First of all, I'm not sure if I've ever looked for pleasure in pleasure, because I know that the last second of pleasure is followed by death.

What kind of tempering do you have to go through to break off the relationship with it? What kind of passion do you have to go through to take control of your life?

"What the hell is the struggle for?"

I remember a friend once said that the ultimate goal of his struggle is nothing more than to prevent a grassland from growing overhead.

I had no idea what he had been through. He was drunk and cried to me, saying that his wife took advantage of his sleep and took her sister-in-law to party with other men in a nightclub.

In an instant, it dawned on me.

Time passed slowly, and what made me most entangled and most entangled was no longer the fact that men or women had new loves. Most of my girlfriends are self-esteem people who value themselves like me, and if a man insists on leaving, they can't even do anything to keep them. Or, they have seen too many men leaving, and most of the endings of the stories after the women are struggling to stay, are not interesting. Whether it is in any past affection, in any name, it can only make people tired, and this feeling is really uncomfortable. Comparatively speaking, they don't have the courage to endure the tricks of fate.

Sometimes silence can often leave a place for oneself in the other party's life, and questioning can only be completely destroyed, maybe you want to say, it is better to completely destroy, ruin his personal back.

One day, in my girlfriend's small WeChat group, a girlfriend was scolding a man for his thin affection. The two had been together for five years, and in the end they didn't quarrel much, and they didn't officially explain to each other that they broke up, and the man never contacted her again. My best friend said that every time I think about it, I feel deeply sad, the people who used to hug tightly on the long runway in the early morning, the people who used to talk late at night on the Qinhuai River in Nanjing, and the people who used to cry after drinking a bottle of whiskey in Sanlitun, Beijing, and said that they would take care of each other even if they broke up in the future, so now even the phone calls and text messages have disappeared.

The best friend said that she knew that the man had a new love, and it was during the period when she had not eased up, she said that during that time she couldn't think of the past at all, and several times she remembered the clips of the past with him, and then thought of the previous scenes with others repeating the previous scenes, she had the urge to rush to his house and smash his house. She wanted to ask him how he could be so ruthless.

I had a hard time in the early days, but now my meager salary is almost all used to support my family, and I rent a shabby bungalow in the countryside away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Poor background and poor economic situation can't hide his extraordinary charm, after all, he is still a sunny and handsome teenager, brilliant in writing, and the charm of humorous and witty language cells can more or less win the favor of many female colleagues.

Xue Xinying in reality, she is a simple and kind girl, introverted, and to me she is nothing more than a woman in life. A woman's core competitiveness is by no means economic strength, nor is it beauty. Otherwise, she wouldn't be left alone. I don't know what exactly she went through during this time. As far as I know, she always cares about others in obscurity, but the results are always incomprehensible. She had talked about a handsome guy before, with superior family conditions, and at first she refused because she didn't call, but the boy was very persistent, and she was moved.

Last year, a friend took me to their store to buy clothes, and it happened that a man was looking at the store. The man helped a female customer try on clothes, and involuntarily muttered, "How good your temperament is." He hooked up as he spoke. From then on, I saw the crisis, even though some people said they were a good match. But I don't think so, and sure enough, they separated a few years ago.

Although I am sunny and handsome, the industry is unanimously recognized as "Jincheng Wu Yanzu". But I was inexplicably named a "pseudo-mother" by the outside world. They saw me going out with a bunch of sisters all day long.

The sisters who patronized his shop for a long time were very puzzled, saying that this man was unreliable, and she was old and suffering from following him, and what was there to talk about enjoying Qingfu. This man has nothing to do to look at the store, keep fit, don't have to do any work, and don't have to worry about it, Xue Xinying is responsible for purchasing and shipping. But I think it's natural, because men like gentle women.

Xue Xinying said: "Most of you men are disciples, unsympathetic scumbags. ”

"How can a gluttonous cat not steal fish."

Xue Xinying saw it in her eyes and didn't say anything, she slowly found out that her boyfriend was going behind her back to date her new favorite in private. Speaking of the new favorite, her appearance is above Xue Xinying. Xue Xinying's intelligent eyes were not blinded by her boyfriend's hypocrisy, and she humbly thought about her future plans with the charm and wisdom unique to intellectual women.

Between the red face and the white hair, there was only a wall of separation. Boredom and numbness between men and women are the laws of human nature. Most mediocre men are greedy for money and lustful, who doesn't want to marry a beautiful wife and share the same bed, the beauty will inevitably feel comfortable after watching it for a long time, and she will be full of passion in the face of heavy work every day.

