Since ancient times, people have lived on food. And a good family atmosphere, for children, is their best food, the best day!

As a result, the child's performance seems to be getting better and better in regaining better food.

At this time, the day that has already entered the rainy season, as if there is also an emotional cycle, always engage in water flooding Jinshan Temple at every turn, and let me in helplessness, often take the kindergarten children to the Evergrande Oasis Deyou real estate, and then continue to work!

Day after day, it was another rainy afternoon, and the child, as usual, was once again picked up by me to Deyou real estate, and played alone on the computer next to him. Soon he got bored, and occasionally opened the drawer, but accidentally found that there were a lot of candy bought by his uncle! I thought that he would either take it directly, or grind it hard, or even play tricks on him, as he usually does at home, until he is satisfied...

However, unexpectedly, he was unusually today, the moment he saw the candy in the drawer, he seemed to look at it thoughtfully, and then as if it didn't exist, he looked at me, and then began to play with the computer again!

At that time, I accidentally noticed his reaction, and then I thought about the way he looked at the candy just now, and the moment he looked at the candy, he seemed to be completely like a mature and sensible child. In addition to being silent, I can't find any shadow of autism on my body! Even the aunts inside said that this kid is very good!

However, he is indeed a child who has just turned four, and he is also a child who has been diagnosed with autism. What's more, children with autism generally have a serious lack of social rules, and it is the first time for him to show such a good sense of social rules, which makes me feel very relieved and surprised!

Perhaps, because of this, I began to worry again. I thought, is there something wrong with the child, the taste is not good today, and he doesn't want to eat sugar?

So, in order to find out, I deliberately said to him, "You can eat the candy here...", and I just took a candy and handed it to him. Then, before he could finish speaking, he took it without hesitation! Then he yelled at me to peel the candy.

However, he didn't expect that just as he took it and shouted to peel it, I continued: "This is uncle's candy, not daddy's, so you can't eat it, just put it there!" ”

Unexpectedly, his excellent performance again surprised me even more. Because, at the moment when I finished speaking, he put it back in a little hesitation!

This kind of excellent performance is the result that I have been looking forward to. His performance today was also a result that I didn't expect. So, in the bright light reaction, I still have some doubts about whether he is showing progress, or is he uncomfortable, or he has a bad appetite? What led to such a casual interest in sweets?

With this in mind, when he just put down the candy, I immediately said, "This candy can be eaten, Dad teased you just now..."

Sure enough, with a hesitant expression, he picked up the candy himself...

However, he didn't expect it, so I pretended not to see it and continued to work. I thought to myself, let's see how he reacts. However, I saw him holding the candy in his hand, except for a little Sven, but his expression and demeanor didn't seem to be much different from usual!

Just when I deliberately ignored him, he handed me the candy again...

Then, I saw him eating the candy that had been peeled off, and looking at the drawer with reluctance. I thought he would ask for it again, but unexpectedly, he started playing with the computer as if it was nothing!

Looking back and thinking about all his reactions just now, I was a bit of a second monk, and I couldn't figure out his head. At this time, at the moment when the uncle came over, I deliberately said to him: "Let uncle bring you candy..."

The unsuspecting uncle, under my reminder, immediately took out several candies, and as a result, he unceremoniously accepted all the orders. Then, when my uncle saw this, he took out a few more and was about to give them, and when he was about to take them all again, I immediately said to him, "Well, this is my uncle's candy, I can't ask for it anymore..."

Unexpectedly, after hearing this, as if he had been prepared, he immediately withdrew his outstretched hand! Looking at me who couldn't bear it, I peeled another one and put it in his mouth, and said seriously: "Obedient, I can't eat anymore, my teeth will be bad if I eat again, give the candy to my uncle..."

Therefore, I found that his surprise performance is a sign that he has a strong potential social awareness. At the same time, being so cautious in unfamiliar occasions also shows that he has social repression, and the main reason for this social repression is the result of space restriction and his grandmother's intimidating constraints under acoustic stimulation.

Because, the essential core of social rules is the rules for the formation of fear consciousness! Social desire is a balanced interaction formed in the essence of the core under the premise of obtaining satisfaction and happiness. In turn, that is, this satisfaction and happiness, driven by the fear consciousness, forms social rules to achieve a state of equilibrium!

