Franklin's wrists were not smooth as a young man, but he became so able to get along with people that he was appointed U.S. ambassador to France. The secret of his success – I don't speak ill of anyone, he says, "I only say everything I know about everyone's strengths." ”

On the one hand, when we criticize the mistakes of others, we can get a sense of accomplishment and feel happy from them. On the other hand, when he is accused by others, he must be depressed and dull, and even hate the other party to the point that his teeth itch. So, let's not criticize people at every turn, because most people can't stand the criticism of others.

If you find that others have made a mistake, or when a subordinate has made a small mistake because of inattention, you should treat it rationally, and don't get angry and scold when you open your mouth.

Bob Hoover was a well-known test pilot. Once, when he was about to fly back to Los Angeles from San Diego, two engines failed at the same time, but thanks to his quick reaction and control, the plane was able to land. Although there were no casualties, the plane was unrecognizable. He thought it might be the plane's jet oil, and it turned out to be just as he thought.

When Hoover returned to the airport, he found the mechanic in charge of maintenance. And the young mechanic, already suffering from the mistakes he had made, was waiting for Hoover's criticism. Surprisingly, however, Hoover did not reproach the mechanic at the time, but just reached out his arm and patted the worker on the shoulder, and then asked the mechanic to continue repairing the plane for him in order to prove that he would not make any more mistakes.

At the time, the mechanic was surprised to hear Hoover's words. Hoover's approach is believed to have taught young mechanics this lesson for the rest of their lives.

When mistakes are made, criticism and complaints are no longer useful, because mistakes have already been made. Even if you're angry, don't be open-mouthed and scold. The right thing to do is to be like Hoover, to be calm with others.

The world-renowned psychologist Steiner has proved through his experiments that an animal that is rewarded for good behavior learns much faster and is more able to remember what it learns than an animal that is punished for bad behavior. Further research has shown that the same is true for humans. Our use of criticism does not make others change permanently, but often causes resentment, so criticism and scolding are not a good way to persuade others.

Some things may be seen inadvertently, such as when a supervisor suddenly shouts a rebuke at a young lady at the counter in a crowded bank hall. The whole hall fell silent for a moment, and all eyes were all on the young lady. When the supervisor finished scolding, he turned around and walked away...... But the young lady who had just been reprimanded in public kept her head down in her later work, even though the clients she received later did not know that she had been reprimanded before. It can be seen from this that the reason why the young lady is like this is because her self-esteem has been seriously hurt.

When employees make mistakes, leaders will of course be angry, and it is also appropriate to criticize them! - This is justified and irrefutable in the eyes of most managers. Many leaders shout loudly in front of others when they make mistakes. As everyone knows, this will lead to resistance to work.

Surveys have shown that the main or direct cause of employee frustration in the workplace is criticism from managers. Scober, a million-dollar professional manager who was once employed by the American steel magnate En Carnegie, famously said: "The most apt thing in the world to stifle a man's ambition is the criticism of his superiors." ”

A storm of criticism will certainly give vent to the emotions of the manager, but for both sides, it is a battle with no "winner". Because the most direct manifestation of this imbalance and negative compensation is that employees will have a kind of "grinding foreign workers" and "inaction" mentality that you give me how much money to do and how much work I do, or the frustrated person will take the way of "making up for the loss in the embankment and making up for the loss outside the embankment", greatly reducing the time spent on their own work, and using some time and resources on personal affairs to expand their special interests to make up for the losses in the setbacks, so as to achieve psychological balance.

What many managers have to do now is to try to restrain their bosses' tempers. Some bosses are very short-tempered, and their emotions are easily out of control, and they like to lose their temper with big and small things, and they always think that losing their temper can cause a kind of deterrent. In fact, if you lose too much temper, you will make employees feel strange and its utility will gradually lose; Some employees will even form a set of self-protection methods, which is called "there is a policy, and there is a countermeasure". In other words, it is impossible for a tantrum person to become a qualified leader, let alone win the support and love of his subordinates.

The biggest principle of maintaining harmony and friendship with those around you is not to criticize others at will, and to criticize as little or tactfully as possible.

Joneston, of Enned, Oklahoma, USA, is a safety coordinator for an engineering firm. One of his duties is to supervise the wearing of hard hats by employees working on the construction site. He said that as soon as he met people who were not wearing hard hats, he told them in a bureaucratic tone that they had to follow the company's rules. Although the employee accepted his correction, he was full of displeasure and took off his hat.

And often, after he left, he decided to take another approach to safety. The next time he noticed someone not wearing a hard hat, he asked them if the hard hat was uncomfortable to wear or if there was something that didn't fit well. He then reminded them in a pleasant tone that the purpose of wearing a hard hat was to protect them from harm, and suggested that they always wear a hard hat when they work. The result is an increasing number of people who comply with the requirement to wear hard hats, and in a way that does not cause resentment or emotional resentment.

Smart people don't scold people at every turn, but they don't know that scolding will hurt harmony and reduce morale. On the other hand, if you comfort with some euphemisms, the end result will be very different.

If we reduce our criticism of others and reflect on ourselves, we can not only calm our emotions, but also resolve many unnecessary disputes. When there are no disputes in life, we will be in a good mood every day. There's a good advertising slogan: "Before you shave someone's beard, shave your own." Criticizing others will only reveal their own small means, and although they get temporary satisfaction, they will have to bear the notoriety of "petty family" afterwards, so the gains outweigh the losses.

Whether you are a boss in a company or a father or mother, understand that criticism and scolding are not a good solution to your problems for your employees or children. As Dale Carnegie said, "If you want to catch a fish, ask the fish what they want to eat." "The resentment caused by criticism often lowers the morale and emotions of employees, family and friends, and the blame still does not improve. The great psychologist Schiller said: "We want to be praised, and just as we are afraid of criticism." ”