I'm getting married.

I was twenty-four years old, the same age as the bride. The bride is a very wealthy and good-looking babe.

The last week before the wedding was lively and exhausting, with so many relatives and friends in the Babe family, and my schedule was crammed with endless greetings, ritualized courtesies, and exam-like self-introductions. Those who congratulated, gave gifts, and came to see the bridegroom, one by one, as if they were queuing up to buy something. Beibei's parents went out of their way to introduce me, a stranger from Chinese mainland, to their entire family and the family's circle of high society. And the phone. Phones kept ringing, and calls from Seattle, San Francisco, Chicago, Vancouver and Toronto were full of congratulations. Perhaps only the marriage of children can best see the influence and foundation of this family in the entire Chinese society in North America. This influence and foundation are created by history, and it is absolutely impossible to achieve quickly, so it is also a matter of pride. Bei Bei is already the fourth generation of immigrants in this family.

The wedding will be held at the most famous church in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, and many people are busy and happy about the wedding, especially the bride Bebe. It can be seen that Bei Bei before the wedding is the happiest girl in the world.

What about me?

I should be happy that so many people are busy booking churches for me, going to hotels, finding designers to make clothes, photographers to make movies, and there are mountains of gifts in the house, and there are people who have registered them...... I know that all this is something I have never enjoyed before, and it is my happiness!

Of course, it wasn't that I should be happiest, but Mrs. Mareth, the black nanny from Ethiopia, told me that none of this was a big deal, and that the most fortunate thing for me was that the marriage would allow me to go to the immigration officer and sing "karaoke" soon! Mrs. Maris has worked in this Chinese family for twenty years, and not only can she speak Taiwanese Chinese fluently, but she can also read the customs and habits of Chinese society and everything they like to see. But what makes me, the purest Chinese, feel inexplicable, is it a blessing to sing karaoke?

"Of course! It's just to go to the immigration office and sing the national anthem of the United States, just like it is singing karaoke. "I've been here for 20 years to get this status, but if you stay here for half a year, USCIS will tell you to sing, because you're married to an American citizen!" ”

I deliberately said indifferently: "What's so good about being an American citizen!" "Actually, I know that this is the dream of every foreign immigrant here, but I have to make such a cold look.

"Of course." Mrs. Maris exclaimed, exaggeratedly, "America, what a wonderful place! The United States is very partial and protective of its own citizens, and it takes care of everything about the law, welfare, and everything. ”

I said lightly: "Okay, if you sing the Stars and Stripes once and never fall, you can get a U.S. passport, and if you take a U.S. passport, you can be taken care of by the United States, of course I have no opinion." ”

"And," Mrs. Maris told me conscientiously and responsibly, "it's not just singing, and the immigration officer has something to ask you, but it's a good answer." He will ask you: Do you like this country? You answer: Yes, of course I do, what a great country it is. He asks you again: Would you like to contribute to this country? You answer, "Oh! Do what I can. In short, you can answer whatever he asks, and then you can take the oath, sing, and you will be an American citizen after singing! ”

Yes, because I'm going to marry Babe, I'm going to easily become a U.S. citizen, and it's not only happiness, but, almost lucky. So, I pretended to be smiling, excited and grateful, and happy in this house. I want to make Babe and her loving parents happy, and I don't want to disappoint and disappoint everyone in the family, including Mrs. Maris.

Even so, one morning before the wedding, in the garden, Bei Bei still asked me suspiciously: "Are you unhappy, are you unhappy, are you tired?" ”

I said, "No." ”

I hugged Beibei, wanting to use the warmth of the body to cover up the emptiness in my heart, Beibei asked:

"And what's wrong with you?"

I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't have enthusiasm in this best moment of my life.

I don't have a single relative, I don't have a familiar friend here. Except for Beibei, everything here made me feel alienated and alien, including her parents.

Bei Bei said, "You must be tired. Why don't we stay out of here and come back next week, where do you like to go? Las vegas? Want to gamble on your luck? Or how about we just go a little further and go to Hawaii? Find a quiet beach for just the two of us......"

Quiet beach?

I nodded and said, "Okay."

