It's snowing, and it seems to be windy. The next day, I stood in the playground with dark circles under my eyes, recalling the message Xie Min replied to me last night, and I only felt like someone had poured a basin of cold water on me in winter, and I shivered from the cold to my feet.

Chu Li, I have never liked you, don't be sentimental, it has nothing to do with you where I am now.

These are the exact words that Xie Min sent to me. There is no warmth after a long absence, and there is no answer that I look forward to and fear. Some are just the ruthlessness that can be felt really even though they can't hear the tone, and there is even a hint ......of mockery.

yes, I suddenly smiled sarcastically, sarcastically at my self-inflicted sentimentality for more than a year. What a word that deserves to be ridiculed, in non-literary terms, there is no point in my heart.

I looked at this cold sentence, and then looked at Xie Min's gray avatar, and typed a long paragraph in the chat bar. I wanted to ask her why, when I was so ridiculous in her eyes, why did I say that to me the night I left?

But I didn't send it out, trembling my hands typed out the words one by one, and revised the sentences formed after revising them over and over again, and I held down the delete button, swiped it, and it was gone.

I suddenly smiled wryly, wasn't that the answer I was hoping for? It's a little hurtful, and my heart is really uncomfortable, but at least I can finally die with peace of mind, right?

In that case, why should I bother with anything, just let the conversation on the chat interface freeze there, stay in the most desperate part, and let me live a little happier in the next half a month.

It was the twenty-ninth day of the winter month, and it was my twentieth birthday in 19 days.

This is destined to be an extraordinary year, Lao Cai did not return to Chengdu for the New Year according to his habits, he told me that he was tired of living in the big city for a long time, and the New Year was even more boring.

I still remember when Uncle Cheng didn't go out to start a business before, one year during the New Year, he and my father made two cannon battles on the night of the Chinese New Year's Eve, how big was it? Let's put it this way, those two artillery battles were made with the thunder guan that blew up the mountain, and the nature of the power can be imagined. If Lao Cai refers to this, then it is indeed not felt in the city.

In fact, it is impossible to feel it in the countryside now, and that thing is really dangerous. If Uncle Cheng hadn't been young, how could he have done such a heartless thing?

So I know that Lao Cai is not because of the question of whether it is a year or not, he just wants to accompany me in the last days.

We looked at each other tacitly and smiled at each other.

……。

According to the usual practice, Song Mink still has to come to my house for the New Year, and because of her erratic whereabouts, I haven't seen her for the past few days. To be honest, I don't want her to come to my house for the New Year this year, even if I want her to know that I lied to her, I will have to wait until after the school starts. At that point, even if she knew I had lied to her, she would never be able to scratch me again.

yes, from then on, she couldn't scratch me anymore, which was undoubtedly a good thing for me. It's just that why my eyes are suddenly a little sour, is it the snow that has melted on my face? Otherwise, how could there be a feeling of wetness?

I took out my mobile phone and sent her a message, I said: Lao Cai is also coming to my house for the New Year this year, do you still want to come? ”

There was no reply to the message sent for a long time, and at this time, Lao Cai packed up his things and said to me that he could go. I nodded to him, took one last look at the QQ interface that was silent, then put my phone in my pocket and walked with Lao Cai to the school gate.

Do you really want Song Mink to come to my house for the New Year? Actually, no, although I don't want her to watch me die, I still hope that she can be by my side for only half a month. Perhaps this is the psychological contradiction between selfishness and devotion! If I just consider my own feelings, of course I hope Song Mink can come. But if you take into account her feelings, I don't want her to come.

In the past half a month, Lao Cai has been rarely quiet and accompanied me, and he has been much more diligent. In addition to washing dishes and cooking, he actually helped me wash my feet a few times. I have to say that the feeling of being an uncle is so wonderful, especially as a proletarian, I can actually enjoy the meticulous care of the bourgeoisie, which makes me feel very comfortable.

My twentieth birthday is getting closer and closer, and for the first time I've never had a birthday, I'm holding my fingers to live. It was also the first time I didn't forget my birthday.

Lao Cai avoided me and secretly called me more and more frequently, from once a day at the beginning, to three times a day now, morning, noon and evening, every time after eating, he avoided me secretly on the toilet as an excuse.

I know that he made this call to his master, and he was also anxious about me. Although I would love to tell him that such behavior is superfluous, because if there was news, my grandfather would have rushed back long ago.

