Yesterday was Singles' Day, my holiday, and I was going to go home from work, clean up, eat some outside, go home to play games, and write an early bedtime diary. Who knows that uncertainty and surprises always happen inadvertently, just on the way home from my ride, I heard someone calling my name, turned around and searched around, and saw Leng Hao sitting in Zhu's co-pilot, calling me, do you drink at night. was originally going not to drink, but they were gracious but they compromised and agreed to the holiday. I once thought that Leng Hao was joking with me, so I sent WeChat to confirm, I said that you are driving, what kind of wine are you drinking. It turned out that I took a hitchhike to pick up the children, then drove the car home, and came by electric car.

It is said that every dinner party is very simple, several brothers like to come to my house to dinner, it may be that I live alone more free and casual, they have no scruples, a person casually brings one or two dishes, together it is a very rich meal, there is everything, this time the liquor I drank was a box that I bought last time the company engaged in promotional activities, Gujing Gongjiu only had the opportunity to drink a bottle yesterday, the four people did not seem to be very enthusiastic, a bottle was not drunk, and finally I didn't want to drink it when I broke up, and began to play the king, I put the table away in advance, the dishes are cleaned, and every time I like to clean up the scene in time, they play games, and I clean up for a while.

Because of staying up late on Double 11, N didn't seem to buy anything he liked in the end, so he slept very late, and sent her a message the next day, where are you here, why didn't I see you. Actually, I knew that N was probably going to the assembly line, and N replied: "I'm in assembly, I'm sleepy, sleepy, I'm going to die!" I was quite worried about her, so I went to the assembly to say a few pleasantries, which meant to take a break and go to the office to meet. N may not be used to and don't like to stay in the office all the time, the assembly line was shut down for maintenance yesterday and the line was not opened, N should be a boring morning. When I came to the office to rest halfway, I took N to the small group station to inspect the side, and chatted by the way, so that my colleagues could get to know each other.

When N was about to leave work, he sent me a message, "When you go back in the evening, remember to remind me to pay the balance and need your support." "Of course I was very happy to hear it, and I was very happy to ask the question to support N, saying that it was okay to remind her before going to bed at twelve o'clock, and I said that I decided so happily. I was still thinking about when it would be more convenient to remind her, and I wonder how much support she needs.

After three rounds of drinking, the brothers began to talk about homely things, all kinds of topics, everything from Tiannan to Haibei. I sent a message to N asking her when she would pay the final payment, I specifically reminded you and told her about the holidays with my brothers today, and I found that I had become accustomed to sharing the idea with N in every detail. After almost half an hour, it was already eight o'clock, and N replied that she had just taken a shower, and when asked about my good brother, I told her the name, and she said she didn't know her. When I asked them about their current situation, I said that they were all brothers who had started a family, and there were also people who brought their children to dinner, and N began to make suggestions for me again, and asked their wives to introduce you to someone. I said that I am familiar with my brothers, my wife basically has no intersection, and I have never taken the initiative, so I have no drama at all. I said that my brothers were all wine and meat brothers, and they never worried about my life events.

N finished applying the mask, she asked me if I was drunk, I bragged to her, saying the amount of a pound of liquor, no one was my opponent among the brothers, and I teased N intermittently, and after a while at nine o'clock in the evening, N suddenly sent me a message, "Big guy, support." "I realized that I almost forgot to remind me of a big event, I thought that N was not joking, and it seems that I really need my support this time. I inadvertently added N's Alipay before.,This support has become a lot more convenient.,I'm often in Alipay to help N feed chickens! N is indeed shopping around, very frugal to buy things are the most cost-effective, and in the end it didn't cost much!

The brothers were tired of playing a few games, and when it was ten o'clock, they went home, leaving me alone in the empty room, and suddenly there was some quiet. N seems to understand my feelings very well, this point sent a message to ask, are they all gone? I said yes, I just cleaned up and mopped the floor and got back to normal. N didn't know what to do this time, and told me again, hurry up and find a girlfriend. I can't remember how many times this is the first time I talked about it, every time I mention this topic, I'm a little sad and lost, N obviously knows, I like her thing, I just didn't show it so obviously, follow her advice to nip the idea of liking her in the bud, but sometimes especially after drinking a little drunk, when I get back to my true self, the idea of wanting to like N to let her know is more obvious and true, but it needs to be controlled, it's very difficult to say!

I was a little depressed and replied, "I can't find it, I can't find it, it's good to be alone."

