In the past few years since I started thinking about writing, I have seen many friends on the Internet who are trying to change themselves because of my words, and I feel happy and satisfied. If one day I become the person I ever hated the most, I won't write anymore.

In recent years, I have been wandering at the junction of reality and fiction, rooted in the cracks of dampness for many years, and the long period of pain and hard labor has made me understand a truth. Only when you are calm enough to be at peace will you truly tell them how prominent your selfishness and your humility are.

Thinking of the pain for so long, Qing Huan had nothing to do with him, and he couldn't calm down for a long time. How to convey your original intention so that the outside world can truly understand yourself, and after many years, the pain you have endured will be transformed into unprecedented wealth in the cycle of time, when you will understand yourself again and understand the world. The heart is not always open, it is more often closed, so only writing, non-stop writing, can open the heart, to put oneself in the midst of discovery, just as the light of the sunrise illuminates the darkness, and inspiration will follow at this time.

For now, my work stems from the tension between the real and the virtual. I was so caught up in my imagination and tightly controlled by reality, I clearly felt the split of my self, and I couldn't make myself pure.

I once read this sentence in Guo Jingming's novel: "Running art as an entrepreneur". He said that he will be a film producer in the future, and the kind that is very shocking will compete with some well-known domestic directors. I've learned a lot.

Guo Jingming has always been controversial, but his achievements are obvious to all. He is a benchmark among post-80s writers and a businessman with the "Chinese Dream" label.

Why is Guo Jingming so successful? Are his novels really the best? Why his "Little Times" series of movies is terrible, but the box office is surprisingly high; To be precise, he was not a member of the Writers' Guild, but a business-minded businessman who sold art.

Thank you for making me understand that every encounter in the world is a reunion after a long absence. When I graduated from college, I had a lot of wishes, but they were all about money, hoping that one day I would be able to take my parents on a trip, without having to pick a cheap hotel, and not having to choose an early morning or midnight flight because it was cheap; I hope that my parents can buy whatever they want with confidence, regardless of the price. Hopefully, one day they say they want something, and I'll be able to pull out a card to satisfy her right away! I'm just a layman who cares so much about money, and that's my goal and motivation.

Change yourself, you can get the happiness you want, don't let it become an empty word.

There is a way out, and there is a way out. In fact, when going out, you don't necessarily have to go anywhere, but you have to emphasize changing the status quo that you are not satisfied with. In fact, the way out is a kind of faith, not a place, if you feel that a place makes you live a particularly uncomfortable life, work a particularly aggrieved, and have no other ideas than complaining and suppressing, then you should consider going out.

As the saying goes, "If your dream fails, change your dream." ”

Sometimes going out is not only to find a new opportunity, but more importantly, to find a suitable position for yourself and establish a new self-confidence in life. You have to work hard to look effortless.

I have always lived a free and casual life, thinking that this is freedom, thinking that this is free and easy, but now this messy and uneasy makes people lose sleep for a while.

I came out of a very modest school, and even though I don't think my university was good enough right now, I wasn't very happy with my school when I entered my freshman year. If you want to prove that the college entrance examination is a mistake, you have to convey to the outside world the meaning of your real existence.

I've lived at the junction of reality and fiction for a long time, and that's probably the life of a writer, going back and forth between reality and fiction, and sometimes reality will be fictional, and fiction will suddenly become reality.

Most of the characters I write about are friends who have appeared in my life in my life. I can't see the way out clearly, so I can only write a lot of words with sadness, and since I can't see the way out, it's like a dog running. No matter what hardships life throws me, I have to live bravely, even if my dreams are close to me.

If I have to portray a fictional life, it will be difficult to understand "what is the tribulation that life gives you", so I have to reflect on the gap between myself and others in a realistic way.

What kind of ordeal do you have to go through to be able to truly cut it off?

My name is Luxi, post-90s, Buddhist Wuwei youth, I have always thought that 24 years old has just begun, there is no hurdle in life that cannot be passed, I am too frank about my bitterness, naked my sadness. I don't know if I'll continue to write after I'm completely out of debt, but one thing is for sure, I'll miss this time, and I'll find a way to bury all the grief and pain and start living the next second.

I'm currently saddled with heavy debt, I don't know if it's okay? Is it bad?

An unsuccessful writer is also describing reality, but the reality he writes about is just an environment and a group of people who are far away from him.