Thus, it can be seen that when the child is in the country, under the influence of the grandmother and the desire for control, as well as in the closed environment, there is already a deep sense of social phobia. When this kind of social phobia exceeds the normal tolerance limit, it will easily lead the child to close the conscious experience in the process of escaping the pain to obtain a relatively stable benign feeling! This was also the main process by which her mother formed the closure in the first place.

There is a direct relationship between the initial archetype of this social consciousness and the mental consciousness formed by his conscious perception and the initial interaction with his mother. However, due to the negative influence of her grandmother, especially because of the child's auditory response, in the pain of feeling negative stimuli, the fear experience is greater than the need for happiness and satisfaction, resulting in excessive rules of social phobia, and finally causing the child to form social escape in depression! And it is difficult to develop healthy social awareness and ability!

If this situation continues, it will completely cause the loss of social awareness, because the repressive release of the compensatory effect will not only induce and aggravate other problems, but more seriously, because it will cause a stable psychological and physiological chemical interaction, and form a psychological stereotype, and eventually form acquired autism, and it is difficult to obtain a complete recovery!

This phenomenon, like her mother, has a lot of similar closed shadows, and affects her life!

I have a deep understanding of this phenomenon, even if my voice is normal, because I ate candy when I was a child, I was often scolded by my mother, although I was not afraid, just to protect my self-esteem, and learned to control myself, and as a result, I quickly lost interest in candy. And in the absence of appetite transformation, until today, under the radiation effect, it has led to material enjoyment and social behavior, although for me, I also have a normal ability, but in terms of conscious experience, I feel that all these things are dispensable things for me. Perhaps it is for these various reasons that I have moved away from material desires today and focused more on the search for the truth of life.

Think about it, I was originally healthy, but I had such a reaction, so if I had the same internal factors of individual differences as my children, what would I do today? I think it's very likely that he is a typical autistic person!

This phenomenon is also like a person's fear of being punished for making mistakes, and as a result, the fear will gradually be suppressed, which leads to a loss of interest in the original thing. Under the radiation effect, the reaction is at more levels. Similar to the mentality that if you don't do something, you won't make a mistake and you won't be punished. They gradually lose the need for conscious experience and go in a closed direction.

This kind of phenomenon, in a relatively harsh prison environment, seems to appear from time to time!

The difference between the two is that adults form self-dominance and adaptation to the environment under the cognition of thinking and consciousness. For children who are in the formation of the three major consciousnesses, it is the subconscious formed by the explicit conscious experience, which causes the lack of thinking consciousness-oriented, unconscious or subconscious, which exhibits similar conditioned reflex behaviors.

Therefore, if for this reason, since he can show such excellent regular behavior, whether it is a negative fear consciousness or a positive benign consciousness, then it can be shown that in his subconscious, there must be hidden social skills and desires! As long as the dust of his soul is brushed away and his depression and fear are released, then fundamentally he can get the hope of a complete recovery!

If this is the case, then as long as the child is protected from the abnormal points while creating the corresponding environment, it is easy to release the depression and repair, so that he will quickly recover or gain social skills!

Therefore, only from the perspective of the child's performance, then in terms of social training, it is necessary to focus on psychological rehabilitation, while repairing the positive and releasing negative consciousness, mainly to experience social interaction with benign conscious consciousness as the entry point, so as to establish the social cognition of thinking consciousness. In the end, on the basis of rich subconscious information, and on the basis of the premise of the three good consciousnesses, you will finally obtain normal, healthy and effective social skills!

Therefore, after such an analysis, especially in the later period, due to the growth and progress of the child with age and mental, I don't know when, he unconsciously enters into the exploration of other people's bodies, or the sexual consciousness sprouts curiosity, and wants to see us take a bath. Therefore, this phenomenon can also illustrate a very good problem, that is, children have begun to constantly project their attention to the world outside themselves, and officially begin to get out of the closed mind!

That night, at the moment when he heard the sound of his mother taking a bath and releasing water, he was suddenly a little excited, with a somewhat shy smile, ran to the door of the bathroom, and while occasionally looking at me, he deliberately shouted: "Mom... Mom..., drink milk... Drink milk... I want to drink milk..."

