Since this substance has been deeply rooted in the bones of everything in our world, it has become an instinct, and I am no exception.

Every night, when I was tired and lying alone in bed for a day, I thought that the husband and wife should be watching TV at this time, chatting and the like, and I was just a person every day, in that era, except for watching TV or reading books, there was nothing else to entertain, the mobile phone in that era could only make and receive calls, send text messages, and there were small games such as Tetris installed in the mobile phone, I don't like to play mobile games, Moreover, mobile games at that time were indeed very simple and crude, and they simply did not reach the level of obsession with you.

When you meet your partner who has vices such as gambling and drug abuse, you must stay away, you must divorce as soon as possible, and you must not have any illusions. This is the lesson I learned many years later, you don't try to change someone, because you can't change them at all, they will be worse because you forgive again and again, until finally they have lost their conscience and lost their humanity, so that your life will be a mess, your light wife will be separated, and the key family will be ruined.

I'm practicing, I'm practicing every day, I'm reflecting on myself every day, because I had a lot of psychological imbalances at that time, but I can't change it, I always think that Ye'er loves me very much, maybe it's just her bad habits, I always live in my own world with luck and hope, no one can understand me.

Adults are psychologically afraid of loneliness, adults are also physically afraid of loneliness, and adults need companionship both physically and psychologically. I am lonely and lonely at night, that primitive instinctive desire will always jump out from time to time to torment me, at that time I thought it was a sin, but, "ten men nine lustful, this has nothing to do with character" "lust also", yes, this has nothing to do with character, this is just an animal instinct of people, I am no exception, with this irrepressible instinctive impulse, I will be cranky at night, all kinds of conjectures will always appear in my mind in a mess.

There is a girl next door, twenty-four or five years old, after two years of marriage and a child, she actually divorced, I don't know what the reason is, I only heard others say that it may be because the man she married does not go to work every day, is keen on gambling, and has lost her financial resources and hope, so she has no choice but to divorce, and after the divorce, the girl moved back to her parents' house.

I pass by her house every day when I commute to work, and every time I pass by, I almost always see her sitting in the yard washing clothes, and her yard has no courtyard wall, just a flat field, and she sits there, with her legs spread apart, and a big plastic laundry basin is placed in the middle, a big plastic basin. At that time, summer had come, she was either wearing shorts or skirts and sitting there with her legs spread apart to wash her clothes, and when I passed by, I could always see her private parts looming, although it was covered, but it always made people think about it, especially for a man like me who has been depressed and troubled for a long time, it is easy to speculate.

However, she was younger than me, and we never had any contact, even when we met on the street, we would never say hello, we were just familiar and strangers. But every time I pass by, I sometimes have that kind of instinctive conjecture and men's conjecture when I am lonely and lonely every night, but I have never taken that step, I don't have the ability to seduce people in my bones, and I don't have the evil idea of cheating and betraying my wife, my distress is just distress, my life is still my life, every day as both a father and a mother with a baby, every day to work and get off work, every day to do laundry and cooking。。。。。。

It was a weekend, a few friends met at noon, I sent the baby to the mother's house, anyway, Ye'er did not go home, only to the end of the mahjong in the middle of the night when she went home, arranged the baby, there was no worries, I gladly went to the appointment to participate in a few friends' small gathering.

I started drinking at less than twelve o'clock at noon that day, and I was chatting and drinking, drinking and chatting, and several men always had endless topics to talk about, flickering left and right, up and down, and I don't know how there were so many topics, but some topics were always repeated upside down with drunkenness N times, but such repetitive and verbose topics made us forget and indulge in it, because we were all drunk at noon that day, and drank from noon to more than four o'clock in the afternoon, One by one, they went home drunk and drunk, and just like that, when they left, they didn't forget to emphasize the time and place to continue the gathering next weekend.

When I staggered and was about to get home, in a hazy state, I saw this divorced girl next door also walking home, we hadn't arrived home yet, but it was just a short distance from home, and she was walking in front of me.

It is said that "drunk and disorderly sex", this sentence is not false at all, instinctive desire, long-term repression, and conjecture at night made me under the anesthesia of alcohol, and I actually walked forward quickly to ask her to come to my house, and she agreed so happily. Yes, when a woman has not tried that kind of thing, she may be able to get by, but once she has tried it, every time she thinks about it, it will be like thousands of ants ravaging every part of your body, making you unable to do it like a thousand arrows piercing your heart. Mature men and women are the same, this primitive animal instinct often makes you unable to extricate yourself, often makes you unable to control yourself, for a divorced single woman, this desire may sometimes be stronger than a man's reaction, this is just instinct, and has nothing to do with character.

Sometimes I always wonder if we humans and animals have an instinct endowed by this mysterious substance or mysterious power, this instinct makes us unable to extricate ourselves, this instinct is just for us to continue to reproduce our respective offspring, but who is the ultimate beneficiary of the offspring of all things on our earth? I believe that this ultimate beneficiary must be a higher species above all things on our earth, and we are nothing more than its "female slaves".

We humans and animals are endowed with this primitive instinct, but we are born as human beings and live a more miserable life! That's because when all animals reach adulthood, they have only one estrus a year, or several times a year, once a few years, and when these animals survive this period, they can concentrate on surviving for the sake of survival, birds flying in the sky, fish playing in the water, sheep happily eating green grass。。。。。。

However, this is not the case with us human beings, and this may be the source of our suffering as human beings. As long as we human beings are adults, this primitive instinct, this estrus period will always be with us, every moment, has been engraved in our human bones, until the moment when the coffin lid is nailed to the coffin, our human primitive instinctive desire will return to dust, dust to earth, everything disappears, this may be the root cause of our birth pain, our human instinct runs through our entire life after adulthood, so that you are hurt by love, trapped by love.