Lin Jiangnan dragged a rattan futon on the ground, sat next to Xiaoji, and asked me, "Do you feel better?" ”

"Hmm." I took the towel off my face, folded it in the corners, and placed it on the table.

"Tell me about it." He handed me the coffee, "It's all my trouble, I should ......"

"It's not your fault." I brushed my hair and looked up, "I don't think I'm at fault. You don't have to feel guilty about yourself. ”

"What did your parents say?"

I looked down and thought about it, not knowing where to start, so I blew the coffee in my hand, "It's not important." ”

"You can trust me."

"I trust you." I blurted out, then sighed, "It's not about trust. I just didn't know what to say, I didn't think I could say it clearly. ”

"If Xu Yijing is here now, would you like to say it?"

I nodded.

If it is Xu Yijing, of course I am willing to say. I really want to talk to me now, I really want someone to understand me. She knows my past, she knows what I think, and she's willing to listen. But Xu Yijing is not here today, and I can't bother her.

"Is it because I don't know you well enough?" Lin Jiangnan looked up at me, "If I could understand you like Sister Xu, maybe I would know what to do and what to say by now." ”

"After all, Xu Yijing and I have been friends for more than ten years." I took a sip of warm coffee, "Thank you so much, if it weren't for you, I really don't know where I could go right now." ”

"If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am now." He was a little depressed and sighed gloomily, "When I went downstairs, I thought, maybe it's okay if I don't hide it, this hiding is really a little unclear." I know my aunt doesn't like me, and now she must hate me even more. ”

"It doesn't matter if she likes it or not." I sneered, and said to Lin Jiangnan: "You really don't have to blame yourself, I quarreled so badly with my mother, your matter is just an introduction." ”

Lin Jiangnan's mobile phone rang suddenly, he took it out and looked at it, a little surprised, "Sister Xu." ”

"Xu Yijing?" I was also surprised, I took the mobile phone from his hand and pressed it to answer, and Xu Yijing said on the phone: "Lin Jiangnan!" Is Sumi with you? ”

"I'm with him." I took out my phone, and then I remembered that I had turned it off, so I asked her, "What's wrong?" What's going on over there? ”

"I want to ask you! What's going on over there?! Your dad couldn't find you, and the phone calls came to me, making your dad anxious and scared me, and I thought something was wrong with you. She sighed fiercely, "What's going on?" What's wrong? I heard your dad say you had a fight with your mom? ”

"Hmm."

"And because of what?"

I glanced at Lin Jiangnan, "It's nothing." ”

"Okay, it's inconvenient for you to say it now, forget it, I'll call you again when I get back." She ordered me again: "Call your dad back quickly, don't look back and make a fuss." ”

"Oh."

"Did you hear that?"

"Got it."

Xu Yijing was silent for a moment, "You give the phone to Lin Jiangnan." ”

"What for?" I asked her.

"Someone's phone number, let you give it."

I handed the phone to Lin Jiangnan. I didn't know what Xu Yijing was talking to Lin Jiangnan, so I saw him look at me a few times, and then said to Xu Yijing: "You send me the number." ”

After hanging up Xu Yijing's phone, Lin Jiangnan stood up from the futon and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed him, "What did Xu Yijing tell you?" ”

"She's afraid you won't call your dad."

"So what?"

"So I asked for your dad's phone number, and I'll call my uncle." He went to the kitchen. I hurriedly followed, "I'll fight, you don't have to care." ”

"I'll fight it." He shoved me and pushed me out of the kitchen, "No matter why you and your parents are arguing, it's always because of it, I have to do something." Your parents already have a bad impression of me, and I can't make it worse, can I? Go get your coffee down. ”

He sat me down on the small couch, then walked back to the kitchen and closed the door. I didn't insist anymore. The sofa is located directly opposite the kitchen and across from a living room. I sat there and looked at him through the glass.

Xu Yijing really knows me, and I really don't want to call my dad or face him. I'm afraid that he'll come and be my mother's lobbyist, and I'm afraid he won't be my mother's lobbyist.

I'm afraid that he will be a lobbyist, because I can't convince myself to forgive my mother for what she said, although I know that it will be sooner or later, and sooner or later I will have to forgive her. I'm afraid that he won't be a lobbyist because it means that my mom doesn't think she has done anything wrong. Although we will still reconcile, sooner or later, my submission will appear in her capital to prove her greatness.

Fortunately, Lin Jiangnan stood in front of me, buffering my uneasiness and fear. I hid behind him for no reason.