Then, while he was yelling, he looked at me who was not responding, only to see that he still opened the door with an embarrassed smile! When I found that his eyes deliberately looked at his mother moving up and down, I seemed to immediately feel the curiosity in his heart about his mother's body, and in the haze, there was a bit of rational self-resistance.

When I found out that he reacted like this, I thought to myself: "Could it be that the child's mind is progressing again and has entered the stage of development of normal children's sexual consciousness?" ”

If, in terms of age, his psychological development of this just coincides with this stage. However, if from the perspective of autism, if the child shows the performance at this stage, then it can be said that his closed mind has been further lifted and has entered a good development again.

Therefore, with such a question, looking at his somewhat ghostly smiling face, especially the momentary shyness, and the expression of the drunkard who does not mean milk, I quickly understood again: "Although the child is driven by curiosity, he also seems to feel that he should not look at his mother's body, perhaps because of this, he has an involuntary shy expression!"

However, in my imagination and in the process of understanding autistic children, it should be rare for autistic children to exhibit such normal behaviors. Therefore, I think that if my guess is correct, it should mean that the child's mental development has undoubtedly entered a new stage.

When I thought about it, I was a little excited, but I still pretended to ignore his existence. Because, I want to give him maximum space and freedom to be in the natural manifestation, in order to continue to observe and get the right answer from it...

Sure enough, in the following days, this kind of behavior continued to get stronger and stronger, until every time my mother, grandmother and I entered the bathroom, the moment he heard the sound of water, he quickly ran to the door and pushed the door, while shouting in a playful tone: "Mom, drink milk... Drink milk... Daddy, Daddy... Drink milk... Milk... Grandma Grandma... Drink milk... To drink milk... I want to drink milk..."

In the face of his behavior, in order to re-establish his inner world, when he was about to push the door and shout for his mother to make milk again, in turn, I was already prepared, and immediately said to him: "Come, Dad will make milk for you to drink..."

But when he heard this, he still smiled embarrassedly, and began to rub in front of the door boringly for a long time, before he reluctantly left there at my request. However, when I was about to go to make the milk, he seemed to deliberately ignore it and ran straight to the room.

However, in the room, before he had time to be naughty, as soon as he saw me walk in, he sneaked up again, ran to the door where his mother was bathing, and began to shout: "I want milk... I want to drink milk..."

Since then, I have come to understand and be sure that my child's mental development has indeed gradually entered a new stage.

So, in order for him to grow better, I asked my mother and grandmother to close the door when they were in the bath, and at the same time to ignore him when he pulled the door to go in, and when he didn't exist, it was not like many parents, blocking, explaining, and satisfying. Instead, he uses this kind of psychological behavior to make him feel that in the neglect of being undetected, he induces and cultivates his desire to explore, radiating to his future world!

So, at the current rate of progress, I believe that as long as we continue to ensure a good environment to match him, then his full recovery should be just around the corner...

However, the good times will not last long, and perhaps a short-lived peaceful and prosperous era. Although it makes people full of reluctance and nostalgia, it is still like a floating cloud after all, and the wind blows easily...

Because, just when the child was about to go on vacation, I wanted to use his short vacation to temporarily get rid of habitual dependence according to his progress and endurance, and was about to take him to his aunt's house in Hefei for intensive training, I didn't expect that, although before that, I deliberately said twice because I was worried that they would object, and his mother also expressed support, thinking that it was already a sure thing, but when I officially determined the itinerary, his grandmother didn't even ask, and immediately said in opposition: "It's so hot at home!" ”

At that time, I listened to it and felt that although she was like the queen mother's order, she also felt that it was excusable, after all, the weather was already hot. But on the other hand, she was a little angry, why didn't she think about it, wasn't it hot in Anqing? Besides, when the child goes to Hefei, he is also at home, and he is not climbing the slope and farming, riding a horse and archery, don't you even know this minimum?

Although I think she is a little unreasonable, and even has ulterior motives. But in order to pass smoothly, I hope to go on the road with a good mood, and in desperation, I paid special attention to it and said: "It doesn't matter if it's hot, it's at home and not outside..."