Skipping the green spring, sad autumn and honeysuckle and the greener summer of the coming year, you appear in front of me again. With his eyebrows lowered his eyebrows, he turned around to take away the rain from the entire city, and then turned around to bring back the colored snow.

You splashed the broken prophecies in the corner of the wall to render a summer without ups and downs. The next year and the next year. But I never waited for a summer that was never met all year round.

The streets of the city of Jincheng are always clean, and the city is full of Chinese acacia and hawkers.

Ding Ping and I ate a five-dollar bowl of beef noodles and a one-dollar lamb skewer at a shabby street stall, even though we wore costumes that were as colorful as leopard-print drawing boards for hundreds of dollars. It's a bit like a bit of a "modern, avant-garde curved super".

This sentence is described by Ding Ping, I am often poor because of the careless use of money. At this time, Ding Ping would point to the expensive clothes on my body and say expressionlessly: "Modern and avant-garde curves." ”

Many times I think that Ding Ping and I are like two ruffians who depend on each other in Yantan silently, and then cry hypocritically, noisily day after day.

When we were in high school, we would laugh and cry loudly almost every day on campus, and quarrel fiercely in the hallway for our favorite books and favorite singers, and we have been running in for so many years since we met.

On the days when the grass grows and the warbler flies, the peach blooms all over every green hill. Red rendered like melted paint on the hillside, and the mist spread in everyone's pupils.

Ding Ping and I always carry the worst quality watches for a few hundred yuan, because my money is basically used to buy gifts for MM, and his money is used to buy books and tapes.

When I came back to my senses from the memory, I couldn't hear Wang Shiyi's screams for a long time, I don't know why, I felt a little pain in my eyes, and a little bit in my throat, I didn't admit that I cried, my tears were finished after Wang Shiyi left, when Ding Ping slapped my two big mouths, when Xu Jiaxin held my hand to comfort me, and when I received a call from my parents, my tears flowed.

When I got home and lay in bed, I suddenly remembered Wang Shiyi, and I didn't know what happened to her, I remembered the scene when Ding Ping was drunk that night and carried me back, and I remembered the Korean casual clothes that I vomited all the bells and whistles, and I felt an inexplicable sadness drifting over the floor.

When I think of Wang Shiyi, it is when I am most unhappy. My unhappiness lasted until noon, and I couldn't even eat my favorite meal when I ate, Xu Jiaxin glanced at me and said, "What's wrong, do you feel like you've been under a lot of pressure in your life lately?" ”

I told her the truth with infinite embarrassment: "I want to go to Wang Shiyi's city." ”

"It's not far away now, I'm afraid that my thoughts are too shallow." Xu Jiaxin put down the chopsticks in his hand, his eyes were a little distracted, and he habitually closed his eyes.

"If the pale thoughts are too shallow, I don't have to go all the way to her city." My pain was tearing apart in an earth-shattering way.

"Wang Shiyi is in Nanjing now? No, you go to her city and find her, won't it be over! ”

I sighed: "It's useless, people don't pay attention to me at all, they don't answer the phone, I asked a friend to look for it, and the person came back and said that she didn't want to see me at all." ”

My thoughts of a person crushed everything, but I didn't expect that the thoughts were still faintly leaking the death of breathing, flooding, but I had nowhere to escape. I'm also thinking about how I can let go of it and be free from attachment.

"We can't go back." If that were her heartfelt words, I wouldn't have to be bitter and couldn't think of her mind over and over again.

In June of that year, you opened a bright branch but broke three branches of memory, your silence took away my neon clothes, you are willing to end the curtain and I will never be able to stage prosperity, the desolation under my forbearance bloomed two or three broken chapters, the source of infinite memories is crowded with vague angels, the country without sorrow is full of sorrowful grass, and the ocean full of grass cannot raise the glory of victory. The broken strings of the flow chapter, the dark soul of the clothed mound buried whose sorrow!

I know that I will lose my basic confidence and make people feel frustrated, but in fact I have found something that makes people appreciate life more and is gratifying.

I know that such a journey is full of countless unknowns, challenges and tribulations. I have always faced life with the most sincere side, and this kind of life is the most real.

I'm just a simple person, a person with the same laughter and tears as everyone else. A person who likes to put his hands in his trouser pockets and watch all the joys and sorrows, his face expressionless, but his heart is like a knife.

Xu Jiaxin said: "Seven points of blood, seven points of cinnabar." The catastrophe of blood and light, between you and me. If the sea mourns again, it can make us advance with patience and retreat with patience, how good it would be. ”

My heart is like a knife: "I am in the rivers and lakes in chaos." Countless human natures are playing out in front of me. As I stood scarred on the cliff, there was still a clamor of scramble and smoke below. Then I told her that I like Guo Jingming's works very much, I like his worldliness, and I like his state of mind that yearns for prosperity!

