Slowly sandwiched a dozen peanuts and beans into his mouth, leisurely dipped the preserved eggs in the sauce and then chewed and swallowed, and then poured himself a glass of liquor with more than 50 degrees - sipping, his face wrinkled, and snorted, and then he picked up a bottle of beer and poured it into another glass - tilted his head, pursed his lips, and sighed in his nostrils...... And so on and so forth.

The palm-sized low-rise shop, in the southeast corner against the wall, has one person, one table and one stool. On the table, there is a plate of spiced peanuts and beans, a plate of cucumber mixed with preserved eggs, and a bottle of white and a bottle of beer. A one-foot table, one person drinks alone.

A person who lives almost exclusively for this meal, even if he is shy in his pocket, must follow the rules and pomp.

Recently, Lao Tao received a few new orders, early in the morning to drive ten kilometers to deliver, the work of stocking moved to the evening, the fat old Tao after the work how to drink again. So, the drinking duo is left with one Zhongli. Everyone drinks and is lively, two people drink for entertainment, and one person drinks purely to buy drunk. Recently, Chung-ri, who has always been the only one, has received a lot of attention and evaluation in this store.

All the actions of the poor bastard with excellent face in order to cover up his lack of money are all ridiculous. In order to spend less money, Zhong Li always eats seven or eight peanuts and beans before stopping chopsticks, drinking a glass of wine and stopping for a minute, picking a few cucumbers and then putting chopsticks...... Two people drink is happy, and one person drinks sad. Sadness and poverty, poverty is clothed in face, this face is complicated to amorous.

One person drank a white bottle of beer, and near midnight, Zhong Li floated out of the mausoleum, not knowing where to go, so he walked casually along the dim street.

In the years when he should have brought up a big vat to soak wolfberry chrysanthemum flowers, chopped and soaked Ganoderma lucidum in white wine with honey, and scooped a glass of red wine before going to bed, Zhong Li used all kinds of inferior white wine lees to abuse himself. If suicides such as cutting wrists and jumping off buildings are tragic and reckless, then Zhong Li's way of self-harm to suicide is all strange and romantic and poetic in comparison.

A few hours ago, he knocked down his father and beat his son with his own hands, and a few hours later, the image of the old man on the ground was still engraved in his mind. Anyway, what's wrong with this Zhongli? Is it the worldly vision of failure and failure that pushes him here? Did you come here alone to find comfort and healing in wine? Or is it that the alcohol manufacturers use addiction as a trick to lure the drunkards of the world here?

Is there a scientific explanation for the idea that drinking alcohol for a long time – drinking low-quality liquor – can make your brain worse? Drinking for a long time makes people emotionally uncontrollable, irritable, and unpredictable? If only there were, it would be great. Zhong Li hopes that he has an objective excuse like a disability to cover up all kinds of things for him. In this way, when others criticize him, they are criticizing him for his disability, mania or bipolar disorder, not for himself.

Before the Battle of Guandu, Cao Cao had already scaled, and he was holding the princes hostage to order the princes and recruit the heroes of the north. Before Cao and Yuan went to war, Yuan Shao ordered Chen Lin to beg Cao, and the famous article scolded Cao Cao bloody, not only that, but also scolded Cao's father and his grandfather. Look, Cao Gong also had this experience, not to mention the worldly mortals. No matter how successful a person is, there are flaws. To a certain extent, Ah Q is still smart, and those who hold the Spiritual Victory Method can always win absolutely and absolutely tear the flaws off themselves.

Is Zhong Li Ah Q, can he tear it off?

He can't tear it off. People often regard a person's beauty and ugliness, success or failure, honor and disgrace, wealth and poverty, stupidity, etc., as a symbiosis with this person, and as a person with a conventional and secular education, Zhong Li also sees himself in this way. As a result, he was in great pain.

You can't peel off or withdraw, so you can't detach yourself.

Groggy and fluttering, the body is so vain, why is the soul so heavy. He wanted to fall down and pretend to be drunk or asleep, but he didn't care about such a low-level performance. So, keep walking, keep walking. The city is pitch black, and there is no audience, so why be amorous.

Walking the streets and alleys, there is no one destination. The mouth and nose are dry, the lungs are burning, and the wine is like firewood, scorching Zhong Li's flesh.

