Will there be people in this world who are like themselves - pushing themselves into a desperate situation because of the perfection of others? Bao Xiaotang knew that no one is perfect, and in the end, she fell into the fear of socializing and couldn't extricate herself, and began to become cautious and not like herself.

Xiaotang has always had low self-esteem recently, although the last time she made the wrong payment has passed, but psychologically she is still dissatisfied with herself. After thinking about it, the root of this dissatisfaction should be academic qualifications. The inferiority complex in academic qualifications is like poverty, and it is in vain to disguise vanity. She is trying, she has been trying, but the result is like catkins in the wind.

The self-esteem caused by academic qualifications is like a plague, quietly spreading. I don't know when she felt like she couldn't express herself. Take the circle of friends as an example, she doesn't dare to post any news, because the news she sends out seems to reveal her ignorance, inferiority, stupidity or poverty on some level, like a rose, grabbing a leaf, a branch, a petal or a burst of smell at random to know what it is. She envies those who show off their children, knowledge, wealth, faces, and worldly people in the circle of friends all day long, they still have a channel to release their libido, and they seem to be strangled by something, and they dare not raise their legs and take a step. She was afraid that she would fall into the extreme or fall behind, and she was too afraid to move forward.

Why? The woman asked.

Perhaps, as the cashier she heard in the toilet put it, even the front desk of the company graduated from a bachelor's degree. Yes, Director Lin graduated from Fudan University, Sister He graduated from Sichuan University, Ren Sixuan graduated from Renmin University, Mai Yiyi graduated from Major University, Lu Na graduated from Beijing Normal University, Tang graduated from Southwest University, Su Shuanghong Sister Su graduated from Jinan University, and what about Bao Xiaotang? I am so ashamed that I have never even attended a serious specialty. In such an environment, Bao Xiaotang feels oppressed and unfree at every turn, even though she knows that the negative emotions after these contrasts are all instilled in herself. I thought that everyone in the sky was either a god or an immortal, but I didn't want to be just a mere Bi Ma Wen.

In fact, Bao Xiaotang has been rejecting this transformation from a work relationship to a friend relationship. The previous company taught her a hard lesson, and the experience forced her to agree that the working relationship is just a simple working relationship and that she must not go one step further. When work relationships become complex, so does the randomness of a person's state in the work environment. She didn't want to face this intricacies, so she tried her best to avoid them. Socialization is pervasive, as ubiquitous as anti-intellectual, as rapid as a virus, and as revolutionary and escalating as technology. After all, he can't hide, Bao Xiaotang can't do Qingshui.

When a crisis strikes, professionals have always had a narrow choice – either to change their environment, to change themselves, or to change their cognitive attitudes. For all three, Xiaotang seems to be difficult to change, so she is afraid of problems and tries her best to avoid the complexity. Maybe it's because her sanity and mind don't control her environment enough, maybe it's because her personality type tends to escape from high-intensity, high-risk, high-exposure, and high-achievement things, or maybe she's too sensitive and pessimistic and always likes to get entangled in unwarranted situations.

On the return car from the cat café, Bao Xiaotang fell into confusion.

She wants to shrink her social circle, to the point where she is comfortable. She's already done that, and the result? As a result, she became more and more lonely, so lonely that she had lost the possibility of finding a partner. Does she need a life partner? Is she still planning to get married and fall in love? Whether the answer is black or white, deep down, she is more or less eager to be accompanied by someone to grow old. But where is her Prince Charming now? How old is he? What does he do? Is he older than her? Did he meet on a blind date? Is he used to eating Shaanxi flavors? Will he be able to accept her education? Will he be able to accept her family background? Could he ignore her emotional experience and age of thirty-three? If he can accept this, then must he be very stumbling?

A huge flower appeared in the sky in the darkness, and it bloomed and closed for a while. Bao Xiaotang laughed on the bus in a cranky way, laughing stupidly and sadly.

