My family members are all from Gansu. The ancestors and the ancestors have never left on the loess next door. Don't ask me if I ride a camel to school and work over there, okay? Keep your eyes open and see that there is a clear crescent moon spring in the Dunhuang Desert, the No. 10 satellite launch base, the terrible sandstorm that instantly makes your washed hair frosted, the intoxicating neon lights at night, and the blue sky and clouds mixed with the white of Qilian Snow Mountain.

My parents are also from Gansu. They are not from a high background, and they started from scratch step by step by working hard to repair electrical appliances for others.

They are all people who worked hard at the bottom of society. They are two poor children from a rural area who have never eaten eggs before the age of 18. They were assigned to the same oil jobs, and Dad's pursuit of Mom lasted vigorously for two years. In 2000, the Yumen oil field collapsed due to overexploitation, and people there fled to Jiuquan. Since then, Yumen has become an empty city, and there are only two elementary schools in the entire city, one of which has a junior high school. There is no high school.

My parents used decades of hard-earned money to buy the first small house of less than 100 square meters. That small house carries their dreams, hard work, compulsion and pain and sorrow for life. It also carries the rebellion of my childhood and adolescence.

A few days ago my mom sent me a message that she was having a reunion with her father's old friends who were bringing their wonderful children.

She said, "Before you knew it, you were so old. If you could turn back time, Mom wants to grow up with you again. ”

She's a little drunk. And then he said:

If you could choose again, Mom would choose another way to accompany you.

"I'm an unqualified mom, and my mom's education method is not right."

Mom, everyone has times when they rebel, don't they? But fortunately, it wasn't too late for me to get lost.

Mom, don't cry, my heart hurts.

In 2004, my mother and I took the train to Xinjiang for the first time. At that time, there were no trains, and I couldn't buy a flight ticket. It takes a day and a night by train to reach Urumqi from Jiuquan. The low roar of the train hissed outside the glass, and I tossed and turned in my seat as a young child, unable to fall asleep. My mother held my head and patted me on the back gently, infinitely gentle in my memory.

In my eyes, everything was so new and full of life. I lay on the dirty bed sheets in the guest house and read flashcards with my mother, pestered my mother to buy naan in the hazy moonlight, and asked the waitress for a spoon at a local pilaf restaurant in Xinjiang, and she gave me a spatula bigger than my head.

You want to ask why there is no dad in my memory?

In 2003, he was introduced to leave Jiuquan and go all the way to Xinjiang to work on railway projects, and in 2004, he was deceived in Xinjiang and lost all his points, and then he was calculated to be in debt of 200,000 yuan.

That year, my mother took me all the way to find my father and accompany him to the lawsuit.

In the end, the lawsuit was lost. The defense smiled smugly. Dad returned home with us in disgrace.

That year, I walked through the colorful streets of Urumqi holding my mother's hand. Asked her mother for naan.

For the next eight years, Mom and Dad spent the next eight years in debt. They worked hard to pay off my debts while providing for my education. The debt collectors chased him to his father's small electrical repair shop, and scolded his father with his ancestors and ancestors.

"You are good, give me a little more time, and I will give you all the money."

Don't even think about interest! Stinky for food! ”

Then they walked away.

Dad kept bending down in the direction they were leaving.

I think if the world is miserable, ignorant, and callous, then everyone is at fault. This is created by the malice in the hearts of all people, by indifference. They think that all the darkness in this world has nothing to do with the fact that they seem to wear a mask of goodness, but in fact they are full of lies.

But I didn't know about all this until I was an adult.

I have the best mom and dad in the world. With both hands, they lifted me above my head and walked through the swamp infested by leeches. The swamp was deep and invisible, and the water overflowed their brows.

From 2012 to 2016, I was a free-flowing hooligan and a non-mainstream society. I climbed over the wall to skip class, slept in class, smoked, drank, went to nightclubs and Internet cafes, and gathered small gangs to fight in ruins. I was notorious that everywhere I went, people called me brother.

I'm very proud, but I'm miserable for my parents.

They often review in front of the whole class at parent-teacher conferences, and they plead with teachers in the office when I am about to be expelled. Dad repeatedly caught me smoking and skipping school, and hated that iron could not be made of steel, and broke two belts.

At that age, I longed for freedom, longed for the outside world, and felt that my parents were a drag.

Dad's hands became heavier and heavier, and I almost fainted every time I hit the ground.

In his eyes, he had nothing to do with me except beating.

Mom slapped me in the middle of a fight with me several times, and then wept silently as I slammed the door and left.

Mom and Dad paid off all their debts, opened a hotel, and took over the agency of Gree in the Jiujia area.

They centered on me, a disobedient daughter, and thought that I would create a better future as a radius, and they carved a bloody path through the swamp.

Everyone's starting point is different. Personal ability determines how far you can go, and family resources determine how high you can fly.

They didn't hesitate to send me abroad to study.

I said I grew up overnight, can you believe me?

I met all kinds of people in a foreign country, and later I realized that not everyone loved me as much as my parents did. Except for them, no one will make a hot meal for you to go home, no one will not think about your pain, and no one will change themselves for you. We're all just part of the crowd.

I told my dad a long time ago that he didn't look good in blue jeans. He never wore his favorite pair of jeans since.

When I returned to China during the college entrance examination in 2018, I stopped and took a look at my former school. In the shade of trees or under the scorching sun, there are as many parents waiting at the door as there is a promotion in a shopping mall on Double 11. They sat on the edge of the flower bed with solemn faces and serious expressions, saying nothing. One of the fathers crumpled the water bottle in his hand.

Thousands of troops and horses, all for that single-plank bridge.

These kids compete for the resources that their parents didn't have for them, and they want to fly a little higher, a little higher.

In 2018, my parents changed to a new house, and through the video, I watched my mother squatting in the corner and rubbing the wall tiles, and my nose was sour.

If I could, I would like to grow up with you again. I didn't want to attend classes, I didn't want to be that unbearable version of myself, I didn't want to take exams, and I didn't have a mobile phone to play with at that time.

But Mom and Dad, you're getting old.

If I could, I would like to shrink into a baby and accompany you from nothing, through many ups and downs and unsatisfactory experiences.

If I could, I would be a proud kid for you.

I've been writing other people's stories. This is a record for myself and for you.

See you in 2018 and hello in 2019.