A happy family should get together at this moment to warm each other. People who have had this kind of experience are often described as "reborn", whether it is the bottom of despair, that is, the swamp of death. That's right, Zhong Li is walking in the swamp of death at the moment, one foot higher, one foot lower, one step longer, one step shorter, like a ghost, he walks in the metropolis of midnight, walking cat steps and tiger steps, dragon walking and phoenix dance.

I don't know how long I wandered in the light and shadow of the autumn wind, and Zhong Li accidentally came to the vicinity of the barbecue restaurant that he used to frequent. I heard that the barbecue restaurant was closed before the National Day, I heard that a waste person like him couldn't afford to eat the barbecue there, and I heard that Daqiang and Lao Lei's daughter-in-law were unwilling to let them come out to drink with him when they saw that he had ruined his business and family because of drinking......

Crookedly, I finally walked to the door of this barbecue restaurant. Fortunately, the door was closed, otherwise Zhong Li would not have a familiar place for him to sit. As soon as his buttocks hit the ground, the drunken man suddenly fell, and the eight-foot-long northern man fell to the filthy steps.

Déjà vu......

The brain gradually became numb, as if it were dead. Alcohol closes doors in the brain in an orderly manner, from the numbness the size of a walnut to the numbness of an entire side of the skull. If it weren't for the arrogance of the autumn wind pulling his heartbeat, I'm afraid he would have lost his senses. Zhong Li's head was pressed against the earth, and he felt the whole process of the energy of the medicine passing through himself and finally paralyzing the earth and anesthetizing the earth. Even so, it is not shy. Zhong Li's five bodies spread out and confronted each other. Look, spin the earth; Behold, the earth shakes.

What is an illusory conjecture? What is a real stimulus?

Zhong Li's ears were closed, but he could hear sweet words; The eyes are slightly closed, but they can see the afterlife; His heart was as calm as water at the moment, but he felt the coldness and trembling of the northern winter moon on his knees...... The soul took off its skin, and its expression suddenly cleared up. Hazy has become a specific channel of communication between man and God, and only when it is hazy can human beings be willing to listen to God's teachings with the smoothest ear canal and the most pious heart. I don't know if the haze is a defect in the brain, or if it is the embodiment of the wisdom of a higher creature like humans. Listen, the greatest thinking in human history was born in this hazy zone.

Is it God who created man, or is it God who man created?

What kind of answer will the scientists who are at the top of human intelligence and have turned to God give them? The wonder of this world is far beyond worldly understandings and fantasies, and all definitive assertions often seem superficial and impatient, after all, so many ultimate questions have not yet been answered loudly by scientists.

For centuries, it seems more appropriate that those who have been, and still are, have been the most promising, gifts from the Creator to mankind under the guise of the human brain, and from this point of view, the enormous number of mankind over millions of years is only a vehicle for the manifestation of the Creator. Perhaps the origin of religion and the beginning of science are due to miracles discovered by some people based on miraculous powers, such as Jesus who accidentally received the advice of Jehovah and Einstein who saw the theory of relativity in a dream.

A layman, in the swamp, speculating about something else! Ridiculous and ridiculous! Drunk and hazy, with a paralyzed brain, Zhong Li smiled vigorously. He should be as concerned about his life and behavior as a normal person, but what is there to be concerned about a notorious bad and corrupt person like him? Eating, dazing, tantrums, drinking, getting drunk, sleeping – the same is true for the second and second years.

Time has lost its meaning in him, so it has given up on him.

Zhong Li once had a highlight moment that everyone envied, a middle-level manager of a serious state-owned enterprise, a salary higher than the average person, a house, a car, a son and a daughter early, everyone always greeted him with a smile when they saw him in the market, and all kinds of people who asked him to do things and ask him to eat in the Zhong family shop often gathered in those years...... Ten years ago, he drank 6,000 yuan of red wine, wore a 7,000 yuan leather jacket, and bought more than 10,000 yuan of watches; Once, he did things for ministerial-level leaders, prepared for large-scale meetings at the municipal level, and received more than 200,000 red envelopes; Once, he succeeded.

The past is like a dream. What is the difference between the past and the present, the smooth and the indulgent, in the rush and staggered time.

