20, The Story of Reluctance (2)

From Dong Chunjiao's words, I basically heard the situation of the mother and daughter meeting clearly.

I said to Dong Chunjiao, "Is it just to question her when you found your mother?" I know that you have a belly of resentment against your mother for abandoning you for 18 years, but now that your mother has suddenly come back at this time, you don't know what the reason is, and you haven't given her a chance to explain, so you rush to question her, do you think it's appropriate? Jiaojiao, you are already a big girl, the grievances of the previous generation cannot continue with you, we get along with others to give people opportunities, not to mention that this person is your mother, tell me, what is your mother's reaction to your questioning? ”

Dong Chunjiao described her mother's reaction, "After seeing me, he was stunned for a while, and then I asked him why he came to disturb our lives, and he didn't have a word of argument, but looked me up and down, left and right, and he tried to take my hand, but I threw him away. In my questioning, he just wept silently, and said repeatedly, 'I'm sorry! Baby, Mommy I'm really sorry. ’”

I imagine a mother with guilt, facing her daughter who has been separated for 18 years, that kind of helplessness, that kind of pity and pity, and that kind of guilt. In essence, the meeting of the two people did not form a real exchange, nor did they communicate anything, but Dong Chunjiao had a young lady's temper, seeing her mother's cowardly appearance, she felt a stomach full of grievances in her heart, and when she returned home to face her father, she had no way to vent, so she ran to me and turned all her grievances into tears, poor daughter, poor mother.

I stepped forward and hugged Dong Chunjiao, using body language to give him the most cordial care, soothing his wounded heart, and trying to soothe his anger, just like that, I hugged her, and the two of us didn't communicate with words, how could such a ravine-like scar be soothed in a few words? accompanied her through the emotional moments, vented the resentment and grievances in her heart, and then was able to communicate normally.

This is the most fragile moment of human feelings, all words are superfluous, only quiet companionship, soothing the wounded heart with the blood of her own heart.

If a person wants to comfort another person, especially if he does not know how deep he is hurt, it is best not to use words, because all words are pale and weak, if these words and the hope of his soul can not match, and may be counterproductive, people in the excitement of passion, especially in the anger that has been gathered for many years, emotions are easy to get out of control, once the emotional floodgates are broken, then this torrent of emotions may bring people to the extreme, and companionship, silent companionship is the best way to soothe them, is also the most effective,

Among the people who accompany the emotionally angry, body language may be more convincing at this time, the body is closer, the heart is closer, with a hug, with a pair of warm hands, or a warm chest, will make the cold heart feel that when the person you are accompanying feels lonely and helpless, body language seems so important.

When a person is emotionally angry, in fact, his heart is struggling, reason and emotion are fighting with each other, the excited heart, and the calm brain have a poor consciousness, if the accompanying person at this time can not take the right way to guide, let the points grow, let the reason lose, a person's spirit is likely to collapse at this time, Dong Chunjiao's spirit is now on the verge of collapse.

Some psychological problems, some shadows in the heart, and even rise to mental problems, when emotional, may produce some kind of change in the heart, loneliness, helplessness, and weakness, which is the fullest manifestation of mental breakdown, although they are very strong in words, in fact, the softest part of the heart is already flowing blood, if you stimulate him, or accidentally stimulate him, the result will be disastrous.

This kind of emotional agitation is especially fully manifested in people's special physiological periods, Dong Chunjiao is a girl who is in adolescence, rebellious psychology originally exists in the most secret place of his soul, how many years of hatred, bumped into the moment of his mother's arrival, long-term resentment and physiological reactions, surging adolescent emotions, for a girl who has not been involved in the world is like a flood of beasts, if you do not grasp this characteristic psychologically, it will be extremely dangerous.

