It's sour to write these words, but why am I writing them anyway?

Because I know that my love for her is endless, and I can't control my emotions of loving her, so I can only return her to the sea of people.

I said I would come out, but I couldn't, and my love stayed with her.

I just want to carry the rest of the pain and sorrow by myself, and I don't want to affect her anymore.

Now I understand that fools are actually quite happy, because they are tired of the sweetness of love, and they only have love and each other in their eyes, silly cuteness, silly happiness.

Maniacs are very pathetic, for the sake of a person to lose themselves, go crazy, destroy themselves, and also affect many people.

Just like what Beacon said in "Swords in the Snow", feelings are such things as not knowing what they are before they encounter them, and they don't know what they are after they miss them.

Now I don't know what love is.

But I can be firm that I love her.

Nearly half a year of lovers has consumed the love of my life, I never thought before, and now I can't believe that my true love and love at first sight ended like this.

My story with her began on the evening of January 9, 2019.

My name is CBH, and everyone calls me Ah Hao.

I'm not a good person, at least not a good person.

College is just a mess, but I've been a very mixed since I was a child.

During his freshman year, he fought for his friends and righteous anger, went to the detention center, and was locked up for eight months for various complicated reasons.

I came out in August and met her on the night of January 9 of the following year.

The period when I came out was a dark period of life.

In fact, I saw too much darkness inside, but I didn't experience it myself, so I guess I was lucky.

But since I have seen it, I have always had some impact on my soul.

I believe that those who have entered or understood it can understand it.

In high school, there were too many miscellaneous things, all of which were messy and indecent things, almost no feelings, and there were two relationships that were just lovers who ended up without a problem, of course, when they dropped out of high school.

I was actually a scumbag before I met her, I was good at writing, and I was responsible for all the copywriting in the college during college.

I play all the social software and change girlfriends twice in three days.

I don't know if it's to fill the emptiness and loneliness of life, or what, I'm always changing girls around me, so I get an almost pathological satisfaction.

Therefore, he received the title of master during his university years.

In the half year when there was no shortage of girlfriends, she was like a fish in water and broke the hearts of many girls.

But I don't care, because I don't care about anyone.

No one can enter my heart, so what does it matter to them.

I know that when I see this, many people will scold me for deserving the end of the story, and I can accept it gently, but please continue to read this story.

When I came out of the detention center, I was still a scumbag, flirting with my sister everywhere.

Later, she looked through my phone records, and during that time, I flirted with hundreds of little girls at the same time, but it ended up with her.

During that time, I have been casting a net, and they have all been successful, in fact, there are several appointments at the same time.

It seems that I am not satisfied with the status quo, how many fish can be raised.

Finally, frankly, I flirted with her.

I sent her a picture, and the content of that picture was probably that if you want to marry someone else, what kind of ability is it, and if you have the ability to find me in love.

During that time, she finished her final exams, had nothing to do, and happened to be bored, so she replied to me.

In fact, everything is fate and fate.

Actually, we knew each other before, but we didn't know each other.

Because we were in the same school in high school, and I was a man of the year in high school, it was too troublesome.

But she didn't know me, she didn't know any of that, we knew the same people, so we met.

One of her ex-boyfriends used to be my brother, and he only belonged to Zeng.

Actually, I was curious, she was confessing that she was joking, so when she said okay, it's just you, I didn't immediately look for her on QQ.

Instead, continue to flirt.

In the end, she said a few words, and immediately changed her love head and couple screen name.

It takes three minutes to make instant noodles, does it take only one sentence to soak her?

So I went to her.

We talked a lot, including a lot about me.

At the beginning, the 26th was about to get together with many people, so the date of the meeting was set on the 26th.

But she asked me why we met so late. (We are in a long-distance relationship, and her family is in the same county as mine, but she is studying in a foreign country.) ）

Actually, I was afraid that I would take the initiative to scare her away.

She made a request to meet the next day, and I readily agreed, feeling uneasy.

