Looking at the computer, the whole person immediately came to the spirit, and the person on the computer wallpaper pulled the memories back to the winter of 2015, a boy sat here in the same posture as now, holding a guitar, looking at the computer, "Hello, my name is Qi Gege, it's nice to meet you, can I know your name"?.

"Hello, my name is Chen Yitian."

I looked at the chat history from the first day of acquaintance, it turned out that I was so transformed, so guided to like the sun, so guided to believe in hope, to feel that there is still warmth in the world, and the innocent love that everyone envies, looking at the voices saved in the favorites, I struggled to click on it, her voice is a deadly poison and hallucinogen, which can make me fall into it and can't extricate myself, but my fingers are still not controlled by me, and I pressed the keyboard.

The familiar singing voice suddenly took me back to two years ago, a year ago, two days ago......

Two years, after two partings, each time is more than half a year, we have survived, I thought I could see the rainbow, but God likes to tease, so that not only did I not see the rainbow, but even the light was withdrawn, but fortunately, Gege has not deleted me, looking at the portrait of the mold, a glimmer of hope suddenly appeared in my heart, normal logic should delete me, why do you still keep me, is all this just a misunderstanding, what I see with my eyes is not what I imagined, she still has me in her heart? At this time, I still have this kind of thought, and I think the voice must have started to mock me.

I don't know how many words I typed.,Deleted again and again.,Continue to type a line of words.,I never have the courage to send it out.,You need to play oh how calm you can still take the initiative to send her a word.,What's appropriate to send it in this case.,I think,Send a happy Valentine's Day should be the most appropriate,

"Hahaha, Chen Yitian, I didn't want to stimulate you anymore, but you are too naïve, too idealistic, it's all like this, and you still have fantasies, do you think this is the world you created, can you not escape to face reality"?

The reality is that I re-entered his space and saw a new photo of her two hours ago, the same as on the bustling street, with his, his ...... I don't know how to describe it, or I can't say those words, those words should have belonged to my title, but now, I'm not qualified!

I seem to have traveled through time and space, I came to F City, and gave her the flowers, "We finally met, happy Valentine's Day for you". In my world, this is the scene that should be, but in this place that doesn't belong to me now, I can only humble myself as they walk towards me holding hands, and I stop the boy and say, "Hey, buddy, this flower is beautiful, give it to your girlfriend, he'll love it." The boy would say thank you politely like I did, give me a smile, then turn away and hand it to the girl, "Honey, this is for you, I hope you'll like it" and walked into the hotel with the innkeeper's pitch!

They didn't care about the boy who sold flowers, but the boy stared blankly at their backs snuggling together, smiling and disappearing into F City.

"Honey, who the hell is this guy who keeps sending you messages, hey, look, why are there so many messages this time, a hundred"

"He, don't worry about him, he's a special suitor of mine, what's the matter, you're jealous"?

"Hahaha, how could it be, I just want to say, he's like a dog, hahaha."

"Dogs? Poof, that's supposed to be a leper dog, hahaha."

"How do I feel like we're insulting the word dog, how cute a dog is, is he cute?"

The picture gradually faded, and a bright light came over my mind,

I opened my eyes, is this reality?

"Well, I'm good to you, this picture is real," the voice came again, catching me off guard.

"What, it's all your imagination? Are you in control of my mind? It's impossible" I was a little panicked, it made me really feel the switch between reality and imagination, just, why is it all so real!

"Alas, you do look like a dog, but she was wrong, you don't look like a leper dog, she looks up to you, you are a pug, a humble pug" After saying that, the voice disappeared, no matter how I controlled it to give me a hint, his voice never appeared again, is it a dream or reality? Did he control or did I control him?

Later, I realized that he was living in the subconscious, that was the most real Chen Yitian, he was confident, he was realistic, he was empty-eyed, and now this Chen Yitian is not even worthy of a shell, just a dog, a pug!

I pulled out my cigarette and lit it, and the smoke filled the room, and I liked the hazy feeling so that I didn't have to worry about what was true or false, fantasy and reality.

Just a word is deeply imprinted in my mind. "He's like a dog."

Is this the greatest insult to a person's personality? I don't know, it's just that I didn't reject it, but chose to identify with it, just like a identity escaper and gladly accept this great "title".

Looking back from childhood to adulthood,,It seems that I am free,Self,Self,Self-confidence,Hehe,Actually,It's all a cover-up,It's all a fucking illusion.,Fragile heart.,Even cowardly.,The love that I finally have doesn't know how to cherish.,All day long, I know how to use words.,Use the keyboard instead of your thoughts.,Still in those dead of night, I feel very dedicated.,I think I've done a lot of touching things.,Hehe,In fact, I feel myself.,Don't dare to face reality.,So create a world of thoughts.,In this world.,I'm the law, I am the king, everything is customized according to my thoughts, the people in this world are all my puppets, my fantasies, to make it possible to make things almost impossible in the real world, it is simply a contemporary Ah Q, on the basis of the spiritual victory method derived spiritual comfort and sustenance! Oh, I really admire myself, what a genius, wonderful, wonderful, really wonderful! Just, what do I get?

Today, why do I still have hope to see the scene that seems to be in a dream, to fantasize and reason about the picture that an idiot can think of, and to let myself know how real this thing is? It's so real that you will soberly find that sitting in front of the computer is really like a stray dog with no home, tearfully watching the two guys in the photo shed tears, while moving themselves, while fantasizing, but they won't throw you a bone, no one strokes your head, and no one sympathizes with you, only to say, look, he looks like a dog, this dog has no eyes, listless, I seem to kick him, let him be refreshed.

Do I really want to be a dog, a dog that anyone can spit on you, anyone can throw stones at you, a dog that everyone hates, no, I want to be the most real Chen Yitian, I'm not a pug, I'm not!

At 23:58 on February 14, 2017, thank you for this day, let me be a new person, but now, I am still like a dog!