At the age of thirty-three, Bao Xiaotang has been searching for many years, and probably understands some of the secrets of determining the relationship between people, that is, similarity. For example, they accidentally have a mother who dances in the same dance team, accidentally find out that their junior high school is actually the same school, accidentally learn that they used to be from the same township, accidentally find each other in a tourist group who also loves traveling, inadvertently determine that they both like pet dogs very much, inadvertently surprised that they are actually in the same building every day on the same express bus to work, inadvertently point out that the other party is a senior brother and sister of a certain university, and inadvertently park in the same parking garage every night, inadvertently blurted out the lines of some movies after watching them more than ten times, inadvertently exclaiming that they were born on the same day, the same month, and the same year, and inadvertently judging that the other party loves and even obsesses with a certain color as much as himself...... Similarity brings strangers closer to each other, and similarity pushes two people who have a crush on each other and can't stop talking.

Where does Bao Xiaotang go to find a man like himself? Even if she finds it, how can she look at such a depressed person like her. She can tolerate herself eating oil and splashing noodles in large gulps, but she can't stand the other party eating noodles and garlic like any Shaanxi person; She can accept the inner but light dress of her own poverty, but when the other person is the same as herself, she firmly believes in her heart that the other person is vain and pathetic; She thinks that she can improve her education and ability through hard work, and can beautify life and reality, but when the other party from the same low background believes that she can get a good future through hard work, she is very sure that the other party is sincere, ridiculous, and at the same time unproductive. Even if he is as handsome as Pan An, even if his magic power is as boundless as Erlang God, as long as there is some similarity between Prince Charming and herself, she will immediately beat the other party into the bottomless prison.

It turned out that she hated herself so much. The woman's whole body was cold, as if the snowflakes from her hometown had drifted into the bus and landed in the palm of her hand, she couldn't grasp it, she only felt that her palm was cold.

She uses her beautiful requirements for the other party to cover up her failures, and she uses her inner accusations of the other party's failures to offset her gap in all aspects of reality. She is as humble as dust in the real circle of friends, but she is as proud as a swan on the platform of food live broadcast, because there is no one there who knows her or the people she knows. That's right, she's also a divided person. She is inferior and superior, she is stupid and shrewd, she is defeated and proud, she is pure and full of flaws. For example, a branch of periwinkle growing in the lime crack of the building, swaying with a corolla and splendor, stretching with freshness and confidence, always facing the blue sky, blooming tirelessly in all seasons, but unwilling to bow down to look at the filth and dryness of its roots.

She held up a broken mirror where she couldn't see clearly, and kept looking for herself, never seeing her eyes. She seemed to have gone back in time, but she was aware of the present. With such inferiority, what else does she have to be proud of-her appearance or her unwarranted relationship with Mo Xiaomi? Bao Xiaotang regretted entering the Shenzhen branch of the Mo family, which didn't seem to be the place she should go. Indulging in a small company of utilitarian toil, life and death, she may be more real. Prostrate on the ground, she could at least smell her sweat, and she was suddenly raised, as if she had fallen into a maze. Confused, it's confusing.

On Saturday, Zhong Xuecheng woke up in the morning in the farmer's market to find that his grandfather had already gone to work, and the child found the bread prepared for him by his grandfather from the bedside and ate breakfast, wrote homework and played with his mobile phone in the morning. After taking the lunch out of the refrigerator, I heated it in the microwave for two minutes, took a lunch break after eating, got up to write my homework during the lunch break, and started to play Lego after writing for more than an hour. Learn to immerse yourself in your own world, which seems to be muted.

Zhong Xuecheng has not played Lego before, and he has been so obsessed with it recently, perhaps because it was given to him by his brother. This kind of infatuated plot is like the joy of waiting for his grandfather to pick him up after school every day, like the expectation of listening to his aunt's jokes during the holidays and waiting for his aunt to cook well, like the happiness of waiting for his sister's phone call every weekend night, and like the warmth of waking up every morning and waiting for his mother to touch his forehead. Zhong Xuecheng regards Brother Tsai as his best friend and Yangyang as his cherished little friend, and whenever he thinks of them, his heart is always as sweet as honey.