But she still had a lot to tell, and went on to say, "You have to wash the clothes!" ”

I listened and said perfunctorily, "Yes..."

Unexpectedly, she then said more and more energetically: "You can't wash it in the washing machine, you have to wash it separately from your clothes..."

However, when I heard this, I finally couldn't help but think, "Is it the same old mistake again?" Aren't you looking for trouble? It's not been a few days since this peaceful day, so it's not like you're trying to have a seizure in the middle of an emotional cycle, right? ”

Thinking of this, I seemed to ask a little unceremoniously, "Why can't I use the washing machine, why can't I put it with my clothes?" ”

But unexpectedly, unexpectedly, she suddenly felt like she had eaten gunpowder, only to hear her simply raise her voice and say: "The washing machine can't be cleaned, your clothes are dirty, and your socks stink..."

Thinking about it at this time, in the face of her mentality, I really want to lose my temper! Thinking about it all the time, there are things that are fine, big things and small things, right things and wrong things, why is she always like air and pervasive? No matter what happens, it seems that if you don't intervene, you can't live! But thinking about it again, it was not easy to settle down for a few days, and this kind of peaceful day was not easy to come by, and finally said with a heart: "Okay... Well..."

I thought it was really okay now, but I didn't expect her daughter, who was eating, suddenly seemed to accept her grandmother's mana, and the night was inexplicable, and immediately said in a somewhat zombie-like tone: "Then you can't play with your phone every day..."

Suddenly, before she said playing, I felt a little aggrieved, thinking about a hot day, a man taking care of a child, thinking about myself was afraid. Unexpectedly, not only did they not understand and support me, but they even thought that I was going on vacation.

But I didn't expect that at this moment, my grandmother was like a savior, and suddenly said: "You don't go to work now, do you wait until you are old to go to work?" ”

It's unreasonable to think about these two generations of Our Lady, the children have many problems, and it is difficult to solve them with money, and now is the golden period of recovery. Why don't you want to think about it, if the child's problem continues to be like this, if he can't fully recover, then the money earned by the family will not be enough for him to retire in the future, if so, is there still a mood to make money? Does it still make sense to make money?

You enjoy farming at home, and with the support of your grandfather's ghostly child, you induce children to have many problems, and you lost tens of thousands of dollars if you don't enter the institution today, do I have to be as stupid as you, work hard every day, and continue to cause trouble for yourself and your children, right? Does it make sense?

Besides, it's not life and death, it's only half a month, isn't this obviously boring and anxious? Don't you just want to continue to be chic, experience and want to satisfy your desire for domination and drive, and the sense of accomplishment that brings? Experience your deformed self-worth?

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but be angry and thought again: "What the hell and fuck it, it's always been like a raw gourd, a thing that can't shake for half a day, but why is it that at this critical moment, the butt is pouting, but it is so ladylike to me?"

At this time, in the moment of involuntary anger, he looked at his grandmother and thought of his grandfather, and he was even more angry, thinking about the two female gourds that grew from a male vine, which was really different, although it looked not decaying, but either it didn't sound, or it broke as soon as it sounded!

However, at this time, I was already a little uncontrollable, looked at my mother, who was a little bit of a zombie, and immediately replied: "Don't I know what I'm going to do, even if I play with my mobile phone, I will also do things well and play again, you just take care of yourself..."

However, when she was suddenly silent and seemed to be very aggrieved, and was about to comfort her, her grandmother suddenly seemed to be resurrected, and she saw her eyes wide and asked her daughter, "Which one is the money to spend?" ”

Listening to me, I was angry, thinking that the mother-daughter duo's fax was a big scene, but for the sake of the child, I continued to suppress my emotions, and my daughter, who had no reaction to her, said tentatively: "Then you see, if you can't do it, you won't go..."

Unexpectedly, before her daughter could answer, his grandmother suddenly said as if the king of Hades had given an order: "Just at home, don't go anywhere!" ”

At this time, looking at her daughter who was still silent, my heart couldn't help but be filled with a trace of sadness and despair! But thinking about it, for the sake of the children, for the future of the whole family, I endured and endured, as if his grandmother didn't exist! Quickly changed his words and said to the child's mother: "If you don't go to the countryside, you can do it..."