In fact, when I was chatting, I was already moved, so I began to give up all ambiguous relationships and decided to change from a scumbag to a good man.

Of course I have to meet, I think it's really that feeling, and she's a worthy person.

The next day I went to the train station to pick her up and met.

I've seen it before, but the feeling is different.

She's the sweetest girl I've ever seen.

When we first got together, I said that I would hug each time I met for three minutes.

Smile sweetly and hug you tightly, the warmth of the body temperature to the heart, even the most cold person will definitely be melted.

After we met, we walked to the corner of the intersection of the train station, hugged for three minutes, it was really warm, at that moment my heart melted, I thought that such a sweet and warm girl is her, she will not marry in this life.

It's hard to imagine that a person like me, who has gone through a thousand sails, will fall in love at this moment, like a naïve child fantasizing about which girl to put on a wedding dress one day.

But Ah Qing did it, I really wanted to put on a wedding dress for her, and at that moment, I just wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

We went to a small restaurant nearby and ate the most characteristic snacks in our hometown, which are only available in our hometown.

I'm scared to go to the train station now, it's a place full of memories, even I'm scared to live in this city, full of our memories, memories make me happy, happy, and miserable.

It's so nice to remember it, but the thought of losing her like this in the future makes me feel painful.

Now I'm writing this, I'm also crying, I've been crying every night, I don't know if people will cry blind, maybe I'm so unproductive.

Originally, I was going to ask my brother to go to dinner, but I didn't know where to go at noon.

She asked me.

I'll just say listen to you.

Then we held hands and walked all the way to an Internet celebrity milk tea shop, the store was full of powder, there were pink leopards, you can take pictures, it took 60 yuan at that time.

We went into the bubble tea shop, was inside, and then held hands, hugged, kissed and took pictures.

She was so sweet that she woke up all the touches of my life.

I really wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

In the afternoon, my brothers seemed to have an appointment, but in fact, they were afraid to come and be a light bulb when I was in love.

Anyway, we had dinner in the evening, and during dinner I met her best girlfriend and asked us to go to the bar.

When I went to the bar, the guy wanted to chase her girlfriend too, and then the guy and the girl were having a good time.

In fact, if it was my previous scumbag nature, I would have had a chance to get drunk with her very easily.

But I don't want to get drunk with her, because I have a lot of feelings for this relationship, love at first sight with her, and I want to give her sincere love.

So when I was drinking and playing games, I tried my best to block the wine for her.

It was at this moment that she felt my sincere love for her, and she was very moved.

Indeed, I was sincere at the time and had no bad intentions, I just wanted to be good to her, make her happy and happy.

She was drunk that night, and I blocked a lot of wine for her, and she was still drunk.

Because she was happy, she was really happy that night.

Then we opened the room.

In the middle of the night, she suddenly hugged me and kissed me, and we had sex.

Her first time, very precious.

She was thirsty in the middle of the night, and I woke up just as soon as I moved, so I got up and got water for her to drink.

It's the kind of sleeping situation.

I don't know if your boyfriend is sleeping soundly in the middle of the night, and he will be angry if you do this.

I'm not angry, I'm not good-tempered, you can understand when you see the back, but I'm deeply in love with her.

I want to spoil her.

I got up the next morning, and I was in love for a long time, and she was going back to school, and there were final exams to be taken, at that time.

Of course, she didn't leave until half past six in the afternoon, and we were reluctant to separate, so we hugged each other and talked about the future.

She told me that she had given me the most precious thing and told me that I must go to her.

At that moment, there was light in her eyes, as if there were countless stars circulating in them, and I saw my future, the bride I would be with for life, and I swore that I would not marry her.

Now that I think about it, after she left, I think everyone looks like her, even if it is annoying to say three words to a girl, is the oath really valid.

But I don't feel resentful, it's good, I love what I love, I don't compromise, I don't compromise, I don't compromise.

In the afternoon, I took her to the train station, and I was really reluctant.

We were at the train station, and it was hard to separate.

But something happened in my house.