The same is true at night. Grandpa has something to do tonight and has to be busy outside, and he is playing Lego in the bathroom alone. Lonely souls are often like this, repeating stereotypical lives or games, not talking much or being curious, afraid to go to school and going out, accustomed to being alone and in a daze. The rhythm is monotonous and mechanical, the air is quiet and peaceful, and the painting with Zhong Xue as the protagonist often makes the viewer unable to see that the protagonist is actually an eight-year-old child.

The bathroom has become his kingdom, the toilet is the hateful hell monster, the light and the sunlight outside the window are the sun that protects him, the basin is his training ground, and the Lego parts are small soldiers, and at this moment, the kingdom is training soldiers on the training ground. The people supported the king because he was the strongest and bravest man in the country, the broom was his magic wand, the mop was his cannon, the grandfather's small bench was his throne, the bath towel was his royal robe, and the white floor tiles were the king's exclusive paradise. The king pouted and commanded the army, and the pothos on the windowsill stretched out green branches and turned into the king's crown; The aroma of shampoo is a secret weapon unique to the king, and he often uses shampoo as poison gas when the toilet is a monster; The stickers of small fish and sunflowers on the walls are the hope of the country, and they take the king on a quest to find enemies and treasures; The sprinkler was the worst enemy, and he often sprayed the king and his soldiers all over the water, unable to fight. So, at this moment, the king's top priority is to build a big boat out of Lego in a basin, so that the people and the king's family can sit in the big boat when the sprinkler monster comes, and the big boat will protect the king and the country from being eaten by the hell monster in the toilet.

Zhong Xuecheng had a lot of fun, and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly when he was in a trance. was playing, and suddenly his whole body stiffened, and he heard the footsteps as if his father was back. The child was not sure, straightened up and listened again, and sure enough, it was the father who came back. Stepping up the stairs, Xuecheng quickly picked up the Lego parts that had fallen on the ground into the basin, and it would be bad if Lego lost some key parts. The child picked it up in a panic, and before he knew it, his father's feet were in front of him.

"What are you doing here? Is the homework done? At about eight o'clock in the evening, after Zhongli came home after drinking outside, he saw that no one at home went upstairs to take a look, and he saw his son hiding in the bathroom to play. After repeatedly stating several times, he was still the same, and Zhong Li's whole body froze.

"It's over."

"How many times have I told you! Tell you not to play in the toilet Don't play in the toilet, the light here is dark and the air is not good, what are you hiding here for. As soon as Zhong Li opened his mouth, he was angry, and he tried his best to suppress it, but he couldn't seem to suppress it.

"Didn't do anything." The child bowed his head and replied.

"Didn't do anything? What's in this pot? After Zhong Li finished speaking, he raised his foot and kicked the basin away, and the basin hit the wall and overturned, and the Lego parts were scattered all over the ground, and some of them fell directly into the toilet pit.

Xuecheng looked at Lego, his heart ached, and he stared at the toilet pit and started an idiot, and there was fear, woodenness, distress, and anger in the idiot.

"Hurry up and get out! Can't you play in the bed in the room? Isn't it okay to play in the living room downstairs or on the sofa? What do you do in the toilet? Zhong Li's face was hideous, and when he saw that his son was slow to move, he was even more angry.

Zhong Xuecheng shook his shoulders at his father's yell, unmoved or at a loss.

"I called you out! Do you hear me? Zhong Li couldn't understand his son's reaction, so he yelled angrily.

Zhong Xuecheng lowered his head and remained unchanged - God knows what this kid was thinking at the moment.

"Can't get out?"

Zhong Li asked in a low voice and saw no answer, so he went up and slapped his head. Xuecheng leaned on his shoulder, his eyes squinted at his father's every move, his shoulders shrugged slightly, ready to fall with the next slap at any time.

"Can't get out?"

Zhong Li asked again, seeing that his son still didn't move, he was furious in his heart, stepped into the bathroom with one foot, slapped the door of the head twice, randomly knocked Xuecheng down, and hit the ass hard, seeing that the palm of the hand was not strong, the man replaced his fist, and fell on Xuecheng's ass with a punch, shouting "can't get out" while fighting. After more than a dozen punches, seeing that the child was tense and silent, Zhong Li threw Xuecheng outside the bathroom.

