Nip something that shouldn't be in the bud, you know?

Yes, I believe I can do it.

Starting today, every time I go to bed in my diary, I will write a short subheading, or a brief introduction to the main content. Just like the last time I wrote an early bedtime diary (fifty) on the train, I specially published it on the WeChat public account, and the introduction I wrote is a sentence that N once said to me, "Your concern is beyond the scope of friends." "Be concise and put the finishing touch. I often read all kinds of articles on "One", I usually read the title of the article first, and then read the introduction when I think it is interesting, and I will insist on reading it in one breath when I think it is interesting, and I have indeed read a lot of good articles with deep meaning.

It's just that to my surprise, N inadvertently read the article written by my official account. It's just one of them, and I'm going to write about what I was thinking about that day on the fire. At that time, I was really lost and discouraged, I thought that I would lose N, a friend of the opposite sex that I valued and cherished very much. I actually didn't have the courage to explain and justify, etc., I remember that at that time, I also wrote a long story with a hammer sticky note, which probably meant to express my self-blame and remorse, not grasping the distance between friends, losing this friend, trying to change and retain, etc. It should be sincere, at least the truest thoughts in your heart. I remember N telling me not to say anything like cherishing to a girl easily, unless it's your female ticket. I actually have concerns, but I really cherish N's friend very much.

I remember when I first met N, when I talked about my love of writing and writing, I said that I had an official account, so I recommended it to her by the way, and she just paid attention to it. I haven't updated it for a long time, although it has been in business for a long time, it is not easy for the official account to have original and appreciation functions. However, I always feel that there is a lack of motivation and reason to keep going, and interests and hobbies are always three minutes of heat, just a taste. I have written several original articles before, including a few not very complete travelogues, and of course some reprints and excerpts. Since I had Weibo and blogs, I basically don't use the official account much, because many colleagues and friends are paying attention, and I am more familiar with some real thoughts in my heart, so it is difficult to easily expose them to the air. Weibo and blogs have become good places for me to frequent and vent my emotions.

I recently found a tricky problem, my self-control started to deteriorate again, I became the same as before, and I started to lose discipline again. I reflected on it, that is, life has returned to its previous state, monotony, tediousness, numbness and loneliness, and I always need to find some sustenance or an outlet for release. For a period of time, it has been an early bedtime diary that accompanies me through every night that is quiet or lost, happy or lonely. The previous days seemed to be very fulfilling, because of the simultaneous occurrence of AH and N in my life, I always had a lot to record. Since AH completely left my daily routine, my diary seems to be missing more than half of what can be updated and fleshed out. It's more of a reason and motivation, I have only told AH one person before, I am writing, maybe only she has roughly read my text, she said that she will never read again.

I knew that AH had disappeared from my journal since that day, even though her presence had always been my main character. It's just that without the reason and excuse to contact and care about her or the right identity, the colleague or friend seems lame or embarrassed. Yes, I've let go of AH completely, and as she hoped, I'll never put any pressure on her again. At the moment, I am very calm, there is no wave in my heart, although some memories are still deeply ingrained in my heart, but at most they are only remembered for a moment or a moment. Time and new love are good medicine, this is the advice and advice that AH gave me at the beginning, I have never had a new love, and I no longer dare to hope and look forward to it, I only believe that time, time can heal everything and smooth everything. Some things can be forgotten, some things are worth remembering, some things can be willing, some things have been powerless, let go and forget is the best choice.

Thinking that one day N will be like her roommate AH, completely leaving my life and memories to say goodbye, I think I can also face it calmly. Some people don't need to say goodbye, just passing by, and forgetting is the best memory we give each other. I remembered the words from Anne's novel again. Indeed, no matter what the ending and outcome is, it is expected, so you can get used to it. I may be such a boring and lonely soul, only suitable for self-sufficiency and self-destruction. It's good, there is no expectation of life, good or bad, it feels okay, and there is no gap and no loss and sadness. There are no waves in the heart, and it can be strong enough. Love yourself well, try to be a selfish person, stop being so cautious, trembling, live a real life, just like a drunken self, without a disguise and no mask, how is it not a joy of indulgence and sinking!

