're under the dirt in front of me.

However, you no longer exist. You turn to dust.

I couldn't accept this before. It's still very difficult. I can't accept it. No matter how long it takes, the pain will still be sharp. Unless I also become dust, and again with you, in the same form.

(iv)

I sat by your side for a long time. Sit between the similar smiles of your father and son.

I sat silently and listened to the majestic symphony of nature.

It is not played by any one instrument. It doesn't have any one person to command. It is played by the countless trees and flowers around you. And the musicians who play it are from the cold of the Arctic ice field.

As I listen to it like this around you, I feel like I'm in the throbbing of another, greater life. No, it is not accurate to describe it as another, greater. I should say that I felt like a drop of water in a huge torrent of life.

It's the most magnificent symphony I've ever experienced in my life. I don't say that this is the most beautiful symphony I have ever "heard" in my life, but that I say "experience" because it does not only flow to me through the thin channel of "listening". Its channels are much richer and broader.

It has not only sound, but also smell and taste, with the aroma of hay and the coolness of daisy, and at the same time it has a myriad of colors that are layered and flowing.

The sunlight changes every second, and every second it is a new vividness. Light and shadow have been completely stirred and mixed together, and it is impossible to tell where is light and where is gloomy. The moment I tried to describe it, the combination had already changed many times.

I eventually felt that language was cornered and that I couldn't exhaust what I had experienced with words. I can't record with a camera or DV machine. Whatever I use to reproduce it, it's incomplete. Because all reproduction is finite, and that beauty is infinite. No matter how much I capture, I can only catch a part of it.

I was confined to a limited range of expressions, and I found it difficult to say even a "so beautiful". Because it is so much more than "so beautiful", that I instinctively feel that the use of such exclamation is a distortion or blasphemy of it.

I have never felt the limits of art so deeply. Just as science has its own end to exploration, so art has its end to expression. More than words. Music, paintings, films, sculptures, everything.

My dear you, what I experienced by your side that day was such an event. It was so moving that I was in tears and forgot all my sorrows. So, that day, by your side, in the midst of such a vast and boundless symphony, I was not idle, nor was I grief-stricken. I don't know how I am. I can barely find me.

If I had to describe it, I think it would be the only way to say: I am infinite. That's all I can say.