However, I didn't expect that before I could finish speaking, her mother suddenly said like a zombie resurrected: "What if there are mosquitoes at home and there are no vegetables to eat?" ”

After doing it for a long time, I didn't expect that she would be so smart, and she could even solve such a problem like an expert, and I was so angry that I was speechless! Let that already restless heart really want to disappear from this world immediately! But thinking about it for the sake of the child, I still patiently followed my mood and continued to explain to her how to solve these problems...

However, when I tried to explain for a long time, she didn't react like a raw gourd that couldn't shake...

However, all of a sudden, I felt that I and my children seemed to be living in a world of the living dead, and an uncontrollable exhaustion and despair could not help but arise!

At this time, I was already a little dazed, and finally sat on the stool as if I was paralyzed, and said lazily: "Since that's the case, forget it, then let's not go..."

But I didn't expect that my grandmother, who was good at resurrection, was like a zombie returning to normal, and seemed to be surprised and immediately said: "Then you have to work hard!" ”

Listening to me, who was already numb to the extreme, I said weakly: "I'll take a break in the afternoon and don't go to work..."

I thought her mother could understand a little bit, but I think even if she can't, at most she will keep the same style as before, and cold when everything is gone.

However, what made people even more disappointed was that she suddenly became like a chivalrous woman again, and when she quickly picked up her clothes for work, she said to me like a child: "It depends on your mood when you go to work, so what should I do like you?" ”

In this situation, under the embarrassment, I think that if she doesn't open this golden mouth again, maybe at most temporarily sacrifice the child's growth or future, then forget it. But I didn't expect that I, who was already desperate, when I heard her rare exemplary words again, suddenly seemed to be infected by them, and I, who had only one breath left, immediately said unceremoniously in the anger of resurrection: "You haven't come yet!" ”

I was so angry that I really wanted to point at her nose and yell: "Then when you have an extramarital affair and encounter Waterloo, why would you rather enjoy suicide at home than go to work?" ”

However, thinking about it, forget it, and then think about herself who is already half-dead, and she and her children who have gone to work, grandmother, grandfather, before, now, and in the future, I suddenly feel that I seem to be caught in a net that is getting tighter and tighter the more I struggle...

After thinking about it for a long time in despair, I finally came to my uncle's house again with the past, the present, the future, and the problems that have happened, and what may occur, and I said everything in general...

However, when the uncle and aunt heard this, they were also in helpless worries and worries, almost like me, and they didn't know what to do...

At this time, perhaps the negative consciousness that had been in place for a long time gradually became stronger in the repression, and began to have a certain spontaneous power, and began to dominate my emotional behavior in turn...

Therefore, when they were having dinner in the evening, looking at their mother and daughter, they were still reluctant to lose their zombie-like faces, thinking about being in a dilemma that they could neither do nor fail to do, and once again with a desperate mood, they said tentatively: "Since you don't want to go to Hefei, I can't take care of the child's affairs, you can watch it, I don't care..."

However, I wanted to hope to awaken their worries about the child, and once again support me to take the child back to Hefei or the countryside, but what made me desperate again was that when my voice fell, the child's mother who gave birth to the gourd suddenly said without hesitation like a ripe gourd baby: "You go for a walk... Let's go... I'll take the child alone..."

Suddenly, in this unexpected, I was so angry that I almost wanted to hit the wall, but at the moment when the rice bowl was pushed crooked, I suddenly thought about it, the future of this family and children, to this day, has come to the entrance of the grave, do I still have the meaning and value of being angry?

Despite this, after thinking twice, I still held on to the last ray of hope, and calmly said to them in accommodating their mood and expectations: "Okay, I'll go to Hefei to work, leave some living expenses and a little money to pay off debts every month, and give the rest to you..."

As he spoke, in the midst of their silent support, he was suddenly full! Then, without hesitation, in anger, numbness, and utter despair, I quickly picked up my clothes...

Smell the dust and flowers,

Come and go two hard...

On the second day, in the rainy city, because there were still three days to complete the trial rules, I was not even in the mood to ask for a salary, in the hot and sultry weather, with a mood similar to that of escaping marriage 20 years ago, the difference is that from the original helplessness and concern for parents, but now to the helplessness and concern for children, and finally left Anqing!

