Today I finally figured out a problem, that is, liking a person will make the other person feel pressure, and today I said it in N's mouth, and I learned that there are two reasons: one is that the other party has someone she likes, and the other is that she doesn't like you at all. So your liking will put pressure on the other person.

It turns out that they all say that you are a good person, but we have no fate, we are not suitable. The implication is that I don't like you, and I reject you. Today I was issued a good guy card again, which was sent to me by fellow villager N. Maybe my care and care these days have made her feel pressure, she is a very sincere and honest girl, and even rejecting my liking like her is so reasonable, I can't argue with it.

She is right, she has a male ticket, if she goes out to eat and shop with other boys and waits for her male ticket, she will be angry, she is likely to leave Bengbu, a city that I am already familiar with and she is still relatively unfamiliar. She said she didn't want to deceive my sincerity, and then it felt ruthless to leave. It's all adults, she can't step on two boats, she really has to be a very dedicated and affectionate good girl, it's just that I'm not blessed, I met it too late. She said it wouldn't be fair to me if I liked her giving.

I admit that I want to care for and take care of her, the most direct reason is that she is my hometown, and the difficulties or confusions she is experiencing and facing are the same as I have experienced before, and I empathize with her, and out of this understanding, I want to understand and pay attention to and even help take care of her. When I asked before, I said that if you have a crush on someone and want to care for her, is that a liking? N replied that maybe, she didn't deny it. She may have realized today that I was beginning to have thoughts or ideas about liking her, so she made it clear directly, and she didn't want to be as decisive as AH, just asked me not to be so nice to her, she would be pressured.

I'm very strange, I don't meet many girls, and there are very few people who have favorite ideas, otherwise I wouldn't have been single until now. She said that I chose the wrong person, and I used to be to AH and now I am to N, I don't think it's because I'm too attentive or otherwise inspecific. I just didn't learn what it was like to really like someone and how to do it. It seemed like there was nothing more than stress on them, and I began to doubt myself again. I really don't have the ability to like or love someone, or maybe it's the wrong way. I always like to find problems within myself, and N reassures me that I have other problems.

I've always been self-righteous, I've never had an experience like this before. I feel that nearly half of my life before the age of 30 seems to have been wasted, I am a person with no memories, no past, no stories, my past is all blank. It's embarrassing and regrettable. Now I realize that the feeling of liking someone is so real and lingering. In my opinion, liking can sometimes only be their own business, nothing to do with others and nothing to do with the result, I cherish the process, the best care and care to the person I like, maybe it is pressure or self-righteousness is self-inflicted, but I have been willing not to ask for anything in return, this is my most intuitive understanding and judgment of liking a person, and I will continue to do it until they leave my life and world, and no longer need me.

These details and processes are precious and worth remembering, and I have gained experience in growing up and finding my own shortcomings and gaps, which is what it means to like someone. Actually, I'm really not in a hurry now, I'm in a hurry to go on a blind date or get married, etc., I feel like half of my life has passed, it's so lackluster, it seems to be wasted, and the rest of my life is like that, and patience is over.

It's just that life still needs hope or sustenance, and I prefer to live in the present, although I have a good memory, but I will not always be lost in the abyss of past memories and cannot extricate myself, I do not look forward to and hope for the future or tomorrow, I will cherish the experience of the present every day. For example, I just played two games with QQ, and I haven't played LOL together for more than half a year; The opportunity to bring breakfast to AH every morning, the opportunity to send delicious food to N today, these are the trivial details of life and real happenings, these experiences and memories are very good and interesting, at least let me have the material to write an early bedtime diary, and look at my own words in the future, I can prove that I myself am also a person with a story, I may not be an excellent story creator, but I must be an outstanding story recorder.

Every person who appears in my life, everything that happens, no matter what is important, no matter how important, I will record it truthfully. Today is also the update of "Early Sleep Diary" to 30 issues, and it is also a month for me to insist on writing, I really have a lot of things to say, and I have a lot of feelings that I want to record completely, but I don't know why I suddenly have nothing to say, I want to write without feelings, so I can write it again. Think of it as a summary and reflection of this month's life.

I think habits are really scary things, I must not be addicted, I must control myself. We must learn to resolutely withdraw when necessary, so as not to fall into it without knowing it. My self-control is really good now, such as going to bed early, such as quitting sex, I insist on doing it again, day after day, and I hope it will be year after year. Let's take bringing breakfast to AH as an example, the reason why I can get up early and work overtime on weekends is because I want to bring breakfast to AH, she needs me to do everything she wants, and I chat with N about good night at the end of each day, I am used to being the last to say. But last night she didn't reply to me, she didn't say goodnight to each other, and I was able to get used to it and not be disappointed, I think that's what changed me. It is possible to accept and face sudden appearances or quiet disappearances. It's good that there will be no dependence, no loss, and no care about the results and gains and losses.

Or maybe these understandings and truths are all my self-righteous feelings, and they are all my family's words, which do not conform to the theory of dialectical materialism. All the truths and opinions that exist may not be able to change my three views that have long been ingrained. For example, if the other party has a male ticket and a person I like, it does not affect my liking for her; Her past, her experiences, and her stories don't affect my liking at all. On the contrary, I want to understand, tolerate, take care of, and like. I like to put it into action, be unconditionally good to her, and don't ask for anything in return regardless of the result, it's this kind of direct no regrets, willingly!

No matter what, I can always convince myself. I'm still self-righteous and like to take care of someone I like. I'm not sad or upset to be rejected by someone I like, I think I'm not worthy. I will listen to each other very much, try not to disturb, try to be myself, and don't put pressure on the other person, is this the way and principle I like to be a person?

It should be, liking someone is really a complicated thing, and with my current experience and experience, it should be incomprehensible. Maybe one day when I actually meet that person, I'll understand. Maybe this life is like this, and it is not known if it is destined not to meet.

Then don't think about it so much, don't force it, don't entangle, don't make mistakes. Just do it in moderation and let it be! Good night!