Today, I took the T114 train back to Bengbu, departed from Tianshui at 6:36, and now at 9:18, I just passed through Baoji, and the mobile phone has also restored the signal, although it is only a short recovery, you can brush the headline dynamics, etc. At ten o'clock, the lights will be turned off on time, and there are not many people in the No. 7 car, only I have people in the No. 9 middle bunk, and there are no people in the upper bunk and the middle bunk opposite. I usually can't buy a lower seat, so I sit on the stool below for a long time. If there is no signal on the mobile phone, I will listen to songs, read novels with QQ, and time will pass relatively quickly. I also spend time alone on the journey, I don't feel lonely and uncomfortable, I enjoy the silence at the moment, I don't have to think about anything, I can always immerse myself in the world of the novel.

This time is different, and one person is somewhat unaccustomed. I will think back to the last time I went home with N, and the journey with someone to chat with seemed to be more enjoyable. And this memory is so precious that I will never forget it, it is an unforgettable experience to return home. I have been working in Bengbu for so many years, and I have always been alone, and I have been to many places alone, and I have always been used to the loneliness of the journey. Even if it's only one experience, it's a deep memory. I tried to send a message to N today, just to remind her to pay attention to the waiting time early tomorrow morning, not to be late on the road, pay attention to safety, etc., N didn't reply to me immediately, and only replied with one word after a few minutes, um. The introduction is strong, and I don't have the courage to continue to send messages to her, I know that she still annoys me from the bottom of my heart, she didn't let me send messages to disturb her before, I have been trying to control the frequency of messages, I don't seem to be good enough, but at least I am not as stubborn as hysterical and self-aware. Actually, I also want to remind her to keep warm, after all, it's already cold. However, I didn't send it to her, I didn't feel like it was necessary, my concern went beyond the scope of my friends, it caused her stress and was useless. There really is no need for this kind of concern. The change in attitude, deliberately alienated and indifferent, I already knew it, but I didn't want to admit it, and I had a little illusion and delusion. But I'm also ready to accept the consequences of everything, and the worst outcome is to lose N, a friend of the opposite sex who is close to me, a person I want to care for and try to like.

Today is the fiftieth chapter of the update of "Early Sleep Diary", which is worth commemorating, and today's chapter is also written word by word on the train with a mobile phone, which should be more memorable. Knowing that no one is going to read it, I can write it down without impunity. My writing is in the form of a diary to record the real life happenings, wonderful events, interesting people, and indescribable feelings. It's just that my real name is hidden, and I wonder if the protagonist of my novel, Yuki, has a chance to see my words and find that one day he appears in someone else's words, whether it will seem unreal and a little surprised.

I really didn't sleep well last night, and I woke up at three o'clock in the morning without sleep. I've been stuck with insomnia all night the night before I go home, and I often wake up early the night before I leave home, which has been a habit for many years. After a special Baidu review, people who wake up early are more or less depressed because they have not adjusted their emotions. I checked it again, and people who often have nightmares are the same, caused by depression and loneliness. But I changed my sleep through written records and cured my insomnia, and early awakening seems to have always accompanied me, always sleeping unsteadily, just the difference in early waking time. This morning was quite strange, I dreamed that N patted me on the shoulder, and I woke up from the dream at once, and I never felt sleepy again. I thought about it for a while, remembered the afternoon of the tug-of-war, looked back from the crowd, and found N standing behind me, it turned out to be her. This feeling is so real, so tacit, it seems to be an old friend who hasn't seen me for many years, I don't need to say anything to understand, just a simple sentence, it turns out that you are also here. Acquaintance with Jun Chu is like returning to an old friend.

The train slowly drove out of Baoji Station, the carriage was full, the mobile phone signal began to weaken, and the lights were about to be turned off, and my early bedtime diary was not finished. After turning off the lights, I'll write for a while before falling asleep, anyway, I never sleep on the train intermittently. Fortunately, today's 114 is relatively stable, unlike the 116 that went home last time, always stumbling and startling. Maybe it's easier to get your thoughts down when it's running smoothly and when it's quiet. At this time, Jay's "Can't Open Your Mouth" was playing in the headphones. The memory suddenly returned to the time when the T116 carriage was on that day. N's atmosphere is capable and heroic

The black outfit, with a pair of black Martin boots, looks very temperamental, and the long hair that is not tied up is scattered, which leaves a strong mark in my memory. and her red sports jacket, but I didn't see it in person, it must be a good match, and her temperament should be on the next level. And the way she wore a skirt or a trench coat can only appear in my fantasizing memory. I have it all you like.

When the lights were finally turned off, the carriage was plunged into endless darkness, except for the light from the automatic lighting of my phone's screen. I remembered that when I first met N, there was a power outage in the dormitory that day. She messaged that she was engulfed in the dark. I was worried about her at the time, and wanted to send a power bank to her, but she kept refusing to let me go, and said I was stupid, this is the first time that a girl said I was stupid. I asked her if she wanted to take care of someone and care for her, if that was a sign of liking. N replied probably, she didn't deny it or be sure, I looked back and thought about it, maybe from that moment of that day, I had the idea of liking N.

Suddenly a little hungry, I didn't bring snacks or food on the train today, because I was carrying a box of apples bought from the county seat, and I didn't bring anything with me if I couldn't buy and eat. After getting in the car, I was a little thirsty, and I was going to buy a bottle of pure water, so I spent five yuan to buy a bottle of Coke to make do. After two sips, I put it on the table below, and I didn't dare to drink more for fear of going to the toilet halfway. Tomorrow I shouldn't eat breakfast, I have an apple in the bag and eat one, and I'll go to Bengbu at noon, so let's go down and eat.

N should know that I have the idea of liking her, she has been refusing again, and I have always kept a proper distance, but this time I don't know why this happened, she has stopped taking the initiative to contact me, has been estranged and neglected me, I know in my heart, she doesn't want to give me a chance to make me have a delusion, it should be for my good, I don't want people who are destined to be passers-by to have any results, once they are in the quagmire, it is not so easy to get out. There is no end without a beginning, and there is no loss without expectation, and so on.

But I still miss and appreciate the unique experience and feelings that N left me, and let me understand the charm and motivation of liking someone. This experience of going home together is the happiest and happiest memory for me. I remember the old things that have lasted for a long time, the stories of my parents, the stories of my grandparents, and the stories of my own childhood, the stories of my school, etc., I can also empathize, I have been listening to and echoing them, it's so wonderful. When I have time and inspiration, I'm going to put these stories together and write an interesting short story, which must be very bizarre and very often. I know that N is a girl with a very good story, and the story she told me is just a drop in the ocean, and I don't know if I will have the opportunity to listen to it again as a friend in the future. Actually, the story I'm most interested in is the story of her and her male ticket, as if she didn't mention it much. Although I haven't really been in a relationship, as a bystander, I'm a very good recorder, and if I have the chance, I'll definitely try it and write it down. Sometimes hope can only be hope, and it is unknown that there may never be a chance again, which is somewhat regrettable.

The reason why I didn't sleep well last night, I'm a little sleepy at the moment. The carriage was eerily quiet, except for the intermittent sound of trains crashing against the tracks. Everyone had fallen asleep, and they had to fall asleep, snoring all over the place, albeit very softly.

When I turned off the screen of my mobile phone, I was instantly shrouded in darkness, and I was much more down-to-earth all of a sudden. That's all for today, it's late. Good night!