I seem to have been playing LOL lately, and then I often lose track of time, occasionally past twelve o'clock, hysterical and insomnia for a long time. The network is really unstable, intermittently affecting the game experience and normal delivery, but I always persevere, disconnect and reconnect, keep losing and playing, and never get tired of it, a vicious circle. Yes, I admit that my life has returned to the way it was before, because I was tired from work and it was cold, I was too lazy to cook, so I went back to the bedroom and turned on the computer and started playing games to kill time. The game is really addictive, and like alcohol, it can be paralyzing, and you can forget all the unpleasantness and annoyance for a while. It's my own reason.,Self-control is too poor.,It used to seem like I'd chat with N on time at night.,Sometimes when I watch videos.,It's not so boring.,I can't remember playing games.。 Also, one of the main reasons is that my early bedtime diary has started to stop, and sometimes there is no content to record for several days. It may really be that life is too peaceful, and the repetition of the same every day is nothing new and nothing worth recording. Or maybe it's because I'm calm enough and don't have anything to think about remembering.

I remember that when I first started, I always insisted on a daily update, and at that time there was always endless content to write, thoughts and life to think about. It's different now, so let's update it once or twice a week, unless there's something very necessary to keep track of it. I seem to have been staying up late in the days when I didn't have an early bedtime diary. I know it's not good to go on like this, but I'm stuck in it, numb and unconscious, knowing that it's wrong and shouldn't be like this, but I'm still unrepentant, and I may be really stubborn and hopeless. But tonight I got myself under control, just played a few games, the game experience was okay, and I didn't have the urge to win a match. I think I still have to slowly quit the game, get out of the virtual world, regain the true self and rely on, words give me strength, writing points out the direction, I found the light, I will still insist on a daily update in the future, even if it is repetitive and boring trivialities, I think it is necessary to record, just a few words may not be long, but writing down is enough to calm my heart, early to say and get up early, this is the most important motivation and goal.

Without a written diary, my insomnia started to bother me again. Going to bed early does not necessarily lead to a good night's sleep, and going to bed late will definitely lead to nightmares. Waking up early has always been with me, the last time I slept very early after drinking, I woke up at half past four in the morning without sleep, I have been looking at the space and the circle of friends, brushing headlines and Weibo, waiting for the alarm clock to ring at dawn, and the next day I went to work as usual. The night before yesterday when I was playing a game, I suddenly received a WeChat message from N, the next time I stole my picture, I want to charge, I know she was joking, that was when I first met N, she mentioned that she liked to draw, and also sent me a sketch of her graffiti, I wrote in my diary before going to bed, and I guessed what she wanted to express. I used this picture to post on Weibo and used it as the cover of the official account, I think it is very meaningful and worth commemorating.

A few days ago, I talked to N about her specialty, and I think painting should be one of them, encouraging her to carry it forward. That's right N said she read everything I wrote.,I'm not sure if she's read the text of my public account.,This time I wrote a report.,And specifically asked N to help revise it.,She said that it was written very well and there was basically no modification.,I guess she's encouraging me.,Deliberately said this.,Finally, when I sent it to the company's group Xuanke,,The final version has been unrecognizable.,Actually, it's not important.,I don't like and be good at writing articles that praise virtue within the physique.,I think my text is realistic.,Can stand scrutiny and criticism., I like powerful words, and that's what I've always been writing about. She pointed out a mistake in my text, she is a Taurus and not an Aquarius, I admit that it was a clerical error, in fact, I know the zodiac sign of N, from her QQ. I didn't believe in horoscopes at all, but until I knew N, I was curious about Baidu Taurus foot girls, easy to be soft-hearted, very single-minded and consistent, can give everything, and it feels very similar to N. I'm going to get to know my zodiac sign, Capricorn is indeed boring and boring zodiac sign, not suitable for love and romance, a little desperate, but nothing is absolute, there are always variables and willingness, believe in it and believe it or not. I've always been curious about N's male ticket constellation, that day N asked me about Libra's personality analysis, and my intuition told me that her male ticket might be Libra, and there is an overly flattering opposite sex that is inevitably suspicious, amorous and not single-minded, which may also be the source of N's insecurity and concerns.

When I first met N, she showed me a photo of her male ticket, I don't feel like the kind of boy who is disconnected by the heart, and I also asked why I can't see your photo in the circle of friends, I'm just out of curiosity, at that time N didn't seem to have any scruples and scruples about me, and this is the only thing N told me about her and her male ticket, they were classmates, and finally they were together inexplicably, not a very handsome boy, but there must be something outstanding, I guessed so. I won't have a chance to know the other details.,I guess I won't have a chance to mention it again in the future.,N shouldn't say it to me again.。 I've been a little surprised since she set up her Moments to be visible for three days and no longer update any updates, I always try to learn about N's past and other stories through space or Moments. It's just that the network was not good last time, and I didn't have time to enjoy the photo albums and beautiful photos in many spaces, so maybe it's a pity that it will make the curiosity more long. If you like one, you will be curious about everything about her, and you want to know all about her, but in moderation, some beauty is clearest in fantasy.