The mastery of the preliminary knowledge of psychology has allowed me to deeply understand the psychological changes of Dong Chunjiao in this period, and the stimulation of major events, for a girl who is in adolescence, it is like five thunderstorms, the already fragile nerves, when encountering this sudden situation, they are all about to break, use the right way for him, adjust it in the right way, and help him in a gentle way, so that he can avoid this kind of mental disaster, reduce the impact of the soul, and take indispensable care for his psychology and his spirit.

The process of a person's transformation from adolescence to youth is a complex and huge process, the struggle of their own psychology has reached the extreme, the happiness and ignorance of childhood, some things that seem to understand and do not understand have become more complicated, and everything wants to innovate their thinking, it is the concentrated reaction of this period of adolescent rebellious psychology, encountering major events, important people stimulate their hearts, then the rebellious psychology of adolescence will form a frenzy, which has a huge impact on people's psychology and people's spirit. Once the embankment breaks, then this person will go in the direction that he does not want to see, whether psychologically or spiritually, and Dong Chunjiao is in such a critical moment and critical period.

In fact, adolescent people are also taking various ways to protect themselves, they hide the process of their struggle very well, but the rebellious psychology is always reflected, they are unwilling to communicate too much with the people close to them, because she found the contradictions in their hearts, in fact, where do you know, which person is not a highly comprehensive contradiction? It is precisely because they have just started their life that they have not experienced many things and have seen very few people, so at the beginning of their lives, they often show their arrogant side, which is actually a fear of growth and adulthood.

For me who has just come from adolescence, I empathize with Dong Chunjiao's reaction, although my own heart is very strong, but also in the process of adolescence, how many dark roads have I walked, how many struggles I have endured, and to what extent have the contradictions in my heart intensified? Sometimes I want to find someone who can say this sentence and talk to her heart's content, but looking around, there are really few people who can make her open her heart and confide, especially in her heart, the part that loves the softest the most, trying to hide it well and not let anyone see it, but this part always comes out to make trouble at a critical time, so that her heart speaks with two voices, contradicts each other, fights with each other, one is reason, the other is emotion, and the contradiction between reason and emotion has been symbiotic and coexisting in the mind, Their competition is also the result of the final manifestation of human nature, if reason wins, then everything she does will be peaceful and soft, if emotions prevail, then what she shows is to make people look so rebellious, so out of place, completely a little angry youth.

Dong Chunjiao is now in the fierce struggle between the contradiction between reason and emotion, sometimes people can grasp the path they take, and people can also choose the person they want to see, but sometimes it is difficult to grasp the thought, even if it is their own thoughts, no matter how strong their reason is, there may be wrong choices, when thinking about it, especially when Dong Chunjiao faces the current situation, long-term single-parent family life, and has not enjoyed real maternal love since birth, A strong and iron man's father left behind in her character are all galloping male genes, and as a girl, as a young girl, gentleness is inherent in the heart, which has a strong contradiction with the genes left by the father, and now the mother's love is in front of her, from the sea to adolescence, has not enjoyed the mother's love of the kind of Chunjiao, how turbulent the struggle in the heart will be.

In fact, human consciousness is similar to natural phenomena, for example, our ordinary emotions, especially the emotions of a girl, are like the continuous drizzle in the rainy season, which cleans every corner of the mind, and the drizzle is poetic, pure, with a trace of rain and dew, and the thoughts of adolescence, the subconscious of adolescence, are like a few days of pouring rain, this storm and rain will water all the places full of trenches, and under certain conditions will become a flood beast. Rushing her rational consciousness to the breach, many people suffered from depression during this period, and may even be mentally ill, all because of the role played by the consciousness of this flood beast.

Dong Chunjiao is now in a period of anxiety, this anxious mood is actually a flood soaring, in the depths of her own mind is fighting back, organizing a strong flood fight, defending her own reason, defending her subconscious, so painful, so angry, so wronged, this is not only a catharsis, but also a kind of diversion, not to let those flood beasts wash away their subconscious dam, nor let themselves fall into the spiritual quagmire, this is an adolescent girl's intellectual struggle, At this time, someone is most needed to pull her up.

