I finally woke up.

When I woke up, it was the middle of the night. The people around me who guarded me were dozing off because of the hard work they had been working on for days.

I saw a hazy halo, then a burning lamp, and then my father's saber hanging on the wall.

Slowly, I realized that I was still in my room. This shows that I am still alive in this world.

The frustration in my heart is indescribable.

I was only fifteen years old. It was not easy for me to commit suicide again and again.

But what else can I do?

I hurt my two sons in front of my parents, who had raised me for fifteen years. After all this happened, what shame do I have to live in this place again!

But where can I go if I leave here?

I have been a woman who has lost my virginity, and henceforth I am an unclean woman, and there will never be an innocent court willing to accept me again.

Now, people like Xia Wenhou and his son will only hide from me like the plague. Privately, they would talk about me like they were talking about fireworks girls.

The whole world closed its doors to me. No matter how hard you try, you can't become a good woman again.

My life was completely destroyed at that moment.

It seems that the only way to save me is to marry my eldest brother.

But I hated him so badly that between being his wife and dying, I would rather choose the latter. I can't imagine how I can live with him for decades, I can't imagine how I can raise his children. I couldn't restrain myself from killing him at the sight of him.

But I knew I would never try to kill him again. The moment I saw you fall to the ground with an arrow, all the anger in my heart, all the grief and indignation, all the firmness, and the strength of my whole body suddenly disappeared. Only confusion remains. Only heartache remains. Only sorrow remains. This scene has been etched in my memory ever since. It left me with no more power to carry out another act like this. So, I can't live for revenge.

I can't find a reason to live.

When I woke up, I was very sad to find that there was no place for me in this world.

My only option was to continue the unfinished journey again.

I slept there, all the while looking at my father's sword on the wall, gathering strength.

When I felt like I could move, I struggled out of bed.

But I didn't know about the surgery I had while I was in a coma.

As soon as I got out of bed, I felt like I was stepping on a very high pile of cotton. I threw myself to the ground and woke up my guards.

I knew I couldn't walk over and get my sword before they caught me.

I reached out and smashed a medicine bowl at the head of the bed and smashed it on the floor. As I grabbed a piece of porcelain, a sturdy servant woman grabbed me firmly by the wrist, immobilizing me.

I let go of the porcelain and slammed my head against the corner of the table. Two other servants rushed from behind and dragged me with all their might. As a result, I just hit my forehead in the corner of the table and fainted.

When I woke up again, a lot had changed in the room. Everything that could be used to hurt myself disappeared from the room, or moved to a distance away from me.

My hands and feet were tied to the bed with ribbons. Four or five servant women looked at me around the bed with blazing eyes.

When my eyes opened, I saw them shouting for joy, "Wake up!" Wake up! Then one of the servants ran out.

I closed my eyes tiredly.

Why do you want to keep someone who has no way to live?

Why didn't anyone come to my aid and make it easy for me to die?

On that day, I learned that in life, sometimes, it is difficult to live, even if you want to die, it will be very difficult.

In many cases, we are unable to live and die.

It's just a puppet between life and death.