Sometimes anger can help, but the key is to pay attention to the situation where you are angry, especially the way you get angry, and not to ruin yourself because of the impulse. Anger is sometimes necessary in our daily lives, but we must learn to be angry appropriately.

There is such a story. It is said that Toscanini had a great temper and would often rant at the slightest glitch, sometimes even throwing his scores in the trash.

Once, when he was conducting an orchestra to perform a new work by an Italian composer, the orchestra did not perform very well. This made Toscanini furious, his face flushed, and he was about to throw it when he raised the score.

However, Toscanini's raised hand slowly lowered again. Because he knew that it was the only "score" in the whole of the United States, and if it was destroyed, it would be a big trouble.

At the critical moment, Toscanini sensibly put the score back on the music stand and continued to roar.

In fact, in life, whether you can be angry appropriately depends on your correct judgment of the situation and understanding the goal you want to achieve when you are angry, and then judge whether anger is the best way to achieve the goal, and finally decide what kind of way to deal with it.

Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan was a mild-mannered man, but he sometimes lost his temper. He would get angry, throw a pencil or glasses on the ground, and quickly recover his mood. On one occasion, he said to his attendants: "You see, I learned this secret a long time ago: when you are angry, if you can't control yourself and have to throw something away to get angry, then be careful to throw it in front of you, and be sure not to throw it too far, so that it will be much easier to pick it up." ”

The following four examples provide four ways to deal with anger in different situations, which you can refer to.

(1) Someone deliberately infringes upon or harms you, others, work, or society. For example, a colleague plagiarizes your design and gives it to your boss.

Whether or not to be angry: Warn the other person with appropriate anger.

The purpose of anger: to give the other person a warning or punishment to defend one's rights.

Appropriate expression: It can be in the form of accusations. For example: "It's so immoral for you to do this." "Ask him to apologize in person.

Inappropriate expression: name-calling. For example: "You bastard, next time you dare, I will kill you." ”

(2) Someone inadvertently infringes upon or harms the interests of you, others, work, or society. For example: the tailor made a dress that you are not satisfied with.

Anger: It is possible to express grievances, specifically point out the problem, and should not be morally condemned.

The purpose of anger: to prevent similar situations from happening in the future and to try to recover losses.

Appropriate expression: "I am really not satisfied with this place, please revise it." ”

Inappropriate expression: "What do you eat?" Why are you so stupid? Close the door and forget it. ”

(3) Something "unlucky" happened. For example, if you are stuck in a traffic jam when you go to an appointment.

Whether to be angry or not: Because anger does not change reality, there is no need to be angry.

How to deal with it: Think about whether you can take measures to save it, and if the damage is great, try to distract yourself and forget about it.

Inappropriate expression: full of complaints.

(4) Being misunderstood by others. For example: you don't do well in exams and your parents say you don't work hard.

Anger: You can express your feelings. But the parents' intentions are good, and the language should not be excessive.

The purpose of anger: to clarify the facts and increase mutual understanding.

Appropriate approach: "I'm sad when you say that, I feel that you don't trust me." I've been working really hard, I've been studying for a long time lately, but I'm really having a hard time. ”

Inappropriate approach: "You have always looked down on me, you might as well kick me out of the house." ”

I believe you have a new understanding of reasonable anger, and we need to know how to be angry appropriately in life.

The issue of anger should be viewed from a dialectical point of view, and it is not a scientific attitude to simply think that "venting is good" or "restraining is good", and the method to be adopted should be determined according to the specific situation.

(1) It depends on the degree of anger

If it is a mild feeling, restraint is generally preferred. A person who cannot restrain his or her small anger is just as much a sign of psychological unhealth as a person who loses his temper at every turn. For example, if someone else has stepped on your foot or knocked over something in public, or if someone else has made a joke too much and hurt yourself, and you feel a little angry, you should exercise restraint and patience. If it's a feeling of being angry and angry, it should generally be vented. For example, when someone is angry and publicly insults our personality, it is a bit difficult to suppress yourself.

(2) Look at the content of the anger

If our anger is out of righteousness and can promote righteousness, then we should vent it directly. For example, when you see someone stealing something or hooligans bullying a girl, daring to be angry and not daring to speak is a sign of cowardice, and it also promotes evil spirit from the opposite side. If we feel angry that our mistakes have been exposed and criticized by others, we should restrain ourselves, even if it really "damages the nervous system".

Once, a minivan knocked over a motorcycle in front of it that was traveling in the same direction. The rider on the motorcycle was a young woman, who got up from the ground because she was frightened, and sat on the road crying and shaking, not knowing what to do for a while. And after the driver of the minivan that caused the accident got out of the car, he did not see if the woman was injured, but shouted at the woman. Faced with the doubts of the onlookers, he looked indifferent and wanted to take advantage of the chaos to slip away. At this time, an angry voice appeared: "You can't go!" Another woman walked out, "Don't be afraid, please help call the police." The onlookers seemed to be infected, so some called the police, some notified the victim's family, and others watched the driver who was trying to slip away. Here, the power of anger is revealed.

(3) It depends on the object and occasion of anger

The object of our anger is ever-changing, it may be the weak, it may be the strong, it may be a loved one or a stranger, it may be a good person, it may be an evil person; There are also a variety of occasions, including school, family, and social situations. Obviously, different approaches should be taken for different objects and occasions.

In most cases, our anger is caused by non-principled issues, such as conflicts with loved ones, conflicts with friends, conflicts with various workers in society, etc. In this situation, it is a habit that we should develop to be good at restraining ourselves and communicating in a rational way.

Sometimes, even when we encounter gangsters, we have to think about whether it is better to stop them by venting our anger directly, or is it more effective to report to the police quietly or find someone else to stop them together? When a gangster commits a crime, if the victim is in a vulnerable position, but angrily says, "I know you" or "I remember your physical features, I will definitely denounce you," the gangster will inevitably have the idea of killing people in fear when he hears it. Wouldn't it be more effective if the victim could think calmly, restrain his anger, pretend not to know or be afraid, and wait until the gangster is gone before angrily calling the police?

Being able to manage anger with ease, and getting angry when it's time to get angry, is a sign of a person's true strength.

Aristotle mentions in the Nicomachean Ethics: "Anyone can be angry." However, it is not easy to be angry at the right time, in the right way, and with the right target, for a legitimate purpose. ”