N actually swore this time, and I had the impression that she was like two people, "What a fart, I want to be beaten, right?" ”

"I've been single for 30 years, just get used to it, endure it for a lifetime and it's over!" I seem to have been beating myself up!

I then replied to N, "I really want someone to take care of me, beat me and scold me, but unfortunately it hasn't, so you don't have to worry about me, let me fend for myself!" ”

"I really want to find you a girlfriend as soon as possible, if someone takes care of it, it won't be so hopeless!" N knows me, she knows my state, there is no cure!

Actually, when N said this, I almost said it, can you try it as my female ticket, isn't it OK? But I'm still so cautious, I'm afraid that N will be angry like last time, I don't keep a good distance, I'm afraid of losing N's friend of the opposite sex, some like to say it, a little bit of strength is not good, it will backfire, I understand that N is not allowed to like and care for or take care of her, I still have self-knowledge, always know the difficulties and retreat to taste it, because I believe in every word N has said, I believe in her importance to me as a friend, so N is a friend I cherish carefully.

I drank and seemed to be really depressed, but many of my thoughts and thoughts came from the bottom of my heart, and I didn't hide it in the slightest. I replied to N, this matter doesn't seem to be in a hurry, I'm unlucky, and I may not have fate in this life. I was repulsed in my heart and never took the initiative. N always seemed to be able to see through my disguise and vulnerability at a glance, as well as my self-righteous lies, I remembered the napkin that N threw at me when N left the office yesterday morning, on which she sketched with a gel pen, very casually realistic, it should be her water glass and the still life on the table, the sentence excerpted in red font - there are too many lonely people in the world, afraid to take the first step. I think I'm probably the kind of lonely person I am, too complacent, afraid to take the first step to try to change. Although N's paintings are simple and subtle, they have profound meanings, and I finally understand that what N wants to remind me of my fear is to let me take the first step and welcome new changes!

"I am indeed a lonely soul, I dare not take the first step!"

"You don't act, there's a fart fate!" At this moment, I was really sad when the drunkenness hit, I sent an aggrieved expression, and I never chatted again. Last night, I was not in the mood to write an early bedtime diary, played a few games, and finally lost sleep. What makes me hate myself the most is that after so long, I have done something wrong again and broken the precepts, and I regret sleeping late and insomnia very much! I didn't sleep until four o'clock in the morning, and the alarm clock rang after a while, and I have been confused at work today, blaming myself and ashamed, and my reaction was half a beat slower.

It may be that drinking makes me sober, and the main thing is that N's words make me feel a little self-blaming and self-denial, and I feel that I don't deserve it, yes, I've been saying that I want to like N and want to pursue N, but N didn't see action, I'm very sad and lost, yes, fate may be right in front of me, I didn't pay and act, there's a fart! ~N seems to wake me up with a word, but I am a little depressed and depressed, so I punish myself with insomnia, but it doesn't help, but I let myself make mistakes, I'm afraid that I will get out of control, but fortunately I have calmed down today, no longer cranky, write an early bedtime diary, and rest early.

Writing can cure my insomnia, I still need to keep writing, I can't stop at will, just like cold medicine, if I want to eat, I have to eat it continuously, so that the cold can get better. In the morning, I was groggy and suddenly had the idea of not wanting to go to work, and finally I defeated the evil thoughts, and went to work normally, and the first thing I did when I went to the workshop was to send a message to N to explain the situation of the chat last night, it was I who was rude and said a lot of inexplicable nonsense! I vowed to try to quit drinking in the future, because drinking will always make me lose sleep, and when I lose sleep, I am prone to make mistakes, so I must control my emotions.

I told N about my insomnia last night, and she showed concern for me, took a snack out of her pocket in the morning, and told me about habits that needed to be changed, joking that I was a "little girl", which meant I was a bit girly. I generally don't care about other people's opinions and evaluations, but N cares a lot about my suggestions and opinions, so I write them all down, and every move, the details, are more in line with my own temperament and character.

I had been busy on the shop floor in the afternoon and didn't message N again, and N probably realized that she was upsetting me by talking about me. Actually, I'm not unhappy at all, I'm not the kind of stingy person with a rat's belly. People who are good to me care about me will tell me the truth, and it will not be wrong to be loyal to me, I do need to make changes, I am very grateful to N, how can I not be happy, it feels really comfortable to be cared for, "When you get home, go back and go to bed early!" "Yes, I'm going to make up for all the insomnia I had last night! There are also some childhood memories that I took the initiative to tell N, and she really has to live very clearly, so comforting! Good night!