My relationship with reality is very tense, I am a calculating person in life, but I write that they live very freely, and there is no anger after being poisoned by reality.

The anger in my heart gradually subsided, and I began to realize that the mission and sentiment that a true writer is looking for, the mission of a writer is not to vent, not to accuse, not to expose, but to show the world that simple beauty with noble sentiments, and should not face everything with the mentality of "good wants to live, evil wants to die", but should treat good and evil equally, and look at the world with sympathetic eyes.

There are unforeseen circumstances in the sky, and people have good and bad luck, and no one can predict when natural and man-made disasters will come.

Although many people say that "there must be something hateful about the poor", no one is more miserable than us for those of us who are mired in the swamp.

In the eyes of the kind of creditors I have met so far, even if you sell all your kidneys and other organs and everything you can sell, it is right to pay them back, yes, I should sell my blood to pay them back. I belong to the three nos, no house, no car, no deposit, I really don't know what to pay. This kind of crisis is not something that can be solved by simply going to work.

You know the feeling of being in debt? It makes people feel that the whole world is gray, and the pain of suffocation is accompanied by frustration and blame for a long time.

Regret, shame, frustration. Complaining in deep self-reproach puts people in a state of loss. Now that I am destitute, there are only a small number of people left around me, who have never disliked me, and have faced this sudden and bloody disaster with me. I am grateful to my parents, my relatives and friends, who have never blamed me and shared the pressure with me.

My mother said, "Whether you are rich or poor, you are my son, I can't let you face it alone, I have to take care of you." ”

In the face of such a difficult situation, they can still motivate me and encourage me, and I am very happy.

But there is really nothing I can do about the kind of creditors who have bullied me and persecuted me with violent means. When you were looking for thugs to fix me, you smashed the window glass of my rental house, and when I curled up on the windowsill of the toilet to hide my face and weep, did you think about my pain and sadness?

It's not that I don't pay it back, it's that I can't afford it for the time being, they don't understand, and they think I've eaten the money in my stomach.

Recently I was prescribed some medication and my health has improved a lot. I went to the hospital to see a doctor, I had no money, and I sat on the hospital corridor crying with my grievances.

I begged a friend, and he politely declined. Another friend helped me, and I accepted his transfer, and he said, "I know you've been short of money lately, and it's important to see a doctor, so I don't need it now, so you can take it first and respond to emergencies." "I thank him for his kindness, and I can't repay him.

I used to go to nightclubs to drink without looking at the price, but now I can buy drinks a week for myself to limit the number of times, and I am not picky about eating, as long as I can fill my stomach.

My glasses were broken in October last year, but I was reluctant to match them, until there was an event a few days ago, and the circle of friends accumulated 99 likes, 58 yuan for a pair of glasses, and I had the ability to match.

I've never tasted this tricky defeat, and after this incident, people like me need fresh blood, more communication, and more need to turn over than ordinary people.

Respect for life, no matter what, I will not look for short-sightedness, I will not do something illegal and undisciplined, even if my heart has been broken to ashes. Alive, everything is possible, don't give up easily; Leave, it's over, and no one cares about your departure.

No matter what difficulties you encounter, you have to believe that you are still young, you are only twenty-three years old, and your life has just begun. Those who are fifty or sixty years old and have been sick for most of their lives are struggling on the edge of life and death, and they have never given up, so you can't despair.

Whether you will live well in the future depends on how you live now. You have to believe that there is no tomorrow that cannot be reached.

I have ruined everything I have, I have fallen into endless darkness, I have tossed and turned in the night, blown into endless darkness by bleak sorrow.

If these words can warm your heart a little, that's enough.

What else can I write about? The past is like smoke, but I still remember it vividly.

A few days ago, I chatted with my high school classmates in a WeChat group about learning English in high school, and classmate A said: "At that time, you were memorizing words in the corridor at the door of the toilet at night, and I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and you greeted me, which scared me." ”

I suddenly remembered the water room next to the hallway of the high school dormitory, where I used to stand in the hallway with lights out and read English hard. Later I moved to a bungalow, and I lay on a chaise longue on the roof of the building and looked up at the sky, feeling that the whole sky was my own.

It's getting less and less spherical, and now I'm standing on the street and feel like I'm across the street. From this moment on, I finally lived the most hated appearance of myself, becoming a broken tire who was heartbroken and ate finger cakes, drank soy milk, and would hide secrets when drunk.