There was a terrifying smell in the air, and anyone who smelled it would shudder and be scared.

"Are you still in there?"

Zhong Li pointed to Xuecheng's head and shouted.

Xuecheng didn't say a word, stayed for two seconds, changed from lying on the ground to sitting on the ground, and then silently moved his feet to the bathroom, and finally squatted in the bathroom. Seeing this, Zhong Li stared at him, gasping for air, he didn't expect Xuecheng to move to the bathroom, this kind of blatant rebellion against patriarchy hung all the dignity of Zhong Li, he would never allow a child to dare to disobey him at such an age.

The man parted his feet, grabbed Xuecheng's clothes with both hands, used all his strength, picked Xuecheng up at once, and then threw it outside the bathroom, shouting roughly: "Do you still want to go in!" ”

Zhong Xuecheng, who was thrown outside the bathroom door, trembled all over, his hair stood on end, like a frightened bird that would fall from the sky at any time, and like a pinned wild dog that would go crazy at any time, no one expected the child's reaction, because his dilated pupils showed the fury and fear of a beast. After a few seconds of stalemate, Xuecheng once again shook his body with his mouth shut, and crawled to sit in the bathroom.

"Come in! I don't believe you if I don't convince you today! ”

After Zhong Li finished speaking, he reached out again and wanted to grab Xuecheng's clothes and drag him out, who would have thought that Zhong Xuecheng would have the courage to stretch out his hands to resist or defend himself this time - the child held his father's little thumb and ring finger with his right hand, and grabbed his father's thumb and index finger with his left hand, clutching it tightly, and Zhong Li was surprised by that strength.

The middle-aged man withdrew his right hand, walked directly into the bathroom, stood on the edge of the squatting toilet, kicked Xuecheng down from his shoulder, and then kicked his eight-year-old son out of the bathroom with another kick on his buttocks. After leaving the bathroom, Zhong Li grabbed his ear with one hand and pulled Xuecheng's body to sit up straight, and then pointed to the bathroom and asked, "Are you still going in?" ”

"Enter!"

Xuecheng looked at his father's arm that was holding his ear, and held his breath and whispered a word.

Zhong Li was so angry that he withdrew his hand, crossed his hands on his hips, turned around sharply and stretched out his right palm to the air above his left shoulder, and then fell down heavily and quickly. With a snap, the palm fell on Xuecheng's right face, and the back of his hand and wrist hit near his temple. With a bang, Xuecheng lay on the ground at the same time, unable to get up for a long time, and his right eye kept blinking, as if he couldn't open it no matter how he blinked.

Half a minute later, the child squirmed, covered his right ear tightly with both hands, and held it tightly, motionless, with his eyes closed, panting as quickly as a dog.

Zhong Li didn't know how much strength he used in this palm, but he knew that the back of his hand was also hurting after the fight, and he was so numb that he didn't dare to move. He saw that Xuecheng's reaction was unusual, and he knew that it was not good.

The man stopped and stared for a moment, not knowing what to do, the sharpness in his eyes instantly turned into fear, he held his breath, turned around and went downstairs, hurriedly walked out of the shop, and strode all the way to the west.

Zhong Li just left on the front foot, and it didn't take long for the old man Zhong Neng to come back. In the past two days, flowers have changed again on the Okino Avenue. The cockscomb flower has not wilted well, and it is in good spirits, and the top is dug up again, and new five-star flowers and trumpet flowers are paved. Originally, this was not his business, he was only responsible for cleaning the streets, and the foreman who took care of the work said that the above orders must be finished today, and found a lot of people to come and help for this temporary time. Zhong Neng asked the price of the lower bunk, sixty yuan an hour, people asked for neat hands and feet, Zhong Neng came to help at six o'clock after dinner, and worked until half past nine in one go, and when the salary was finished at half past nine, the old man received two hundred yuan, and swept a bicycle back happily.

