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It was all four years ago. He hadn't experienced it for too long www.biquge.info so long that he had almost forgotten that there was still such a situation in the world.

Warm and soft, quiet and comfortable, strong and safe.

Natural, natural, as if born with it, as if it had been a habit for twenty-three years.

Not lonely. There is no loneliness, no loneliness. ――Is this true? He had tried to think about what it was like to not be alone, and he couldn't imagine it. He started from the beginning of his life, to now, twenty-three years, a lifetime for him. There has never been a time when I wasn't lonely, never so pure.

But he forgot, he did, and it was only now that he finally remembered it. He has had such a time when he is not lonely, in his life, there have been sporadic and fragments. Duanlimen wedding? Wedding night? In the mountains of Wudang? -- Not at all. He married Qiu'er, he loved Qiu'er, but by Qiu'er's side, the loneliness still existed all the time, even stronger than when he was alone.

When I was young, I was surrounded by my brothers and sisters, and my father, uncle, and aunt - lonely. Most of the childhood memories are the darkroom, my father. He has a big brother and a sunny child, and he has only loneliness.

The most intense time is probably above the Hanshui in Xiangyang that day. In the midst of all the people - that feeling of loneliness is incomparably strong. He has a dislike for being lively all his life and likes to be isolated, most of which is also because of this.

It's not that there is no loneliness when there is companionship; It's not that someone treats him well can alleviate that loneliness.

He had a time when he was not lonely: Wooden Swing, Dong Pingshan, - Xiang'er. Is it for this reason that I think of you repeatedly? Why did I never realize before, all this warmth and softness, serenity and comfort, solidity and safety, all this natural and natural feeling, it all came from this, you dispel loneliness, you melt and destroy my innate, ever-present loneliness, so easily, so casually.

It was as if he had gone back four years. However, four years ago, it was impossible for them to share the same bed and hug each other like they do now. Obviously, four years ago, he and her were just friends, and he was willing to call them confidants, all they did was for him to practice swords in the grove by the river, and she sat on the side and was busy with needlework, and then ate together, occasionally cooked together, and quarreled and turned her face every now and then over trivial matters.

Spending youth, this word is the most appropriate.

The feeling of bliss.

Shen Ruoyu only felt a little dizzy. He didn't dare to think about it again; Thinking about it again, he was afraid that his tears would fall.

Later, he married another girl. Qiu'er has been trying to take away his loneliness, but she has never succeeded.

Later, he left Qiu'er again. If it weren't for the accident, he believed that he would have been broken into pieces by now.

Did he forget, or did he deliberately abandon happiness and choose loneliness and choose a path of destruction?

He unconsciously hugged her tighter.

Nightshade resisted. "You're going to strangle me—"

Shen Ruoyu let go of his arm apologetically. Nightshade looked up, gave him another deep kiss, and then, staring into his eyes.

"You haven't changed."

Shen Ruoyu said: "Master Daoyan said that I have changed. ”

Nightshade lay back in the crook of his arm.

"Yes; I guess I've changed. ”

"Master Dao Yan arranged it?"

Nightshade snorted. "When you leave Beiping, I often come to offer incense. Master Dao Yan told me that you were back and asked me if I wanted to see you. ”

Shen Ruoyu sighed, her voice a little hoarse.

"He disarmed me, before I knew it. I've never been like this, all this time, I didn't expect-"

He said no more. Nightshade smiled.

"To be honest, I didn't expect that either. In the past, where would I dare to kiss you Shen Ruoyu. ”

"How are you doing?"

"It's not good, it's not bad. You know me, weeds are easy to live. As soon as I looked at you, I knew I was at least better off than you. ”

"Don't you hate me for betraying King Yan?"

Ye Laixiang sighed, "I'm just afraid that I know you too well to believe that you really betrayed him." ”

Shen Ruoyu said softly: "Xiang'er, do you know about my mother-aunt?" ”

Nightshade whispered, "I know everything." Everyone in Peking knows about it. If I hadn't turned my back on you, I'm afraid I'd be in that place now. ”

Shen Ruoyu said bitterly: "I only hate you for turning your face enough, and now you are lying next to me again." ”

Nightshade turned over and looked at him quietly.