I'm now learning to be silent naturally, instead of going over with reluctance and difficulty. I think silence is good and makes the world peaceful. I like more and more what Liu Tong said to me before, although we don't know each other, but he can guide me from the text, he is changing the law to tell me, young people, whose youth is not bloody, and the bloody youth is confused, and I feel that I am a backing of bitterness that I can't get and don't want to lose, and I am a person who feels disgusted with his life.

I used to think that I was very good-natured, but now, I suddenly realize that I haven't lived a good life for a long time, and I don't know what to say, how to say it, in order to get around the initial pain. So I simply chose to remain silent.

I originally thought that Xu Jiaxin would be like Ding Ping and then comfort me after listening to and scolding me, but she didn't, she didn't say a word, and I stopped talking, and the two of them quietly drank coffee, I looked at the cream on the coffee and felt that they were really ugly, like tears staining the makeup face.

After being silent for a long time, Xu Jiaxin said a word, she said: "Life can't be compared with movies, life is much more complicated than them." You should not immerse yourself in the memories of the past all day long, and don't let yourself hang in the air all day long, you should go out for a walk more, and discover things with the eyes of beauty, and you will find that there are still many people in your life who love you! ”

Really, sometimes I don't think about someone anymore, and after a long time I don't know them, or at least I don't recognize them anymore. See this clearly. Whether it's day or night, there is no look in the eyes that is trying to make out. Some people's names are barely remembered for a long time.

I don't like the way it is now, it's a little bit worldly to be ruthless and loveless. I need everyone's love for me, and if I have enough love, I can be willful in those loves, like a wild child in the snow, but I don't know how to love others. Or to put it more sadly, I don't know how to love others.

It is sad for a person who has lost the ability to love others. I don't love others easily now, because I have already been cut by the fate of love with a big wound, which is difficult to heal, and even if it is healed, it will leave a scar that will never fade. But sometimes I think it's purely naïve, because I'm selfish and insensitive. So all the people who loved me felt sad and sad for me, including Xu Jiaxin, including Ding Ping. Including a lot of my former friends, sometimes I feel like I'm a poor kid.

Halfway through an article, I called Xue Xinying. It was 7:15 p.m. that night, and she was on her way home. I stood at the door of the tavern with the phone in my hand, the night breeze blew and I smelled the scent of grass in my freshly washed hair. I said, I write for the magazine, and Xue Xinying said why did I think of writing "Wandering Youth"? I said that it was because I was a typical representative of the homeless and was just catching up with the age of youth.

Xue Xinying was the first person to read my novels, and I told her that I actually want my friends to read the stories I wrote, and my friends have become my antique readers, and I feel very satisfied and excited now. If I start a new chapter now, I think I'm doing something stupid about painting red or adding to it. Because there is no extra time to record the little things of the day.

Xue Xinying encouraged me and said, "Write well, and you will definitely become famous one day." ”

I smiled and comforted myself, "yes, yes." "But my heart has already turned upside down! I think I really don't have time to study literature anymore, but I need to learn more about how to gain a foothold in Jincheng with Brother Sheng.

I think I'm really mature compared to my peers, so there's no need to pretend to be mature like others? At least now he is still a mature man with flesh and blood, affection and righteousness. If that's the case, I don't think I'll feel lost and depressed right now.

"Since I met you, all the prosperity has become the background. My dream is to fulfill all your wishes. "I didn't hide anything from her, and she made her feel warm when she said that.

I once imagined a reunion with her after a long absence, maybe in a strange city, at a strange airport, she and I hurriedly passed by with our luggage, and then we both stood down, forgetting to speak for a moment.

The café at the airport is more fragrant than the smell of coffee in the old days. Maybe I met her in the playground of the school, and when I went back to my hometown after many years, went to the school where I used to study, and watched the children running and laughing like we did, and the boys shyly asked the girl if she could take her home on a bicycle, and the girl sat under the tree and folded the intricate paper cranes for the boy she liked, I looked at it all and felt like the past was scattered, and when I looked up, I saw a person whose face was blurred but whose sense was clear.

I miss Wang Shiyi, I want to see her, I secretly bought a train ticket to Nanjing, and the moment I got off the train, I knew that I had buried my entire youth, but I was still shuttling in the wind like a madman.

The dark abyss was approaching me, and the years had buried anyone's grave, and I suddenly felt those sudden glimmers of light emerge clearly in the darkness, following my nerve endings until death came.