After several reincarnations, I returned to the pre-liberation period overnight, and I still became a promoter who catered to the balance of the market economy, and was eager to come forward to talk or chatter and be at a loss based on the source rack in front of the door.

I know that there is a firewall in everyone's heart, especially when we are in the first conversation. I was afraid that my attitude was not sincere enough, not enthusiastic enough, and I was afraid that it would backfire, and I would let each other be snubbed, and in the end there were only a few cold responses. But I'm still stupidly waiting for you to look back.

I knew that there were emotions that needed to be expressed, and I was trying to vent my grief in the river of sadness. Even sometimes he will tense up his empty nerve endings in the invisible pressure, and the voice that is not magnetic suddenly has no appeal, and he has to question whether he is a qualified real estate person.

Every night, there will be a different wind blowing hysterically, and there is a faint trace of mourning in the purple clouds reflecting the moon. Standing on the endless rooftop, looking up at the same sky, looking for the direction where the lights and stars go out.

Inadvertently at the beginning, different experiences, different colors, painted the same version on the solidified grease. Every second counts, passion and efficiency are the beginning of another way of life for me, from one environment to another.

I know that from this moment on, my future will be only myself. In the past few years after graduation, many people have asked me, I feel that you have worked hard, are you tired or not? In fact, there is no suffering and tiredness, it is nothing more than that I am lucky to enter a circle that is much better than myself every time.

At one time I was cornered, sad, confused, paralyzed by alcohol, hurt and ridiculed, but I never had any regret or anxiety. I have always believed that only inner peace can make you better embrace the world.

There is a girl who makes me believe that love has always been with her, yes, always.

When I got home from work, Mei Biyu had already prepared food and fruits for me, and after the meal, she showed me "Alive" directed by Zhang Yimou. When she recommended the film to me, I was about to sit at my computer and write a "real estate marketing plan". I knew about work all day, I hadn't watched TV in a long time, and I didn't know why she had to force me to watch this film that was older than me. I snuggled up on the leather sofa and lay next to the computer in one breath, and after watching it in one go, I was woken up by a line from Fugui's wife Jiazhen in the film. Jiazhen's sentence said, "I don't want anything, I just have a peaceful birthday with you." I immediately understood Mei Biyu's attitude towards me, she wanted to borrow this line to show her position, and I snuggled up in the leather sofa with unprecedented shock and joy.

Late at night, I read Yu Hua's original novel "Alive", its language is full of power, its power does not come from shouting, nor from attacking, but from enduring, to endure the responsibilities that life gives us, to endure the suffering and pain, boredom and mediocrity that reality gives us.

This work tells the story of one of the most touching friendships, in which they are grateful to each other and hate each other at the same time; But neither of them can abandon the other, and neither has any reason to complain about the other. They walked together on dusty roads when they were alive, and turned into rain and dirt together when they died.

At the same time, "Alive" also speaks of the breadth and abundance of tears; tells about the non-existence of despair; It tells the story of man living for the sake of being alive itself, not for anything other than being alive.

Of course, we often encounter some hardships in our lives, and it is nothing to get through them.

I almost said goodbye to the world. The old wound recurred, and I dragged my tired body back, and when I passed through an underground passage, four or five people suddenly appeared and stopped me. I knew things weren't going well, so I ran away. Several people chased after me and easily forced me into a corner. Without saying a word, they beat me up until they knocked me unconscious.

By the time I woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed, with a slight fracture in my left arm, bleeding from my stomach and a dull pain in my lower back. I knew it would cost a lot of money to see a doctor, so I was discharged with just a cast. The morning after I got home, I rolled on the bed with back pain, and my slightly broken left arm was in pain. I was so restless that I almost called the police.

Mei Biyu walked in and saw me like this, and the whole person cried. So he hurriedly asked me what was going on. I was beaten up in a daze, and the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. I gritted my teeth with hatred, but what could I do as a cripple? I thought about it, and I must have inadvertently provoked those miscellaneous people again.

I didn't tell Mei Biyu the truth. I'm afraid that Mei Biyu will be worried when she hears it, so I can only grit my teeth and scold their ancestors for the eighteenth generation in my heart. I knew in my heart that it was useless to call the police, and that this would be nothing more than exposing my glorious and majestic side to others without reservation. Besides, what can you do if you catch them?

