Before I could open my husband's diary again, I was already in tears.

I want to see it, but I'm afraid to see it, and I don't know what results await Mr. later.

I finally wiped away my tears and continued to read:

October 23, 1971

Chairman Mao's quotations

"There are many things that can become our burden and a burden as long as we fall into blindness and lack consciousness of them."

"What we need is a warm and calm mood, intense and orderly work".

"This army has an indomitable spirit, it will overwhelm all enemies, and it will never be subjugated by them. In any difficult situation, if there is one person, that person will continue to fight."

Healing for the Revolution

The relentless disease has finally arrived! After many examinations and laboratory tests by the doctors, although I did not want to get such a disease, and although I gave all kinds of reasons not to believe that I would get this disease, the positive conclusion still fell on me.

"Hepatitis", this disease has put a lot of ideological baggage on my back for several days, and the reason why this disease has become a burden is because I don't know enough.

Chairman Mao taught us that "we communists do not want to be officials, but to revolution."

If it hadn't been detected on today's occasion, I probably wouldn't have had any concerns. And this disease was detected when I was going through the physical examination of the promoted cadres, which is a procedure that must be followed.

Now I have it......

My fear may not be all about illness, but about whether or not to be promoted. With such an idea, it is also burdened with the ideological baggage of not being able to promote cadres.

A true revolutionary fighter, no matter what kind of problems he encounters, as long as he thinks about the revolution and does not consider his own interests, he will never carry the baggage of incorrect thinking.

Chairman Mao taught us that "a person has great or small ability, but as long as he has this spirit, he is a noble person."

Since the disease is contagious, people are reluctant to approach you and will distance themselves from you, as if people think you are a "criminal person". I also feel as if I have stolen something from others, and thus become "inferior" to others. Talking, doing things, living, working, nothing is convenient.

Thinking that I am only in my twenties, what should I do with this kind of life in the future?

I'm afraid, and maybe not afraid that this disease will hurt my body, but will ruin my youth.

A true revolutionary youth, what kind of youth is the most magnificent? To be completely and thoroughly for the revolution, to serve the people wholeheartedly, to be unafraid of hardship and death in the face of hardships and difficulties, and to continue to advance forever for the sake of the revolution in China and the world, this is the truly beautiful and magnificent youth of our youth.

Now I have the misfortune to have this disease, and it is my loss. I still have a lot to do, and I have a lot to learn. The revolutionary cause requires young people like me to make more contributions to the party and the people with a thousandfold and thousands of times more energy.

The Party has nurtured me for many years, and I have grown from an ignorant child to a revolutionary fighter. At a time when the party and the people needed me, I fell ill and objectively failed to live up to the party's expectations of me.

However, a true revolutionary fighter will always live for the revolution. Even though he has such complex problems physically, his goals cannot be changed.

If you don't get sick, you have to make a revolution, and if you get sick, you have to make a revolution. Even if I have to sacrifice my own life, I will also do the revolution.

Today I am hospitalized, which is also the need of the revolution. In order to do better revolutionary work in the future, I must cooperate with the doctors. I understand very well that today's task is to heal the revolution.

I saw this with tears in my eyes, and the pages of my diary were wet.

I never dreamed that my husband would get "hepatitis" at the age of twenty-three, and it was when he was about to take off from his career. In the sudden confusion, he was confused and struggled, but finally accepted the reality with the bravery of a revolutionary soldier.

Well, this is not the first time that hepatitis A hospitalization in 1988 has occurred.

On his fingers, his liver disease has been with him for nearly 40 years.

A lot of unexplainable things seem to be sorted out.

My father died, and he himself was sick, and my younger siblings didn't know what was going on, and they often said in front of me that my eldest brother was a selfish person.

The diary revealed to me a young gentleman who was simple and full of yearning for the future, and a high respect arose.

He left a lot of awards, and he really did "do the revolution as if he was sick".

When I thought that my husband had been tortured for nearly 40 years because of "liver disease", I couldn't help but cry loudly: "Husband, if you confide in me earlier, my wife will cherish you even more, and urge you to go to the hospital for a serious examination at any time, so that it will not be found out until the late stage."

My husband once told me that before marrying his ex-wife, his family reminded him to be able to withstand his ex-wife's bad temper, but he got married anyway. Now that I think about it, it has something to do with his illness, which makes him feel a lot less confident.

My husband is a person with a heavy heart, and many things are stuffy in his heart and bear alone, which is very bad for his illness.

I recall what my husband's younger siblings often described, saying that after marrying me, his complexion and spirit were much better than before. Several times the uncle drove my husband to the hospital, and although the two brothers were ten years apart, the patients said that my husband looked young.

But fate made him encounter the tribulations of his life journey too early, as he wrote in his diary, he was diagnosed with "hepatitis" when he was promoted to work in the army, what this means, it is naturally self-evident.

From this diary, which has been dusty for many years, I entered the inner world of my husband.

I cried into the photo of my husband and said, "Husband, why didn't you open up to your wife when you were alive?" Now let me read your diary and get to know your heart too late! I want to redouble my tenderness to soothe your scarred heart, I don't have a chance......"

When my wife learned that I had fallen back into grief because I saw my husband's diary, she anxiously sent a WeChat message:

"Tranquility, although the emotional road of the two of you has been a total of eight years, it has more connotation and temperature than others for decades, and you have been immersed in the newlywed honeymoon period, it is a pity that he left too early and too quickly, not that you feel an indescribable pity as a wife, but that all the people who know him and his friends feel sorry for him.

Others don't know that he has this disease, they don't know that you have been fighting this disease for more than a year, but you only know that a good friend and good group leader who is active and happy and wholeheartedly for everyone can be this news? I didn't dare to speak out for a while, will there be a mistake, but this kind of information will not be wrong, many students said that they had an indescribable feeling in their hearts at that time, and they were lying, always saying how could it be like this, how could it be like this? Think about the position of the mountains in everyone's hearts......

Now that he is gone, we only have one thought, may her wife slowly get out of this grief, take care of yourself and take care of this home, he can also rest assured under the nine springs, memories are happy and painful, you are so soft-hearted, I hope to touch the bits and pieces of the two of you as little as possible during this time, and it may be better after a while.

Indeed, as my wife said, "Memories are both happy and painful......

When I was tidying up, I looked down and found the blood stains on the edge of the mattress, and I couldn't help but cry again......

I will never forget it for the rest of my life, right next to this position, my husband stroked my hand until I fell unconscious......

How I longed to take my husband's warm hand again and rest my head on his broad shoulder......

Stroking the silk quilt that my husband had covered, I couldn't help but recall that after the newlywed honeymoon, my husband offered to put the two of them together in a quilt, so I bought the largest silk quilt online.

In winter, I am afraid of wind leakage, and my husband never forgets to shout, "Wife, back to back, get closer to me, so that you are not cold". We were covered with two thick silk quilts, tucked into our shoulders with old sweaters, and covered by my husband's big hot feet, and we quickly fell asleep......

Now, looking at the empty other half of the bed every day, I can't control my tears and always burst out of my eyes, saying good night to the large wedding photo next to the bed and my husband "Husband, I'm going to sleep, good night"......

Because I had to prepare for the "Subject 1" exam, I had to review and listen to lectures, and I could only read one diary a day......