Wu Yanxin once accompanied me around Nanjing University for a whole day and showed me a lot of photos. I looked at the old houses covered with green vines, and my eyes became a little blurry, and I thought that was my real home N years ago. I'm not a student in Nanjing, but I want to be a student in Nanjing, and that's the only way I can contact Nanjing.

But I was destined to be a person who was not satisfied with the status quo and liked to drift, drifting from one prosperity to another prosperity or desolation. There is a song that says: Live in one place for the rest of your life, sleep next to one person for the rest of your life. I believe that there is a place for everyone. Destiny. Therefore, every minute and every second, someone will start to drift with infinite longing, and they will stop drifting with satisfaction.

Who said, "Nanjing is a paradise of ancient rhyme and poetry?" So someone stubbornly decided that her future life should be in Nanjing. It is also my beautiful wish to live elsewhere.

I'm trying to preach that one doesn't have to explain something at length if one loves something, but I'm babbling on here. Don't I love Nanjing? I remember a sentence deeply, as if engraved in my mind. "Life can't be based on temperament."

Living in Nanjing, I like Nanjing and I also like words, so I like Nanjing's words. When I wrote the above words, I suddenly realized that it was those delicate women living in Nanjing who made my heart move.

I've always believed that wandering is a great realm, whether it's about the feet or the heart. From that moment on, I was ready to wander and became crazy about wandering to a certain extent.

If one day I am rich, or if I have no money at all, I will start wandering. It's either a liquid treasury or a wandering beggar. Every time, I use rhetorical humbly or boast about myself.

Xue Xinying is calmer than me, more realistic than me, and better at rational thinking than me, and I always think about how to experience the rest of my life. And the one thing she said to me the most was, "You don't have to hang in the air all day."

But the distant land always exudes a wonderful warmth to the soles of my feet. I am unswerving.

Regarding money, my relationship with money is rather ambiguous. We are lovers, I love her, and she loves me.

I looked around when I remembered this, and I was relieved that no one was paying attention to me. Now that it's safe, I'm going to keep wandering!

What kind of life washed away the memory of that time so blurred? Until that day, Wu Yanxin asked me.

"Why did you come to Nanjing?"

I thought about it for a long time.

"Because of love."

Although it is a ridiculous idea in the eyes of others.

Love is when two strangers can suddenly become acquainted and sleep in the same bed. However, the same two people, when they broke up, said, I think you are becoming more and more strange. Love turns two people from strange to familiar, and from familiar to strange. Love is a game that turns a stranger into a couple and a couple into a stranger.

Now, when I try to recall that time, it becomes very blurry, like a pencil drawing with an eraser, only mottled marks, and the low eyebrows are embarrassing. My life used to be colorful, but it didn't grow up with me and move forward through time.

It watched me walk farther and farther away in the locked time, away from walking on the side of the road with my schoolbag on my back, away from the figure of being dragged down by the sea of books in the past!

Living elsewhere. I don't know if this kind of life is a kind of happiness, if it is then the best, if not, there is no way.

As for whether my life is in Beijing or Nanjing, I will forget it after a long time!

I like to live in one place for a long time, specifically for the rest of my life.

Just like that song:

A lifetime of warmth is good, just to accompany you to eternity.

I am a person who yearns for prosperity in my bones, and I think that after prosperity is extreme, all that remains is farewell and the advent of the end times. It is a pain that can be sober.

On my first night in Nanjing, I burst into tears. In fact, this tear has been planned for a long time, and the cold wind blows through, making me ache and at the same time giving me an excuse to be weak. I am no longer like before, every time the first snow falls, I will stand under the eaves and watch for a while with inexplicable excitement, or burrow into the snow bareheaded, as if to let the snow know that there is a person like me in the world, but I don't know that the sad autumn and honeysuckle have already stared at my lively young life.

I was a bright boy who loved to laugh and talk, and I am, and I still am. It's just that I suddenly feel an inexplicable sadness a little more, so I suddenly quiet down alone in the noisy and laughing scene.

From that night, I learned to hide the warmth, in the bitter cold wind, the warmth in my body is gradually retreating to a deep and far-reaching place that sometimes even I can't find myself, and I use this hidden warmth and frugally for many years of love and life after that. I gradually realized that the young man who was sunny and handsome and had a strong heart would shed tears in the lonely night.

Now I truly love my friends, and I leave to them what little warmth I have, even though I feel the indelible mark of indifference on my face day by day. I wish there was a bright wind that would fill every crevice of my body with the smell of warmth, melting all my frozen bones.

Although I grew up quietly in the bright sunshine, in the love of my parents and the respect of my boss, in the lonely wind, the colors that flowed through my heart are no longer like the pure bright yellow or dark blue of my youth, pure happiness and sadness.