"Ruoxiao, I told you, I am a weed. Weeds are easy to live and can't die. I'm not your county lord, and I'm not your sister. I'm not an aunt either. No matter what you do to me, what others do to me, what King Yan does to me, I have a way to live. ”

Shen Ruoyu smiled bitterly: "You are stronger than me." I'm just afraid to look back and see you tormented for me, and I won't be able to survive it myself. ”

"How's Qiu'er?"

"I chased her away."

“…… Driven away? ”

Shen Ruoyu nodded. "When I left the capital at the beginning of last year, I knew that I would not go back alive, because I was afraid that King Yan would retaliate against her when he entered Beijing, so I wrote a letter of resignation and entrusted her to Hongjiang - the challenger who jumped out to grab the bride at the wedding that year. He is actually his aunt's biological son, which is a long way to say. ”

Nightshade shook her head and smiled.

"Look, I'll just say you've not changed. I bet she was still a virgin when you divorced her. ”

Shen Ruoyu smiled: "I won't bet with you." ”

Nightshade said softly, "Do you remember that I said that I can't marry you, so I want to consider another option?" ”

Shen Ruoyu said: "Why don't you remember?" Who did you end up choosing? Do I know each other? ”

Nightshade looked at him and hesitated.

"Since you are sure, I have made a choice, at this moment, I am lying next to you, skin-to-skin with you, don't you think I am shameless?"

Shen Ruoxiao smiled faintly: "I separated from Qiu'er and lay down with you again." Don't you think I'm too light and empathetic too easy? ”

Nightshade said: "We are different. You and Qiu'er have separated, but Young Master Zhu and I haven't. ”

Shen Ruoyu was stunned, and Ye Laixiang saw his thoughts and grabbed his hand.

"Don't run."

Shen Ruoxiao said in a panic: "We can't do this!" Xiang'er, he's Young Master Zhu! I can not care about anyone else, but he is Young Master Zhu. I already owe Yao Biao too much, and I can't be sorry for Yao Jizhu anymore. ”

Nightshade held him down; Those hands were strong. Shen Ruoyu pulled away her hands in surprise, held them in her own hands, and stroked the hard cocoon on them, no longer able to find the delicacy and delicacy that she once had. He only felt a pinprick in his heart.

"Xiang'er!" He squeezed her hand.

Nightshade said softly, "You don't have to worry about Master Zhu. I'll be with you, I told him beforehand. He agreed to let me come over. ”

Shen Ruoyu was extremely painful: "He agreed to let you come over, but can he agree that you will go on a skin-to-skin blind date with me?" ”

"I told him bluntly, I'm going to sleep with you. Although I don't love him, I respect him and will never deceive him. ”

Shen Ruoyu looked at her in horror: "...... Did he agree? ”

Ye Laixiang said: "He didn't marry me, and I didn't choose him." It's not so much that I haven't separated from him, it's that I've never been with him. I am now a handyman in the Yao family's pharmacy, and Young Master Zhu has always been so kind to me, and I am grateful to him, so when he is in need, I am willing to serve him as a way to repay him. But after all, he is the eldest young master of the Yao family, he won't marry me, he doesn't want to marry me, I don't want to marry him, I don't love him. He can make me do all sorts of things, but he can't control me. I did my best to repay him and satisfy him, but I was still myself from beginning to end. To put it mildly, it's just a deal. I worked for him and slept for him, but my body was still my own, and affection and fidelity were never part of the deal. ”

Shen Ruoyu looked at her silently for a long time. He sighed deeply and smiled melancholy.

"I think you're right; In the past four years, I haven't changed. Maybe everything has changed, Xiang'er has also changed, and Young Master Zhu has also changed, but I haven't. Perhaps, everything is like this, but everything that has happened in the past four years has finally made us see the truth clearly. ”

Nightshade stretched out her arm again and encircled him into her arms.

"We've all grown up. You once swore to love your sister and guard your autumn; I used to think I'd always love you like that; The way Young Master Zhu looked at me, he used to be so innocent - everything became what it is today, in fact, there is nothing wrong. We can't stay in our teens forever. What's more, these four years are different from any other four years, in these four years, you have changed from a hotel junior to a general of the imperial army, and in the past four years, even the country is about to change its master. ”

Shen Ruoyu hugged her tightly, kissed her softly, and felt the hardness that came out of her muscles and bones—the hardness that had never existed in Qiu'er and Qing'er; He never realized that he could find it in a woman.