I thought that no matter what happened to the child in the future, but at least now, I can be like an injured stray dog, I can find a corner where no one is around, and lick my wounds!

However, it always goes against her wishes, but I didn't expect that in less than 48 hours, her ladylike mother actually sent a message to my sister and said: "Your brother doesn't care about the children every day, he doesn't go to work well, he plays with his mobile phone every day, and he doesn't do anything..."

Perhaps stupidity and ignorance are the biggest strengths of many women, because I never thought that even my sister who is far away in Hefei today can be under the effect of their contagion, like a goddess copying the god in the air, and obtain the true colors of their mother and daughter!

Perhaps, it was I who successfully created the angelic image of her sister-in-law, which is still strong to this day! Therefore, just when I was about to eat, she was also about to scold me regardless of the thirty-seven twenty-one, but unfortunately, before she had time to perform, I immediately put it down, and before I had time to eat dinner, I left in anger...

On the way out, once again in helpless despair, thinking that since this is the case, the family has become so ignorant that it is pathetic and abandonable, which already shows that this love is extinct and this road is dead!

However, when I think about this, I may be more worried that the future of my children will come into their day. However, suddenly there is a power that wants to explode, which is unbearable. So in order to force myself to make up my mind, I couldn't help but sincerely vent to his uncle in the message, scolding his family for being almost worthless with facts, and then asking them to prepare, I will rush back to go through the divorce procedures immediately within four days, rain or shine...

Finally, on the morning of the fourth day, in the torment of enjoying the high temperature and scorching heat, I returned to that place again, which made people sad and desperate more than once!

The moment I hurriedly entered the house, when I didn't see Dabao, sure enough, it seemed to be expected, and I quickly understood that his clever grandfather had really come back from Qingdao with all his might, and he was ready to start with the child first, ready to be the icing on the cake...

So at the moment of contempt, as soon as I put the burden away, her mother immediately opened the divorce agreement on the computer at my request.

When I saw that his grandfather, who had already arranged for him, in order to show off his talents, while pretending to be a lawyer with ulterior motives, had already made me a creditor of her daughter in the agreement, and wrote that the woman's parents promised to bear the two children, and even wrote the furniture on their belongings, suddenly, I couldn't help but let out a sneer in my heart...

Sneered that he has lived for more than half a century, and he doesn't know that in this world, there is a kind of person who is willing to spend his life's energy in the pursuit of nothing! Sneering at him, he won't understand that the pursuit of righteousness and truth for nothing is the most difficult and insurmountable thing in the world!

And he was fortunate to have met such a son-in-law in three lives, and what made him even more fortunate was that such a son-in-law was not only not afraid of nothing, but more importantly, he would not bow to threats, ignorance, and stupidity worthlessly.

Don't you want me to bow to ignorance, to threats, to stupidity? If I follow your wishes, am I not as ignorant and stupid as I am?

However, I still seemed to be calm, and I thought with my toes: "It is rare for you to fulfill me so much today, then I will borrow flowers to offer Buddha, no house, no furniture, no children, and no daughter, but use your way to fulfill me to repay your mercy and kindness!"

Although I cannot help you realize the great materialistic philosophical thoughts, I am willing to give you your daughter, house, furniture, and two children as interest unconditionally..."

It's a pity that maybe there are times when I get drunk, because, on the morning of the next day, everything was ready, but when I came to the Yingjiang District Civil Affairs Bureau, because only my household registration book was missing the word "married", I finally failed, so I enjoyed the high temperature all the way in vain...

In helplessness again, hesitating on the way home, thoughts flying all the way, although the scorching sun, it is like cold snow straight into the heart!

I don't know if it's my remaining feelings, or the so-called dust is not broken, or out of humanitarianism, in short, on the departing bus, I am helpless, and in my helpless concern, this plastic flower that will never bloom naturally, once again like a virtual gift, with a mobile phone to care about her leadership colleagues and sister-in-law...

The wheels are rolling, it is noon, when I return to Hefei again, walking on the once familiar street, although the sun is still scorching, but at this time it is still cold, and into three points...