In those years, he lived the same life - waking up early to work, finishing his work in a spacious office, playing his favorite music in a durable, fuel-efficient car after work, tutoring Meimei with her homework after dinner, and flirting with her newborn Xuecheng...... If you don't worry about making a living, you will be happy, eat what you want to eat, wear what you want, and go where you want to go...... The first year or two of that kind of life was really fresh and satisfying, but gradually apart from making money and seeking power, he basically had no motivation for work or life. It was also because of this competing interests that he was killed.

When I like to eat fish, the northwest is dry, and tasting the freshness of the things in the water is simply a thing that can be encountered but not sought. As a child, Zhong Li ran seven or eight miles with his partners in order to eat fish, and lied that the relatives of the principal's family swaggered into the crowd of red and white ceremonies - in the back kitchen or on the table, he could get two or three mouthfuls of fish and meat and only felt happy in the world. The last bite of fish must be chewed for two miles, and it will not be swallowed until it melts and can no longer be chewed.

Later, when he came to Shenzhen, he ate fish every once in a while, because he could afford it and he wanted to eat it. But when fish became a symbol of power, he suddenly lost his sense of taste and could no longer taste the taste of fish as a child. He thought about turning over, but the road to the pinnacle of life because of his high education can only be walked once. Over the years, he often hated himself for going too smoothly back then, and it was the smoothness and arrogance that trapped him in the swamp.

Now that I reflect on it, in the half of my life in Shenzhen, it doesn't matter whether it's good or bad. There is no difference between the current pattern of eating, drinking, and sleeping and the pattern of eating, working, and sleeping in the past. The repetition of life made him confused, he couldn't remember the difference between yesterday and before, he thought that the oily noodles he ate before were from last week, and he thought that the dream of three years ago was last night. All new, important, and unforgettable people or things, such as flowers in dreams, and moons in water. The more time passed, the more he could not distinguish between the so-called real and the unreal, his real life seemed to be in a huge illusion, and the illusion in the cloud, in the daydream, in the drunken haze seemed to be real.

In reality, many people live the same life as him – year after year, generation after generation. The body is trapped in a specific environment, and the brain only accepts certain things in a certain category – what is eaten, what is clothed, what is used, what is worked. These people can't tell the difference between last year's May Day and the May Day of the year before, confuse which weekend it is to climb the mountain, can't remember the summer solstice every year, can't finish repetitive work, and can't collude with decades of life...... Repetition - the repetition of year after year, instead of making people remember the whole of life, it is like dementia that causes people to lose a lot of fragments of life. Looking back, how many good times seem to have not existed, not happened, and were fake.

The days have been long, the years have deepened, grievances and hatreds, bizarre, ups and downs, whether they are real or false, what is the difference?

Sad!

What a sophisticated and amazing machine the human body is. What you eat will be converted into various nutrients, and when you are sick, the body has a strong self-healing function, when to wake up and when to sleep, there is a stable biological clock, and when you are depressed and anxious, you have self-regulating neurological functions...... The high-end body of human beings is set from the moment humans are born? Definitely; Genes pre-programmed when humans are not yet born? Definitely; It must have been set from the time when humans were not humans—Zhong Neng guessed. It's a pity that such a developed artifact that has evolved over millions of years is doomed to death.

Sad! From the virtual to the real, and the big and, far and near, all are sad!

Daughter Meimei is now admitted to university, and after graduation, she is looking for a job, and she may not be able to buy a house for half her life. What child who is admitted to college does not feel that life is wonderful, ten years later? After seeing the group rules, middle-aged people will still feel that life is limitless? Life here starts with a house. And a house, from the beginning. Where did you come from? As for the son's studies, his future is just a repetition of contemporary Rao.

Zhong Li is pessimistic, not because he failed, but because he has glimpsed the final answer to the question of life countless times in the swamp of death.

Extreme pessimism and extreme gambling and irritability synthesized the current Zhongli. He is the most sober and the most painful. Zhong Li, who is nearly half a hundred years old, can't even output such strong emotions because he is afraid, and paralysis is the safest state for him. Therefore, after drinking, he did not lose sleep all night, did not have panic palpitations, and did not tremble.

Suddenly feeling cold in his back, Zhong Li squeezed out some strength to keep his body upright - because he felt that vomiting while sitting was more elegant than vomiting lying down. The stomach turned upside down, but he couldn't get up alive. Life is already like this, it's okay to lie down and vomit. I vomited for a long time, but I couldn't vomit, and I was nauseous and dizzy.

