(a)

On that day, you said to me by the lake, "Qin'er, whether it is an injury, a disease, or a death, it can only hurt our bodies. And our mentality, it doesn't have a body, it can't be hurt. It can be fine all the time. ”

I said, "Brother, in principle, I can understand what you are saying. However, I don't have the strength to be as safe as a mountain and meet him calmly. ”

You say, "I'm the same, I don't always have that power." But as long as we keep controlling ourselves, keep pulling ourselves back from wrong expectations and wrong ideas, and face the truth, one day, our strength will be full. Just like the New Han Army, it was not invincible from the beginning, and it had to go through repeated and arduous training. ”

I said, "Patience, then, is training?" ”

You say, "Yes." Patience with brokenness, patience with sorrow, patience with inner twisting, patience with physical collapse, these are all trainings. ”

You say, "Qin'er, look at me." When you watch me being struck down by pain, don't think in your heart, he's going to die, he's suffering. Think: I am my father's daughter, and I am the woman he loves. I have a strong heart, and a tenacious spirit, and I am not so easily crushed and destroyed by people. I will be worthy of my father and his life. ”

You say, "The former thought will make you less and less energetic, and you will become less and less able to help me." The latter thought, however, can make the pain less and less powerful to persecute you, and you will be able to help me with your stability and your strength. The choice is only in your thoughts. Don't let the pain hold you back. ”

You say, "I'll be with you for a few days." I don't know if I'll have this pain in the next few days. When I suffer from pain, I may look weak and painful on the outside, but I want you to know that in my heart, even when it hurts the most, when it hurts like a horse parting its body, there is still such a calm blue lake. It is still quiet, stable, bright and clear. ”

You say, "If you see me in such pain again, you must remember that I was not in that pain, but I was actually on the quiet lake under that pain, and I was waiting for you to meet me beside the lake." You have to see the me under the pain. I'm waiting for you to come to the lake and meet me. Like at this moment. ”

You say, "Jean, come to the lake below the pain and let me take you by the hand." Will you come? ”

I nodded vigorously.

I said, "I will." I will come. I saw that power, and I saw that path. I will definitely come. ”

(b)

That day, on the last section of the boardwalk, you said to me, "Qin'er." In this life, with this flesh and blood, I can't go further with you. This is the farthest place at the moment. However, it is not pitch black ahead, but something else. You'll be able to go far alone. Heaven asked me to leave you, maybe it was to let you go further. ”

You say, "I can't see your future anymore, but I know you'll be there." I will be waiting for you at the end of that road. Perhaps, that's a new starting point. ”

You look me in the eye affectionately.

You say, "Qin'er, you have the strength to get yourself out of misfortune." The power is in you, not in me. You have to discover it in your heart, find it, use it. ”

You say, "Remember my words, dear Jean." When you are able to bring happiness to other lives, you will naturally leave from misfortune. When you can give courage to others, you also leave fear. ”

That's what you said to me that day on the boardwalk by the lake. It was you who came back from a long journey and said to me, supported by the extreme dosage of analgesics.

(c)

It's like all roads have an end. The same is true in the story.

Before you know it, the boardwalk has come to an end.

We are facing a vast lake.

In the midst of the lakes and mountains, between heaven and earth, we are so small. Our pain and joy are all like dust.

The cold hung over the water like a frozen mist. There was a sweet frost in the air.

I couldn't help but shiver under my shawl.

You turn your head to look at me. You say, "Is it cold?" ”

You stretched out your arm, the strongest arm in the world, and wrapped its arms around my waist and pulled me tightly into your arms.

We just snuggled up to each other and stood among the lakes and mountains. Peaceful and perfect. Perfection and symmetry.

It was a fleeting moment, never to come again. The so-called golden moment is such a happy time. This kind of time, like pure honey, can change the essence of the taste of the whole lake with just one drop.

The intoxicating sense of happiness is like a freshly dug spring gushing out of my heart, and it is constantly rising, rising, rising, drowning all the pain and troubles of my life, and continues to rise, rise, and rise, until it passes through the deep time and space, nourishing me who tells you about the past at this moment, nourishing all the narratives and expressions, and nourishing the love and gratitude for the rest of my life.

That's the last good time.

(iv)

"All flesh is like grass, and its glory is like a flower on grass. The grass will wither, and the flowers will wither. Bible. 1 Peter]

"But the Word endures. This is the gospel that has been preached to you. Bible. 1 Peter]

(5)

I said, "This lake is so beautiful." It's like a tear between heaven and earth. ”

Say, "Bury me here." Right where I'm standing right now. I love it here. ”

I said, "Okay." I'll do what you want. I'll do it for you. ”

(f)

Later, after you died, I also went to the shore of Baojing Lake with Liu Shen. We are there to sacrifice you.

At that time, it was already the first spring after the establishment of the new dynasty. The cold air by the lake is still the same, but the spring light has already bloomed tenaciously from the nameless flowers.

Facing your wordless tombstone, your unspeakable life, your life that has been scattered, I stood there, watching the light flow on the top of the towering trees, listening to the sound of the stream flowing, and the song of the birds in the woods.

Everything is still just as good. It's just that there is no longer you in this world.

Will we ever encounter it again? Will you remember? Will you still recognize it? Or, all annihilated?

(g)

"Some people say that the lake in the mountains is a tear hidden on the surface of the earth. In that case, the tears on my pillow are the lake hanging in your heart. ”

(viii)

Jump outside the story, now I'm the author of this book, I'm no longer Qin'er, I'm idealistic now.

One day, I was on a trip and flipped through a magazine on the plane and saw a photo of the landscape.

It is a lake high in the mountains, and the blue water reflects the autumn mountain scenery.

When I saw it, my heart suddenly fluttered. It's like an insect stuck in a spider's web.

I looked at this picture for a long time. Suddenly, I saw something. A wordless stone monument stands at the end of the landscape.

That's when I started to burst into tears and couldn't stop.

Sharp sorrow pierced up.

I don't know what it's for.

Since then, this image has lingered in my mind. It pulls me along. It's like a magnet being attracted to the north and south poles.

I finally couldn't resist traveling there. I walked into the picture frame. I found the stele. I stood in front of it. My hands touched the coolness of the stones.

It was at that moment that everything erupted. I shuddered and was overwhelmed by them.

That day, I knelt in front of this stone tablet and wept so bitterly that I couldn't make a sound at all, and my retina was about to peel off from my eyes.

It was a moment that will never be forgotten.

When you know who you are, you can't move on with your old life. There is no way to live like that again.

(ix)

"I'm not afraid that this life is coming to an end. I'm afraid it never started. ”

(x)

The chapter on the lake was one of the first I ever wrote. I wrote about it back in June 2006.

At that time, I was very young and lived in a house by the lake. There, there is a quiet corner that is carefully arranged to concentrate on writing. The window in front of the desk faces the garden behind the house. Sunny.

I had a computer on a small antique desk with a picture of a bird.

Walking through the garden behind the house, you will find a sparkling lake, and the ever-changing sunshine and flowing clouds. There I was, with a blanket over my knees and a shawl over my shoulders, with the fire in the fireplace behind me, and spent a sleepless night. I wrote about it.

It finally flowed from the world in my heart to this world.

Now, the earliest document of this chapter is still stored on the computer in that room. It's already old. The rapid changes of the world have long left it and the ancient sorrows it carries far away.

And I probably won't have a chance to go back to that desk with beautiful hand-painted paintings.

The son said in the river: The deceased is like a husband.