It's a little late today, and I'm hesitating to write. When I got home from work and went out to eat, I didn't cook by myself, and I didn't seem to be in the mood to cook today. I went to eat a stir-fried flower nail, not very full, and bought a roast cake with a glass of ice wine to take home, and wanted to pour some water on the pothos, but I was a little lazy and didn't move. Before, I didn't feel anything during the holidays, but this time I was always looking forward to something. Thinking about how to spend the night of Tanabata, I thought of LOL, playing a big fight and watching the live game, and killing time should soon be the same as before. It's just that Unicom's broadband is relatively bad, and it always drops from time to time, so I need to log in again and it's very annoying, which affects the game experience and mood.

When I was playing Smash Bros., I received a strange phone call, it turned out to be a next-door neighbor, and he asked me to finish the game and go to his house to discuss something. Finally, the defeat was over, and I went to find out that it was the matter of air conditioning drainage. The empty platform made by the developer is not waterproof, the floor drain is not passable, the water of the air conditioner cannot be drained, and the wall of the neighbor's house is soaked and moldy for a long time. I said that it is mainly the responsibility of the developer, I have already found the property to dredge, he asked me to contact Xiaomi after-sales, add the water pipe and chassis directly into the water outlet pipe into the floor drain, and the problem is solved. After consulting, I immediately contacted the master who installed the air conditioner last time, negotiated the details and asked them to deal with it as soon as possible, and finally came to an end and gave an explanation to the neighbors.

After going home, I suddenly didn't want to play games anymore, the live game was boring, SN was 3:1LGD again, and the game was not exciting at all. I remembered AH, I don't know if she was celebrating the holidays at this point, or reading a book in the office, I dialed her office phone without thinking, I just wanted to say happy holidays, I don't know why I talked about my blind date Beibei, I said I had given up, I didn't take the initiative to contact her for two days, and sent her a message. AH said that as long as people don't delete your WeChat, you will have a chance, and tell me how to behave in chasing girls, today was a good opportunity for Qixi Festival, I should buy a gift and go directly to Fengyang to find her, but I didn't do anything. I should have given up from the bottom of my heart, I let go of others so easily, and I was always indecisive about AH. I know she's disappointed in me again, she doesn't let me care about her anymore and doesn't need to bring her breakfast anymore. AH is really the first girl I can't let go, even if she deletes my WeChat, I always feel that I will still have a chance, I don't know why I have this illusion.

I'm really struggling right now, do I have to continue to bring breakfast to AH tomorrow? If she eats it, it means that she is not angry with me, if I don't bring it, I will completely lose the opportunity to care for her, although this opportunity is sometimes very humble, but I am willing to enjoy it. I feel more and more that the long-term single life has made me lose the ability to love someone, and I don't even know what to do if I like someone. I decided, I will bring her breakfast tomorrow, if she no longer ignores me and does not eat breakfast, this time I will lose the opportunity to take care of her forever, she no longer needs me, she may not care about my good or bad, so I may really let go completely, I don't know the future, I can still insist on updating the "Early Sleep Diary", I can go to bed early and get up early every day, will life return to the state it was a long time ago? I don't know, it's a little late tonight, so I'll write briefly, because writing affects sleep, and my writing won't make any sense.

I may really be a soul who has been lonely for a long time, I can't communicate and communicate with people, I am autistic and have low self-esteem and I don't know what to do, I can only comfort myself and go with the flow. I may really only be suitable for living alone, my ideal life state is to carry a backpack, travel the world on a budget This is the goal and ideal that I have always tried to achieve, and I have been to some places, which may be the ultimate meaning of my life. I wonder if I can find resonance in a strange city or place, or the strangers I meet, at least the heart at that time is clear and discerning, and I know what I like and what I need. Life is actually quite short, thinking that I must go to Tibet before the age of 30, I went alone last year, and I was 28 years old at the time. Walking alone in the streets of Tibet in the middle of the night, the bustling and bright street scene, walking clockwise around Barkhor Street every evening, listening to the Tibetan language that I don't understand, watching the monks debate the scriptures fiercely in the sunset. It was only then that I realized that a person with a barren heart, a person without faith, no matter where he went, even in the Potala Palace, was lonely, and I understood the meaning of every escape. In fact, it is to go to the wider world outside to see, life is not only in front of you, your own insignificance and powerlessness, in the long river of time, in the complex world, a person's existence is not enough compared with the vast starry sky, sun, moon and stars. When I saw Yanghu Lake and Namtso, as well as the sacred mountains of Tibet, I instantly let go of a lot of things, and my own insignificance and powerlessness were vividly displayed.

I really envy those Tibetans of faith who have made a pilgrimage to the ground with their heads prostrate on their five bodies, some of whom are alone all their lives, who do not get married, have no children, no families, no ties, and some only have inner piety and faith, how simple it is, how easy and how free it is to live in this way. I think of myself now, repeating the same life every day, without desire, without love and being loved, still alone, but my heart is restless or anxious and even a little panicked, and my insomnia and nightmares come from this. I don't know what direction my life will go in the future, and I'm not sure if there will be girls like AH in the future, I only know that I have lost a person I cherish very much, she has given me warmth and care, maybe not the most direct or sincere, but I gladly accept and want to repay, snubbing the boring world, repetitive and boring life makes me feel that the world is not worth it. I used to sleep late and lose my hair frequently, and I admit that I was a little scared, a little depressed, and wanted to escape from life or work itself.

There's nothing I particularly want to do at the moment, and I'm not even interested in falling in love. The appearance and departure of AH really cured my insomnia, and I began to write down the daily happenings, my inner thoughts, and my thoughts on life and work. With so many thoughts and things hidden in my head all the time, it's no wonder that I can easily fall asleep. Listening to NetEase Cloud, I opened a song list casually, and my thoughts were like flying notes, falling naturally, free and unfettered, and I enjoyed this state very much. In a month's time, I should go home to see my parents, help with the fruit harvesting, do some farm work, and share the burden for my parents as much as I can. If time permits, I will play alone in the northwest for a few days, the most I want to go is Qinghai Chaka Salt Lake, and then it is the Danxia landform of Zhangye, if there is more time, I will go to Longnan to play, Gannan is also OK, Zhaga that did not have time to go last time has been a little regretful, this is just my preliminary plan, the specific situation will be slowly arranged and planned according to the actual situation.

I really need a trip to give my brain and heart a long vacation, let go of some people and things, recognize my current situation, and save enough courage to face life and work again. Time may be an antidote, and it is also the poison I am taking now, I don't know if it will be cured, but I believe in time, time is uncertain and seems to have no end, unlike my life or work, I can see through it at a glance, I will give up on myself and get by. I love time more and more!

Good night, myself, I shouldn't have played two more games today, delaying my time to write, and now it's time to rest. Tomorrow I will still bring a breakfast for AH as usual, and I don't know if I have a chance! Good luck to yourself! However, I can accept and bear any kind of results, and slowly learn to let go, these are also what AH has taught me, but I am slower to learn. If I don't have a chance tomorrow, AH completely ignores me, I lose the opportunity to take care of her, my early bedtime diary may run aground, and the protagonist of my words may change, it may be everyone I know or meet. I will always keep documenting and writing, recording the boring and complicated life, and I admit that these changes are also brought to me by AH. Even if I no longer need me and ignore me, I am grateful to her without complaint, because I am willing and willing to do all this! Good night, AH, and you have to sleep well every day from now on!