When he got home, it was already ten o'clock, and he thought that Zhongli had gone out to drink again, and thought that Xuecheng had fallen asleep. When the old man came home, he washed his mud under the kitchen faucet, then changed his clothes, brushed the soles of his shoes, and ate. The old man called a few times, but no one answered, and when he hesitated to pace, he walked to the wardrobe and glanced at the dark bathroom, and caught a figure. When I turned on the bathroom light, I saw that Xuecheng was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, covering his right ear with his right hand, not moving at all, and seeing him not calling grandpa or turning his head to look, it was strange.

"What are you doing here? Isn't the ass cool? Zhong Neng asked with a smile as he bent over his knees.

There was no response.

"What's wrong?" The old man had a bad premonition, so he slowly squatted down and touched the child's left hand, which was cold.

"What's wrong, my baby?" Zhong Neng looked at the child's eyes frighteningly, and quickly took his hands and tried to pull him up.

"Uh-huh......" Xuecheng saw someone touching him, twitched, then hummed quietly, and leaned back against the wall.

"Your dad beat you again?" The old man, who was tired to the extreme of backache and knee pain, suddenly became angry, and his lips were so angry that he was hard.

"Take a look."

Zhong Neng knelt on one knee and studied head-on, checking whether the child had been injured in the dim yellow light. There was some nosebleed in the right nostril, the right side of the face was red and slightly swollen, and the right eye kept blinking, and it was half-closed when it didn't blink. Xuecheng has been covering his right ear with his right hand, and the old man wants to see his right ear, but Xuecheng will not let him live or die. The old man wanted to carry the child to bed, but Xuecheng hummed and squeezed into the corner.

"You can't spend the night here! It's cool here! Zhong Neng took the child's left hand, and the child stiffened.

"Go out with your master, you don't listen to your master?" Zhong Neng pulled Xuecheng's hand, and Xuecheng pulled it back.

"What's wrong with you? Tell grandpa! ”

Zhong Neng pleaded and asked this sentence, seeing that the child was unmoved, his eyes were dull, and the old man was frightened, and two lines of tears poured out coldly. After asking for a long time, Zhong Neng felt that Xuecheng seemed to be abnormal, he really couldn't do anything, and he was afraid that the emergency would become a serious illness, so he hurriedly called Xuecheng's mother.

At half past ten, Bao Xiaoxing had just come out of the Malatang shop, and Kong Ping also put on a coat to give her when he was wearing a coat, but Hyosung couldn't push it, and the two went to find a shared bicycle together, and at this time, they received such a call. She paused for a moment in the cold wind, speechless.

"What's wrong?" Kong Ping asked next to Hyosung.

Hyosung ignored it, took out his phone and walked a few steps east, and after standing still, he called Jong-ri to ask him what he had done, and called five in one go, but no one answered.

"I'm sorry, I left beforehand."

Without further ado, Hyosung unlocked his bike and rode frantically to the farmer's market in the dark. Kong Ping was stunned in place, stumbling for a long time, seeing that the people had gone away, he returned disappointed, and there were many conjectures along the way.

When she went upstairs and asked left and right, she saw that the child was demented and saw that her mother was silent, and the woman was so angry that she lost her mind. She picked up her eight-year-old son, hurriedly put on his shoes and coat, and went out to take a taxi straight to the emergency room of a big hospital, not daring to delay for a moment. The child's grandfather was in a hurry to follow, but Hyosung ignored it as if he was deaf, and only said no when he got into the car, and then coldly closed the door of the taxi.

After carrying the child to the emergency room, there was only one doctor on duty today. The doctor took the tools, turned on the headlights, put on the forehead mirror, and walked to the child with his hands outstretched. Seeing that the child's expression was a little weird, he was stunned for three seconds, and then went to pinch his ears to check. Xuecheng reflexively reached out to block it, but he didn't want to throw the tweezers in the doctor's hand to the ground. The two adults looked at each other for a moment, Hyosung hugged Xuecheng and whispered sorry, the doctor squatted down to pick up tweezers, and when he got up, he found that the patient's family members were full of tears and looked shining in the headlight. The doctor saw that the two of them looked strange, guessing that there must be an inside story, and his heart was a little heavy.

