(a)

You say, "Okay, we're here for today." Now you go to the self-study classroom next door, hurry up and write your homework, and when I get off work, we will go back together. ”

You say, "I'll give it to you first, and when I get home, I'll take a look at it for myself and think about what to do in the future." After the game, bring it back. There are only two blank tapes in the team, and they have to be reused. ”

I look at you in surprise and say, "Today, that's the end?" Guide, don't you teach me something? ”

You smile and say, "What more can I say?" My teachings have just been finished by you. ”

I felt a burning sensation on my face again.

I stood up with a red face.

You look at my cheek.

You smiled softly and whispered to me, "Why are you blushing?" I'm commending you. You did very well. ”

You say, "There is no teacher who can follow us all the way in life. Everyone must eventually learn to be their own mirror and their own mentor in a no-man's place. Just like you just did. ”

(b)

Every word you say gives me that tingling sensation of electricity passing through my head.

My heart was pounding, and the skin on my face was on fire.

I bowed my head again and said, "I'm sorry, Guide, I failed to live up to your teachings. I was so distracted that I didn't even notice that someone was filming me nearby, and I had been filming for so long. ”

I said, "I just saw myself like this, and I don't have the face to face you and Director Wang anymore." ”

You smiled. You shake your head.

You come a little closer and take my hand.

You say softly, "That's not the case. Heart. The most valuable thing about a person is that he has self-knowledge anytime and anywhere. You know it, I'm pleasantly surprised. ”

You say, "Tell me the truth, Xinxin, you are the most perceptive student I have ever met." You often make my heart churn with great surprise. Just like just now, as soon as the video is played, you don't have to say anything more, and you will understand it all on your own. Such acumen is the biggest surprise a teacher can encounter. I often feel very lucky to be with you. You make me feel that being a coach is so good. ”

You say, "A lot of times, in front of you, I often feel that words are lacking or superfluous. ”

You say, "It's true." I'm not trying to compliment you, I'm not saying anything exaggerated to you just to make you happy. I'm telling the truth about my feelings. ”

You say, "Xinxin, in the process of receiving counseling, you understand so quickly and deeply that it will always exceed the speed at which language can be expressed, and it will always reach a depth that cannot be reached by the exhaustion of language." ”

You say, "My language, often, feels like it can't keep up with your comprehension." ”

(c)

Your words are poured into my heart.

I felt hot, my limbs limp, and my mind was chaotic, but warm and full of indescribable sweetness.

I can't say anything more, I just feel like I'm looking at you dumbfounded.

You looked at me stupidly, smiled again, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "Okay, now, go and do your homework, wait for me to pack up the equipment and the venue, close the doors and windows upstairs and the lights when I leave, and I'll wait for you in the bicycle carport downstairs." ”

As you walked backwards towards the door, you said to me, "Xinxin, at this moment, can you still see the mirrors around you?" Can you still see yourself in the mirror? ”

At the sound of your words, you walked backwards to the door.

You smiled at me again at the door, and you turned and walked out.

I hear your footsteps coming down the stairs.

I stood in the electric classroom in a daze, clutching the videotape.

I still feel a strong physical and mental agitation, and it is difficult to control myself.

Of all the teachers, you are the only one who can give me such a great cheer and wake up with constant guidance.

Every moment around you, I feel that the sky is wide and the earth is wide, and the whole body and the outside are renewed.

(iv)

As soon as I finished my homework in the study room, it was already a little dark.

I closed the doors, windows, and lights, and hurried downstairs to the bike shed, where I saw that you were already crouching there, inflating the front tires with an electric air pump.

You see me running over, and you stand up and reach for the electric switch on the inflator pump.

You look at the outline of my body in the dim light.

We just looked at each other for a moment.

Then, you smile and break the silence.

You say, "No, heart, don't look at me like that." ”

Your words make me aware of my own eyes.

At that time, my eyes must have been full of the girl's infinite admiration and true love for her lover. There must be countless little stars twinkling in my eyes.

You look at me a little shyly. You whispered: "Such eyes are too lethal, and it is easy to mess with others." ”

You say, "You know, in the face of such a look, I might, often do, not very much, resistant." ”

I heard a tremor in your voice. This tremor made my heart melt instantly.

I lowered my spicy eyes and blocked the tears of excitement behind my eyelids.

Again, we were silent to each other.

After a few more moments, I heard your voice. Your voice has returned to a smooth and calm one.

You say, "Actually, Xinxin, I am also a mirror." When you see me, what you see is still yourself. In this regard, you must always be awake. ”

Just when I was feeling confused about this sentence, you had already pushed the bike out.

You gently press the bell.

I look up at you.

You smile and say, "Come on, little sharp star, let's go home." ”

(5)

There are so many moments like this, whenever my attention is scattered with the outside world, you can always quickly draw my attention to you and focus on you.

And whenever I project admiration and love onto you, you will be so skillful and firm in reversing my attention, letting it leave its attachment to you and return to my heart in time.

In this way, thanks to your help and enlightenment again and again, I finally found the eye that opened inward.

(f)

The dream scene shifts again to one night after your death, and I am alone, curled up on the floor of my attic.

I looked at the watercolor you painted over and over again, at the tiles and fallen leaves that you drew slanted outside the attic, and relived all the teachings of your last days over and over again in my mind.

I longed to leave the intense inner pain of losing my loved one forever.

— but not in a way that is forgotten or avoided.

I want to find out the root cause of suffering for all beings who will experience life and death, and then completely uproot all suffering.

That year, I was 16 years old.

I vow to read all the classics of the world, worship the teachers of the wise and philosopher, and complete this matter, and I will not hesitate to break my bones.

I distinctly remember that in the night sky at that time, one star in the north became particularly bright, and other stars surrounded it.

I looked through the skylight glass in the attic and looked at the bright star.

Dear guide, is that you in heaven, looking into my eyes?