Lin Jiangnan's call with my dad was not short. The sun was already tilting on the balcony, the coffee in the cup was starting to cool, and I looked down the path downstairs where a young mother was playing with her child. When a child picks up a leaf, she will smile and clap her hands, if she jumps twice, she will give her a thumbs up, and when she falls and gets up, she will give her a hug. No matter what the child does, she is so happy and proud.

I don't know if my mom was like that when I was younger, everything I did clumsily made her happy. Or maybe she's always dissatisfied with me, maybe she'll say it's dirty when I pick up leaves, she'll call me naughty when I jump twice, and she'll fall down, and she'll think I'm not listening to her.

Maybe I can't satisfy my mother in this life, and maybe my mother also regrets that I couldn't raise a child who satisfies her in this life.

I chuckled softly, for some reason.

There was a knock on the kitchen door, Lin Jiangnan came out, and I looked at him until he walked in front of me.

"I told my uncle that you were here with me to reassure him. I also explained to him what happened yesterday and apologized. He pulled the futon close to me and sat down, "It's that I've not thought it through enough, and I shouldn't have stayed in your house anyway." Your father told me that it was the old house where your family used to live, and there were many neighbors who knew each other, and I didn't think about the impact on you. I really didn't think of this layer, sorry. ”

"Huh." I smiled disapprovingly, "What's there to influence." ”

"People of their generation care about this, I can understand that."

"Concern? Yes, my mom cares about everything, whether I'm in love or not, whether I'm married or not, whether I have a job or not, whether I'm high or low, she cares. I care about what others say, and I care about what others think. She just doesn't care about me. ”

"If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't have quarreled with you at all. Possible...... It's just that our values are different from those of the previous generation. He tilted his head and leaned on the armrest of the couch, "I also had a lot of arguments with my grandfather. He was a person who came from that era, and whatever his father and organization arranged for him, he accepted and did it unconditionally, never wanted to cause trouble to others, and rarely fought for it, so in his opinion, I should be like this. I wasn't allowed to have my own ideas, my wishes were constantly denied, I would argue at first, I would struggle, and then forget it. ”

I tried to touch his head, but my hand reached out and just rested on the armrest.

"From this point of view, if you and your aunt can still quarrel, it may not be all bad." He paused, his soft hair brushing my fingertips, and turned to look at me, "At least you have a dad who understands you." My uncle told me just now that what my aunt said to you this time was indeed a bit excessive, and my aunt herself knows it, and now she regrets it. ”

My nose was sore, and I almost burst into tears again, "Does she know?" ”

"I don't know Auntie, you should know, Uncle even knows."

"I don't understand. I used to think I knew, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. I now feel like I don't know her at all, just as she doesn't know me at all. She didn't understand me, but she thought she could guide my life, and I did well because she taught me well, and I encountered setbacks because I didn't listen to her. "My calm mood fluctuated again, and my throat was sore, like a thorn lying there, I couldn't swallow it and couldn't spit it out.

Lin Jiangnan handed over a few tissues, "Have you talked to your aunt?" ”

"What are you talking about?"

"What you want her to know."

"I didn't expect her to know anything about me. Isn't it basic common sense not to expose other people's scars and not to ridicule other people's injuries? Just because she's my mom and I'm her daughter, doesn't it matter? ”

"Probably...... She just didn't know that her words would hurt you so much, she didn't mean to hurt you. Lin Jiangnan shook my hand. He held it tightly, and my fingertips were cold and icy. "Although my uncle asked me to persuade you, I think that you are so sad now, it must be that what your aunt said hurts your heart very much. I advise you now that you may not be happy either, so if you don't want to forgive her now, then don't be too yourself for now. ”

I wiped away the tears that flowed from my eyes.

"You understand, not like you're your age." I said to Lin Jiangnan. He said I don't have to push myself now, but he knows I'll choose to forgive eventually. A child's complaints about their parents are always wrong, but what can be done as a child's feelings? The child can only accept, forgive, and then carefully cover up the complaints, as if he really understands that what is stabbed by this knife is love.

I'm thirty years old, but I'm still my mother's child, and I'm still afraid of her and love her like I was a child, and I'll be angry, I'll be angry, but there's no way not to forgive her.

"I don't really understand anything, it's just that I've been persuading myself for many years." He said, sighing softly, "Be sad when you should be sad, and cry when you want to cry, although there is nothing you can change." ”

Alas, who's to say it's not.