"Come, hands go! Check it out. The doctor said to the child, staring into the child's eyes for a few seconds.

"Well, let the doctor check it out." After Hyosung finished speaking, he pulled his son's right hand away with all his strength.

The doctor had just grabbed his ear and was about to reach into the tweezers, when he was hit again. Fortunately, the doctor was prepared, and this time the tool was not lost.

Hyosung immediately grabbed his son's hands and exerted all his strength, and then pretended to be calm and said to the doctor, "Let's check it now." ”

The doctor cautiously broke open the pinna, looked at it again and again with the forehead mirror, and finally reluctantly retracted his hand, put down the instruments, and sat on the desk.

"Did you get hurt?" The doctor pretended to be casual and glanced at the child's mother.

"Yes." Hyosung pinched his snot and didn't say much.

"Ah...... The eardrum is irregular, there is obvious bruising, there are also blood stains on the ear canal, there is not much bleeding, and it is not sure whether it is a perforation or other problem, and it needs to be filmed. The middle-aged male doctor looked at the computer and said while typing, then raised his eyes to Hyosung and said, "Today is Saturday, and there is no one on duty in the examination room of the otolaryngology department, so it may have to wait until tomorrow." ”

"Uh......" Hyosung replied slowly.

"Will it lead to ...... Deafness? Asked after a moment.

"It's hard to decide now, you have to look at the results of the examination. Can he hear it with his right ear? The doctor knew that he could not examine the patient, and he would not answer the patient's questions, so he had to turn to the parents for help.

"Hmm......" Hyosung hesitated for a long time, unable to answer.

"He's in good spirits now...... It's not good, it is recommended to rest for one night first, come over tomorrow morning for a check-up, and go to the ophthalmologist to check your eyes by the way. The doctor shook his head slightly.

The two sat for a long time, and the doctor finally gave a list, but Hyosung took the order and refused to leave immediately, staring at the list with few numbers and being silent for a long time.

"Come tomorrow morning...... Will there be a delay? Hyosung asked the doctor with red eyes.

"No, if you're in a hurry, wait at the hospital, there's a small bed next door, I'll ask the nurse to get a quilt." The doctor looked at the child meaningfully.

After a while, the doctor spoke again, and he opened his mouth and spit out: "Parents should pay more attention to the mental state of their children...... I don't know what this kid used to ...... Look at your ears and eyes first, and then let's talk! Let's talk about it! ”

The doctor nodded frequently and shook his body. Seeing that there was no choice, Hyosung stood up with the child in her arms, and when she was about to go out, she turned back to the doctor and said, "Thank you, Dr. Liu." ”

"No, no, no, I ...... I'll say one more thing if ...... If it is domestic violence, the hospital can check the degree of injury to facilitate the retention of the certificate, the sooner the better. The doctor nodded thoughtfully. As a night shift doctor, there are only so many types of people who come to the emergency department at night, and you can know it at a glance with more experience.

Bao Xiaoxing glanced at him intently, did not respond, left the consultation room, and sat in a dark and secluded waiting area, holding his son and leaning on the back of the chair. Thinking about the past, present, and future, I was so hopeless that I felt like I had no bones. Xuecheng's right eye has been blinking, blinking frequently and rapidly, his left face leans against his mother's chest, accompanied by his mother's heartbeat, in an even beat, under the darkness, in the mother's warm embrace, the child gradually lowered his right hand covering his right ear, gradually unable to raise his eyelids, and gradually fell asleep, as if in the womb. Bao Xiaoxing wanted to sit in the waiting area for a while and take a breath and go home, but it could be seen that her son was asleep, and she fell asleep innocently, forgetting the pain, she couldn't bear to wake him up, so she motionlessly let her son, who weighed dozens of pounds, fall asleep in her arms, as if he had never grown up or was a baby. 166 Reading Network