I could only wait until I was exhausted, then went to the kitchen to prepare something to eat, and then went to sleep. Forget all the pain and unhappiness, and hope to wake up the next day as a commendable dream.

My back hurt so badly that I curled up on the bed and kept moaning, and I got up and went to the bathroom, and even my urine was bloody. stayed up all night like this, and even vomited a pool of blood. Mei Biyu was frightened and hurriedly sent me to the hospital. The doctor prescribed me medicine, but we didn't have enough money. Mei Biyu thought about it, and then told the doctor that let me be hospitalized first, and she would be able to deliver the money in the afternoon. I insisted on refusing, and under the persuasion of the doctor and Mei Biyu, I compromised.

Before leaving, Mei Biyu came to my bed, comforted me with a smile and said, "Take care of your illness, I will find a way to deal with money." ”

I shouldn't be a reckless hero and be righteous for a while, it's good now, I have to rely on others for the money to see a doctor. I knew that this time the joke was too big, and I was at a loss, and tears welled up in my eyes.

"You take care of your illness, I'll come back to see you later." After she finished speaking, she left the ward with a smile.

In the past half a month, my illness has almost improved. I never knew where Mei Biyu's money came from. Later, I found out that Mei Biyu had dialed her home phone without me.

In such a space, the room is full of her clothes, shoes, perfumes, and smells. In the middle of the night she would touch my arm and feel thirsty, so I got up and rubbed my eyes, a little impatient but willingly to pour her a glass of warm water, and I took a sip after she had drunk half of it.

Sometimes she sleeps with her head on my lap, or I help her trim her nails because of my own cleanliness fetish.

Every time it rained, I snuggled up with her and silently distracted in front of the window, I would hum a song quietly as she absentmindedly flipped through the fashion magazines of the month.

Of course, there will be times when there will be quarrels. From the sweetness of love to the current domineering. After a few hours of cold war, she couldn't resist coming over to coax me to talk. Her eyes were covered in the shadow of her eyelashes in the yellow light, and then a peaceful day awaited.

Sometimes I get up in the morning and stand in front of the same mirror to brush my teeth, and her towel is next to mine. Her toothbrush and my razor were stuck in the cup.

I now have a strong sense of mission, and I tell her very responsibly: "I can't live without you in this life, you are the only one for me, and only you can fill my whole world." ”

I woke up in a daze, washed my face, and then put on a coat and was about to go to work, probably being late for the chatter.

"Brother Luxi, it's not even 7 o'clock, why are you setting the alarm clock so early?"

"Huh? I'm sorry. ”

I left the room as fast as I could, and ran downstairs in a 100-meter sprint. I'm afraid that I'll be late every day, and I'll have to pay a fine for being late. I spend a lot of my time frugally in love right now.

I've been saving up recently to buy us a house. It's better to have a large garden on the first floor, because Mei Biyu said she wants to plant flowers.

In addition to this, I have to save money, because I am afraid that my parents will grow old, that they will get sick, that they will leave us. I want to make a lot of money, so much money that we can live without worries.

After many years, my friends who have been in contact with me say that I have changed, become strangers, become disobedient, and not as innocent as before. What I want to say is that it is very difficult for a person to be happy after experiencing joys and sorrows, especially when circumstances change.

I was born with a thin and cold nature, and I was afraid that I, a person with a dual personality, would one day become numb and lose my memory! In that lonely city, where I am frightened and indifferent to all, I am free to wander, to fend for myself or to perish, to be rebellious and debauched.

When others questioned my life, I didn't forget to brag about what I thought in the first place. I never thought that this society was realistic and utilitarian. When you're really hungry, no one cares about piggybacking on your share of the meat bun. It also made me understand the importance of money.

I know that there will definitely be no one at the company's dinner today, and even the frustrated man with an ordinary hairstyle in my company went on a date. I am alone in the gap of the four seasons to watch the troubled times. I don't know what else I can do, the company has been doing relatively well lately, or I should do it again this year, but I, I'd rather go to a strange place, no one knows me, and I can start my life again. I always tried to run away from something when I encountered something, and despite their pretended good words, I was still unmoved, and it took me a few seconds to sort out my thoughts, gritting my teeth and stomping my feet, trying to join an unprecedented melee with the feeling that the strong man was gone.