After a while, Dong Chunjiao calmed down under my comfort, raised her head and looked at me and said, "Teacher Jiang, why do you think I'm so unlucky?" All the unfortunate things have happened to me, my mother is really too conscienceless, she has hurt my father and me for so many years, and now she is still coming to the door, what do you think she thinks? ”

I said to her calmly, "Chunjiao, if I want you to do this, why should we inherit the grievances of the previous generation?" Now since your mother came back to you, it means that she already knows that she is wrong, after all, blood is thicker than water, if you want to understand her and live peacefully with her, it is better to communicate well, whether you recognize this mother or not, she is objective, if you don't want to recognize her, then there is no need to fight with her, on the one hand, this is not what your father wants, on the other hand, for yourself, you are now in the preparation stage for the college entrance examination, studying so busy, time is so tight, if you are distracted to think about this matter, It will definitely affect your learning, and the original set goals will not be able to be accomplished, whether it is your father or your mother, who wants to see this kind of result? ”

Chunjiao was also much calmer than just now, and was able to communicate with me normally, obviously my words just now had a reaction in her mind, and she still cried silently, and whispered to me, "Teacher Jiang, just like you just said, she is an objective existence after all, I can't ignore her, and now that she is back, I don't know what the purpose is?" Do you think I'll be able to settle down? No matter what she does, as long as she's by my side, I'll definitely think about it. ”

What Dong Chunjiao said was heartfelt, and I could only explain her and say, "Chunjiao, since you think so, why don't you understand your mother's situation clearly and see what she wants to do?" What was her mind? After understanding clearly, we can take corresponding measures, but you don't have to do this anymore, if you trust me, I'll help you understand, after all, I'm an outsider, your father and her can't communicate, and now the two of them can't sit down and talk about things at all, so it's most appropriate for me as an outsider to understand, after understanding, let's discuss it again, do you think it's okay? ”

Dong Chunjiao was noncommittal to what I said, but I was still moved by her expression, "Teacher Jiang, I know that everything you have done is for my good, and I am trying my best to protect my father now, and I can't be hurt by her again." After so many years of separation, I don't know her news, just to find out how her life is now, if she has no other purpose, just come to see me, I can also have a meal with her, and then ask her to leave quickly, I can't interfere with the lives of our father and daughter anymore, especially now that I am in the preparation stage for the college entrance examination, she is really a bit unreasonable to come desperately. ”

Since Dong Chunjiao has clearly wanted to reconcile with her mother, this matter will be easier to do, so I smiled and said to her, "Chunjiao, you are a very sensible girl, now is a special period for you, first of all, don't be affected by this matter, you have to manage your emotions, if because of her arrival, your emotions are out of control, or you are uncomfortable in your heart, even if there is a little shadow in your heart, it is unfair to your father, Professor Dong has pulled you up for so many years, Because your mother came back and hurt you, this is what your father is most worried about, if you really still have your father in your heart, quickly calm this matter, concentrate on preparing for the college entrance examination, get a good score in the college entrance examination, be admitted to a good university, and fulfill the wishes of your father and daughter, this is the best reward for your father. As for your mother, I'm going to help you with some work, and then we'll talk about what to do next?" ”

Dong Chunjiao nodded, "Teacher Jiang, why do you say that people have so many troubles?" Originally, it was a family of three, both of them were high-level intellectuals, what a happy and happy family, but there was such a big change 20 years ago, how hateful human nature is, are those monetary interests more important to them than a daughter? ”

I touched her face, patted her on the back again, and said to her with a smile, "Didn't we all say it, everything looks forward, don't go through the old accounts, you only don't want to think about these messy problems, you can settle down and deal with your mother's affairs, we handled this matter smoothly, you devote yourself to the college entrance examination, this is what your father wants to see the most, in fact, this is also related to your future fate, at the crossroads of life encountered such a thing, no one wants, But since it happened, we have to treat it correctly and solve it, this is the attitude that we young people should have, if you can deal with your mother's matter smoothly, it means that you have grown up and matured, if you are still so entangled, it will have a bad impact on you, and the loss to the family will be too great, do you want to see this situation? ”

