Living with something we hate is not as hard as we think.

Dozens of days have passed in a blink of an eye. The feeling of nausea that made people shiver from the inside out gradually lessened. When you stand up, you won't be dizzy anymore. The body, on its own, has adapted to the new situation. What I can't adapt to yet is just my heart.

I can't remember what day it was. Maybe I'm holding an embroidered bandage and embroidering a flower. All of a sudden, I felt a very slight earthquake deep inside my body. That subtle fluctuation hit all my senses at once. I stopped moving.

I couldn't help but sit there with bated breath, and all of a sudden I was completely still.

In the silence, the fluctuation was heard again. There was a burst of electricity surging through my body. I couldn't help but shudder.

It's it. It's the life in my body. It's moving. It's rolling over, it's sucking its very, very, very tiny hand.

It's my kids moving!

Although the vibration was very light, almost imperceptible, my whole life was hit by it with unprecedented intensity.

My heart instantly became very soft, so soft that there could be no more hatred, no more anything that could not be contained.

I don't know how to put into words the heart of that moment. That's my child. He lives. It's moving.

In that instant, I understood what a mother is and what a biological mother is.

I understood my mother, why she had to endure so much pain, sacrifice her own life, and must have given birth to me into this world.

In an instant, I completely understood what I hadn't been able to experience for more than a decade: a heart full of motherhood.

Kindness, tolerance, compassion, patience, these qualities that make life strong, life deep, and life open are always present in us.

And every child is here to help us bring them out, to help us see that they are there, that they are meant to be us.

The first fetal movement of every child can make a mother's heart at that moment become the same as the heart of Avalokiteshvara.

At that moment, we can suddenly realize that Avalokiteshvara is not elsewhere, she is in our hearts. She is in our bodies and minds.

I was frozen there by this strong shock. For a long time, I couldn't move.

I forgot the date of that day, I forgot what time it was, it was morning, evening or noon, but I remember the tremor very clearly, and the ripples it caused in my life.

I, do I still want to get rid of this child?

If I insist on taking him away, will this little child be terrible too? Does he feel pain too?

Will he be as painful as I was when I was designed to be hurt by my aunt? Why did his own mother have to kill him?

Just like you didn't do anything wrong to Jingyun, but he hated you for no reason, this kid didn't do anything wrong to me, but I, like Jingyun, were angry with him for no reason.

Me, can I be regarded as an unreasonable person like Jingyun?

My mind recalls your words about killing.

I vowed not to kill, but I didn't.

Now, am I going to start killing again? And, to kill my own children?

Should I marry you with Jingyun's child? Should you let Jingyun's child become your eldest son, inherit your title and family property in the future, and let your own own son-in-law lose these due honors?

By doing so, I can avoid the sin of murder, but if you save me from the brink of death three times and twice, should I let such a thing happen to you?

I was deeply conflicted and confused.

In the end, what should be done to get the best of both worlds?

I sat there with my heart twisted, physically and mentally exhausted, and lacking in wisdom.