In the cold, sweating profusely, I had already walked on the endless streets, and I was inseparable from my burden under the scorching sun, and I didn't know where to go for a while...

However, over time...

It seems that I have become a Buddha, and in the hunger and thirst that do not need food and water, I don't know when, I have come to the gate of Mingjiao Temple again after a 20-year absence in the still hot night...

The city in front of me is still the same city, and the temple is still the same temple, but in the body at this time, it seems that it is no longer the soul of that time!

At this night, looking at the temple gate that has long been closed, in the bustling downtown area, in the Mingjiao Temple on many flat grounds, like an old man who has meditated for thousands of years, revealing a faint light, quietly, it seems to have been sitting there cross-legged, like a benevolent Buddha, praying for the common people!

I had been standing there, staring blankly at the faint light in the temple, wondering if Master Xianci, who had received me back then, was still alive at this time, or had gone to Nirvana...

I remember his gentle and elegant air and a mature and delicate face. And he gave me five dollars! I remember it more clearly, because his existence made me know that there is a life called cultivation in this world!

At this time, a gust of wind blew, and there was still no coolness. Standing in the dark night with flickering lights, how I wish he could appear again, to tell me again what to do with the Buddha, as he did back then...

I don't know why, twenty years later, I still can't save myself, my children, or the people I once loved the most...

But I know that even if he appears at this time, even if the Buddha appears, what can he do?

Because the Buddha has a fate, if there is a fate, how can he save it? Because the fate is already in degree. If the fate is over, how can it be saved? Because the fate has gone, how can it come? Because the incarnation of the Buddha is already in the degree! Because the true body of a Buddha exists in everyone's heart! Because the Buddha is everywhere, as long as you give up attachment, you will naturally be able to live with the Buddha...

After sighing, I finally had a little bit of drug satisfaction, with a little coolness, looking at the sparsely populated night, in this bustling and explicit city, when I think back to the self twenty years ago, and even today, everything, even the invisible inner spirit, is none of me! In the confusion of the past and the moment, I don't know what I am? Where is it? Where did it come from? Where will it end up?

I only seem to begin to understand the truth that all beings suffer when there is hidden behind my body, my perceptions, my consciousness, my thoughts, my emotions, and everything I have, when there is the self who knows all this, the self who does nothing and does everything, and the self who knows everything that is ignorant and omniscient...

Therefore, for many years, I have been trying to get rid of myself all the time, one by one, and return to my true world! At the same time, I hope that everyone can know where their true self is. Where is the true joy and happiness?

However, how many years have passed, and I have not let anyone understand, and sometimes, even I feel more and more confused...

Think about it back then, in the moment of facing my parents and relatives, in the moment of suffering from the warmth and coldness of the world, in the moment of struggle and shouting, in the moment of hesitation and helplessness, I have thought of Huike, Shenxiu, and the void clouds that once spanned four generations and five dynasties...

I didn't expect that today, twenty years later, when I think of my child, I still have to use Hui Ke, who is seeking Buddha with a broken arm, and forget about my child! When I think of the child's mother, I have to cling to the past of the void clouds, leave my wife in the mountains and fields, and encourage myself again! Thinking of the reality of Hongchen, he transformed himself into a divine show, and was not moved by money and beauty...

Today, many years later, they have long gone west to be Buddhas and ancients, but for me, whenever the empty door appears, the heart of the dragon entering the sea and the tiger returning to the forest is still the same...

Maybe contemplating the empty door is my last fate! Therefore, I have asked myself countless times, is there really a reincarnation in life? Could it be that in my past life, I was really a disciple of the Buddhas?

But for many years, to this day, I still can't say for sure...

Perhaps the true answer lies in throwing away all the answers...

At this time, in the middle of the night, it was finally a lot quieter, when I looked up and saw the stars that flashed faintly, at the moment when I was becoming more and more quiet in my heart, it seemed that in a bottomless space, I only felt waves of invisible sounds, and once again faintly and continuously came...

When I slowly let my heart become quieter and quieter, and when I empty my thoughts and emotions, I feel that my body and mind seem to be flowing in the dust under the gravitational pull that is difficult to escape...