Dong Chunjiao seemed to accept my words completely, and put her arms around my shoulders and said, "Teacher, I think about how lucky I am now, now that I have you by my side, no matter how boring things are, I can talk to you in my heart, the two of us are like sisters, you are completely my bosom sister, we have both been so good all our lives, okay?" ”

I wrapped my two jade arms around her and said to her gently, "Okay, both of us are only children, no sisters, in today's rapid social development, we also need bosom friends, intimate sisters, we have been sisters all our lives, with you such a dexterous and shrewd little sister, how happy I must be." ”

Dong Chunjiao's mood finally returned to normal again, my heart was also relaxed, and the two of us whispered again, Dong Chunjiao told me his mother's hotel and room number, and gave me a mobile phone number.

I said to Dong Chunjiao, "Chunjiao, this matter should be solved quickly, it will be a drain on everyone if it drags on for a long time, especially you, now that you have so much thought, do you still have the heart to study?" How about calling your mom right now and meeting him tomorrow? ”

Dong Chunjiao looked at me, then nodded, and said softly, "Let this matter end quickly, otherwise it will be a kind of torture for the three of us, since I am their child, let me contribute a little to them, I will take a step back, you can meet with my mother for a meal, and then let him come from, hurry back to where, quickly disappear in the lives of our father and daughter, let life return to peace, this is his greatest love for me." ”

I also nodded to Dong Chunjiao and said to him kindly, "Okay, I completely understand what you mean, just follow what we discussed today, and I will quickly solve this matter." ”

I dialed out according to the phone number provided to me by Dong Chunjiao, and the phone was busy for a long time, and finally the other party answered the phone.

I said into the phone, "Hello, are you Ms. Fang Lingzi?" My name is Jiang Bang, I am your daughter's tutor, and I am also a very good friend, I was also present when you arrived at the house that day, I don't know when you can meet me, I have something I want to talk to you about. ”

An elegant female voice came from the other side of the phone, "Hello, are you Teacher Jiang?" I'm Fang Lingzi, I'm sorry for you on this matter, Jiaojiao, how are you now? ”

Fang Lingzi was still concerned about her daughter for the first time, I looked at Dong Chunjiao's reaction with my eyes, he still looked indifferent, neither happy nor sad, "Ms. Fang, Dong Chunjiao is very good, don't worry, when will you be able to meet me tomorrow?" Shall we talk in person? ”

Fang Lingzi's trembling voice, "I sincerely thank you Teacher Jiang, Jiaojiao can have a teacher and friends like you, it can be regarded as his luck, I have time tomorrow, you can come to the hotel, you can come early tomorrow morning, we can have a good talk, Jiaojiao's mood is still unstable, I see that he is very excited, of course I know that this is because of me, my mother really owes him too much, and he should hate me." ”

In order not to let Dong Chunjiao be stimulated again, I quickly cut off his words, "Ms. Fang, it's not early, what can we talk about when we meet tomorrow, when can I come to you early tomorrow morning?" ”

Fang Lingzi also realized her gaffe, and still said softly, "Teacher Jiang, come and have breakfast with me tomorrow morning, I get up very early now, because of the time difference, you can arrive at six or seven o'clock in the morning, if you think it's too early, eight or nine o'clock is okay, let's have breakfast together, and then talk while eating." ”

I said neatly, "Ms. Fang, because tomorrow morning at 10:00, I still have a student to tutor, I will come to you early tomorrow morning, I will come to you at 7 o'clock, do you think it's okay?" ”

Fang Lingzi replied, "Then I'll wait for you in the hotel, I'll wait for you directly at the Chinese restaurant, okay?" Thank you for your hard work, Mr. Jiang. ”

I also politely said, "You're welcome, we'll see you tomorrow morning, goodbye." ”