What did my mother say that she fainted and went insane and was sent to the hospital and told me to rush to the hospital.

Actually, I'm quite sad, I feel that I just came out of it, I met true love, and when everything was good, this and that thing fell on me.

I often wonder, who have I offended to treat me so badly?

Now that I think about it, I'm sorry for those who have failed me, so I'm paying off my debts.

Went to the hospital and we chatted all the time.

In fact, the situation in the hospital at that time was really bad, and the news for me was also varied, which made me feel very inferior.

She only saw my childish side, and people who love so much in love that they lose themselves may be naïve.

Actually, I'm quite mature.

I love her, and I don't want to be in debt, like my brother, and let her come and bear it with me.

She didn't deserve this, and I would leave her immediately if the family was broken.

I feel very inferior in my heart, I think she is very good, but how did my good home become like this?

I had a conflict with my parents, and I kept talking about what I was doing that night.

In fact, the contradiction between me and my parents is that they don't consider my feelings, since I was a child, I gradually became cold-blooded, and I began to not consider their feelings, I have a grudge against them since I was a child, that kind of resentment to the bones, so I am very cold.

In fact, I also know that it is family, not enemies.

I know everything, but the seeds left behind since childhood are hard to indelible, and I need warmth and love to make me warm.

She did give me warmth and love.

And she's a college student, I dropped out of school because of a fight, and she's two.

I don't have a degree, I can write something, and I have a good popularity.

Giving up her dreams is realistic, she has a bright future, and she must be much more promising than me.

I don't think I'm worthy of her, so I'm afraid she'll be snatched away.

Or maybe she has a better choice, and I can't stop her from running to someone better than me.

There are many other reasons for low self-esteem, which will continue in the later story.

Now that the story has come to an end, here's what I had to say to her:

Ah Qing, the beginning of the beginning, is a little absurd and sloppy.

But I have always treated this relationship with sincerity and seriousness.

In the beginning, I really felt that you were precious.

The seriousness and the sincerity you see in my eyes are all true.

In fact, I also understand that every cold word you say is just to wake me up from my confusion.

But I'm afraid of being stabbed, so I want to do whatever it takes to get your warmth.

I'm crazy, and I don't want to affect your life.

It's a pity I'm so sad.

I've never found it so hard to fall out of love.

Despair keeps coming.

I also want to smile and wish you happiness and joy, I can't do it.

The only way to stop bothering you is to put away those extravagant hopes.

Let's stay alone.

In fact, it's all love, the first time I wrote it in detail, this time I wrote it in a few days, and then I went to submit a manuscript.

And then it's over.

I really won't love anyone but you anymore.

I'm not interested in anyone other than you.

My passion and love are consumed by you.

The first time I blew someone's hair was you.

The first time I washed a girl's underwear was you.

The girl who cut my nails for the first time was you.

The first time I massaged a girl's feet, it was you.

It's the first time I've rubbed someone's belly, covered my belly, and it's the first time I've spoiled someone like this.

It's also you who washed a girl's feet for the first time.

You say that there is pain in memories, isn't there sweetness?

I'm such an insecure person, don't I like to sleep, don't I have the gas to get up.

But what you need in the middle of the night, I don't hesitate to get up and get it.

You wake up in the middle of the night, and I wake up and ask you what's wrong with your baby.

It's been half a year, and I don't care whether I'm sleepy or not, I still have to stay up and leave a message.

Where there is no love?

In fact, no matter what happens to us, how awkward we are, or even parting ways, as long as you say that we started all over again, I will run to you desperately, as long as I am still alive, it will always be effective......

Have you ever seen me in the shower because you sent a message to wipe your hands back?

Have you ever seen me when I was very sleepy, and still insisted on saying to you, I will sleep again when you sleep?

Have you ever seen me try to change something because you don't like it?

Have you ever seen me holding my phone every day when I'm fine, waiting for your news?

Those are the looks of loving you.

You bring the autumn water to the galaxy, and I and the spring breeze are waiting for you not to return.