But just as I didn't call my grandfather, I didn't stop Lao Cai's small movements. They're still making their last efforts, and how can I say to give up that kind of frustration. At least when I'm dead, they won't blame themselves for not doing their best.

Song Mink didn't come to my house, she didn't come until my birthday, it should be that she has seen the message I sent her, although she didn't reply, but she should have made a decision.

It's the eighteenth day of the lunar month, and I got up very early that day because it was my last day. Like a death row inmate about to be taken to the execution ground, the only difference is that I don't know when the execution will be. I don't know whether to be happy or sad, but fortunately I saw it a long time ago, so I didn't show any difference that day, and I smiled very happily when I should have laughed.

It should be considered a relief! More than two years of torment have finally come to an end, and it's time for everything to end. My friends don't have to worry about me anymore, my grandfather doesn't have to run for me anymore, after I die, I hope he can live a long and healthy life.

At noon, I suddenly received a phone call, it was Song Mink, she said to me on the phone: "Xiaoli, are you up?" ”

I told her I was up and she asked me to go to the county seat.

"What are you doing in the county seat?" I asked her.

"If you want to come, you will come, what is so much nonsense? ……。 ”

I hung up the phone with a wry smile, and when Song Mink came, he added: If you don't come, I'll scratch you to death next time, do you believe it or not?

I called Lao Cai and told him that we should go to the city. Lao Cai didn't object, and casually took a coat and went out with me.

The reason why I listened to Song Mink and went to the county seat was not because I was threatened by Song Mink, in fact, I originally planned to go there. I think my grandfather should come back today, and the sloppy old man should also go to see him, otherwise I will really die at home, and he may be overwhelmed by only Lao Cai by his side.

When I saw the sloppy old man, he was on the phone, as if he was calling my grandfather, he just hung up when I went in, but I still heard a sentence, he said to the phone: Lao Chu, if you can't come back first, time is running out......

As if because he saw me and Lao Cai walking in, he whispered something to the phone, then hung up in a hurry, turned his head and smiled at me, and said, "Xiao is here from you......." ”

When I saw the sloppy old man's face, I was suddenly stunned, and my eyes couldn't help but turn red again.

I saw that the sloppy old man's face was as pale as paper at this time, and on the table in front of him, there were more than a dozen scattered notebooks, each of which seemed to have been turned over repeatedly, and was basically worn out.

I know that these are the calculations of a sloppy old man. I still remember the day he first calculated for me, saying that I would not live to be twenty years old, and after that calculation, I had the illusion that he was suddenly much older. In fact, it was not an illusion at all, the cloth god was supposed to consume energy. So I know exactly what so many notebooks mean.

I reluctantly smiled at him and nodded, "Grandpa Lin, when will my grandfather come back?" ”

We all tacitly avoided the problem we didn't want to face, and the sloppy old man told me that my grandfather would be back in the afternoon.

My grandfather did come back in the afternoon, and I don't know what kind of life he has been living these days, and I have wanted to cry more than once when I see him. But that's it, I can't help but feel the urge to cry when I see my grandfather, only this time, I want to keep myself as calm as possible.

At this time, he is really old, and it has only been a year since he last saw him, but the marks left on his face by the years seem to be ten years. He is old, no longer as old as he seems, but gives people a feeling of twilight from the inside out.

That afternoon, we had dinner together. The atmosphere at the dinner table was a little oppressive for a while, and I spoke more than once to ease the atmosphere, but unfortunately it had no effect.

My grandfather didn't move for a while holding the chopsticks, and suddenly, he lowered his head and said, "Xiaoli, grandpa is sorry for your ......." ”

I couldn't control my tears anymore because I took his wrinkled hand and cried to him, "Grandpa, thank you." I don't blame you, I don't blame you for your qualifications, I want to thank you for doing so much for me. Did you know? I really want to persuade you to give up, but I'm afraid to break your heart....... ”

I forced myself to smile and say to him, "You know what? I am very happy today, and I finally have a reason to persuade you to give up, and in the days to come, you must live a healthy and carefree ....... ”

It's finally come to this. Although I really wanted to make myself laugh and die with a smile on my face, I still couldn't do it, so although I said this with a smile, the tears couldn't stop flowing.

My grandfather didn't speak, but he still kept his head down and didn't dare to look at me, which made me even more uncomfortable, and the oppressive atmosphere oppressed me so much that I couldn't breathe.

No one knows what to say. Indeed, parting with life and death is different from ordinary turning, and no one knows what to say on such occasions.

Just then, my phone rang, and it was Song Mink calling. I wiped my tears and sorted out my emotions.