Quiet beach ......

I expected that I was going to meet the dream I had been running away from, on that quiet beach.

The family is well aware of Beibei's willfulness, and someone booked a ticket for us on the same day and took us to the airport. From Los Angeles to Hawaii, we'll make a seven-hour crossing over the Pacific Ocean.

It was the winter of 2000, the eve of the first Chinese New Year of the new millennium. Here, in Hawaii, it's full of summer palms, harsh sun, blue seas and hot sandy beaches.

This hotel in Hawaii Babe has obviously been to and is very familiar with everything. It's away from the city and every room faces the sea. Early in the morning, I stood on the curved balcony and watched a lone seagull glide crookedly under my feet. Babe was still asleep in bed, which gave me a moment to really meditate, and I began to chew on last night's dreams carefully, greedily, and hungrily.

- Is that you, peace of mind? Are you laughing? The background of this dream is so hazy that I can't think of where we are, where we have had such laughter? In the cheerful atmosphere and the rhythm of the jumps, your face seems extremely blurred, even looming, but I know that it is you, and you are at ease.

Where are you? Do you remember me?

For three days in a row, that beautiful dream always came as scheduled. I insist on going to bed early every day just to wait for it to come. Every morning, as soon as the sun jumps over the opposite horizon, I can't wait to wake up and sneak out onto the balcony to gaze at the calm sea and a flock or two of the seagulls. That beautiful dream made my heart twist.

During the day, I stopped swimming at the beach, didn't want to eat, and spent the whole day in bed, like a sick person.

Bei Bei asked, "What's wrong with you?" ”

I said, "It's fine. ”

In the evening, in the open-air restaurant next to the sea, facing an orange glass candlelight, we ate dinner boringly. The sea is invisible, pitch black, and its vastness can only be imagined by the sound of the waves from far and near. Except for the sound of the sea, everything around seemed to be still. Beibei's face flickered in the dark, and the dancing candlelight condensed into her puzzled and annoyed eyes.

Bei Bei asked, "What the hell are you thinking, why didn't you tell me?" ”

I looked up at her through the candlelight. I said, "I want to go back, to China." ”

Bei Bei didn't answer for a long time, of course she heard it, and my tone, my look, obviously told her that something was going to happen. But she calmed herself.

"Do you miss your dad? Okay, I'll go back with you. ”

I bowed my head as if I had committed a crime: "Beibei, I'm in a messy mood, I don't want to get married in such a hurry." We're all young. ”

Bei Bei was silent, she must have understood what I meant, otherwise why would she be silent, why didn't she ask a word or condemn it. The silence was more uncomfortable than the screaming questions and angry denunciations. Finally, she got up from the table and left alone, and she said, "You and my parents go and talk." ”

Beibei's parents are people with status, and they are also knowledgeable and educated people. Moreover, I know how important their face is in the Chinese community. They have so many relatives and friends, who doesn't know that one of their precious daughter's feet has stepped into the door of the cave house?

We returned to Los Angeles from Hawaii and barely said a word on the way. Strange and polite like a passer-by.

When talking to Babe's parents, my head was always down. I'm sorry for them, I'm sorry for Babe. Bebe's father was serious, and he listened silently to my overly simplistic statement, and his answer was even more palpitating.

"Okay, we respect the idea that you don't want to get married now, but you should have said it earlier. As a man, I want you to be able to take responsibility for your decisions and for other people you have a relationship with in the future. ”

His attitude is serious, one might even say, angry. With that, he got up from the couch and walked out the door.

Bebe's mother didn't leave, still sitting face to face with me. I lowered my head, but I could feel her gaze, a usually gentle gaze full of doubt and reproach.

She asked, "Can you tell me why?" ”

I can't answer.

She asked again, "You don't actually love Beibei, do you?" ”

I lowered my head even deeper, looked at the mother with no face, and I said, "Forgive me, I have always had a person in my heart who left me and I want to go back to her." ”

"Then why did you come to the United States with Babe?"

I'm speechless.

Beibei's mother also stood up and said, "You hurt Beibei, Mr. Yang, you hurt our whole family, you should be ashamed of your behavior!" ”