He asked, "Why did you go to Yao's pharmacy to work?" Where's your aunt? ”

Ye Laixiang said: "Since King Yan started the army, the men in the city have basically entered the army, and there is no business in the Bada Hutong, and Huiyinglou has long been dispersed. The girls either married well, or listened to the royal palace to do laundry, cook for the army, and do all kinds of other work. At first, I worked with my aunt to make winter clothes for soldiers in the army, but then Master Yao asked me out and arranged for me to work in the pharmacy, while also taking care of some laundry and other chores. The master was fighting outside, and the master was responsible for the medicinal materials of the army, and I sometimes helped with the procurement and learned a lot of things. Uncle Sheng and Uncle Fang are in charge of the house, and Young Master Zhu is in charge of the pharmacy. Everyone in the city of Beiping praised him for his ability. The two little young masters are still like that, neither good nor bad. ”

He asked hesitantly, "What about you...... Do you still want to get married? ”

Night Prima smiled, "Do you want to marry me now?" ”

Shen Ruoxiao smiled sadly. "Xiang'er, I've been married twice, I gave up both times, and I betrayed both times. Even if I want to marry you, do you dare to marry me? ”

Ye Laixiang said: "If I marry you, it may not be that I betrayed you in the end." It's as if now, in the eyes of the world, I have betrayed Young Master Zhu. I'm afraid there is no man in this world who dares to marry me, right? As people get older, they become more and more rational. Now, I can no longer feel the passion I had for you. Even feelings for you can be so light, let alone for anyone else. ”

"That'...... What are your plans for the future? Ordinary women must find a good man in order to be considered lifelong trust. You are not an ordinary woman, but what are your plans for the future? I guess, you won't stay at Yao's pharmacy all the time. ”

"I don't think so. I don't have a plan for when I'm going to go, though. Maybe when the war is over, everything will return to normal in Beiping. Young Master Zhu is going to get married sooner or later, and when the time comes, I just don't want to go, so I have to go. I want to continue to do some chores, save a little more money, and then leave Beiping, go outside for a walk, and open my eyes. I can do anything, and I have a lot of places I want to go; If I find a place I like to settle down, a shop, or a piece of land, I can stand on my own. ”

Shen Ruoyu smiled: "War is a good thing for you; Otherwise, you are afraid that you will be trapped in the circle of Huiying Building for the rest of your life. ”

Nightshade asked, "What about you?" What are your plans? ”

Shen Ruoyu shook his head and laughed at himself: "I am under house arrest in Beiping, waiting for death. What should I plan for? ”

Ye Laixiang said: "You can take advantage of the fact that the prince has not yet ascended the throne, far away in the south, and be at ease in Beiping, with bright lights and wine, and drunk gold." ”

"There is wine today, drunk today, and tomorrow is sad, tomorrow is sad."

"Exactly."

Shen Ruoyu said helplessly: "But I'm not interested in the bright lights and drunken gold fans." I want to read, but now I only have Buddhist scriptures around me. I wanted to practice, but the autumn breeze was confiscated by the prince. You say, should I really see through the red dust and devote myself to studying the Buddhist scriptures? ”

Ye Laixiang said: "I can ask Young Master Zhu to borrow some books and bring them to you." ”

Shen Ruoyu shook his head and said, "Please, stop blackmailing Young Master Zhu." ”

Nightshade raised willow eyebrows. "What do you call blackmail? I can pay the cost. ”

Shen Ruoyu said: "It's because of this that it's even worse." Who have I become? ”

"You can't practice, you can't read, but at least there are women around you." Nightshade toyed with his collar and asked teasingly, "Do you want to ...... with me?" ”

Shen Ruoyu smiled lightly and said softly, "I don't know." Even if I wanted to, not today. I'm not healed. ”

Nightshade kissed him again. "I know. You need to meditate. ”

They talked until late at night, hugged each other and fell asleep. As soon as it was dawn the next day, Nightshade quietly got up and left and rushed to Yao's pharmacy to work. In this way, for a few days in a row, day and night in the pharmacy, Shen Ruoliao passed the time with Dao Yan and Yao Biao; In the evening, when Nightshade closed the pharmacy, she came to accompany him and talked until late. Afraid that he would be bored, Dao Yan placed a piano for Shen Ruoliao, and Yao Biao also brought some books to Shen Ruoliao, but Ye Laixiang said that she didn't say anything. The county lord of Changning also came to play with Zhu Zhanji.