I don't have the courage to take the initiative to chat with N at night, I'm afraid that I can't control the frequency and rhythm of my chat, I'm afraid that my concern will be beyond the scope and make her disgusted, although I have a lot of topics I want to know and talk about. Last night, yes, she said that her roommate N was breaking up, she was in a bad mood and cried all night, she got up early to cook noodles and eat them, and she was very sleepy. Since I came back from the National Day, I have never taken the initiative to contact AH again, and since she refused to send her fruits, I know that I have completely cut off the need to contact her. It's just from N's mouth, AH is going to invite me to dinner after the exam, it should be the last supper, and then they will end the world, each of them will not owe each other, I am hesitant at least all the last time I lack the courage to face it, just like AH invited me to eat fish that time said that it was to draw a clear line, although I wanted to introduce my fellow N to know, I still didn't go in the end, although later we went to the place where we ate fish together to eat fish once, these experiences and memories seem to have been a long time ago, and the memories began to appear cracks and gradually blurred.

Last night, I tried to send a WeChat message to N, asking her and her roommate what they ate at the end and made it by themselves. N has not replied, maybe my question is more boring and cannot be answered. Or maybe she saw it and didn't feel the need to reply, so she didn't reply to me. To be honest, I'm a little lost and unaccustomed, and it seems that there is always something to look forward to. Because AH always told me before that if a girl doesn't delete your WeChat, it proves that you still have a chance, you should be thick-skinned, and there will always be a chance to stalk. And AH actually deleted my WeChat immediately, which proves that I don't have any chance. And N is a careful girl.,Even the birthdays of colleagues and friends will be remarked.,It's not easy to delete anyone.,These are two completely different styles.。 Maybe it's my personal self-righteousness, my memory is too good, some words are mentioned inadvertently, they probably have forgotten what they said, but I will take it seriously, I am a straight male cancer patient, it is too easy to believe the words of others, especially girls.

I don't know what the final exam result of AH was, I didn't hear N mention it, and I didn't know what happened to her breakup, I lacked contact and care about her reason and identity, so I couldn't help so much. I just hope that everything is okay with her, and all the people she meets in the future will be people who understand her, understand her, take care of her, and can give her a sense of security. As for N, I really get along as a brother, "if I am away", not close or estranged, not looking forward to not being lost, it is good, in a limited time, I can care for and take care of her, this is also a promise I made from the beginning. N told me today that her birthday is in March of the lunar calendar, and she is a little unhappy that she did not receive the birthday subsidy, so I jokingly comforted her, it is your birthday that you are too late to work early, and you can only wait for next year, and your birthday is once a year, and so are the benefits. She also said that in order to lose weight, she didn't rest at noon and kept standing to eat, etc., so she admired and supported her very much, and hoped that all the efforts and efforts could be fruitful. Maybe she read the text I wrote, and she will also take the initiative to send me a message, which is a topic of chat between friends, such as getting up early and sleepy, staying up late, being criticized for being boring in the workshop internship, and her careful bills, etc., I always listen very carefully, and I will also share some work or other trivial matters. Just like today's last chat, when I was about to get off work, I sent a day of WeChat, it was raining, simple three words, she replied really, today's chat ended here, abruptly stopped. I never messaged her again in the evening......

I've found a way to balance myself, which is not to expect and not to get used to it. Messages that don't have a reply are skipped, and topics that don't follow up won't be talked about. But I'll still take the initiative to message her, because I really want to care, or go out and be curious, although I promise her to nip undeserved likes in the bud. But sometimes some feelings are hard to control, and it will happen naturally. Like a person will really be desperate, become very active and cheeky, know that there will be no results, but still can't convince yourself, or want to work hard and try, this is the weakness of human nature. Just like last night, playing games until half past twelve, just fell asleep and lost sperm a lot of sheets were wet, insomnia until half past two before gradually falling asleep, woke up at five o'clock this morning intermittently got up at half past six to go to work, today is really sleepy. Sent a message to tell her that she had insomnia for a long time last night, and N replied that it was a little hot in autumn pants today, and she went to bed early last night, hehe.

I know the reason for my insomnia is the same as waking up early, I didn't adjust my emotions, I was always suffering from inexplicable anxiety about gains and losses, but at this moment, the early bedtime diary is coming to an end, my heart is very calm, writing has become a good medicine for my insomnia and late sleep, I will try to maintain the habit of writing every day in the future, adjust my state, get used to all the habits, and sleep well! That's all for today, it should be the longest I've written in recent times, go to bed when I'm done, good night!