Every time you get drunk, it's like dying. He wanted to read some beautiful things before he died, but he couldn't remember it, all he could remember was the cutting blade, and he didn't dare to think about it and was ashamed to think about it. At this moment, the brain is anesthetized, the joints are rusty, the body is stiff, and the whole person is like a sculpture, unable to move. The flesh bursts like a balloon and scatters like an egg. Sadly, secondly, he always wakes up, wakes up in rancid stench and continues to live a hopeless life.

Déjà vu......

Déjà vu!

Two or three months ago, he seemed to have been drunk here. That's right, it does.

The same time, the same place, the same position, the same anesthesia...... Who's going to pick him up tonight? Chung thought of Hyosung and couldn't help but think of her. That night, he was drunk and collapsed here, and Lao Tao called to find Hyosung, and Hyosung came. In the haze, Jong-ri remembered that Hyosung was walking around and walking around here, and then he listened to her sobbing softly—Jong-ri couldn't tell the difference between reality and fiction, because he often cried with her, often thought about her crying, and often dreamed of her crying.

He couldn't tell if he was drunk and fantasized about Hyosung sobbing softly, or if it was really happening, or if he had a messed memory, cut and patchwork, or if he was dreaming and dreaming in a drunken dream...... Anyway, he was lying on the ground drunk unconscious, and the scene of Hyosung sobbing softly beside him often came to mind. After a long time, memories, fantasies, and dreams are like a lump of paste.

Damn, he missed Hyosung so much, he was so worried about it, he was uncomfortable with it, and he was crying with it.

People passing by on his way home from overtime at night saw him like this, and walked past him obliquely. People always have extraordinary assumptions about extraordinary people. He was just a middle-aged drunkard, and the people who saw him immediately attached him with hideous titles such as criminal, insane, and terrorist and terrifying. The ridiculous world is like a mouse, when he sees the terrible, he is a jackal, when he sees the rich, he thinks he is the emperor, and when he sees the poor, he is a poisonous snake.

He especially misses his daughter Mae-mei, he is sorry for his son and father, and he mistakes his wife Hyosung...... At this moment, he is not worthy of the beauty he once had. A pound of tears became a pound of regret. No, no, no, life is a bad game of chess, why is it sad about bad chess? He wants to be Ah Q, but he is not Ah Q after all. He couldn't fool himself with those vain things.

He denied the whole world, but he wept in denial.

The abdomen flipped over, and suddenly, a puddle of decay flowed out of Zhong Li's foul mouth. After a few minutes, he breathed a sigh of relief, covered his pillow, and snorted to sleep.

At half past two in the morning, the drunkard woke up. Bypass the dirt and get up slowly. The wind pushes him aimlessly, the lights of the city pull him, and the swaying shadows amuse him. This night is like this life, and he is the one at this moment in the night.

I don't know how long I walked, but the more I walked, the more sober I became, and the more I walked, the more energetic I became. Aimlessly, he came to the door of the Malatang where Hyosung worked. Dou Dongqing was cleaning the kitchen utensils in the light, and Kong Ping was bending over to clean. Knowing that Xing was not there at the moment, he still came, and only when she was not in him did he dare to come. Zhong Li squatted on the street corner for a long time, afraid of being discovered, and turned to leave.

The air in the early hours of the morning was particularly good, and he was cool with his hands in his pockets. After walking for two hours, Zhongli came to a place full of birds. He remembered the time, the time of the crow ship wood door, old-fashioned locks, earthen yards, paulownia trees, his mother, his big (father)...... In the midst of a long memory, his eyes were dimly staring at his father's back. That's right, the old man who was knocked down by him last night.

The father carried a broom and swept south, and he was in the north, behind a tree fifteen meters away from his father. He stared at him, staring at him tightly. Tears in an instant. He's old. Relentlessly old. It's so old that I have lost a hand

Zhong Li was extremely ashamed, afraid of being discovered, and left again.

This time, he went to the clothing store - the clothing store where Hyosung works the day shift. I waited until seven o'clock, but I still didn't wait for Hyosung. The person who gets up early to go to work is like a torrent, he can't withstand the torrent, bows his head in the army, and leaves in a hurry. As soon as I got home, I fell asleep and slept until three o'clock in the afternoon. The ordinary one - the ordinary one.